Just when you thought it was safe - OK CUPID PART 3: The Return of the WOO!

except i also can't quite fully accept she isn't interested romantically...it's just too weird given how we interact.

My advice isn't to stay away, at all. I think super-close male-female relationships are a good thing . . . and a close relationship of any kind isn't something to throw away. I just think that eventually, she's going to have to realize what she wants . . . does she want a friend . . . does she want a boyfriend . . . and eventually, you might not want to make things *so* easy for her. . . .

So, I set up this date last week with this guy who has been wishy-washy since September. We got as far as arranging to meet on Wednesday night and then it was his turn to e-mail. He never did, which is fine, but then at 6 a.m. this morning he looked at my profile, just to double-check and make sure that he doesn't want to meet me after all.

Ahhh I got my first notification from someone poly today. Feels like I've arrived.

I was surprised to discover recently that Columbus Circle has nice benches.

I just think that eventually, she's going to have to realize what she wants . . . does she want a friend . . . does she want a boyfriend . . . and eventually, you might not want to make things *so* easy for her. . . .

totally...she acted like she was surprised last night when i brought it up whereas i was sure she knew 100 per cent. so it's sort of a bit like a new era from now but yeah, bringing it up again was one step, actually fighting for it a bit is another i agree.

anyway back to okc.

except i also can't quite fully accept she isn't interested romantically...it's just too weird given how we interact.

Been there twice recently and sadly it's perfectly possible to have an amazing close friendship with someone of the opposite sex, have it turn into a relationship, and then learn that you always felt 10000 more strongly than they did. Very much agree with VP that being a little bit unavailable (without game-playing) helps ward this off. I am no good at this. Even when I think I am being good at it, I'm not.

I forgot that OKC used to be TheSpark. Thats how I ended up there! I was just doing Spark quizzes and then it turned into a dating site while I wasnt looking.

i totally forgot ^this too!! And the reason i joined okcupid so many years ago was because of ilx + thespark! and then quickly de-joined it bc was seeing someone.
and here we are again...
i remember being v sad about the demise of the spark

It sounds to me like she likes you, but she's not ready, BUT that also, she might be very, very happy to remain in this amorphous state indefinitely. If you want some positive result, you might at some point want to make yourself a bit less available.

So, the dude I had a date with tonight messaged me this afternoon . . . work, rain, etc. Can we do it another time? Uh, I don't really care anymore . . . but I'm not sure how to say no without it sounding like sour grapes. Use the classic OKC stratagem of not replying . . . ?

My young coworker asked me today if I was happy with him . . . ha ha, how to answer?

All I can think of is horrible innuendos and suggestively raised eyebrows

Hahaha, I just said "sure," which he took to be a lackluster endorsement.

But what kind of question is that?

I would've said "i'm leaving this up to you" and just stopped replying :/

I am sick of chasing people.

It's not even raining that hard here. I'd either ignore it or just say 'sure' and nothing after.

I'm very curious about your seduction strategies for the coworker! I tend to call for happy hour in hopes of luring mine out.

My plan is to invite him out for drinks with other coworkers...but nothing is in the pipeline right now. I think we may be heading toward a beautiful LG-style friendship, which wouldn't be too bad. It makes going to work super fun.

I just don't know how to tactfully handle this ock flake. How to say, well you don't seem that interested in meeting up, so I'm not really that interested anymore either, but no hard feelings and good luck.

Wait yeah Ive confused 2 situs here, flake and workmate. my "i'll leave it up to you" was to say to flake!

As Ive found that kind of repeated excuse making is a veiled lack of interest, tbh. Even when it isnt, I cant wring myself into a knot wondering about what if. :( Ive done that so many times, I'm not going to anymore.

Oh, yeah, it's obvious to me he's not interested, but maybe he would feel too guilty to just let it go? Meanwhile, I'm not exactly dying to meet him (at this point) . . . I don't even know him. I responded: "Sure, no worries." Maybe he will now man up and disappear properly.

Yeah I had one guy I had 2 very good dates with, it was all going what seemed really well, just suddenly stop resoponging to my txts, I had to directly ask him "have you lost interest, your tone's changed" and he EVENTUALLY said "yeah sorry would rather just be friends" (which of course is code for "please go away"). I thnk I just replied "thank you" and dropped it. Some guys need to grow a pair. Its not hard to be honest.

I will say that I met up with someone that I was not enthusiastic about and it was actually a good date! It turns out we were both expecting it to be a crappy date and were pleasantly surprised, so it's possible that he's also been on horrible dates and is now having a hard time being enthusiastic about dates.

Use the classic OKC stratagem of not replying . . . ?

i'm going to validate you again by saying YES not replying is perfectly acceptable in this situation.

I just found and messaged my first 99% match! We will see.

Has anyone used the location services to good effect?

Nice work.

I never seem to like my locals, but I'm going to check it again.

I looked at it. It made me sad.

You guys, apparently Columbus Circle is the center of the universe and very nice at night, with a lot of restaurants and places to drink. Time to disengage.

