Yes piece by Dave Q

Me, I feel like anyone in the men's draw at Wimbledon circa 1996 or so who wasn't Sampras.

See, if Dave Q was writing Kill Yr Idols instead of those fules I would be looking forward to it so much.

Yet again, El Diablo OTMFM.

Part of me feels it would somehow be better if he took over the world with his records. And now it seems he is leaving us, what will we do without his anti-english rants?

Great as the show will undoubtedly be, were I a promoter, I would charge twice the admission for a Steve Howe–Trevor Rabin fight to the death! These two get on like Bush Sr. and Bush Jr. after a coke-fueled game of powerboat “chicken”! (“Mano a mano, turtle dude!”) Howe first left Yes to invent stadium prog with Asia, who produced the best-selling album of 1982, admittedly the year when the music business was so depressed that Chu-Bops were being vilified as a threat to legitimate MP3’s. Asia’s “Heat of the Moment” had a thundering kidney-defenestrating, medulla-buggering, etc., riff, but still got blown up like a box of kittens by Rabin’s “Owner of a Lonely Heart,” which simply “Owned” everything! Howe has expressed dislike for this spine-mincing, eyeball-vaporizing ROCK anthem on numerous occasions, a mystifying lapse of judgment from the man who invented both George Lynch and Loren Mazzacane Connors, but then Robert Plant refuses to sing “Pictures of Matchstick Men” live, preferring to do endless Scandinavian tours with bogus Whitesnake “reunion” lineups, so who knows how rock gods think, anyway? (Asia’s Geoff Downes on the enduring world-conquering appeal of his band: “Who wants to see some faggot farting around on a synthesizer with some tart squeaking on top, calling it the cutting edge of dance music?” And who wants to see the “new” Yes logo anywhere?)

Julio OTM. Is q really leaving us? :(

It was actually for you. Alas, you were sad at the time.

(I refuse to engage with your complaints seriously because 1) they aren't new, therefore you are less transgressive than you think and 2) I don't buy them.)

FUNNIEST FUCKING ASSUMPTION OF THE YEAR! (and a late entry at that. Good job!)

I don't buy your arguments are what are mine?

Okay, so Judas' Priest's "Turbo Lover" was a failed fusion of pre-Moby electro orcus-dorkus of "Don't Kill The Whale" off Yes' "Tormato" and "Owner of a Lonely Heart" off Yes' "90125" album? Well, that's great, but what does it have to do with Yes? Oh yeah: Nothing! What was it that apparently put Dave Q in mind of Judas Priest? The sentence just before this reads that "Anderson rhymes 'throw' with 'try' and 'and you' with 'blind you,' like a Corey Hart from New Zealand." I guess this strange pronunciation must have been what reminded him of Judas Priest, despite the fact he says nothing about Judas Priest's vocal stylings whatsoever. Also, just to understand the sentence, you have to know who made the "Tormato" and "90125" albums because if you read Dave Q's sentence it sounds like the Buggles wrote it: "The Buggles album (1979’s Drama, recently reissued by Rhino alongside 1978’s Tormato and 1983’s 90125) had the best Deanscape and the weirdest vowel sounds in the history of singing." Now, of course, when he says "Buggles album," he means "Yes album" featuring ex-Buggles singer," but you'd have to know that already because you won't learn it here. Unless, both the Buggles and Yes have an album called "Drama" and he really is referring to a Buggles album, in which case this is even more confusing. Oh, you also should be familiar with Corey Hart's pronuciation and the New Zealand accent, because a "Corey Hart from New Zealand" is what the vowel sounds on this "Buggles album" sound like. Which has nothing to do with Judas Priest. However, the claim is made that the JP "Turbo" album is somehow a fusion of two very different Yes albums (neither of which sound like Turbo) with a little Wang Chung thrown in (riiight). There is also far-reaching reference to "pre-Moby (ha ha!) electro orcus-dorkus," which is oh-so descriptive of nothing, especially Judas Priest. But isn't this about Yes? Very, very bad writing!

If trailing off into an unsuccessful description of a Judas Priest album wasn't a genius enough way to write about Yes, how about following that bit of pointlessness up by starting off a new paragraph with a little Beach Boys reference, throwing in something about a can of tuna, and then degenerating once again into a completely obscure nonsensical non-point which requires not only the proper research/background, but also requires a good deal more of deciphering, all of which the reader should be expecting by this point, if he hasn't already sighed in disgust and turned the page:
"(SHE’S GIVIN’ ME EX-CETACEANS) “Don’t Kill the Whale” has a surprisingly sharp and sarcastic edge not usually expected from Jon Anderson or famous dead flute players: “Beauty/Vision/Do we offer much?” I’m going to throw this bowl of tuna away because it looks like dog food and I’m too lazy to make it into a sandwich. “Don’t Kill the Whale” would be remembered only as the fifth-best Disco-Sucks-disco (Dahldisco?) record ever (after “Miss You,” “Another One Bites the Dust,” “I Was Made for Lovin’ You,” and Don Felder’s “Heavy Metal”) if not for Rick Wakeman’s surrealist/intoxicated subversion of the material."

