Just when you thought it was safe - OK CUPID PART 3: The Return of the WOO!

i once had a date through yahoo personals a long time ago- two women showed up, they were roommates! i had no idea who i was supposed to "date" that night because there was no picture in the profile. they wanted to go to a vegetarian place that didn't serve alcohol, i nixed it and recommended a Lebanese place that had plenty of veg options and booze. one of them asked me if i used alcohol as a crutch and i said it was more like a wheelchair. we had dinner and it was weird cuz i still didn't know who was dating who. never saw them again.

disappointing penthouse letter, tbh

This is why meeting people irl is preferable - you like them, there is mutual attraction, and because of that you give them the benefit of the doubt as to some of the things that you might find 'questionable' (vegetarian, liking ayn rand, etc etc).

Really though
I am going to say something really harsh

I think some of you may be holding others to higher standards than you hold to yourselves.

yeah, i even rubbed hummus on my pecs in a seductive manner

nothing

xpost

Wouldn't you want others to give you the benefit of the doubt?

Think of all the relationships in your life that have come as a surprise - unexpected friendships and partnerships. One of my best friends is a 38 year-old Suburban mother of two with whom I have almost nothing in common. I would have never expected that.

You have to have an open heart to find love.

Sorry, I'm a bit of a hippie. I don't think when you're looking for love lacking enthusiasm or being cynical should ever enter the picture.

one of them asked me if i used alcohol as a crutch and i said it was more like a wheelchair.

LOL

And, I'll end here by saying: if you're setting the bar this high for your potential match, are entering this with even half your effort into it, lacking enthusiasm, etc - please just delete your profile, because you are wasting everyone's time.

to whom are you directing this?

loving this turn of mand33's approach from "pua protips" to "scolding grandmother"

hoos you are bragging in this prof, and you gotta kill that, man. The "hip Whit" thing is pure shameless self-congratulation and kinda oogs me out tbh. Also where you said "I like poetry, blah blah blah, Thai food, and you" you gotta kill the "and you" part of this, it's cheesy in a not-good way.

tbh I had similar reactions but iirc a hoos is neck-deep in OKC trim 23/7 so this stuff obv creates sponaneous meltism in his ~target audience~ ergo strut on, playa

t

Sorry, this is all colored by my a lot of my personal experiences, and seeing the comments on this thread today have just kind of made my heart a bit heavy

god only knows what a hoos does with that 24th hour

i think everyone here is being pretty open-minded, actually? laurel is a little ott with her disdain, but i wouldn't read so much into it

god only knows what a hoos does with that 24th hour

^alternate beach boys lyrics from the pet sounds boxset

is this about the vegan comment? i have no problem dating vegans or vegetarians but vegan restaurants that are not also indian restaurants are really just the pits. i cook vegetarian meals like 4 or 5 times a week, and love going out to this one thai place in queens with vegetarian friends and getting all veg stuff and sharing, but i have never been to an all vegan restaurant that wasn't culinary bullshit. like $20 for something that looks like this:
http://cameraphonevegan.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/img_1169.jpg

i'm sorry but if i have to eat this food at least let me have a few drinks!

That looks tasty to me but I have the scary idea that it may be served cold

I gotta admit everyone

Unlike some ilxors who think "oh man could I marry this lady?" my first date thoughts are usually:
1. "Do I feel a physical or intellectual attraction?"
2. "Is there anything that has specifically turned me off?"

If the answers are yes and no, then I am all up for a second date!

Oh mandee,I am a giant mean bummer, you shouldn't believe anything I say!

It's protection, actually, against always trying to see the good in people that I decide are maybe admirable somehow, and maybe I could be attracted to, or interested in, if I kept giving them chances, because THAT is what I actually do and it's destroying me.

OKAY it's not destroying me but you know it has blown up most of my rel'ships to date, in one way or another.

Laurel, I've done the same thing. I'm trying not to do it again. Everyone has faults, though.

btw if I ever mumble the phrase "oh, she's only a little emotionally fragile" on here, slap me

It's protection, actually, against always trying to see the good in people that I decide are maybe admirable somehow, and maybe I could be attracted to, or interested in, if I kept giving them chances, because THAT is what I actually do and it's destroying me.

^^^yes yes 1000 times yes. and once i let them in, i am completely blind to all of their flaws and personal failings, and i actually can't see myself with anyone who WASN'T deeply flawed because i am as well.

i see this site mostly as a non-serious thing, as that is what most people seem to see it as - most times i've started to "like" some one it has turned out that they just were trying to sleep with me a few times and then never call again. my serial monogamist 20s blinded me to the fact that there are tons of people that just do this over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and those people seem to make up 90% of okc. so i'm actively trying to stop thinking the best of people and picking apart their annoying habits as they are most definitely doing the same to me.

just delurking this thread for a moment to hi-5 a lot of the stuff mand33 has said... i didn't meet my husband through a dating site, but our initial contact was on an author-dedicated forum and then we immediately became myspace (rip) friends, and i remember reading the stuff he had on his profile and being totally smitten from the get-go. my little piece of advice is to think about the kind of person you want to attract: if you're leaving off a totally unique and quirky and interesting piece of info about yourself like "i am the all-time marble madness champion" or "i won 10 spelling bees in middle school" bc you think that some girl will think that's dumb - do you really want to meet girls/guys who think that kind of stuff is dumb?? i mean, there are some things that maybe are best left till you get to know someone, but little things like the above examples are really, really cool things to put in your profile.

my husb was a comp-lit phd drop-out, and i was kinda intimidated by how smart he was, then i saw listed under his favourite tv programs "the OC" and i thought it was awesome and adorable that he had no shame about stating that.

