Jesus Fucking Christ: evangelical bigwig opposed gay marriage "because it takes the dirt and danger out of clandestine sex with rent-a-men"

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I just saw this picture of him. Ken dolls have more life to them:

http://extras.mnginteractive.com/live/media/site36/2006/1102/20061102_032450_ol02haggard_300.jpg

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 3 November 2006 06:55 (seventeen years ago) link

I mean, I have to assume he got his teeth capped for the Lord.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 3 November 2006 06:56 (seventeen years ago) link

who will play ted haggard in the todd haynes biopic?

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Friday, 3 November 2006 06:58 (seventeen years ago) link

Dude could star in a remake of Polyester.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 3 November 2006 06:59 (seventeen years ago) link

"Is this something I can imagine of Ted Haggard? No," he said.

Like there's some way of telling if somebody is gay or not!

― Andrew (enneff), Friday, 3 November 2006 07:36 (seventeen years ago) link

Church Leader Says Haggard Admits To Some Indiscretions

― Dan I. (Dan I.), Friday, 3 November 2006 07:43 (seventeen years ago) link

that's really vague! which indiscretions?

― researching ur life (grady), Friday, 3 November 2006 07:47 (seventeen years ago) link

he'll probably deny the drugs. you salvage what you can in these situations, i suppose.

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Friday, 3 November 2006 07:49 (seventeen years ago) link

Another great photo!

http://media.graytvinc.com/images/haggard.jpg

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 3 November 2006 13:53 (seventeen years ago) link

http://www.moviezilla.org/images/movies/tl9.jpg

put these on these on, they give you gaydar!

naaah

― jhoshea megafauna (scoopsnoodle), Friday, 3 November 2006 14:35 (seventeen years ago) link

the recordings of him BUYING METH were given to the local news.

http://wonkette.com/politics/ted-haggard/ted-haggard-admits-something-212200.php

― ken noizewater (Pareene), Friday, 3 November 2006 15:51 (seventeen years ago) link

And to make it weirder, the accuser failed a lie detector test this morning. But they suggested a retest. But Haggard already confessed something. But etc.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 3 November 2006 16:01 (seventeen years ago) link

the recordings of him BUYING METH

hahaha. Does he actually do the "yo man, what you got?"

ha ha to extended tongues, too:

http://www.evangelicalright.com/TedHaggard.jpg

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 3 November 2006 16:12 (seventeen years ago) link

The sentiment behind the (fabricated) quote in the title is more common in the gay "community" than you'd expect!

― Casuistry (Chris P), Friday, 3 November 2006 16:12 (seventeen years ago) link

ffs, why do people even bother with polygraphs anymore? all they do is open up the same debate about the veracity of their results.

wicked xpost

― elmo argonaut (allocryptic), Friday, 3 November 2006 16:29 (seventeen years ago) link

http://starbulletin.com/2005/04/09/features/art1c.jpg http://starbulletin.com/2005/04/09/features/art1b.jpg

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 3 November 2006 16:54 (seventeen years ago) link

http://www.efcer.org/images/calendar/ym2005/ted-haggard.jpg http://www.csindy.com/csindy/2005-04-21/cover-2.gif

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 3 November 2006 16:55 (seventeen years ago) link

oh, dude will just pull a swaggart and all will be forgiven ... you watch!

i dunno man, jimmy had sex with a woman for pay. that's probably far more forgiveable to these homophobes.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 3 November 2006 16:56 (seventeen years ago) link

unfortunately, for certain select die-hard evangelicals, i think this is only going to cement the belief that no one, NO ONE!! is safe from the temptations of TEH GAY MENACE.

― elmo argonaut (allocryptic), Friday, 3 November 2006 16:57 (seventeen years ago) link

Aaron Eckhart

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 3 November 2006 16:57 (seventeen years ago) link

Never thought I'd see LaShawn Barber saying "Christians can be perverts, too!" Regrettably the intent is otherwise than gleeful.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 3 November 2006 17:01 (seventeen years ago) link

unfortunately, for certain select die-hard evangelicals, i think this is only going to cement the belief that no one, NO ONE!! is safe from the temptations of TEH GAY MENACE.

oh bring it on.

