WHO WOULD WIN IN A FIGHT

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darth vader is lame. but so are all the choices.
xena vs. gargamel is my dream match though :p
this poll needs more booberella

❤ⓛⓞⓥⓔ❤ (CaptainLorax), Friday, 2 January 2009 01:33 (fifteen years ago) link

anyway really you know who would own this shit in a hot minute
http://www.critical-hits.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/05/Kirby.jpg

TOMBOT, Friday, 2 January 2009 01:33 (fifteen years ago) link

wd love to think FUCK YOU IT'S BEE SUIT super mario cd prevail but sadly tht'd never happen

xena may be a sleeper here btw

cozwn, Friday, 2 January 2009 01:34 (fifteen years ago) link

well d'uh@tombot

cozwn, Friday, 2 January 2009 01:34 (fifteen years ago) link

how do the Cybermen fit into all this

Vault Boy Bobblehead - Drinking (kingfish), Friday, 2 January 2009 01:36 (fifteen years ago) link

wd pay-per-view

http://images2.ggl.com/images/akuma3.jpg Vs. http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3235/2767416400_51d9d95619.jpg

cozwn, Friday, 2 January 2009 01:40 (fifteen years ago) link

http://www.superherotv.com/gfx/covers/180_batman-hellboy1.JPG

What about the transformers and G I Joe vs COBRA and the Decepticons, only set in WWII?

http://www.seibertron.com/images/comic/14/005.jpg

Vault Boy Bobblehead - Drinking (kingfish), Friday, 2 January 2009 01:44 (fifteen years ago) link

or a fighting game based on Les Miserables?

Vault Boy Bobblehead - Drinking (kingfish), Friday, 2 January 2009 01:46 (fifteen years ago) link

this is a serious question and deserves a serious answer:

Alien - physically powerful and resilient but not cunning or equipped with many long-range options. also handicapped by the group setting he's capable of quickly taking out a few of the weaker players but barring any salient environmental factors i think he loses out to a more well-rounded opponent. odds 10:1

Predator - built for situations like this but amongst the physically weaker players. best bet is to hang back and use superior technology to end the greater threats from a distance and then use his hunting skills to trap the others. odds 5:1

Hulk - a tank. unable to hide he may suffer from being an obvious target and even superhuman healing abilities won't save him from being mauled by alien or hammered at by hellboy. and its an open question as to whether he will be able to use his keen sense to uncover invisible enemies. an outside chance at 8:1

Batman - a predator with worse weapons. anti-social tendencies preclude him from alinging with other human players, comparatively weak and not blessed with any supernatural powers his lose is as obvious as a bat signal. odds 25:1

Frankenstein - i'm assuming slox means the creature and not ol victor. fuck this shamboling emo creation either way ability to ignore non-emotional pain is a plus but this dude loses out on every category and seeing him lurch to victory would be a real "shock". generous odds at 50:1

Lamp, Friday, 2 January 2009 02:07 (fifteen years ago) link

you're giving it to pred? knew I shd've voted otherwise

I still like those odds on alien tho as you say environment and lighting condition is key; think we can assume this will take place in an arena, in full light which I think stymies the li'l guys chances somewhat : /

cozwn, Friday, 2 January 2009 02:13 (fifteen years ago) link

ya I meant frankenstein's monster but it's funnier to say frankenstein

s1ocki, Friday, 2 January 2009 02:19 (fifteen years ago) link

Dracula - a real darkhorse champion. skilled, swift and supernaturally gifted drax can both evade physically stronger enemies by turning into a bat or mist and is strong enough to overpower any human combatants. all this added to regenerative abilities makes for a fierce competitor. sunlight is the big concern here and there is the chance of getting trapped by bloodcravings. odds 7:1

Hellboy - another strong player that could be done in by his obvious strength. with access to his gun and certain holy relics he possesses a credible threat to every combatant and he possess regenerative powers. downsides include a lack of speed and perhaps the patience to deal with less direct opponents. odds 6:1

Wolverine - strong defensive character with the best healing ability, psionic protection and incredible speed. hampered by the fact that he lacks any long-range kill options his only path to victory is avoiding direct confrontations as long as possible but will he be humble enough to do so? odds 12:1

Sonic the hedgehog - wtf he cant even swim and is retarded. probably gets sonned by gargamel odds at 70:1

