itt blogs instruct you how to be a man

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Cops should pick people up and twirl them and if they don't like it then I think they must surely be criminals.

NickB, Wednesday, 8 June 2011 22:02 (twelve years ago) link

"Twirl the witch!!!"

WmC, Wednesday, 8 June 2011 22:03 (twelve years ago) link

can someone redo this with quotes from terminator and blade runner?

Philip Nunez, Wednesday, 8 June 2011 22:06 (twelve years ago) link

fwiw a lot of the women i've met that buy into this stuff were chicks i knew in high school---i mean, my only point is that it codes as "old-fashioned" and there are a lot of old-fashioned ppl still out there!!

cop a cute abdomen (gbx), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 22:07 (twelve years ago) link

"Where are you going?"
"Jim's apartment."

― low-rent black gangster nicknamed Bootsy (DJP),

Seriously burst out laughing like mad when I read this.

“this dog won’t hunt” doesn’t appear in the Book of Proverbs (Trayce), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 22:08 (twelve years ago) link

feel pretty comfortable judging anyone who buys into this bullshit

☂ (max), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 22:10 (twelve years ago) link

can someone redo this with quotes from terminator and blade runner?

I was thinking Conan...

S'cool bro, I only cried a little (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 22:11 (twelve years ago) link

Crush You Enemies
See Them Flee Before You
Hear the Lamentations of their Women
etc

S'cool bro, I only cried a little (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 22:11 (twelve years ago) link

feel pretty comfortable judging anyone who buys into this bullshit

― ☂ (max), Wednesday, June 8, 2011 5:10 PM (54 seconds ago) Bookmark

ditto! it's not just dudes, tho!

cop a cute abdomen (gbx), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 22:12 (twelve years ago) link

Thees is a good thread. It mek me laugh. It mek me cry. But it also mek me verah confuse.

The Boy Who Can Go Inside The TV (dog latin), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 22:12 (twelve years ago) link

you're drunk

cop a cute abdomen (gbx), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 22:12 (twelve years ago) link

Ok how about andrew wk lyrics?
http://i.imgur.com/Cwqh8.png

http://i.imgur.com/bmUXH.png

Philip Nunez, Wednesday, 8 June 2011 22:20 (twelve years ago) link

i've had several lady friends tell me that they like it when men make them feel small, or whatever

oh sure, i've heard this too and kinda understand the sentiment, and as a big guy who gives awesome hugs I've heard this too. but there are also women out there who do not like to be lifted off the ground because they do not like to be made to feel small or overpowered and just maybe if they've been sexually assaulted such show of manly strength might be a potential trigger. so i mean unless you know they like it then it is definitely Not Okay, gentlemen, no matter who tells you "she'll love it."

burberry kush (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 22:58 (twelve years ago) link

some of these rules are all "respect the lady at all times" while others are suggestions for things that are totally disrespectful in their presumption of what that lady wants / likes. taking a swing at your lady with a pillow might seem fun and spontaneous and silly to you -- pillowfight! squeeee -- but it's also a good way to get cursed out by a lady who doesn't like feeling assaulted!

burberry kush (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 23:08 (twelve years ago) link

h8 this shitt so bad

― brad whitford, witchfynder general (underrated aerosmith bootlegs I have owned), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 16:52 (5 hours ago)

yeah, it's totally offensive. all these rules should be "work through your own insecurities then get over yourself" imo. then maybe you can have a relationship that isn't full of bullshit. so many of these for dudes are like "she has daddy issues? then be her daddy!" sex can be so much more than that. "advice" like this objectifies men as much as it objectifies women.

hippy borthday, free wings for u (Matt P), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 23:21 (twelve years ago) link

so i mean unless you know they like it then it is definitely Not Okay, gentlemen, no matter who tells you "she'll love it."

yeah, ironically this flavor of "respect" seems to be outside the consideration of this blog

creme de cassie (donna rouge), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 23:23 (twelve years ago) link

respect your woman, give her an allowance for dresses that aren't too tight or too loose every week, she'll love it.

hippy borthday, free wings for u (Matt P), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 23:25 (twelve years ago) link

i love the tight/loose woman/lady dichotomy. for when you're too refined to just come out and say "virgin/whore."

horseshoe, Wednesday, 8 June 2011 23:26 (twelve years ago) link

feel pretty comfortable judging anyone who buys into this bullshit

<3 u max

all these rules should be "work through your own insecurities then get over yourself" imo. then maybe you can have a relationship that isn't full of bullshit.

truthbOTMb

burberry kush (elmo argonaut), Thursday, 9 June 2011 00:20 (twelve years ago) link

http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llsbtidfww1qjnt7yo1_500.jpg

Just don't forget that being attractive is the motivation for your behaviors.

Jesse, Thursday, 9 June 2011 02:31 (twelve years ago) link

Is parallel construction also unattractive?

Jesse, Thursday, 9 June 2011 02:34 (twelve years ago) link

No kidding about asking first when picking up a woman and whirring them around. Once did this for fun and got screamed at pretty hard. Didn't mean anything by it.

