thread to get over a breakup

it's amazing how sneaky heart-wrecking moments can get shoehorned in to more or less anything. except British gangster flicks probly :)

Well I mean there's "love" in some of them, but it always ends badly, so that makes it easier.

yeah i know, i was just thinking of those sudden "abstract shit that shouldn't be making me cry and i'm not sure why it is" moments

even in Family Guy ffs

That's your fault for watching Family Guy, tbh.

ooh burn

You can combine crying and drinking. I think a particularly interesting point was when I was about to watch the movie Up for the first time, and about two minutes in, decided I needed to go buy more whiskey before I watched the film.

true, tho xp

I feel like going out and being gregarious through drinking can be legit useful when yr brain breaks, drinking at home not so much

I got my divorce paperwork today, sort of surreal. 15 years is broken down to 20 pages of legal mumbo jumbo. Sort of sad.

wau. did you file or did she?

:/ Sorry, dude. That must be weird.

How is your ex-wife doing now? Is she still having episodes or has that evened out? And are things still going well with your new lady?

questions questions, lol sorry for being a busybody...tell me to gtfo if you don't want to go into it.

the mediator filed on our behalf.

soon to be ex is fine, her and i on good terms.

New lady, great...although i am overcome with trust issues and insecurities. which will be the demise of what i have with her....

which to be honest, is kind of hard. It isn't easy being with someone who is completely different than what you are used to.

On a much lesser scale, I just broke up with someone. I stuck around for a long time rather than leaving soon afterward, to make sure she had the opportunity to let things out, ask questions, all of that. And she ended up quietly saying some pretty cutting things which meant 10x more coming from her because she's bent over backwards to be accommodating to whatever my "situation" is. Stuff about being emotionally stagnant, and how I end up conforming to a patriarchal view of what a "man" should be, as much as I try to avoid it. A lot of it was true.

Ugh. Now I'm at a bar alone.

bulleit

ZS im sitting home alone, while i get ignored. TYPICAL for this girl. Aggravating.

ZS, you're not long out of a major relationship. I think you're allowed to still be emotionally 'stagnant', whatever the fuck that means. I'm sure she has bent over backwards, but the fact is that that's not automatically going to make things okay.

ZS, you did the right thing and a man who has known GAAAAAH is not emotionally stagnant for the long run, imo.

zs, bingo...I dunno. Hugs is all I have. Love u guys.

congratulations, zs. you did the right thing.

did you just look confused and go "uhh, well.... uh... HANDJOBS!!" and then run out, forgetting your shoes, never to return, wandering home shoeless in the night

you gotta keep that mystique of odd dickery

ZS stay focused on video games and animated gifs
they will see you through

'emotionally stagnant', i mean!

Even if that was coming from a well-intentioned place it seems a v presumptious thing to say to someone recently out of a lt relationship? You don't gallop out of these things delirious with energy, emotional freedom and the limitless prospects of personal growth ime, that shit hurts.

Whole life kind of collapsed tonight. Oops.

oh no...

I'm basically too depressed to live with, which is a completely fair and accurate criticism. I just have no idea how I'm supposed to survive in New York with no friends or connections making <30k.

To say nothing of the fact that we were a family and now we're not and that hurts so much.

fuck that's awful dude...I'm so sorry.

do you have kids?

i'm so sorry man. is there any chance of keeping together for a bit while you attempt to turn things around? i really sympathize with the "too depressed to live with" thing, it's bad for both sides.

No, just a dog, but we'd formed a unit in a way I've never experienced before.

xp

That's what the last few months have been, basically. I just really hate the direction my life has taken, and it doesn't help at all that her's is almost exactly what I wish mine had been. Intra-relationship jealousy really doesn't work.

Yeah, that can be an awful feeling, when it feels like one person's life is on the rise and the others isn't (either getting actively worse, or just completely stagnant. the latter is what happened to me, and it really killed things in the end). sorry man, i really feel for you and i always wish in these kinds of situations that i could come by and hang out and have a beer with you or something.

Thanks, I really appreciate it.

are you living together?

Yeah, in faculty housing, no less. I can't even fathom moving out, but I guess I need to look, and soon. She wants me to stay, but I don't think that's a good idea at all.

yeah. on the one hand it's nice to have somewhere to stay while you look for a new place, but the healing can't really begin until you leave, at least in my experience. do you have any friends that you could crash with for a few weeks?

Closest place I know anyone is St. Louis. I almost flew home tonight just to have a place to escape, but who knew that travelling halfway across a continent at a moment's notice costs a bunch of money?

can i tell you something? i've been through that on both sides, and i am here to tell you that it can work out ok. one person is more miserable than the other for a while. and then you trade spots for a few years. it happens. sometimes it basically equalizes and then i don't know what happens next because i have only been in this relationship for 12 years. maybe it's different after 20? no idea.

Also I very much unintentionally threw up the numbness shield (still totally up) which makes me feel like a monster. I mean, I'm not being mean or anything, but it feels horrible to have someone else crying their eyes out and to find yourself thinking about where your phone is.

it'll come down eventually -- you're in crisis mode

I know... which is pretty scary.

that is so sad. i wish i had the magical power of healing everyone who has depression issues.
have you tried to deal with the depression in more than 10 ways yet? i am on the verge of a fucking crusade against depression and its unnecessary stranglehold on the lives of many people i care about and millions more. fuck depression like we say fuck cancer imo.

It is so horrible to deal with a relationship possibly falling apart because of one's own issues that haven't been faced/dealt with. I've been there a few times recently and I've been mentally kicking myself to shit and back for it for years now, despite subsequent dating. I wish I could offer advice but all I can suggest is it does get less painful eventually, and I comiserate so much.

The internet is so weird. Come visit whenever you want, Nick.

how I end up conforming to a patriarchal view of what a "man" should be, as much as I try to avoid it.

man this is the source of like so much anxiety for me

yeah, neverending. i hate it.

If you two are that thoughtful about it, the odds are pretty good it won't happen.

Crut, you are one of the least macho men I know online, and I mean that as a compliment.

After he ditched plans to spend this weekend with me because of backup problems (Goblin Boy is a network admin), I have not spoken to GB since Saturday. I've been feeling really, really down the past couple of days, and I tried to be cool but tonight I thought fuck it, phoned him, no answer, and now I just feel ridiculously lonely and... discarded.

Still can't imagine dating anyone else.

What a horrible person. I remember you were feeling quite... trepidatious about rekindling with GB (because there was stuff like this that he had to, y'know, get better at) but it really doesn't seem like he's improved in the slightest. And what are you getting out of this? Doesn't sound very fair. Grrrr, I would like to kick the goblin right now.

Hope you can find a way to a less down place. It's awful to be down, and want to have someone there that you can need, and have them just... not be there for you.

Right now I'm not getting anything out of it, obviously.

Some days I love being single. Some days I can't stand it, but both singleness and GB are HEAPS less scary/ icky concepts than dating. I have never really done it. My brain kind of shuts down at the thought of it. Even when someone apparently sane messages me on OKC I can't answer them. Arghlefargh.