Your favourite jokes about My Bloody Valentine

Q: What is the famous catchphrase used by Ricky Tomlinson in "The Royle Family"?
A: "Your arse" (Kevin Shields of My Bloody Valentine has been sitting on his arse doing nothing for almost twenty years)!

Why did Kevin Shields cross the road?

Cause there was a bus stop there, and he needed to SHIELD himself from the rain.

Little Bilinda Butcher was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me Little Bilinda Butcher, who created the universe?” When Little Bilinda Butcher didn’t stir, Little Kevin Shields, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

“God Almighty!” shouted Little Bilinda Butcher and the teacher said, “Very good” and Little Bilinda Butcher fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked Little Bilinda Butcher, “Who is our Lord and Saviour.” But, Little Bilinda Butcher didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Little Kevin Shields came to the rescue and stuck her again.

“Jesus Christ!” shouted Little Bilinda Butcher and the teacher said, “Very good,” and Little Bilinda Butcher fell back asleep.

Then the teacher asked Little Bilinda Butcher a third question. “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?” and again, Little Kevin Shields jabbed her with the pin.

This time Little Bilinda Butcher jumped up and shouted, “If you stick me with that thing one more time, I’ll break it in half and stick it up your ass!”

What is My Bloody Valentine's favourite item of boxing equipment?
Kevin Gum Shields! (Gum shields)

q. what did kevin shields say to bilinda butcher after she fell into a puddle?

a. hi, muddy pal o' mine (my bloody valentine!)

Kevin: My dog's got no nose
Bilinda: so how does he smell?
Kevin: He doesn't, he feeds me with your kiss.

"Knock Knock."
"Who's there?"
"Kevin."
"Kevin Who?"
"Kevin Shields."
"Have you got a new album coming out?"
"No, I'm afraid not - I'm just so damn lazy!"
"Oh, you're the living end!"

Bilinda Butcher walked into a bar and the barman said "hey, why the long face?"
And she said "Because I am sewious Indie artiste"

Debbie: "Kevin, why did you call your dog Chinese Democracy?"
Kevin: "Because I can't keep up with him"

Q. What is My Bloody Valentine's favourite day of the year?
A. Walpurgisnacht!

Q. Why did Kevin Shields cross the road?
A. To avoid having to write or record any new material (he's famously workshy!)

Colm: "Kevin, why did you call your rabbit ABCDEFGHIJKLMOPQRSTUVWXYZ?"
Kevin: "two ears, no N" (to here knows when)

Q: What did the toy robot say to Kevin Shields when he gave him human vision?
A: You made me real eyes! ("You Made Me Realise")

Q. What did the musician say to the angry record label executive who was asking him what exactly was taking him so long?
A. Don't Ask Why! ('Don't Ask Why' is a song by My Bloody Valentine)

Bilinda: "Kevin, I haven't seen you working on any new material, in, oh, 15 years and yet you claim to have written one new song 12 years ago and to have been recording it for the last 10 years, but when do you work on it?"
Kevin: "When You Sleep"

("When You Sleep" is a song by My Bloody Valentine)!

Kevin: "Where did you get that beard Colm?"
Colm: "Off your face" (Off your face is a track by the MBV's)

Q. Why do My Bloody Valentine like to go on holiday to Israel?
A. Because they are Jew-Gazers (Shoe-Gazers)

Oh actually I could have done Jew-Gazas there, could a mod edit that last post for me please?

What is My Bloody Valentine's favourite type of cape?
My Capey Valentine (My Bloody Valentine)!

Debbie: "has it sunk in you aren;t in the band anymore?"
Dave Conway: "You made me realise" (which is a single by My Bloody Valentine)!

Why did Kevin Shields feel frustrated after stirring the plum pudding mixture?
Because he'd blown a wish!

("Blown A Wish" is a song by My Bloody Valentine.)

What's Ben Affleck's favorite My Bloody Valentine song?
"To Here Knows Ben".