Rick Wakeman’s surrealist/intoxicated subversion of the material is what saves it from being the fifth-best Disco-Sucks-disco record ever? So what is it, then, if not that? Oh yeah, he forgot to mention what with all the hilarity going on! Was the parenthetical notation (Dahldisco?) really necessary in the middle of such a poorly articulated sentence or just a little show-offy to the point of detraction/distraction? This reminds me of when indie lyricists want to sound "deep" and so end up with something completely impenetrable to ward off all critics who "don't get it."

I would continue, but I don't feel the need.

To make this fair, I've decided to use run-on sentences like Dave Q and bold my comments while giving Dave Q's nearly-incoherent writing the benefit of a normal text presentation. This way, mine is a little more difficult to read, which just about levels the playing field. Otherwise, I would have to italicize Dave Q's writing and I really don't think it could stand up to that. It's hard enough to read already.

He never says it isn't that. He says that it "would be remembered" as that but is generally not because Wakeman's contributions obscure its discoid aspects.

If Trevor Horn, who was in Yes during the making of the two Yes albums in question, went on to produce that particular Priest album, it probably plenty to do with Horn, who was helping guide Yes, so yeah, there is a connection there, a really obvious one.

The Corey Hart point and the Judas Priest point are separate and distinct points, and read as such.

or he could mean it's the Yes album that sounds like the Buggles, which would work even if Horn hadn't been in both groups. "Buggles" here is a modifying adjective, like referring to someone's "Sabbath album" or "acoustic album" or "jazz-rock album."

"ce·ta·cean n.
Any of various aquatic, chiefly marine mammals of the order Cetacea, including the whales, dolphins, and porpoises, characterized by a nearly hairless body, anterior limbs modified into broad flippers, vestigial posterior limbs, and a flat notched tail."--Dictionary.com

As to ~~~~~~~'s point, none of this is obscure if you happen to be within a certain age range and have paid attention to the same details of music history as Dave Q. But, I'll bet there's a buttload of people who never heard Turbo, can't remember what Corey Hart sounds like (if they can even remember the name), aren't too familiar with a New Zealand accent, don't know who the Buggles are and either only know Yes from the 80s hits or didn't realize Yes sang those 80's songs and didn't know they hired the singer from the Buggles. And since all of this was taken for granted, it is both obscure and obtuse. While all of the above bands had a few popular hits, at this point, they are musical footnotes to many people with completely different interests; the stuff future trivia boardgames are made of. Yes is one of those bands whose music turns up in enough places that many might recognize it, but would have no clue who the band is, nevermind all the details of their historic timeline.

As to prince rupert's point, that may be true, which is why I asked "WHO is this written for?" It seems to me, about 10 people on ILM. I get the joke and I don't particularly care about Yes as people or defending them as musicians. I just think the article is completely stupid and funny for reasons that were never intended, much like j blount's comment, "reading's hard." Funny! For reasons never intended!

It reads to me as "stoner" in a really forced, dorky way.

EXCEPT that he wrote: ""Was this the same Trevor Horn who didn’t produce Judas Priest’s Turbo (1986)?"

i've always wanted to check out holdworth! where should one start?

Just casually kind of look him in the eye first. Then, if it seems to be going well, kind of look him up and down. Smile. If he smiles back, give him a little wink. If he still seems approachable, you are free to walk around him and really give him a good look-over. Saying something like, "Mmmmhmmm, I like what I see," should get you home free as far as checking out the rest of him.

so anyway, alan holdsworth! guitar magazines i read as a kid thought he was the bomb!

http://www.villagevoice.com/music/0608,queen,72218,22.html

best line--former primal scream lead singer kate moss also appears

worst thread ever? maybe....

"George. My name is George."

Ugly thread indeed.

Which is a shame because the Dave Q piece is fine in its way.

No need for all the bile afterwards.

Where is Dave Q these days?

he's living in london

2005 ILXors = easy to troll

When listening to "I Just Want to Use Your Love Tonight" on the radio yesterday, I finally got the "Outfield + Mars Volta" comment.

(I still think a bunch of generally nicer posts got lost.)