The ILE bar is now open..............

Tracer, what do you mean you don't have any Redd Kross, what the fuck!?!? Oh, OK, "Silver Machine", will have to do...

*mixes a very very strong Bloody Mary for Arthur*

Careful in the hammock - nothing too acrobatic now - I don't want to have to extract that celery from any orifice. I only have basic first aid knowledge.

Hello Tracer - you don't need to DJ, as the juke box here has every record known to man on it. Grab a barstool and come and chill out instead.

*C J plonks herself down on a barstool, and starts swivelling round very fast on it, just for fun*

Well, it must be going-home-from-work-time for those of you in the States, no? Gone 11pm here, and I'm starting to fade. It's been a long day.

Maybe one for the road, though.

Not old enough, eh lad?

It's OK. It's all make-believe in here. Just don't tell them it was me who served you, OK?

I have my reputation to protect, you understand.

Are you in the UK too?

You won't need to trouble your manservant too much Anthony - Misu (the bar cat) is trained to serve drinks (though he prefers not to go near the jacuzzi, for obvious feline water-hating reasons.

I'd love to sit about and be entertained by some of your ribald stories - I may even come up with an anecdote or two of my own - 'cept it's nearly midnight and I'm a bit cream-crackered so I'll have to leave it for now. *yawns and rubs eyes*. It's been a long day.

*tosses the keys to the bar to Misu*

Hey Misu - keep these good people topped up with drinks and snacks for as long as they want, OK? And be sure to wash up afterwards - I want the bar looking tidy for tomorrow, in case anyone feels like popping back in for a chat again.

*Misu thows a menacing look at C J, and rolls his eyes*

Damn cat. You'd think he owns the place.

Nice to say hello to you guys and gals - hope to catch up with you again tomorrow. The bar will be open all night - and we do a great breakfast starting at 8 o'clock.

*stumbles sleepily upstairs for some shut-eye*

Night night all.........

C J

Looks like there was quite a party here after hours last night - sorry I missed it! I hate it when worky worky encroaches on web-time like that.

So, Duane - an interweb crepe are you? Pleased to meet you (I think). We have chocolate sauce here in abundance, plus strawberry syrup, maple syrup and those little hundreds-and-thousands sugar sprinkles. Feel free to help yourself. Are you a well-tossed crepe? Just wondering.

And Michael - hello.......sorry, no crack cocaine (not my thang, etc) and to be honest I think Le Piat d'Or is a bit dodgy too. Try a sip of this Côtes de Beaune.......I think you'll be subtly amused by it.

A Pina Colada for you, QueenoftheHarpies? No problem......

*C J shreds a couple of fresh pineapples through the juicing machine, and the bar suddenly smells tropical and exotic, and redolent of a Caribbean beach*

*sigh*

Wish it was holiday time.

Ah well, back to work. I'll just have a coffee to get me kick- started this morning.

*C J wipes the bar down, tidies away the empty Doritos packets, and wonders if anyone else will call in to say hello today*

Don't worry about Geoff - Misu The Vicious Bar Cat will keep him in line.

C J : Misu, keep an eye on Geoff......I'm told he's a trouble-maker Misu : Oh, right (smiles slyly and decides to make friends with Geoff and secretly wreak havoc)

What can I get you for breakfast Anthony? The Full English? (the delicious smell of grilled bacon, fried eggs, sausages, mushrooms and hash browns wafts though the bar)........or just a croissant and some of my home made strawberry jam? Help yourself to coffee, btw.

Hello Ktee! *hands over a large tumbler of freshly-squeezed orange juice and a couple of Paracetamol to help the hangover*

I'm still getting over my weekend hangover - went to a brilliant birthday party involving a cool rock-covers band, rather too much wine and a bouncy castle. I'd tell you more about it, but my memory is rather patchy, especially regarding the events after 2am. I expect someone will have photos though. Unfortunately.

What on earth was going on in here last night?

(Misu smiles slyly, again)

Gary Numan, eh? He flies helicopters now I believe. He's come a long way from being the boy on the Blackbird Leys housing estate in Oxford. The boy done good.