TEH GAY MENACE VS TEH FUNDIE MENACE. GAY MENACE WINS.

please.

― gwynywdd dwnyt fyrwr byychydd gww (donut), Friday, 3 November 2006 17:05 (seventeen years ago) link

From the Harper's article: "He staked out gay bars, inviting men to come to his church" -- the jokes come so easily it's not sporting.

― j.lu (j.lu), Friday, 3 November 2006 17:07 (seventeen years ago) link

unfortunately, for certain select die-hard evangelicals, i think this is only going to cement the belief that no one, NO ONE!! is safe from the temptations of TEH GAY MENACE.

hopefully for the slightly more reasonable it might lead to the revelation I KNOW AND LIKE LOTSA GAY WHO ARE PRETENDING TO NOT BE GAYS BECAUSE OF MY PREJUDICE!

these uber-homophobes' broken gaydar points to their comically villainous mental image of teh gays.

― jhoshea megafauna (scoopsnoodle), Friday, 3 November 2006 17:09 (seventeen years ago) link

Who the hell is LaShawn Barber??!?!

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Friday, 3 November 2006 17:10 (seventeen years ago) link

A curious soul.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 3 November 2006 17:13 (seventeen years ago) link

From a review of that documentary Jesus Camp:

The only person to deliberately address the camera and make meta-commentary about the fact he's being filmed is Ted Haggard, President of the National Association of Evangelicals, who grabs the camera and jokes: "I think I know what you did last night! If you send me a thousand dollars I won't tell your wife!" He -- and the crowd -- laugh, and then he gives the kicker: "If you use any of this, I'll sue you." He's kidding, but it doesn't feel funny.

the thousand bux is for teh meth, obv.

SOMEONE PLZ TO YOUTUBE THIS CLIP

― elmo argonaut (allocryptic), Friday, 3 November 2006 17:14 (seventeen years ago) link

hopefully for the slightly more reasonable it might lead to the revelation I KNOW AND LIKE LOTSA GAY WHO ARE PRETENDING TO NOT BE GAYS BECAUSE OF MY PREJUDICE!

I don't think it's pessimistic to think it's more likely this will result in to paranoia of THE ENEMY WITHIN and serious witch-hunting.

The upside is it may result in hilarity, what with Dimmesdale-esque self-flagellating closet cases, and (with any luck) the Evangelical church screening hardcore gay porn and judging erectile response to find aforementioned ENEMY WITHIN.

uh... or not. I should stop projecting my fantasies now.

― elmo argonaut (allocryptic), Friday, 3 November 2006 17:31 (seventeen years ago) link

was he one of those guys who was talking about how they were going on a tour of bathhouses and clubs to bring the Word to the Godless?

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 3 November 2006 17:33 (seventeen years ago) link

i could see both happening, causing a schism - seems like there's been an uptick in soul-searching amongst evangelicals re their political misadventures.

xpost

― jhoshea megafauna (scoopsnoodle), Friday, 3 November 2006 17:34 (seventeen years ago) link

http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/6550/107/1600/homoart.1.jpg

Nothing gay here

― M. White (Miguelito), Friday, 3 November 2006 17:38 (seventeen years ago) link

yeah, developing schism seems reminiscent of late-80s Christian right scandals/implosion. Just replace Swaggart and Falwell/Bakkers with Haggard and Ralph Reed etc.

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 3 November 2006 17:39 (seventeen years ago) link

omg xp

― jhoshea megafauna (scoopsnoodle), Friday, 3 November 2006 17:45 (seventeen years ago) link

god, the bald angel is straight mapplethorpe.

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 3 November 2006 17:48 (seventeen years ago) link

more stuff from that blackshear guy:

http://www.blackshearonline.com/members/AardvarkCatalog/9990174443422/image3.jpg
http://www.blackshearonline.com/members/AardvarkCatalog/9990169448752/image1.jpg

dude has his own line of pious figurines, too

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 3 November 2006 17:54 (seventeen years ago) link

Man, and I thought Kinkade was bad enough.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 3 November 2006 17:56 (seventeen years ago) link

now, Ned, has the Painter of Light ever graced us with something as precious as this:

http://www.blackshearonline.com/members/AardvarkCatalog/9990237947668/image3.jpg

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 3 November 2006 17:59 (seventeen years ago) link

http://www.blackshearonline.com/members/AardvarkCatalog/9990237330213/image3.jpg

I want one!

