Jesus Fucking Christ: evangelical bigwig opposed gay marriage "because it takes the dirt and danger out of clandestine sex with rent-a-men"

I can only imagine the science behind these teachings.

Graham (to apprentice): "First, you will bleed me and I will measure my exhaustion by trying to run a mile while you time me. Tomorrow, I will whack off in a cup and run a mile. The day after we will continue the cracker experiments."

Apprentice (looking eager): "Sounds great, sir."

As Ned (Ragget.... am I the only one who finds thier names a little similar?) linked to yesterday, what he's actually admitting to is pretty vague.

Has the media put a fork in this story and moved on to election coverage? Will we see Haggart on the next Barbar Walters tell-all?

Dear Cecil:

While eating graham crackers recently, we were discussing the myth that they were invented to keep girls from engaging in, uh, self-abuse. Is this true? How were they supposed to work? Didn't Graham realize he might frustrate an entire generation? --Chris C. and Frank L., Washington, D.C.

Cecil replies:

Frustrate, nothing. Health lecturer Sylvester Graham (1794-1851) was trying to save shattered lives--not just of women, but everybody who suffered from what Graham referred to variously as "venereal excess" or "aching sensibility." Graham thought intense physical desire, no matter how expressed and regardless of whether you were married or not, was guaranteed to have dire physiological consequences.

A forebear of the hairy-palms-and-blindness school of moral instruction, Graham said excessive carnal exercise would cause indigestion, headache, feebleness of circulation, pulmonary consumption, spinal diseases, epilepsy, insanity, and early death of offspring, among other things. He thought men should remain virgins until age 30 and then should make love only once a month--not at all if they were sickly.

To control lust, Graham prescribed a special vegetarian diet, the centerpiece of which was "Graham bread," made from whole wheat flour. Graham crackers, which Graham invented in 1829, were another manifestation of the same idea.

Graham attracted a fair number of followers, who opened Graham boardinghouses in New York and Boston where his dietary regimen was observed. But most people regarded him as a nut. He was assaulted by mobs on at least three occasions, once by butchers and bakers who thought he was going to drive them out of business. He was cranky and aloof and alienated even those who admired him, so much so that he gave up the lecture business in 1839 and lived out the last years of his life in relative obscurity.

His saving grace was that in many important respects he was right. Although he was a little goofy on the question of sex, many of his ideas about health were sound. He advocated daily toothbrushing, once considered a revolutionary idea, as well as fresh air, regular bathing, exercise, and seven hours of sleep. During an era of recurring cholera epidemics he urged people to drink pure water.

Most important, we now know the diet he recommended to be vastly more healthy than the one Americans were eating at the time, or for that matter eat today. He railed against commercial bakers who used refined flour devoid of dietary fiber. He urged the consumption of fresh fruits, vegetables, grains, and seeds. Strictly verboten were fat, salt, sugar, tobacco, alcohol, and stimulants. Modern dieticians aren't as strongly opposed to meat as he was (although they'd certainly advise fish and poultry rather than red meat), and they'd go easy on the fat- and cholesterol-laden milk, cheese, and eggs he recommended. But by and large "the prophet of bran bread and pumpkins" was right on the money.

One more thing: if you were starting to feel virtuous because you eat graham crackers, don't. Despite the name, most brands of "graham cracker" today use refined white flour. If you want the real thing (more or less), try the Health Valley or New Morning brands, which can be found in health food stores. They use whole wheat flour, soy oil, unsulfured molasses, and no preservatives.

--CECIL ADAMS

Dudes were giving this out on campus the other day:

http://www.zambooie.com/product_images/x3church/X3BOOK112-ZOOM.jpg

It's just a really shitty translation of the new testament. I asked the guy handing it out what the translation was. He said, "Uh...English?"

I, state your name, promise to the best of my ability not to dress, buy clothes or act like a Ho. Clothes I should try to avoid buying or wearing: tight pants that are cut so low that when I bend over you can see my g-string or butt crack, tight half shirts that show my six or not-so-six pack, tight shirts that are low cut to show my cleavage or short shorts that you can see my butt cheeks in.

I know that God desires me to glorify him in all things and I realize that by dressing like a Ho, I only desire to give glory to me, not God. I also know boys have a problem with sexual things and I know that by not dressing like a Ho, I can be a part of the solution, not the problem!

Joel Osteen

http://lillebror.weblogg.no/images/lakevood_church_1144429395.jpg

What would it be called? The Massage?

And what about orange juice? "Do you know why God hates homosexuality?" Anita Bryant asked in the May issue of Miami Magazine. "Because the male homosexual eats another man's sperm. Sperm is the most concentrated form of blood. The homosexual is eating life."

Churches are churches, and this shit happens in all of them.

how does this square with what's mentioned in the Bible (not taking into account different versions over time), out of interest (and ignorance on this matter)?

http://www.kospn.com/images/ltg.gif

It's square with most people not giving a shit about the 16,000 rules in Leviticus.

for christians, all of the 16,00 rules of levticus have been updated, with the two rules of christ:

37Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.

38This is the first and great commandment.

39And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

40On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.
Matthew 37:40

now, you can give us metric tons of shit for not following those two, but dont expect us to keep kosher

xpost with shakey

http://www.newwest.net/index.php/topic/article/colorado_election_results_beauprez_ritter_perlmutter_odonnell/C69/L37/

i wonder if haggard's kids and santorum's kids can get together for grief counseling or something.

totally OTM. In fact, I thought I had Schadenfraude Fatigue going into the elections... turns out I was onlt getting warmed up!

And what about orange juice? "Do you know why God hates homosexuality?" Anita Bryant asked in the May issue of Miami Magazine. "Because the male homosexual eats another man's sperm. Sperm is the most concentrated form of blood. The homosexual is eating life."

that's funny, considering the eucharist is symbolic cannibalism.

But you also know that the official Church does not speak with one voice on this issue, to say nothing of parishoners. I have known more closeted gay and lesbian Episcopal priests than out ones. (I am including "out to everyone outside a 50mile radius of my Parish" types as closeted, because jeez, c'mon.)

Then, as if things could not get worse, there was the disgrace of Sheldon’s own friend and colleague, Rev. Ted Haggard, the Colorado mega-church leader and president of the National Association of Evangelicals, an even bigger pillar of Republican support on the Christian right. Sheldon disclosed that he and “a lot” of others knew about Haggard’s homosexuality “for awhile ... but we weren’t sure just how to deal with it.”

Months before a male prostitute publicly revealed Haggard’s secret relationship with him, and the reverend’s drug use as well, “Ted and I had a discussion,” explained Sheldon, who said Haggard gave him a telltale signal then: “He said homosexuality is genetic. I said, no it isn’t. But I just knew he was covering up. They need to say that.”