Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

I have to vent about crazy control freak girl today

We had a volunteer outing with a small group of coworkers. This one woman had volunteered at the place we were going, and offered to give us some input on what to expect, etc.
Which I anticipated to come in the form of an email, maybe a googlemap link, directions, etc. RONG.
We get a pointless half hour MEETING yesterday where she bragged for a thousand years about the fact that she'd done this all before, gave us long, manic, stupidly detailed instructions about getting into the parking lot which included stuff like 'you'll see a sign on your left, but don't go that way, go to the next road and then go past where you think you have to go and go to the other place that's hard to find, we all went to the first place and it was fine last time but you should go to the other place because that's where they'll want you" and I'm like holy shit CAN I BUY A PROPER FUCKING NOUN. Also WHO WILL EVEN REMEMBER THAT. So there was all of that...and that was pretty much it. My co-worker and I walk out looking at each other like okay so why did we just have that meeting? And I could tell she was going to be kind of a nightmare. She's very friendly and outgoing but she has the crazy eyes, and then with these obvious control-freakish ways, I just knew we were in for it.

We get there today and she leaps into 'action', signing us up for duties that are already taken and then walking around with the clipboard asking repeatedly for the woman in charge who we'd already established WAS NOT THERE and makes a very big show of being organized but in such a frenzied disjointed way that makes you kind of afraid to be near her much at all and you just know that nothing is actually getting done. Basically the human equivalent of someone pedalling very fast in a very high gear on a bicycle. Finally the volunteer in charge kind of takes us in hand and explains everything, and we go off to our assigned tasks, but she says that she'll 'check in' with us to make sure we are okay. EYEROLL.
So for the rest of the 2 hours she'd randomly flit past us in the kitchen and issue these bizarre non sequitur instructions for things we 'might' be asked to do. "Just a heads up, they might need 2 people to work the line so if they ask you, you ask the person if they want the food item, and if they say yes, you serve it to them, and if they say no, you don't give them any." All told in a very intense HI I AM ISSUING INSSTRUCTIONS way that was just fucking bizarre. My co-worker and I look at each other, shrug and keep right on doing what we were doing. Because if they need us on the line, they'll tell us!
The whole time we're there she's walking around very fast telling people meaningless things and just making a big show of being very busy NOT WORKING.
But luckily my co-worker and I had figured that she was crazy from the start so we figured we'd just pay attention to the head cook and the volunteer in charge and go where they told us. Which saved us SO much sanity. Also choosing to team up with my coworker in the kitchen largely away from Little Miss Captain Crazypants was the best move ever. Because we could just eyeroll at each other after she walked away and keep working.
I don't really interact with her in the office at all, I really only knew her to say Hi to. Now that I know more of the total package, I thank christ I don't have to work with her. Holy fuck. O_O

I had this co-worker get angry at me once because I forgot to change my away message back from "Lunch" for 3 hours and he said he had questions for me the whole time that he hadn't asked because he really thought I was away at lunch all that time.

...

I sat in the same row as the guy. He saw me. He had to know I wasn't eating for three hours.

...

his hair looked like a chia pet

so if they ask you, you ask the person if they want the food item, and if they say yes, you serve it to them, and if they say no, you don't give them any.

LOL did she seriously say this wtf.

oh man, self-righteous do-gooders are the most disgusting savages imo. they're so busy patting themselves on the back for how awesome they are for being 'down in the trenches' that they either a) never actually do anything b) are the worst worst worst for being selfish and self-centered in every other aspect of their daily lives or c) both of the above.

If ever there was a thread to make me glad that legally I cannot work right now...

Actually there have been a few times I've really had to restrain myself from venting on this thread about ppl at my volunteer job :(

all-time worst moment was when she had us gather for a fucking photo, in the kitchen, while people around us are working. The idea of taking a photo at all is bad enough (it was requested for our office newsletter so she gets a slight reprieve for that)...but taking it THERE. Like that? Ugh. It was awful.

so if they ask you, you ask the person if they want the food item, and if they say yes, you serve it to them, and if they say no, you don't give them any.

LOL did she seriously say this wtf.

lol at me and my posting skillz

yes she seriously said that...my coworker and I just stared at each other for a while after that. Like, "whaaaat the fuck is even happening"

Dear lord.

Ive met people like that tho, nosey motherly types who feel the need to spell everything out to everybody as if they are all brain damaged children.

"we have to be flexible"

yes, you have to be flexible on holiday for the next 6 days and i have to be flexible in the office on a saturday.

also hate the way they assign you new things when you're halfway through the previous one. especially when it's coding so you've a sandbox with lots of half-things in it - often makes it impossible to check in the new thing without undoing the old thing (and then having to redo it later).

honestly, the whole "be flexible" thing is one of my 'oh, fuck off!' phrases, because they want to say you're not flexible if you express any (valid) concern over a decision that was made, or if you dare to point out that you are unfairly having to sacrifice your own personal time so that someone else won't have to.

like I mean there are times where it IS valid, but it seems to always be uttered when someone's getting fucked over.

Tbh, I can't wait for her to develop popcorn lung.

she never said anything funny, just catchphrases off tv and stuff like 'I'm bored dot com'

the only correct response to that is murder

and everyone there loves her. she's attractive and crazy popular and no one seems to question her work ethic.