Super mario - has the advantage of not being sonic. best sm is probably hammer bros. suit mario from smb3 decent defense, range and can get hit a couple of times before dying. still it aint a you this time, mario. 55:1

Lamp, Friday, 2 January 2009 02:28 (fifteen years ago) link

Frankenstein - i'm assuming slox means the creature and not ol victor. fuck this shamboling emo creation either way ability to ignore non-emotional pain is a plus but this dude loses out on every category and seeing him lurch to victory would be a real "shock". generous odds at 50:1

aaaaaahahahaha

"80s Baby" (Z S), Friday, 2 January 2009 02:35 (fifteen years ago) link

Muomas (nickalicious), Friday, 2 January 2009 02:43 (fifteen years ago) link

Is Darth Vader gonna hafta forcechoke a bitch?

Muomas (nickalicious), Friday, 2 January 2009 02:44 (fifteen years ago) link

If Rambo and Rocky look each other in the eye the universe might implode!

Muomas (nickalicious), Friday, 2 January 2009 02:45 (fifteen years ago) link

The Hobbit - really the question here is how much power does the one ring have outside of middle earth. can the hulk pierce the invs cloak? can the predator? can the hobbit read the mind of an alien? i mean obv hobbit needs the ring otherwise dude is worse than sonic. very few of the combatants have strong psionic protection and they could theoretically be very vulnerable here but can the hobbitt effectively use these powers? important qns for our times but i dont have the answers. no odds given.

Xena - maybe she will get reincarnated as someone with better odds of winning this fight. like sonic. odds 99:1

Jean-Luc Picard - phasers set to pun. good long-range fighter needs other for cover but never underestimate leadership potential cpt. has a good chance of rallying less evil forces into a loose federation. but does he have it in him to betray his colleagues and emerge victorious? probably not. odds 50:1

Darth Vader - his strengths match well against many other players' weaknesses yet he's still physically weak and slow even with the force. and he is easier to kill. but considering his incredible ruthlessness and offensive capabilities have to say 5:1

Rambo - more of a spoiler than anything his only chance is start shooting and never stop. odds 70:1

Lamp, Friday, 2 January 2009 02:46 (fifteen years ago) link

this guy FTW

http://iprefertheobscureremix.files.wordpress.com/2008/01/mes50.jpg

Mr. Que, Friday, 2 January 2009 02:46 (fifteen years ago) link

"70:1"
http://i43.tinypic.com/a13i9s.jpg

"80s Baby" (Z S), Friday, 2 January 2009 02:49 (fifteen years ago) link

I would gladly bet $2 on Rambo, win $140, and then buy everyone expensive drinks. You'll thank me (and Rambo) later.

"80s Baby" (Z S), Friday, 2 January 2009 02:49 (fifteen years ago) link

Rocky - should have replaced this dude with balrog or m.bison imo. was going to consider the merits of fat, wiley rocky vs. fit but stupid o.g rocky but i'll leave such philosophical ruminations to aronofsky. odds 80:1

Gargamel - ahahaha thank you so for much for making this poll otherwise i wouldn't have read his wikipedia entry. "Gargamel is an eternal bungler" lol but he does fuck with magic and even a hobbit is bigger than a smurf. odds: before my time and the dude has suffered enough

Lamp, Friday, 2 January 2009 02:52 (fifteen years ago) link

Lamp for MVP

"80s Baby" (Z S), Friday, 2 January 2009 02:58 (fifteen years ago) link

http://gigazine.jp/img/2006/12/08/batman_alien_predator/batman_deadend_Snap6.jpg

someone needs to photoshop this battle

only way Vader would't win this is if he's attacked from behind whilst simultaneously choking as many people in his sights as possible (presumably there is a limit on this), otherwise maybe the Hulk thru sheer size and brute strength (unless shot in the face arrrrgh)

Timezilla vs Mechadistance (blueski), Friday, 2 January 2009 03:05 (fifteen years ago) link

i composed this poll on my phone while lying on the couch immobile with a NYE hangover

s1ocki, Friday, 2 January 2009 03:09 (fifteen years ago) link

i am glad to see it has inspired such thoughtful debate

s1ocki, Friday, 2 January 2009 03:09 (fifteen years ago) link

so i guess we're talking tv hulk, i don't think any of these bozos could scratch comic hulk unless picard has the enterprise. even grey hulk slapped wolverine around. in his own comic!

