Just when you thought it was safe - OK CUPID PART 3: The Return of the WOO!

OK, I told this dude I don't like to talk on the phone, but that I am a great texter. He responded that he uses phone chat as a screening device but that I already passed. Yay?

Oh I hate talking on the phone. I've had quite a few folks message me w/their phone number (not the 1st message, but as we start to plan), and I always wonder, am I supposed to call you? I usually just message them back with my own # but then I start to wonder if the person finds this passive aggressive. Or maybe I'm just paranoid??

Someone once told me on match.com that she was tired of first dates with guys that she determined at the first date were clearly not right for her, therefore she wanted to talk on the phone first as a screening device.

But, I bet you could have a good conversation with someone, and then meet, and not be interested in them anyway. My way: if someone is at all appealing, meet them as soon as possible.

I'm fine with exchanging numbers as a way of getting in touch (by text) if someone's going to be late. But, one dude, who I met on a Wednesday, texted me that Friday night to ask if I would be free to talk on the phone later that evening. First of all, no, and second of all, just call and leave a message,'don't ask.

I bet you could have a good conversation with someone, and then meet, and not be interested in them anyway.

idk ime long involved convos over the phone are a harbinger of the ability to have them in person which is at least enough to propel a date into "let's be homies" territory.

this time last year there was a girl i traded numbers with, and we spent hours on the phone for a couple of weeks before either of us had the time to meet. by the time we did it already felt like we knew each other.

I don't know, that sounds like I might accidentally make a friend, and frankly I'm trying to limit my exposure to new people unless I might want them to be my boyfriend.

NB: I am...partly...kidding.

Haha. Some people like me, i.e., AWKWARD, have phone fear, plus I have difficulty hearing what people are saying with the coverage that sort of half-covers my apartment. This last part might just be an excuse.

this is too much work!

Here's the problem with phone conversations: it's not clear whether or not there is alcohol involved.

Here's the non problem with meeting in person--almost always guaranteed to be alcohol involved.

Also cuts the amount of possible awkward encounters in half. Plus, I'm so "nice" that even if they sounded horrible on the phone I'd have a hard time saying no to a meet-up.

Laurel, I am completely on board with you not wanting new friends.

Not really into new friends... I have a lot of insanely awesomely radical friends, don't need any more of those.
Also really getting over the potential casual sex hookup option, too. Again, I have a couple of those already, don't need another one.

Le sigh.

i hate talking on the phone, and i hate the idea of someone talking with me on the phone to "screen" me so much!

I'm totally into new friends, but not if they're interested in me and it's not reciprocal, or vice versa. Also, I'm so busy going on all these damn dates lately that I don't have time for new friends.

I'm not worried too much about being screened--I imagine I give good phone--but I would rather skip that step. Let's just meet in person and discern that it's not going to be a thing already.

I imagine I give good phone

do you give good french?

French phone? No, I don't imagine I do.

Also, I hate the people who state that they're good kissers. If you think you are a good kisser, you're probably not. Also, even if you are, and you are somehow deriving some sense of self worth from that ... That's kind of sad.

Maybe we should start our own dating board for people who hate people? OkMisanthropy.

haha sorry, i was quoting a gene wilder movie.

i have received messages thanking me for *not* mentioning sex (and how good at it i am/how badly i need it) in my profile, which makes me wonder about dudes tbh. but i guess i do live pretty close to new jersey.

Romanthropy.com.

Why do guys want girls to know they can make babies smile? Do they think I am a baby? Also dogs and moving objects and scenes of abject misery make babies smile, they can't even focus their eyes yet.

See, I can't even get Gene Wilder references, no wonder I am single.

I hate when guys specify what they need from you physically in their profile, but I've learned the hard way, that even when their profile seems "normal" dead giveaways are in their question answers.

do you prefer guys who make babies cry? xp

I've never thought of it as an either/or proposition?

Those guys sound good! I wonder if my profile is sort of masculine? My profile is similar to that of many guys I'm matched with, but when I look at the ladies, it seems they love their pets and their families and their jobs and are quite well adjusted and positive.

i personally make the babies look at me like 'wtf are you doing?'

Oh, anyway, we should be watching the world series together. Mookie, when are you going to invite laurel and I over for a house party? I was planning to watch in my living room, but my roommate is watching twilight. Mookie, did you have your date? How did it go? You are so reticent.

reticent? well, i . . .

my house is a little spare for a house party and i am watching the world series on my computer. you are welcome any time, tho.

i have yet to go out with anyone from the site that i didn't already know. maybe next week.

My profile is similar to that of many guys I'm matched with, but when I look at the ladies, it seems they love their pets and their families and their jobs and are quite well adjusted and positive.

My profiles have never been like that either, VP. And the whole thing where femininity is defined as "warm and loving and good-natured and uncomplicated" is kinda nagl anyway. If those girls were so fulfilled by coddling their pets half to death, why are they looking for a boyfriend, anyway?

So you've gone out with people that you knew previously? Do tell...