That shit does wonders, evidently. I once worked as a barista, and did everything correctly, on time, didn't slack, cleaned thoroughly, etc. etc. But I wasn't real sociable or outgoing; I kept to myself most of the time. A co-worker worked hella slow, cut major corners on cleaning, sat around and talked while others were working their asses off to close up on time. But he was a really friendly, sociable person and everyone loved him, even those that recognized they were doing his work for him. He even got official commendations from supervisors and co-workers.

Also, he loved John Mayer and hated the Beatles, with the exception of the "Across The Universe" soundtrack.

he must pay

the only correct response to that is murder

Getting pretty pissed off at coworker who responds to questions like "is there a way to do (function x which I am familiar with in our old software package) in our new software package" with "yes" and then doesn't tell you the answer

When I told my bf about this he said it was my fault for phrasing it as a y/n question, like she was not being rude or unhelpful, just entirely unsure what I meant due to my deficient English skills

so today this woman asked someone else "is there a way to" and I was willing them to answer "yes" to see what she did, but sadly they did not

(I have had not enough sleep and am in danger of extreme crankiness)

can't say I agree with your b/f. Like yea it's phrased as a yes/no question, but it's a leading yes/no question. Obviously nobody is going to ask a question like that if they don't want the answer shared, and it's pretty much accepted business nomenclature to say it the way you said it (because everyone does it here).

The respondent might be very literal minded, but man, that is less an excuse than a whole new thing to find obnoxious.

This reminds me of something sort of related. My dad used to get annoyed at what he called "double-barreled questions" such as, "Do you want to drive or should I?" He hated that what could have been a yes/no question required a sentence to answer. And I think he wasn't just being a grouch; he genuinely got thrown off. I can imagine him answering "I'd there a way to do X" with "Yes," now that I think of it.

I credit his being German.

Standard response To double-barreled question began with "Ach!"

or, in fact, "Yes!"

Yes?

was ist los! haben sie die "es tut mir leid!" har har harga!

entshuldigen sie bitte?

I like the German (and apparently many other languages) thing of having a different word for "yes" in reply to a question expecting the answer "no", e.g.
- You don't want that cake, do you?
- Doch! (= yes, actually, I do!)

This seems like a helpful thing to have on occasion, as these questions are sometimes confusing to respond to, though I couldn't think of a really ambiguous example.

Meanwhile, some languages always reply to questions with a restatement of the verb ("Are you watching TV?" "I'm watching" / "I'm not watching"), so I guess they always need a full sentence. iirc - maybe Tuomas will correct me here - Finnish usually does this, though it does also have a word for "yes", and since it doesn't use pronouns the answer is still usually only one word long.

(end pointless linguistic geekery)

Oh, and my spite/triumph at hearing this woman (who is a native English speaker) ask "is there a ..." this morning is because she can't get the benefit of the doubt if she asks the same damn kind of question herself and expects an answer. Or something.

I've had a lot more caffeine now, so I'm less angry, but not making any more sense.

dear person with whom i discussed an issue with over 2 weeks ago: please stop emailing me to ask if i am doing x. i already told you i was doing it. relax, i know how to do my job.

so annoyed i double with-ed!

Deathsche its eine gutten speile fur die kulturemuffels!

All that German was lost on me.
I thought you were saying "Ach!" meant "Yes."

I speak terrible german taht germans laugh at merrily - I didnt study in high school, I just diddled on my notebooks

Ugh. Lawyers can't figure out the simple process of conference calling still. Good thing that one of them copes with failed calls by panicking and whining instead of listening to me or letting me intervene make the call work.

diddled or doodled? If the former, no wonder the germans laughed

If I am asked "Is it possible to do x?" then I reply "Yes. Would you like me to show/tell you how?" This way is the best of all possible worlds. xxxxp

So I have this temp from another department on the desk next to mine today. He's been here a few weeks and we've not really had a conversation beyond "hi" in the mornings. Not a peep out of him all day so far until he comes back from his lunch break, finishes what he was eating at his desk and wipes all his crumbs off the desk and onto mine. Some went into my lap.

I'm sat here mouth agape, totally fucking speechless.

o_O

please stop saying the word "exposure" at me.

ok, you have to say something to him about that or you're a floor mat #perhapsoverstatingitabit

xxpost

ahhhhhh why are you not paying attention to anything ever and then suddenly deciding it's time to micromanage and give me a ton of shit about something that i want NOTHING to do with?

The other night one of the partners here was waiting for me to print out a proposal on our letterhead for him to sign before he left. He was hovering because he was in a hurry, then told me to "not worry too much about formatting, the numbers are the important thing", only to have me reformat it because the top margin was "a little off". It was, literally, .06 inches from where he wanted it. Perfectionists, ugh.

in general everyone tends to annoy each other at work sooner or later - would a gripe session help?

i am on
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jK-NcRmVcw
at my job right now, so no. i just want to go away and never see this person again!

The other night one of the partners here was waiting for me to print out a proposal on our letterhead for him to sign before he left. He was hovering because he was in a hurry, then told me to "not worry too much about formatting, the numbers are the important thing", only to have me reformat it because the top margin was "a little off". It was, literally, .06 inches from where he wanted it. Perfectionists, ugh.

― the fey bloggers are onto the zagat tweets (jon /via/ chi 2.0),

The owner at my first printing job had a sign up that said "Why is there never enough time to do it right but always enough time to do it over?"

ha!

awesome

dont get pissy with me becuae you dont understand our system at all