Kids say the darndest things

Ava is making a post-bedtime habit recently of calling down to me because she's "scared". Sometimes it's ghosts, sometimes it's faces she can see in the cardboard castle at the end of her bed...the other night it was because she was worrying about "pneumonia" and "Venus fly-traps"...

Then she had a rant the other day about needles (it must be three years since she had a jab)... "I HATE needles and I think all dentists should be DRAGGED OFF TO JAIL and all hospitals BURNED TO THE GROUND." "What about all the sick people, Ava?" "Well, I would make myself the health inspector and... (thinks) Oh no, that's hygiene in cafes..."

Showed the girls Star Wars for the first time yesterday.

Ava, sometime later: "I don't think Obi-Wan sacrificed himself, Daddy. I think he just wasn't paying attention."

Later, waiting for a bus:
"Maybe all the buses have been disqualified from running, like Bolt."
That's practically Radio 4 material!

ahahaha

Older daughter in the middle of the night when my wife was out of town: "Daddy, I can't sleep and I ... WHO IS THAT BEHIND YOU!!!"

Jesus. What was the darnedest thing that your wife said in response?

She was ... out of town. My daughter pulled that one on me! It was the middle of the night, though, so I just said "no one's there, go back to sleep."

And then I looked behind me.

Ben: This song is terrible.

Friend: It's called."Super Trouper."

Ben: It's super terrible.

<3 shows great promise

http://www.flickr.com/photos/princessparkle/6179715201/

Veronica tells an important story about Bowie and Mars

"just dance"

*melts*

L performs some new physical feat as an avoidance tactic, looks up at me with wide eyes:

"THAT was impressive!"

I HATE needles and I think all dentists should be DRAGGED OFF TO JAIL and all hospitals BURNED TO THE GROUND."

Man!!

It's all that Dahl and Snicket swimming around in her head.

"L stop banging your fork on the table"

"I'm sorry daddy. I'm just crazy"

LOL

Me: I love you, baby...

Ben: We're not babies!

Owen: No Ben, he meant "behbeh..."

Ava, sometime later: "I don't think Obi-Wan sacrificed himself, Daddy. I think he just wasn't paying attention."

This is f*cking hilarious!

"being a mom means you're old!"

^^^real talk

Had a hilarious conversation with Owen while he as on the can last night:

Owen: When I'm 7, you're going to be 41.
Me: That's right!
Owen: What?! How did I know that?

Owen: When I'm 8, you'll be 42. And when I'm 9, you'll be 43!
Me: Yep!
Owen: I didn't think I was smart, but I AM smart!

Owen (looking at a Lego catalog): This star wars ship is cool! I think it's even cooler than you to me.
Me: I'm pretty cool...
Owen: You're smart-cool.

"as" = "was"

lol

"mommy, I don't like Prada"

I'm starting to question Veronica's taste level...

on the other hand, the cheese-counter guy at Rainbow says she has a "refined palette"

Owen: Can R2D2 fly?
Me: No.
Owen: Does he have a jetpack so he can fly?
Me: No.
Owen: Well, he needs to get one.

One kid to another at school:

"Are you going because you want to go, or are you going because your brain is half as big as it should be?"

UNION PACIFIC TRAIN: "HHHhhhhhhUUUUUrrrrRRRWWwwww"
HENRY: "What."
UNION PACIFIC TRAIN: "HHHhhhhhhUUUUUrrrrRRRWWwwww"
HENRY: "What."

i'm sure i've seen r2d2 flying. episode 2.

Ben: I'm not obsessed with robots anymore.
Me: No? What are you obsessed with now?
Ben: Blue. I'm super-obsessed with that.

Owen, after I gave him a big piece of celery with peanut butter: That's what I'm talking about, Daddy!

On a crowded bus, I surrender my seat to a cute little girl, about 4yo, and her mom. Mom thanks me and I catch the kid's eye and say "Hi!" Kid just looks at me and her mom says, "Say hello!" With obvious trepidation, kid says "Hi…" then stage whispers to her mother accusingly, "I'm not supposed to talk to strangers!"

a few weeks ago my husband told some neighbourhood children that our dog's full name is professor harry brown and he saw them again yesterday and they ran over and patted harry and said, isn't your dog a doctor or something? while harry beamed at them moronically.

lol

:)

evie was sitting on the couch looking at the zooborns book that Jenny got her and she turned to the page with the okapi and said something that sounded exactly like "okapi." it was probably a random confluence of syllables that sounded like okapi but it sounded a hell of a lot like okapi.

okapis are awesome and I never heard of them until I was in my late 20s. Good work familiarizing her early.

Thought this was an good a place as any* for the highlight from Ava's blow-by-blow account of the nativity:

http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7172/6655277141_dcac15cc78.jpg

(* - i.e. I searched for "darndest" as all the other threads are lost in the mists of time...was there one for stuff kids make?)

Hahaha thats fantastic! Reminds me of this exchange between me and the Beeps earlier this week:

I had to pick up a prescription from my OBGYN the other day which doesn't involve seeing the doc at all, just the receptionist. Anyway, Beeps was with me and when I told I needed to stop by my docs office for a moment:

Beeps: "*very fretfully* What if the doctor notices something wrong with me? What if he thinks I'm cold???"
Me: "Bee, we wont see the doctor. He'll be in the back with his patients. Even if we did he's not that kind of doctor. This kind of doctor helps ladies have babies. In fact he and your daddy were the first people to ever see you and Henry!"
Beeps: "I DONT WANT TO HAVE A BABY!!!! DON'T LET THE DOCTOR TAKE A BABY OUT OF MY BELLY, MOMMY!!!!!! *Now verging on tears with the choked up voice* MOMMY, PLEASE DON'T LET HIM DO IT!!"

BTW there is a photos your kids take thread but no art thread (i dont think?) One def needs to be started.

ILP rolling photo your kids take quarantine

Awwww Beeps! So cute.

ill type out our hooters conversation from today in a little while

hahahaha pls do!

Beeps and I often pass Hooters on the way the the pet store. Yesterday she says:

Beeps: 'Look at that owl! That's where the bad men go!!!

I guess at some point in the past she wanted to go in and i told her its just gross guys eating chicken wings and looking at the waitresses boobies.

Me: "Yep thats the place"
Beeps "If I went in the there and any of those men were mean to me.....
Me "well wait up a minute. Boys can't do ANYTHING to you until your 18 because they'll end up in Jail if Mommy doesn't kill them first and even after your 18 if a boy tries to do anything to you dont want him to hes going to jail then too. If Mommy doesn't kill; him first, of course."
Beeps: "If one of them tried to do anything to me i'd kick them with my boots and then I'd punch them with my boots"
Me: "Well first ou want to scream real big them start beating the crap out them!" Hey, you how boys are different in the front than girl's?
Beeps: 'Yeah"
Me; :Well they can get REALLY sore there. You get a good swift knee or boot in that area and they'll fall to the ground and cry and wont be able to get up"
Beeps: 'HAHAHAHA and you know what else I'd do Mommy? id kick them down into something really sticky so they'd could never get up again"
Me; Haha. Great idea!

I think she's gonna turn out just fine!

that is darndest+++

<3

Thumbs up! How old is beeps nowadays?

she'll be 5 in march. how did that happen???

Damn, I don't want to have to explain to my baby girl about the bad men at Hooters before she's like 8 or 9 or something. : (

I think possibly the third or at most fourth thing that went through my mind when I found out I was having a daughter was "as soon as she's old enough I'm going to explain to her about how she should kick guys in the nards if they try anything"