ASK KARL MALONE

dear karl malone,

did lebron choke? is the fix in? what happened?

man,if karl malone could remember his login information, or even what bogus email account he used to register the account, i bet he would know exactly what to say

didn't he get deleted from the database? u might be able to re-register iirc

Karl Malone,

Why do cats like to get into boxes but dogs do not?

― mumps (iiiijjjj), Monday, December 15, 2008 4:56 AM (2 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

iiiijjjj, why do those birds that I keep in the jar on my back porch smell so bad? That's just their nature.

― Karl Malone, Monday, December 15, 2008 5:49 AM (2 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Dying at this.

This is one of the best & funniest threads! I think it helps that Mr. Malone is the only sports figure I know anything about.

courtesy of dayo:

Trail Blazers history: Karl Malone, with help from Dave Checketts, reveals psychic powers to David Kahn

“You guys might laugh and say I’m crazy, but I do believe I have psychic powers,” Malone told the two reporters. “I don’t have the power to just sit here and move stuff, but I do have the power to look into the future.”

According to a story Kahn wrote for The Oregonian, Malone said he inherited his psychic ability from his mother, Shirley Turner, who also was psychic. Although she had nine children, Malone was the only one to gain his mother’s “special talent,” Kahn wrote.

karl malone magic 8-ball, will another game ever be played in the NBA?

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3434/3305177015_bff5ddefaf_o.jpg

http://i.cdn.turner.com/si/multimedia/photo_gallery/1106/posters.salon94.exhibit/images/karl-malone.jpg

should kobe keep tweeting the spurs series?

how do ouija board work??

Dear Karl,
Is there a freeware animated gif program that would let me easily overlay text in multiple frames?

https://40.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3w6bcQznJ1r10tndo1_1280.jpg

i can't say i have a ton of experience with it, but GIMP is a free photoshop...imitator. i hesitate to call it a "clone" because i just tried using it for 20 minutes and it made me want to throw my computer out the window. but it's free. it's animation capabilities are extremely limited and it is the opposite of user-friendly. i managed to use a terrible guide (http://www.wikihow.com/Make-an-Animation-in-Gimp) to make this:

http://i.imgur.com/9hB01pC.gif

even just doing that was a struggle. where photoshop has an animation timeline where you can pick the number of frames and choose which layer(s) to display in each frame, GIMP requires you to create a single layer for each frame. so if you want a 10-frame GIF, you have to create 10 separate layers. then, to preview it, you click Filters>Animation>Playback, which lets you adjust the framerate and that's about it. It doesn't let you adjust the order of the frames, blend multiple layers in a single frame, or anything like that (at least not that i could figure out). then you can export the image as a GIF.

(i think GIMP also has a separate animation package called GAP that you can add that gives you more options, but in looking at screenshots and descriptions of it it looked like it was also pretty clunky)

I'm not sure that this is working correctly but I'm playing marble madness here: http://www.twitch.tv/weinventyou

if it's actually working please type a message here or on twitch (if you have an account). the setup was ultra-confusing for streaming mac games with voice in a separate channel (too convoluted to explain)

if i can figure this out i will attempt to do a marble madness marathon later, i just want to confirm that the audio isn't completely fucked up first

karl malone, i see u

oh nice! i see you! i feel weird.

brb putting hall and Oates on loop gotta get the mood right

It's working well! Audio/visual

Did you JUST shut it off?

sweet, it appears to work. yeah, i'm going to be back at 7pm EST (an hour from now) to play for real. gotta walk the dog and get a bite to eat.

my plan is to play marble madness over and over and gradually get my mad skillz back. i used to be good, but that with a real NES and a real controller. now i'm using an emulator and my cheap mac controller is really laggy - makes it difficult to play twitchy (pun intended) games like marble madness, but whatever.

might be back earlier if i can run my errands more quickly! brb

Is that your one game of expertise or is that just how... you're getting the ball rolling (with streaming on twitch)?

I have all the NES and snes games, so I can do any of those. I should do SMB3 instead when I get back!

Plus I can still play SMB3 relatively well, even with controller lag

ive considered twitch before it seems like it wld be fun but i spend a lot of time yelling expletives at the screen and that prob doesnt make compelling watching

There is a PACKAGE THIEF in my neighborhood rockin’ the MAILMAN jersey!

Cc: @UniWatch pic.twitter.com/fopFPdN5gH

— Cracker McJackson (@wwpky) April 5, 2018

Marble madness is so good

have you ever played crystallion: the return trip?

Haha, no...sadly all I’ve done is watch some footage of knights of crystallion. Looks like a real adventure!

btw mookie that wasn’t me. It was...wait for it...

...Ross I’m reminded that I haven’t evb played marble madness since around the time of that post a couple years ago. God I love that game. But I’ll never be a speedrunning champ. There are little tricks that I didn’t know about (like glitching through walls at a certain pixel) that are essential to even come close, and I can’t do it...

...Post Malone

Dude if you’re ever in my hood I got the nes here, we could reign supreme

13th pick in the 1985 draft ✅
2x MVP ✅
14x All-Star ✅
11x All-NBA First Team ✅
2x Olympic gold medalist ✅
2nd all-time @NBA points leader ✅
2nd all-time in minutes played ✅
32 retired in the rafters ✅

Happy birthday to the one and only Karl Malone 📬❤️ pic.twitter.com/4hMfOXBvx2

— Utah Jazz (@utahjazz) July 24, 2018

that day I killed all those people in the rafters...I thought no one found out

Breaking News: I will be going by my legal name “Zack” instead of my stage name “Zach”..... everyone continue to breath normally... #beenlivingalie #birthcertfail

— Zack Britton (@zbritton) February 7, 2019

w...t....f

better than caveman zak, i guess

Can I just say how much I still enjoy this video?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Noc0_fZcKno