Pleasant Plains, Thursday, 9 June 2011 02:56 (twelve years ago) link

She calmed down once I got her back in her wheelchair though.

Pleasant Plains, Thursday, 9 June 2011 02:56 (twelve years ago) link

Major guilty lols

sorry i haven't read this whole thread but the "rules of a gentlemen" one reads as if its written by one of those 'sensitive' 23 year old virgin types, whereas the 'rules for my unborn son' is pretty clearly written by someone who reads 'esqure' obsessively

J0rdan S., Thursday, 9 June 2011 03:03 (twelve years ago) link

i would like judith butler to write a rules tumblr blog

daria-g, Thursday, 9 June 2011 03:18 (twelve years ago) link

"rules of a gentlemen" one reads as if its written by one of those 'sensitive' 23 year old virgin types

'sensitive' tucker max variant imo

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Thursday, 9 June 2011 04:03 (twelve years ago) link

hey honey aren't your boobs sore.

― Bert Macklin, F.B.I. (thebingo), Wednesday, June 8, 2011 10:31 AM (Yesterday) Bookmark

lol

i wonder what ben rofflesberger thinks about these

daria-g, Thursday, 9 June 2011 04:34 (twelve years ago) link

spirit of Marc Loi lives on itt

badg, Thursday, 9 June 2011 05:12 (twelve years ago) link

i would like judith butler to write a rules tumblr blog

would reblog

burberry kush (elmo argonaut), Thursday, 9 June 2011 13:15 (twelve years ago) link

It's days like today that I am super thankful for my commute, which involves very limited exposure to the elements. It pays to work in the same building as your train station.

200. There's actually only one woman. She has been replicating herself for untold millennia. Across the ages, her characteristics and needs and desires are exactly the same across all iterations of this single extant woman, incarnated in billions of variable forms. A man is a person. "Woman" is a breed.

This is so OTM I want to give you a medal. Elmo also OTM over and over. Also, good odds that whatever horseshoe is thinking but hasn't posted is also 100% OTM.

phantoms from a world gone by speak again the immortal tale: (Jenny), Thursday, 9 June 2011 14:37 (twelve years ago) link

Hahaha okay that bit about my commute is for the Chicago thread. Or maybe it is my advice on how to be a lady:

Never get wet while commuting to work.

phantoms from a world gone by speak again the immortal tale: (Jenny), Thursday, 9 June 2011 14:39 (twelve years ago) link

yeah that aero post is a+

horseshoe, Thursday, 9 June 2011 14:45 (twelve years ago) link

THE
No. 891 RULE OF A GENTLEMAN

Women can smell your fear.
Compensate by acting like a fucking jackass.

40% chill and 100% negative (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 9 June 2011 14:50 (twelve years ago) link

not all of this is idle male fantasy. there are women that buy into old-fashioned gender roles/codes and shit.

I don't think the point is that ALL of the advice is stupid or that NO people are ever like "this" or "that", the point is that IF YOU ARE LIKE THAT, THEN BE LIKE THAT, AND STOP READING ABOUT HOW TO BE LIKE THAT. Anyone and everyone who has said that this is about constructing a self made of outside advice because of your crippling insecurity otm.

Back up the lesbian canoe (Laurel), Thursday, 9 June 2011 14:53 (twelve years ago) link

ok so there is also this:

http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llrsojx31y1qktoezo1_400.png

what in the world

burberry kush (elmo argonaut), Thursday, 9 June 2011 14:53 (twelve years ago) link

THE
No. 322
RULE OF A GENTLEMAN

Put a towel on the floor by the two-inch gap under the door.

40% chill and 100% negative (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 9 June 2011 14:55 (twelve years ago) link

i mean okay i guess i can read a positive message in that but uh -- xp

burberry kush (elmo argonaut), Thursday, 9 June 2011 14:56 (twelve years ago) link

How to Have Sex Like a Man

1. Engage in intercourse.

2. Stand up.

3. Hold out your hand.

4. Say “Thanks!” and “Goodbye.”

5. Gather your things.

6. Walk to the door with confidence.

7. Open the door.

8. Walk away.

40% chill and 100% negative (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 9 June 2011 15:00 (twelve years ago) link

loll

burberry kush (elmo argonaut), Thursday, 9 June 2011 15:01 (twelve years ago) link

fuck you girltips

horseshoe, Thursday, 9 June 2011 15:02 (twelve years ago) link

also lol Tracer

horseshoe, Thursday, 9 June 2011 15:02 (twelve years ago) link

"...bitch!"

40% chill and 100% negative (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 9 June 2011 15:07 (twelve years ago) link

http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llk6wk4SMq1qktoezo1_400.png

this is a pretty clear indicator of a borderline personality, y/n?

burberry kush (elmo argonaut), Thursday, 9 June 2011 15:08 (twelve years ago) link

those kind of sound like random Facebook status updates TBH

40% chill and 100% negative (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 9 June 2011 15:10 (twelve years ago) link


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