I have a pre-date tonight, to see if we will be compatible enough to take a bike ride together on Sunday.

that is a good idea, the pre-date in this kind of situation

i went on my first okcupid date! it was a late-afternoon museum date. i don't necessarily recommend this. at least not for me. because going to see art is, like, part of my job... and art also makes me happy/interested/talkative, and so is not actually neutral ground at least not for a first date. on the other hand, i am myself around art. but anyway, we had plenty in common and stuff to talk about but there wasn't much real chemistry, and I can't say whether that was bc i felt like i was half in work mode or because it was still late afternoon or what. Ultimately, a good time but didn't really feel like a date. But i haven't dated in so long what do I know about how dates feel! eesh. anyway, I would've liked to at least have gone for a drink, just out of curiousity, yknow? but he was like "okay that was fun see ya!" (in a v nice way, of course). And then I felt a bit rejected but also not, because intellectually I know it wasn't a good fit, but still. DATING WHY IS IT HARD.

(the museum/art date was not my suggestion btw, it was his, tho i did say yes)

maybe a follow up message tomorrow "that was fun, i'd like to see you again over a drink this time"?

i don't think i want to go out with him again though! (on top of that he's allergic to animals and tbh i don't want to go out with anyone who can't hang out at my house). i think i was just feeling REALITY.

lol, I met someone who was nice enough on an okcupid "date" and had the same animal allergy reaction

really, my cat > newcomers

Places to DRINK? Columbus Circle?!?? What, is there a Heartland Brewery there?

Rrrobyn, that was a good experience! My first okc "date" was similar--a gallery-hop plus coffee--with a "nice" guy. Also, I think we need a new word. These first meetings aren't really "dates"--I think of them more as meet-and-greets.

Yesterday, I introduced my younger colleague to our sexual harassment training . . . and then I asked him to come out with my friends tonight. He seemed to say yes and gave me his number . . . maybe he thinks this is part of his job?

Had an okc date last night that didn't suck. I consider that a major success.

x-post: ahahaha. I think it's over for me and RR.

Protip: Never go on a date with anyone who suggests The Heartland Brewery. Find an excuse, any excuse will do.

SO thoughts about "going to museums" on first dates? Brightly lit, can meet and greet, things to see and do so there's less pressure...? Mary, I strongly suggest the NY Hall of Science in Queens for your weekend meet-up needs!

I'm not against it, but in general, my preferred method is meeting for beers. Alcohol improves awkward situations more than art does, in my experience.

Someone asked me to go to the Louis Armstrong house in Corona for a third-ish date, but I declined, because I could do that on my lunch break.

Can a "nice guy" (as in polite and ok but no chemistry) ever become more than a nice guy?

right situation to unleash more flirtatious nature

couple of drinks maybe

Am wondering that myself. Last week I made vague plans for second date this wknd. The balls in my court and am wondering how much to pursue this. Perhaps can't judge till we go drinking together. We get along well and I like him as a person but wasn't feeling a whole lot of attraction.

Oh, of course, I was just using "nice guy" as a shorthand for a perfectly nice person whom I had no attraction toward. He most likely thought I was a nice girl as well. Of course, things can always develop in numerous ways . . . it's just hard when people are looking for a quick thrill and jumping to immediate conclusions . . . and don't really have time to give anything a chance to develop . . . because there's always someone else in the wings.

girl with 99% match msg'd me today saying "you look really interesting, and i'd love to get to know you more. i see we have a pretty big height difference, i don't know if that's a problem for you--but then i'm also on this site looking for new platonic friends too!"

she's 6'0

it's just hard when people are looking for a quick thrill and jumping to immediate conclusions . . . and don't really have time to give anything a chance to develop . . . because there's always someone else in the wings.

this is what i was thinking - i mean, theoretically irl there's always something waiting in the wings too, but online dating magnifies that, makes it more obvious/real. and i can't help but see that as bizarre on one hand and okay on the other. but i'm leaning more towards bizarre if only because everyone is different and not everyone is fully open emotionally to other people, which is what dating as a social activity can really help, in my opinion. but if you only go on one date in one circumstance, how much does that really show? especially with people who take a while to warm up or get comfortable? maybe online dating isn't the forum for that though? i really don't know; i'm just thinking out loud here.

i'm going on a date tmrw night with someone who is def 2" shorter than me... we shall see...

6'0 ladies are the best kinds of ladies, see

i would meet up w/any of my 99% out of pure curiosity, and as a sort of experiment to test the reality against the #s...

also y'all convinced me to message the guy i wasn't really feeling

That's great. I was sure the person I met last night was gonna be a shorty because he didn't list his height, but he was my height.

I think everyone is looking for perfection, or the closest facsimile of it . . . I think IRL people are more forgiving maybe.

have not gone out with anyone taller than 5'7 tbh

am marinating on this proposition

don't be heightist

ha i just mean i never have before

try it... on for size

yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaowww

friend of mine is 5'7 dude very happily married to 5'11 lady. so y'know.