(I'm not sure of the wisdom of having 'BO' on all his images.)

― M. White (Miguelito), Friday, 3 November 2006 17:59 (seventeen years ago) link

wtf is a Kente Claus?

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 3 November 2006 18:01 (seventeen years ago) link

An excellent niche marketing opportunity?

How do cherbim keep their little pudenda-hiding scarfs from falling off? Is it angel magic? The power of faith? Tiny boners?

― M. White (Miguelito), Friday, 3 November 2006 18:04 (seventeen years ago) link

Hold me closer, tiny boner.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 3 November 2006 18:04 (seventeen years ago) link

Black Santa Moses has come to save us all and bring us Star Wars figures!

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 3 November 2006 18:18 (seventeen years ago) link

So, Things Haggard has now admitted to:

1) Arranging to purchase Meth.
2) Arranging to get a Massage from grandpa-escort.
3) Arranging to meet in a hotel room for above two items.

Things Harrard has not yet admitted to:

1) Gayness
2) Extramarital Sex

― researching ur life (grady), Friday, 3 November 2006 18:50 (seventeen years ago) link

ok here we go, something's up: guys like Jerry Falwell are going on CNN, denying ever knowing the guy.

Also, that the David Kuo guy is a lying worm to dare suggest that the Faith-Based office was nothing but a whorehouse of apparatchiks.

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 3 November 2006 18:51 (seventeen years ago) link

SOMEONE PLZ TO YOUTUBE THIS CLIP

Here you go: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W6rSjrBhUIA&eurl=

― Elvis Telecom (Chris Barrus), Friday, 3 November 2006 18:57 (seventeen years ago) link

oh fallwellpaws

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 3 November 2006 19:02 (seventeen years ago) link

How charming.

― M. White (Miguelito), Friday, 3 November 2006 19:02 (seventeen years ago) link

these guys are like serial killers - they WANT to be caught, the thrill is in the transgression, etc.

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 3 November 2006 19:02 (seventeen years ago) link

I really can't wait till that film gets to DVD. I grew up in a (comparitavely moderate) Evangelical community and attended Church Camps (97% good memories).

Is it as good and even-handed as everyone is making it out to be?

― researching ur life (grady), Friday, 3 November 2006 19:04 (seventeen years ago) link

thanks! made my day. all aboard the schadenfreude express! xpost

― elmo argonaut (allocryptic), Friday, 3 November 2006 19:10 (seventeen years ago) link

Skipping 451 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

I forgot to include this amazing photo of Haggard and his family:

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_t6rV3U9ZEHM/TUg3aZ_BjbI/AAAAAAABAJo/4T3aPS9DmFU/s1600/TedHaggardFamily.jpg

― polyphonic, Tuesday, 1 February 2011 18:33 (thirteen years ago) link

Awwww!

― Aimless, Tuesday, 1 February 2011 18:34 (thirteen years ago) link

When Haggard resigned, Roose reports, he signed a separation agreement, drafted by a board of overseers appointed by the church, which "required him to cut off all contact with members of the church, stay away from the media, perform no ministry-related work, and move his family out of Colorado."

― omar little, Tuesday, 1 February 2011 18:40 (thirteen years ago) link

four months pass...

aaaaand... bump

http://gawker.com/5531027/the-virulent-anti+gay-activist-who-brought-a-rentboy-to-europe-updated

― all yoga attacks are fire based (rogermexico.), Wednesday, 5 May 2010 00:41 (1 year ago)

http://edition.cnn.com/2011/US/06/07/sissy.boy.experiment/index.html?iref=NS1

― http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:WhiteAmericanFolks.jpg (nakhchivan), Tuesday, 7 June 2011 18:37 (twelve years ago) link

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-big-questions/201106/homophobic-men-most-aroused-gay-male-porn&r=

― kkvgz, Tuesday, 21 June 2011 13:25 (twelve years ago) link

one month passes...

and here we go again (not evangelical afaik, just no-on-marriage)

http://tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com/2011/08/anti-gay_marriage_state_rep_accused_of_offering_young_male_money_for_sex.php

The young man told The Star that they met, but that he tried to leave after the man told him he was a state lawmaker. He said the lawmaker at first told him he could not leave, grabbed him in the rear, exposed himself to the young man and then later gave him an iPad, BlackBerry cellphone and $100 cash to keep quiet.