What is Kevin Shield's favourite Carole King song?
"It might as well get put back till September"

(The Loveless remaster has, it is rumoured, been put back to september)

Q. What is My Bloody Valentine's favourite movie?
A. It could also be Feedback to the Future! (Sometimes My Bloody Valentine leave some feedback on the recording of their songs)

Q. What is Kevin Shields' favourite type of picture?
A. An enormous picture of Patrick Ewing!

Who are Kevin Shields's favourite band from the 60s?
The Tremoloes. (Kevin Shields uses a tremolo a lot when playing the guitar!)

Q. Why is Ghana's national football team better than My Bloody Valentine?
A. There is at least one Song in Ghana's national football team (Rigoberto Song is a footballer from Ghana)

What is My Bloody Valentine's favourite message board?
Soulstrut! (Soulstrut is known for its "graemlins", small emoticon-style images of tiny heads, and My Bloody Valentine all have heads)

Q: Why did Kevin Shields help Sonic Boom across the road?
A: Because he wanted to get to the other side
('Take Me To The Other Side' was a hit record by Sonic Boom and the Three Spacemen)

What is My Bloody Valentine's favourite snooker player?
Jimmy White (all members of My Bloody Valentine are white)!

'Bowling in tandem, the spin duo of Sonny Ramadhin and Alf Valentine wreaked havoc among English batsmen on the historic 1950 tour of England by the West Indies. Having lost the 1st Test, the Windies won the 2nd by a whopping 326 runs. In the match, Ramadhin took 11 for 152 and Valentine 7 for 127. However Ramadhin was modest in claiming that this first ever victory on English soil was down to less to his own unorthodox wrist spin and more to the slow left-arm spin of "My buddy Valentine".'

Q. What is My Bloody Valentine's favourite song by fellow shoegazing band Spiritualized?
A. 'Take Your Time'

(My Bloody Valentine are notoriously slow workers)

Q. What do My Bloody Valentine spend all their royalties on?
A. Raffles! (Raffles was a burglar in a television programme of the 1970s played by actor Anthony Valentine)

Kevin Shields walks into his local bar and has nothing to drink. The bartender was curious and asked him why he wasn't drinking anything.
Kevin Shields replies, "I don't drink anymore... Last night, I ‘Blown A Wish’."
"Oh that's nothing", the bartender replies. "Everyone listens to a song by My Bloody Valentine after drinking at times!"
"No, No", Kevin Shields replies. "You don't understand. Wish is my dog!"

Why is Passage West My Bloody Valentine's favourite town in County Cork?
Cause there Isn't Anything there!

Q. What is My Bloody Valentine's funkiest song?
A. "Atomic Dog" by George Clinton!

A man walks into a butchers and says, "Is that a sheep's head?" The butcher says, "No, it's just the way I part my hair."

(Bilinda Butcher did something or other in My Bloody Valentine)!

A man walks into a butchers and says, "Is that your Ayrshire Bacon?" The butcher says, "No, I'm just warming my hands on the radiator."

(Bilinda Butcher did something or other in My Bloody Valentine)!

A man walks into the butches and says "Have you got speck" and the butcher goes "No, it's just the way I walk"

(Bilinda Butcher did something or other in My Bloody Valentine)!

A old man goes up to a DJ and after rummaging through his records he makes a request. The DJ smiles and nods and then puts on 'Soon' by My Bloody Valentine. The old man listens for 2 minutes until he goes quite red in the face, and then he climbs into the booth and smashes the decks over head of the hapless wax-meister. 'Why did you do that?' asks the DJ, and the old man says 'I said "have you got any BY DICKIE VALENTINE?"'

Q: What is My Bloody Valentines' favourite Super Nintendo game?