My computer is completely shot. Or I would be watching baseball or movies on it. Trying to decide whether to buy a new computer or go to Spain. Suggestions?

my entire adventure from looking at this thread tonight:
- stalking laurel's profile

The up-close photo of you with visible freckles is kind of cuet.

I'd suggest going with that as your main in place of the "photo I took in my bathroom", but maybe the sunglasses and headphones are kind of cold and distancing for a main pic?

rayuela

> Why do guys want girls to know they can make babies smile? Do they think I am a baby? Also dogs and moving objects and scenes of abject misery make babies smile, they can't even focus their eyes yet

This is code for "i want you to bear my kids someday".

I don't get the "I don't want any new friends" thing. Two of my best previous relationships were with girls that friends led me to that I would never have met otherwise.

one thing i notice with the girls on this site, why do so many say that they are clumsy, or words to that effect? i think it's officially now a cliché to announce your own clumsiness, presumably in an effort to appear cute.

in my day girls went about claiming to be as surefooted as a mountain goat which was the other end of the same piece of rope.

we all need somebody to lean on

I would feel bad if someone sort of liked me, but I offered friendship as a consolation prize, and then I poached one of their male friends for myself. Maybe I am just too considerate for this cut-throat dating world.

Is there some indie-ish rom-com featuring a bumbling young woman in glasses who trips over herself and meets cute the man of her dreams? Maybe thats where the clumsy meme comes from.

My profile has stuff about getting lost in it, I put it in there to replace some other crap I no longer liked - could come across all trying-to-be-cut, I guess. Hmmm.

When someone puts in their profile, "don't message me if X" I am soo tempted to write back with X! A self-described comedian messaged me and when I checked his profile out, he said "don't message me asking me to tell you a joke. I hate that!" and I really want to send him a reply..."so, know any good jokes?"

I think I would love OkMisanthropy.

Getting lost is fine...I'm always getting lost. I don't have anything about that in my profile though.

I hate when people are already bossing you around about how to be and what to do in their profile, before you even meet them.

Someone wrote something like, "if you message me and i don't respond, don't take it personally.I just cant respond to everyone." it sounds ironic when i write it out, but he was serious.

I need new pics

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ltqiso1Wol1qz6f9yo1_r1_500.jpg

I hate when people are already bossing you around about how to be and what to do in their profile, before you even meet them.

To be fair, I used to have something like this. I used to get lots of clearly Asian Fetish emails, so I resorted to putting a disclaimer in there, like 'if you have an asian fetish don't message me!' but it turns out that statements like that just bring folks out of the woodwork, and nearly all were like, what's so wrong with being an asian fetishist! So that's gone, and I have a more subtle screening system in place now. So it turns out I agree with you...

Btw, hi everyone. I'm new to ILX but there isn't really an "introductory place." This thread helps me to vent small things that I always forget about by the time I see my friends. :)

Hello, rayuela, welcome! What okcupid market are you in these days? What you had, re asian fetishists, is totally acceptable, even if it wasn't fruitful in the long run. I'm talking more about things like, "I'm good at kissing, so you be good too" or "I'm looking for a sensual woman who is comfortable with her body and creative in bed." it's like, we haven't even met yet and you're dictating what you expect from me physically? Though it does work as a good negative screen. I kind of suggest a lot of ridiculous things in the "you should message me if" section, but it's largely tongue in cheek. I tried to make my profile wordy and obtuse enough so that people wouldn't just message me and say omg hi how r u? but I guess there's no protection against that.

Thanks! By market do you mean area? I'm in NY.

I have definitely seen the "comfortable w/body & creative in bed" before and it always makes me laugh. These are the kinds of things that save me from having to figure out whether I might like them or not.

Oh no! Competition! :)

Is there a man alive who wouldn't appreciate the type of woman outlined above? I don't think it's something you can specify though. That type of screening should come later.

I have a new plan for dealing with the rejection of people who don't write me back. I'm going to assume that the obvious intelligence in my well-worded e-mail intimidated them.

Haha. Yay, fellow NYer!

I had plans w/someone today but we mutually cancelled in favor of staying in due to snow! I'm pretty happy with that.

]Oh, anyway, we should be watching the world series together. Mookie, when are you going to invite laurel and I over for a house party? I was planning to watch in my living room, but my roommate is watching twilight. Mookie, did you have your date? How did it go? You are so reticent.

― Virginia Plain, Friday, October 28, 2011 9:51 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

if i am not also invited i will be very cross!

to the house party, i mean. i only live a few blocks away and i don't want to miss laurel and mary in my neighborhood.

but of course!

sorry about yr skullcap

Ok, we have to throw a NYC commiseration okc party. Prizes go to the person who's had the worst date.

Had a purely friend date tonite--the shining & beers. I was so much happier when I was blissfully single and not looking...how do I get back to that state?

but of course!

sorry about yr skullcap

my costume failure was very sad but it was also crappy and snowy out so i wasn't that upset. </elderly>

there is always next year?

I got a bait and switch: I gave my # for texting purposes and he called and left a message. His name is Avi; maybe it will be like a J-date.