Depression and what it's really like

Yeah, I have a back-up fleet of chihuahuas in case a burglar tries to come in one of the windows that isn't alarmed.

that would be pretty great if you did

http://www.bestweekever.tv/bwe/images/2008/09/scooterdogs9.jpg

Well, a chihuahua, a maltese, and two hybrids. They're almost completely useless most of the time, but they'd get the job done if someone tried to get in our house.

That picture's great, Phil.

I love it! What a bunch of happy little friends.

i like to sleep with the windows open, but whenever i go out i have to make sure every window in the house is locked, as well as the front and back doors. we're facing a busy street with minimal parking, so *knock on wood* someone out there would notice if a burglar was trying to get in.

how's it going dance

ask me again next week.

ok good luck

sup

it takes 4 weeks to reach full effect. i'm on the second week and i just started adding the lunchtime pill to the breakfast and dinner pills. i don't feel anything yet, except more tired than usual. it's been a difficult week though, for various reasons, so "not feeling better" is par for the course.

how often do you feel like ditching everything medicinal and letting the chips fall, etc

i do, constantly. but the consequences are never suitably epic; i just stay in bed for a few days while considering unpleasantries. and then, i dunno, the same shit just continues forever.

i can't ditch everything; it'd be too tempting to lie there in the dark all day and make bad decisions about my personal upkeep.

the same shit just continues forever

life, in my experience.

(not even meant to be sarcastic. in the belly of the beast myself at the moment.)

i've spent a ridic amount of time on ilx today because i've been down; when i feel okay i just check in on a few threads and go about my business. abnormal ilx use is a cry for help. :-(

so there are things that i *know* help

like especially exercise
and not drinking
and reading
and trying to keep regular hours

some are more difficult than others

but i struggle to do any of them

reading does help. anything escapist that won't destroy your liver does help. i say that while i finish a strong manhattan.

<3

good vibes, homies

for me, i'm indulging in reading, tv, movies, music. the reading's going a little slower because i have trouble concentrating on books at home -- it's only while commuting or killing time somewhere.

re-read this today and it was a to-the-bone gutting:

The almost 35-year-old Terry Schmidt had very nearly nothing left of the delusion that he differed from the great herd of common men, not even in his despair at not making a difference, or in the great hunger to have an impact that in his late twenties he'd clung to as evidence that even though he was emerging as a sort of a failure the grand ambitions which he'd judged himself a failure were somehow exceptional and superior to the common run's--not anymore.

that seems like inappropriate reading material tbh

and yet you have started threads and been tall and beloved (perhaps misleadingly) by randy music critic fans for quite some time now

how have you done it

pigheadedness tbh.

also life has a weird way of bouncing back at the most unexpected moments so far. and so.

^^^optimism! bless

people who follow me on facebook have had to deal with my recent spate of posts about the hallmark channel reruns of the waltons and little house on the prairie. so. fucking. epic. i think being a pre-1940 hardy rural farmgirl would be a nice restorative for me and kick my ass a bit.

in my dream i get to be a pioneer chick in 1880s minnesota AND a tummler in the catskills AND glenn branca's girlfriend

all at the same time

read that as glenn beck's girlfriend and got pretty nervous tbh

also "tummler" <3

my people

i keep catching my user name in this thread and its v disconcerting

get out of my vagina then

and the boys usually have such a hard time getting into jessica's vagina!!!

okay, okay. i relent.

there we go.

get out of my memes (etc)

oh no its ok its just that im feeling ~kinda down~ today and kept thinking that id posted itt (which i try not to do) and blah blah blah

yeah i was trying to not be bummer dude today and instead be internet asshole strongo hulkington

http://www.scottsdalecards.com/catalog/images/617WELKOTTER.jpg

your dreams were your ticket out

no dreams, no ticket

sorry for being the internet asshole who posted the ginormous image; swear it wasn't that big when i clicked on it.

i think being a pre-1940 hardy rural farmgirl would be a nice restorative for me and kick my ass a bit.

Almost a tie-in to that "guarantee your children will need therapy" article, or maybe I just read it like that. Now I'm sorry, but you'll have to be depressed after the cows are milked and the bread's rising.

get out of my memes (etc)

moderate to heavy tuesday lol

buy some succulents and take very good care of them. move on to green plants and small animals. frogs are nice. go outside more, walk, hike in nature. even 20 minutes outside helps. collect shells an driftwood, flowers, pinecones, etc. go camping.

you can still reconnect with nature daily without going back in time to the 1940s

isn't there an antidepressant thread

i can't find it

antidepressants - s&d, CoD, evil bitches, cash cows and saviours of sanity

i'm gonna see about getting a guy to give me something. i've done your lexapro and your paxil and i forget the last thing they gave me that i never refilled the prescription for, a couple of years back.

i just hate taking pills so, so much. it feels like an admission of deficiency. like i need to download a patch to work as advertised.

and it doesn't just shallow the depths, it erodes my best moments too. like straightening a sine wave. i just wind up flatlined.

i used to say that i was willing to suffer the lows if it meant i could live the highs, my best and most ecstatic moments.

now i'm not so sure.

This, I think, is going to be the worst and most lasting legacy of the 100-year-plus war on drugs: the idea of any and all mind-altering meds as being equivalent to a personal failing.

Man. Take care of yourself. I'm wearing myself out just this moment, but if a time with some pills will help you full on live for years to come, allow it. Meanwhile, sleep, cut back on drinking, exercise your body and brain. Read up on some deep psychology like Jon G. Allen's (from Menninger) book .

It took rejecting life, rejecting meds, accepting some shit, therapy, all sorts of stuff to get where I wanted to be alive. You're one of the most alive dudes I've read from on the internet.

good thoughts to you.

http://www.menningerclinic.com/resources/J_word.htm

I'm only linking that because I kind of just violated the spirit of it. This doctor's writing and research (I read his book "Coping With Trauma" at the right time) was one of the steps toward me getting out of my head enough to put a cause and effect and possible solution in place. That led to some hope and away from despair.

I don't know. It may not be relevant to your specifics. I'm sharing because it mattered to me.