A: SUPER METROID! (Super Metroid is a game I associate playing while listening to Loveless. Loveless is a famous album by My Bloody Valentine. My Bloody Valentine is quite a famous band)

Ned Raggett goes up to a DJ and after rummaging through his records he makes a request. The DJ smiles and nods and then puts on 'Christmas Alphabet' by Dickie Valentine. Ned Raggett listens for 2 minutes until he goes quite red in the face, and then he climbs into the booth and smashes the decks over head of the hapless wax-meister. 'Why did you do that?' asks the DJ, and Ned Raggett says 'I said "have you got any MY BLOODY VALENTINE?"'

(My Bloody Valentine)!

Q: How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
A: Sign Kevin Shields to your record label!

Kevin Shields goes up to a DJ and after rummaging through his records he makes a request. The DJ smiles and nods and then puts on 'Christmas This is your bloody valentine' by MY BLOODY VALENTINE. Kevin Shields listens for 2 minutes until he goes quite red in the face, and then he climbs into the booth and smashes the decks over head of the hapless wax-meister. 'Why did you do that?' asks the DJ, and Kevin Shields says 'I disown those early works'

Q. Why is My Bloody Valentine like a spinning wheel?
A. Because they were both popular in the later 18th Century!

Q: How do you keep a whole bunch of idiots in suspense?

A: (The Loveless remaster has, it is rumoured, been put back to september)

-- Mark G, Tuesday, 24 June 2008 15:13 (37 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

What is a My Bloody Valentine's favourite Chelsea benchmwarmer?
Belletti (My Bloody Valentine)!

Kevin Shields goes up to a DJ and after rummaging through his records he makes a request. The DJ smiles and nods and then puts on 'This is your bloody valentine' by MY BLOODY VALENTINE. Kevin Shields listens for 2 minutes until he goes quite red in the face, and then he climbs into the booth and smashes the decks over head of the hapless wax-meister. 'Why did you do that?' asks the DJ, and Kevin Shields says 'THIS IS YOUR BLOODY VALENTINE'

Q: What's the secret of a good My Bloody Valentine joke?

Q. What is Kevin Shields 3D's favourite film?

Why did Kevin Shields' hair get so messy?

He lost his Colm.

― Michael Jones, Tuesday, 24 June 2008 15:16 (6 months ago) Bookmark

unashamed giggles

ok I got to this thread's mandatory DJ Mencap "is my dog!" joke and am now suffering major lols

My Bloody Valentine
Loveless: Remastered: 2cd

£8.99free uk delivery
list price £16.99 - Your saving £8.00

Availability: pre order now

Release date: 9-3-2009

Why did Kevin Shields' hair get so messy?

He lost his Colm.

― Michael Jones, Tuesday, 24 June 2008 15:16 (6 months ago) Bookmark

unashamed giggles

― single-issue white nonhipster (country matters), 16 January 2009 15:27 (3 weeks ago) Bookmark

pronounced cullum, tho

I love these threads so much.

Q: What is My Bloody Valentines' favourite Super Nintendo game?

A: SUPER METROID! (Super Metroid is a game I associate playing while listening to Loveless. Loveless is a famous album by My Bloody Valentine. My Bloody Valentine is quite a famous band)

Q: What did Kevin Shields say when one of his bandmates took his favourite bedtime drink?
A: Who just stole my bloody Ovaltine (My Bloody Valentine)!

Those are reposts btw

Why doesn’t Kevin Shields need a driver's license?
Because there’s no road between the kitchen and bedroom!

Winner, end thread.

just not enough my bloody valentine jokes on this thread...

(My Bloody Valentine)

(Because not enough My Bloody Valentine jokes)

http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/081802/my-bloody-valentine.gif

Pretty accurate picture of the inside of my head.

There's a definite geordie influence there also.

What's the new My Bloody Valentine LP?

Isn't Any Album (Isn't Anything!)

what is a ghosts favorite whatever

my boo!dy valentine

What is the cat's favorite band?

Meow Bloody Valentine

No, no, Another Way is the name of my dog!

How many My Bloody Valentine threads does it take for ilx to screw in a lightbulb?

no tampon stopping this waterfall, this is a 21yr old period

who's the coolest monster/bro?

my buddy frankenstein