Hello all ....... I'd love to stay and chat but I'me a bit snowed under. Worky worky etc. Help yourselves to a drink - Misu will clear up after you - and I'll be popping in later to see who's about.

Have a good Tuesday!

I brought ar snacks though. Deep fried whitebait, parmesan cheese, tortilla and capers.

I thought it would be a good way to get to know you all ..... I'm v. glad you're all willing to play along! I hardly feel like a newbie at all now.

*passes a plate of hot buttered toast around to those still wanting breakfast*

Alan - what's IRC and MUD? is IRC a chat thingy (in which case, no - I don't tend to do that). I thought MUD was a 70s Glam Rock band?

*starts singing Tiger Feet, badly, and out of tune*

slips a few quid in the jukebox and lines up some Mingus and Coltrane for the next few tunes, bah bah bing boom bah.

*Alang sits down and sings about gold*

Also the making of virtual hangouts is VERY MUD-y. thanks for the bar, it's nice. lots of weird stuff hanging from the ceiling, a GIANT CAT bouncer, (well maybe not that giant), a toaster. ace.

Anthony! Do you really have a monkey? Is it perchance a Barro Colorado Howler Monkey? *hands over a bucket of fruit and leaves for Monkey*

Or is it more of a Johnny Vegas-type stuffed Monkey?

Either way, he's cute. Make sure he stays away from Misu though, as I think he's feeling a bit randy this morning.

Jeskam - Hi! Are you from Aus? I lived in Melbourne for a couple of years, and travelled about a bit before heading off to the Far East. Had a great time.

I do go to one particular Chat Room, Alan - but it has recently become overrun by bored spotty adolescents (apologies to any bored spotty adolescents who may be on ILE). That's prolly where I got the *action* stuff from.

Sheesh! I really DO need to go to work. BBL

C J

I love that shove-off-the-cliff it gives me when I spread it too thickly

*makes another round of toast, and passes MarkH the Marmite jar*

By the way, FAP = Fancy A Pint.

I thought you said he was a Monkey, not an Alsatian?

West country chic = cider armadillo, of course.

Welcome to ILx, CJ.

meant to post a sadface :( after that first remark

looks like it's still around actually

goldschlager is ok

Never had HOT DAMN

The bartender is the preacher at the altar of Bob Seger

This color of the hair of this chick next to me is A plus and I would like to talk to her but I’m married with children so what’s the point.

*sigh*

Sexist!

what's wrong with being sexy?

tfw you can answer customer questions about the beer better than the bartender

a few years ago i was in the mood for a gin sling, which i sometimes make at home but rarely ask for at a bar. the bartender had never heard of it, and when they asked me how to make it i couldn't remember the portions of gin and cointreau, and then they carded me!

Outside it might be 2018 but in here Huey Lewis’ “the power of love” has just hit the radio

Gin sling= singapore sling? I would've paused on that too. When I bartended in Hawaii a couple of years ago, I was a little tense about about someone ordering a zombie or grasshopper or some other out of fashion but in fashion for old people vacation drink.

Now on to Winwood’s “Valerie”...heaven by the afternoon light

I'm here!

*orders Hendrick's martini with a twist, looks for boyfriend Jake Gyllenhaal*

it was originally synonymous, i think, but nowadays the singapore sling is more fruity (usually with grenadine or benedictine or pineapple juice or something else), whereas the gin sling is usually more minimal.
xposts

*eyes alfred suspiciously and cards him*

Do they normally serve Hendricks with cucumber that side of the pond? Currently a tinny of Tennants with a shot of aperol in the top..the old union special

Tennents**

big star at the bar

that's cool

I'll just take a good slug of fine Irish whiskey with a spot of water on the side and go sit at that dark table in the back corner. You can join me, if you're in a quiet mood.

6 Guinnii

I'm propped up at the bar drinking a salty dog looking at my phone

Mine's a double Rittenhouse 100 on the rocks. *Contemplates seeing if there's anyone at the bar with whom to flirt, versus going home and watching a Max Linder short*