Rrrobyn, I love the bathos of 'probably less complicated than all that'. Profile conveys you really well (says the expert who has met you once ever!)

i've no doubt that it is *very* different being a woman on this site (and everywhere) than a dude.

the whole process is pretty weird, but still probably better than trying to pick ppl up in a bar? the weeding-out process is necessarily arbitrary, but then it always is.

It's protection, actually, against always trying to see the good in people that I decide are maybe admirable somehow, and maybe I could be attracted to, or interested in, if I kept giving them chances, because THAT is what I actually do and it's destroying me.

i don't dispute your right to protection by any means and i think it's great that seeing the good in people is your instinct. otoh the people you *have* let under your guard seem to have been just . . . horrible? you are pretty grebt, tho, and i totally think there are good guys with whom you would be a super match -- but maybe your filter could use some adjustment? (i'm with you on the drinking tho, obviously.)

Some of us seem to be saying in this thread that we write people off for x or y (I said rambling about hiking, iirc) but we're really just clumsily trying to convey one small part of the process that's simply a general 'not intrigued' vibe from the profile. If I'm intrigued or the profile makes me smile, then I'll ignore almost anything that's a potential problem. Unfortunately I'm not intrigued or made to smile very often. But then, I suppose I'm treating OKC like a bar, where I wouldn't flirt unless I was seriously interested in someone. Text on a screen is less reliable at conveying vibe than a bar, so I just need to invest time and effort and meet lots of people. I do not have this time.

I will after Christmas though. Let the scattergun dating begin in 2012.

applauding justine up in this

if you're leaving off a totally unique and quirky and interesting piece of info about yourself like "i am the all-time marble madness champion" or "i won 10 spelling bees in middle school" bc you think that some girl will think that's dumb - do you really want to meet girls/guys who think that kind of stuff is dumb??

Yes, this!!!

...no one commented on my profile :P I shall assume the "if you cant say anything nice! angle! /pvmic

/jk

yeah but marble madness is cool

1. "Do I feel a physical or intellectual attraction?"
2. "Is there anything that has specifically turned me off?"

^^^^

bene_gesserit, I don't think you need diff photos. I think some of the lower down ones could go higher up though just to intersperse the more glam with the more everyday (if I remember correctly). Put one up with the dope new haircut.

Homosexual II I totally agree with you, which is why I can't figure out what it is I really want and have quite a hard time reading into profiles and preferences. W/some of my closest friends we don't have the same taste in music books or food. Ayn rand is still a deal breaker though. :/

I'll add that I understand the other side too, which is there needs to be some kind of criteria--can't meet every last person that messages you. For me the difficulty is in figuring out what that criteria should be...

rayuela i think your profile is good and you look like you would be fun to hang out with! i have no idea what "PoC preferred" means, though!

prisoners of cthulu?
parolees of cuomo?
people of color?

I would have assumed People of Colour.

(Also I apologise for lurking/posting on this thread despite not being an OKC user.)

I think we need the outgroup input, e.

If you're bored and want to give advice to someone in a different situation/category than most of you (divorced dad recently turned 50) I'm

@non777 with an a for the @

Mandee, I'm sorry this thread is bumming you out. If it makes you feel any better, these are the standards I apply to messaging people, not to returning messages. I feel like I've been open-minded to a fault in terms of responding to and meeting anyone who seems relatively smart. In terms of taking the initiative to message someone, though, there has to be something in their profile that in some way sets them apart, or simply piques my interest.

Curmudgeon (61%), your profile is good. One nitpicky thing: I don't like it when people say they are comfortable in high and low places or appreciate both high and low culture, because so many people say this. I would suggest listing the places you like (which I think you do) and let that speak for itself. Another thing people do, often (you don't do it) is to say that they are a bundle of contradictions. So many people say this.

Btw, b_g, 93%.
If anyone has suggestions regarding my profile, either message me or write them here. Be gentle: Like most criticsl people, I am very fragile.

mary, i gave you 5 stars, which means your profile was tops.

Big Hoos (91%): a solid profile. A few suggestions: I might take out the part about Fridays that could go in 100 directions...a lot of people seem convinced that there is no typical Friday for them. But leave the stuff about the different things you could be doing...that was all good. The 'you should message me' part: I would strike the "you've read this whole thing" (a ton of people say that) and "find me compelling" (would go with something more tongue-in-cheek or descriptive here. The other stuff in this section is concrete and interesting and good. Some of your pics are a bit too "wacky" for me, but maybe you are hoping to attract a different contingent. Also, ie your messaging strategy...if it's working no need to change, but it would seem more sincere to me if you asked maybe one or two questions only and also wrote a bit about yourself in there. That's it for now...more reviews tomorrow.

I'm feeling a bit invisible now, erk :/

Thanks, b_g! Okc failed to notify me of this occurrence.

Trayce, I'm sure you have nothing to worry about, but yours will be the first profile I look at tomorrow, even before I stalk all my crushes with my secret, alternative account.

Hahah its all good, I actually feel a bit weird about even having posted my okc name on here! Also I never reply to anyone who msgs me so I lose at this I think.

[cries]

I am lurking out of mere curiosity, but I would totally date all of you fyi <3

[pulls head back in]

mookie you shoosh, I replied when you messaged me dammit!