― all yoga attacks are fire based (rogermexico.), Friday, 12 August 2011 17:17 (twelve years ago) link

wait, does he just keep iPads and Blackberrys in his car? not a bad haul

― frogbs, Friday, 12 August 2011 17:24 (twelve years ago) link

one month passes...

Meantime, back to being Haggard:

http://gawker.com/5842492/ted-haggard-to-appear-on-celebrity-wife-swap

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 21 September 2011 16:28 (twelve years ago) link

saw Jesus Camp yesterday. ted comes across as a total fake in it. the scene where he insults a kid to his face is unbelievable.

― anorange (abanana), Wednesday, 21 September 2011 16:52 (twelve years ago) link

four months pass...

What not to do:

http://tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com/2012/02/arizona_sheriff_rocked_by_accusations_of_alleged_immigrant_ex_boyfriend.php

― Ned Raggett, Saturday, 18 February 2012 19:27 (twelve years ago) link

the quote marks in this thread title annoy me

― max, Saturday, 18 February 2012 19:34 (twelve years ago) link

he facricated the quote

― the jazz zinger (s1ocki), Saturday, 18 February 2012 19:37 (twelve years ago) link

Haha

― Ned Raggett, Saturday, 18 February 2012 19:37 (twelve years ago) link

http://media.phoenixnewtimes.com/7645572.28.jpg

― i think you'd be cool to meet. i bet we'd have a lot to talk about (buzza), Saturday, 18 February 2012 19:56 (twelve years ago) link

http://www.azcentral.com/12news/news/articles/2012/02/18/20120218live-paul-babeu.html

― Matt Armstrong, Saturday, 18 February 2012 20:09 (twelve years ago) link

live press conference

― Matt Armstrong, Saturday, 18 February 2012 20:09 (twelve years ago) link

Also: Conservative Houston talk show host causes hit and run outside gay bar after attending drag show, identified by witnesses and hit & run victim, police and DA do nothing: http://www.click2houston.com/news/Video-shows-talk-show-host-inside-gay-bar-on-night-of-hit-and-run/-/1735978/8796136/-/70wedp/-/

― A Full Torgo Apparition (Phil D.), Saturday, 18 February 2012 22:17 (twelve years ago) link

weird and troubling. assume that once this becomes a national story, they'll notice that, hey, turns out there were a few witnesses after all!

― Little GTFO (contenderizer), Saturday, 18 February 2012 22:42 (twelve years ago) link

STRONG AND CALIENTE

― flesh, the devil, and a wolf (wolf) (amateurist), Saturday, 18 February 2012 23:41 (twelve years ago) link

Buzzed Body

― ( -- ( .) - ( .) / (am0n), Saturday, 18 February 2012 23:52 (twelve years ago) link

sweet tribal bro

― lag∞n, Saturday, 18 February 2012 23:54 (twelve years ago) link

one year passes...

Hey, ol' Ted just got one-upped, and in the same city even.

http://denver.cbslocal.com/2014/01/27/springs-pastor-arrested-for-kidnapping-robbery-impersonating-police/

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 29 January 2014 03:55 (ten years ago) link

one year passes...

Can't believe we're only bumping this once a year. Seems like same old same old by now.

http://www.thegailygrind.com/2015/05/19/hypocrite-anti-gay-pastor-exposed-as-top-who-likes-to-cuddle-on-grindr/

― resulting post (rogermexico.), Wednesday, 20 May 2015 01:42 (eight years ago) link

This Duggar thing almost belongs in here too.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/acts-of-faith/wp/2015/05/21/josh-duggar-apologizes-resigns-from-family-research-council-amid-molestation-allegations/?wprss=rss_style

― I might like you better if we Yelped together (Phil D.), Friday, 22 May 2015 14:28 (eight years ago) link

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