Ask A Drunk has Exploded

God, shamefaced, claims it was a lab experiment that went awry.

It was a dark and stormy night. The wind rattled the shutters till they threatened to break the window panes. A loud thumping sent Matilda waltzing over to the front door in anticipated glee, dropping her knitting as she ran, allowing the Siamese-twin ferrets to pounce on the ball of yarn. Blanch thought it strange to see Matilda run to the front door, her threadbare wings flapping as hard as they could. Normally nothing aroused Matilda from her web where she sat most evenings spinning her yarn, deaf to the sounds around her. Edmond too noticed the unusual flap and removed his cowl to get a better look. As Matilda reached the door and opened it, she was sucked out of the cottage with such force it made the duelling ferrets drop the ball with alarm. The door slammed shut behind Matilda. Blanch looked at Edmond who returned the look of pure wonder and fear. Neither of them moved. The ball of yarn hit the floor and smashed to pieces, bathing the room is a lovely amber glow.

On the stove, the lid on the pot of boiling placentas was flung off as the entrails removed themselves from the pot and returned to the pantry, grumbling, as they coiled their umbilical cords around themselves. Quite obviously no one would be eating dinner tonight and there was no point continuing the process. The bay leaves and pepper corns too returned themselves to their respective spice jars. This caused a mini riot in the pepper corn jar as the returning kernels demanded their original positions back. Salt, always the difficult one, looked about the room for a wound to rub into, just to show their displeasure with the aborted dinner.

Yes, this is how it all began.

As Edmond heaved open the wooden box lid Blanch stared despondantly.

How is it, Blanch wondered, that she was never allowed near Pandora's box. It didn't look that complicated .....

Edmond turned to scowl at anyone taking notice, 'I am off to the monastary'
and promptly disappeared in a puff of semi-confused logic that made a slurping sound as he slid into the strange wooden box.

Not soaked in liquid Nitrogen Matt, but rather loquacious E-matter.

I swear I wrote a really interesting response to the above. but it seems to have disappeared.

My good deed for the day.

I love that story. "Who told you you were naked?"

It's a little known fact that sewing was invented at the dawn of mankind because one fig leaf wasn't enough. After being told that she would have pain in childbirth, Eve avoided Adam but she was a heavy sleeper and here we are.

*drops trousers*

KA BOOM!

Eve has an automatic disadvantage by being Adam's rib.

I mean REALLY.

Adam may have been a prototype whereas Eve was the finished product.

Lilith has survived through millennia. She lives in my ex-wife, her mother, and my daughter.

You know, Michael, sometimes I suspect that you make things up.
I think I know why you do it...

YOU LIKE TO SEE FOOLS LIKE ME FLOP AROUND LIKE A CARP ON THE BANK!!

I hate you.

Is it true...that in England...the sun sets in the east?

(Don't be silly, Zen, that's just Linkey's perspective.)

Hey, Porl, think you and I could 'hoist a few' perhaps at Matt's frog bar?

(Don't be silly, Zen. No noble Englishman would want to be seen with you. Not in your wildest dreams.)

Isn't life strange.

(No, no you're not...You're an idiot infected by the Moody Blues.)

I'm not a knight in white satin?

(Zen. You are drunk.)

So? Ask me a question.

(Is Timothy Leary dead?)

Not in my mind. Next question.

KA....ZONK!!

Isn't life strange.

can't believe we missed the 10-year anniversary of HI DERE

Kapow!

I ducked, but too late. The shrapnel will be lodged in my body forever.