thread to get over a breakup

well if its any compensation...i wasn't expecting to find another person after...i wasn't looking and bang...it happened.

...and bang

ad infinitum

thebango

i can't remember whether it was in this thread or another, but i was writing something about how people maybe have more partners than they previously would have, now, in a lifetime, & i don't know whether it's that or something else but: dealing with the mess of having broken up with someone feels so 'modern' to me, & i don't know why, because it's eternal. like incrementally becoming more aware of the sprawl of all the different strands that made up the relationship, each becoming apparent at some different point after the thing fell apart, it is so strange to have to confront it all.

so sad to think that there was a last time that so many things happened between you, but you missed it, or forgot it, because you didn't realise it was the last time as it happened.

i kinda think that side of things is almost like a schroedinger's-cat-style state change, in which things are retroactively transformed. that a certain thing you were in the middle of won't ever reach some sort of fruition can retroactively transform it into something 'failed', which it wasn't at the time. it is a crazy thing.

but yeah mainly just v sad

xpost
yeah, definitely. like the last real kiss. last time you saw their parents. last time eating out together. last party you held together. sigh

hugs

last hugs

cut it out

things

I think the modern condition is more about recognizing that break-ups and divorces aren't like an end-all and that we have more successful dynamics available to people relationship-wise than we did in the past.

That said, I have still run into people with the "omg I'm 25 and not married yet, failure!" mentality and they seem very rural

beats the shit out of the same declaration in the 2nd person tbh

bad dreams all night, that n. had betrayed me and was laughing as i got old alone. the sort of nightmares that cast a bad shadow over the day, especially when i know they're quite close to the wrong-headed surface.

i feel strong at the moment and tho i'm up and down i'm dealing pretty well but i'm scared i could fall into the deeps any time.

(hug)

nobody ever really wishes ill on the person they broke up with in a normal breakup. and everybody with something to offer finds someone. be calm and carry on.

dreams = a parody version of a real emotion. it's not the content that's upset me, it's a disguised expression of some real sadness that's chewing away

yeah, that's not gonna go away so easy. I hear you there. keeping it in perspective, as you seem to be doing, is important.

tbf i'm wittering on the internet to put off going down the pub :D

and i to the gym, so fair game.

Hugs, nv. Having the same thing with dreams tbh.

Bluurrrrfff totally a mistake to go back & have knitting TV zone background be the cutes episodes of Parks and Rec where April and Andy got married. One, I should be doing laundry and not watching Ntflx; two, ;_;
Looks like I should stick to the non-representational sounds and colors abstract show of the future from now on? Does anyone know where I can watch that?

You just have to find shows with no romanting. Like police procedurals/mysteries.

Hugs to you, Abbs <3

i wish i did.

i'm experiencing the same thing with music. suddenly, the lyrical content of vast swaths of pop music (current and older music) is somewhat relevant again.

whoops, xpost.

you could just pull a z s and get so drunk that all you can see are non-representational sounds and colors. it seems to work pretty well in suppressing painful memories, but i'm also told it might not be a good long-term strategy?

I haven't really been sad about my most recent break up, but the one before that I watched a lot of Pawn Stars and American Pickers. Also, I ate a lot of oatmeal and toast. And smoked a lot of cigarettes. Pick and choose these as you see fit.

I think a couple of months of being drunk every other night is ok once you get sick of spontaneously crying in public

One winter when I was sad about someone, I watched:

* The director's cuts of all the LOTR movies plus all the DVD extras and "Making of" segments.
* The director's cuts of all the Alien movies and all the "making of"s.
* Every season of The Wire and all the extras.
* Every British gangster movie I could find.

...and a bunch of other assorted stuff, none of which had themes of romance in any way. You can do it!

it's amazing how sneaky heart-wrecking moments can get shoehorned in to more or less anything. except British gangster flicks probly :)

Well I mean there's "love" in some of them, but it always ends badly, so that makes it easier.

yeah i know, i was just thinking of those sudden "abstract shit that shouldn't be making me cry and i'm not sure why it is" moments

even in Family Guy ffs

That's your fault for watching Family Guy, tbh.

ooh burn

You can combine crying and drinking. I think a particularly interesting point was when I was about to watch the movie Up for the first time, and about two minutes in, decided I needed to go buy more whiskey before I watched the film.

true, tho xp

I feel like going out and being gregarious through drinking can be legit useful when yr brain breaks, drinking at home not so much

I got my divorce paperwork today, sort of surreal. 15 years is broken down to 20 pages of legal mumbo jumbo. Sort of sad.

wau. did you file or did she?

:/ Sorry, dude. That must be weird.

How is your ex-wife doing now? Is she still having episodes or has that evened out? And are things still going well with your new lady?

questions questions, lol sorry for being a busybody...tell me to gtfo if you don't want to go into it.

the mediator filed on our behalf.

soon to be ex is fine, her and i on good terms.

New lady, great...although i am overcome with trust issues and insecurities. which will be the demise of what i have with her....

which to be honest, is kind of hard. It isn't easy being with someone who is completely different than what you are used to.

On a much lesser scale, I just broke up with someone. I stuck around for a long time rather than leaving soon afterward, to make sure she had the opportunity to let things out, ask questions, all of that. And she ended up quietly saying some pretty cutting things which meant 10x more coming from her because she's bent over backwards to be accommodating to whatever my "situation" is. Stuff about being emotionally stagnant, and how I end up conforming to a patriarchal view of what a "man" should be, as much as I try to avoid it. A lot of it was true.

Ugh. Now I'm at a bar alone.

bulleit

ZS im sitting home alone, while i get ignored. TYPICAL for this girl. Aggravating.

ZS, you're not long out of a major relationship. I think you're allowed to still be emotionally 'stagnant', whatever the fuck that means. I'm sure she has bent over backwards, but the fact is that that's not automatically going to make things okay.