GMT-8 (tremendoid), Friday, 2 January 2009 03:15 (fifteen years ago) link

listen to reason

GMT-8 (tremendoid), Friday, 2 January 2009 03:18 (fifteen years ago) link

great job Lamp. based on your analysis vader seems to be the trap pick, but i already voted for him :(

"made smashable" (k3vin k.), Friday, 2 January 2009 03:26 (fifteen years ago) link

it'd come down to hellboy and hulk

bnw, Friday, 2 January 2009 03:27 (fifteen years ago) link

yah i don't really know hellboy's deal, prob can't die or something

GMT-8 (tremendoid), Friday, 2 January 2009 03:31 (fifteen years ago) link

The thing is, I feel like Vader beats Hulk, Hulk beats Wolverine, Wolverine beats Vader, so I'm stuck.

Guayaquil (eephus!), Friday, 2 January 2009 05:33 (fifteen years ago) link

wolverine versus vader is the perfect matchup for this kind of argument - adamantium is indestructible, but lightsabers can cut thru anything!!!!! FUK!!! TIME PARADOX

㋡ (cankles), Friday, 2 January 2009 05:38 (fifteen years ago) link

Vader doesn't need to cut Wolverine because he can just kill him with his MIND.

Millsner, Friday, 2 January 2009 05:46 (fifteen years ago) link

yeah I'm trying to imagine the results if you parry wolverine's claws with a lightsaber and it's retarded

TOMBOT, Friday, 2 January 2009 05:47 (fifteen years ago) link

where's robocop

2009 (latebloomer), Friday, 2 January 2009 06:20 (fifteen years ago) link

more like where's samus aran?

Millsner, Friday, 2 January 2009 06:29 (fifteen years ago) link

DREDD would win I think - in his absence voted Predator

Gravel Puzzleworth, Friday, 2 January 2009 06:41 (fifteen years ago) link

Alien, Predator, Batman and oddly enough Xena would all win a 'home' match IMO

Gravel Puzzleworth, Friday, 2 January 2009 06:43 (fifteen years ago) link

darth vader why because NIGGA CAN THROW PEOPLE WITHOUT TOUCHING THEM AND CHOKE THEM WITHOUT TOUCHING THEM THAT IS SOME GANGSTA SHIT

PLUS HE SWORD CUT PEOPLE IN HALF

the only guy vader would have a hard time with is superman, tbh

Millsner, Friday, 2 January 2009 06:54 (fifteen years ago) link

not that superman could beat him, but it might be a standoff

Millsner, Friday, 2 January 2009 06:54 (fifteen years ago) link

man all vader tangled with was scrubs and it took a sucker punch to take joe lieberman out after his own son whupped his ass. 6 movies i notice he didn't fuck with yoda get ouuuuta here with that dude

GMT-8 (tremendoid), Friday, 2 January 2009 07:08 (fifteen years ago) link

Predator sees all, turns invisible and shoots deadly projectiles, so Predator FTW

Whiney G. Weingarten, Friday, 2 January 2009 07:37 (fifteen years ago) link

but then again, I didn't wikipedia to find out what the fuck a Hellboy was

Whiney G. Weingarten, Friday, 2 January 2009 07:37 (fifteen years ago) link

Vader doesn't need to cut Wolverine because he can just kill him with his MIND.

― Millsner,

Magneto was throwing Wolverine around with his mind, so I can easily imagine Vader besting him.

snoball, Friday, 2 January 2009 10:24 (fifteen years ago) link

before things got really started, the Hobbit could ask Rocky a riddle game.

james k polk, Friday, 2 January 2009 10:28 (fifteen years ago) link

Also, people keep mentioning the Predator, but he's a physically vulnerable character, at least in the videogames. His main defence is the invisibility cloak, which the Alien and Vader would both be able to see through. And the Predator doesn't move quickly. In the Predator movie, he gets fucked up when Dutch and the others start firing into the jungle, but that's at least 30 seconds after what's-his-name-with-the-minigun gets killed, so he can't have been moving very fast. And in the AVP movie there are several instances where a Pred gets owned by an Alien basically while the Pred is just standing there. Although to be fair, Aliens move damn quick.

snoball, Friday, 2 January 2009 10:30 (fifteen years ago) link


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