trolls we should introduce in 2009

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login: gorham
backstory: 15-year-old random googler and aspiring locksmith. starts a thread titled what makes titz jiggle ("ive been wondering this for ages does anyone know"). a weird patronizing cult of personality develops around him, and the 10,000-post ask gorham thread consists of people accusing the easygoing gorham of sockpuppetry or harassing him with phallic lock-and-key innuendos. ilx eventually shuts down as the server becomes overloaded with animated jigglingtits and pintumbler gifs.

why delonge face? (unregistered), Sunday, 10 July 2011 19:55 (seven years ago) Permalink

login: nerve net
backstory: seemingly ordinary poster who works the word "unnerve/unnerving/unnerves/unnerved" into every single one of his posts. few people notice at first because the word is always used in a meaningful context ("seriously unnerved by the lack of MGMT love in this place") but it gets weird when one minute he makes a post that's just the word "unnerving" repeated hundreds of times, and the next minute he starts a thread on the Moderator Request Forum that goes like, "[another ilx user] just used the u-word in [linked thread]. plz edit out the word, as it upsets me" (he does this for all new posts in which the word appears). never heard from again after some jokester changes all the board descriptions to, "unnerve unnerve unnerve unnerve unnerve unnerve unnerve unnerve unnerve unnerve unnerve unnerve unnerve."

why delonge face? (unregistered), Sunday, 10 July 2011 20:27 (seven years ago) Permalink

login: pixar sucks
backstory: his parents were murdered by pixar and therefore he thinks pixar sucks. he only posts anti-pixar screeds in iambic pentameter.

Rachel Puppetry (latebloomer), Thursday, 14 July 2011 17:38 (seven years ago) Permalink

Shawn Shakra
Dude-bro who posts in a posi-chill hang-loose west coast style. Instantly hated by neggy denizens. Eventually outed as boring middle-aged guy from landlocked deep south.

it's a meme i made and i like (Steve Shasta), Friday, 15 July 2011 00:16 (seven years ago) Permalink

need that republican tbh

who shivs a git (darraghmac), Friday, 15 July 2011 00:34 (seven years ago) Permalink

gorham =

Pleasant Plains, Friday, 15 July 2011 01:00 (seven years ago) Permalink

four weeks pass...

Mitchell Party: guy who finds a way to mention either beanbags or jellybeans at some point in every single thread he posts in. eventually loses it and creates three very ANGRY threads in the space of one afternoon devoted to beanbag toss games

dell (del), Sunday, 14 August 2011 17:09 (seven years ago) Permalink


why delonge face? (unregistered), Sunday, 14 August 2011 22:12 (seven years ago) Permalink

six years pass...

login: bollardguy1986
backstory:amateur photographer who seeks to document every bollard within a 50-mile radius of his home. he photographs the bollards from multiple angles and dedicates an I Love Photography thread to each one, quickly flooding the board with thousands of topics. annoyed by his behavior but hesitant to interfere with such a monumental project, the mods hastily rename I Love Cars "I Love Bollards" and advise bollardguy1986 to post there instead. he objects to their attempts to "ghettoize" his work, insisting that his photos exist for the enjoyment of all human beings from all walks of life, not just bollard enthusiasts. the mods admit defeat. several subreddits catch wind of his activities and celebrate him as an ironic folk hero. in response, he storms off the internet complaining about the memefication of fine art, but not before he approves a coffee table book and a MoMA exhibition of his work. ilx collapses under the weight of the increased traffic and the sudden influx of boorish redditors

the old rugged crocs (unregistered), Friday, 8 September 2017 00:32 (one year ago) Permalink

David Brooks
Fiftysomething syndicated columnist for a major American newspaper. "Leans right" politically but is more comfortable around liberals and centrists than other conservatives. Approaches ILX as a kind of cheerful anthropologist. Constantly writes these posts where he "steps back" from the conversation and writes about the "clash of fundamental values" he feels is on display.

Treeship, Friday, 8 September 2017 00:43 (one year ago) Permalink

four paragraph discussions about contemporary rap (like released in the past month only) with lengthy lyric quotes, continually suggests that everyone should check out Genius, calls tupac "2pak" without irony

Chocolate-covered gummy bears? Not ruling those lil' guys out. (ulysses), Friday, 8 September 2017 05:10 (one year ago) Permalink

I actually spent several days when I was on vacation a couple years ago very intrigued by the different types of bollards (and the word "bollard") and took several pictures

mh, Thursday, 14 September 2017 02:26 (one year ago) Permalink

hello i'm bollardguy

mh, Thursday, 14 September 2017 02:26 (one year ago) Permalink

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