Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

just heard outside my window "lets get crunk sometime."

Lady, if you're going to make crass ridiculous statements like 'that [trying to help with a situation that is not your responsibility, doing a great job but not 100% of it coming off] really damaged your reputation', then stick by it and don't cave 2 minutes later and admit the parts that got you in trouble were your own damn fault.

I have a staff person complaining that the new space has too much natural light.

Our office just moved into a LEED Gold-certified building, and you know what? There is too much fucking natural light. If I want to work in a goddamn car dealership, I know where to apply. I don't. The sun relentlessly blazing in through the wall of floor-to-ceiling windows makes my workspace nauseatingly hot and stuffy, and the glare gives me vicious headaches every afternoon. I can't close the blinds because the LEED cert requires that we don't have any, otherwise the natural-lit interior offices will be too dark. There is zero privacy since all offices have to have wall-to-ceiling glass to let in more natural light, so we feel like zoo animals. Fuck natural light. It sucks.

hahaha, grarrrr! anyway, to make this more relevant, we all annoy each other by continually staring into each other's offices. everybody hates it, but nobody can stop.

Honestly, if your building is LEED certified and you are having that much trouble with glare and heat from all of the glass, it sounds like someone along the chain skimped and put in cheap windows. Done properly, there are many types of glazing that would and should eliminate those issues (or at least make them less severe).

Sexual harassment lady also bitches about getting passed up for promotions and "unfairness". I honestly don't understand why she works here. She is underqualified. She's lucky to be getting a check at all.

x-post, oh god the skinflint architecture in some urban buildings. It's funny how really old buildings seem more humane with all of their flaws.

There seriously has to be something I can do about this fucking popcorn bullshit. Second bag of the morning already.

Try getting a head injury that causes you to lose your sense of smell?

one of us

Tempting. The problem is that a) I sit directly next to the breakroom where the microwave is and b) she opens the bag as she walks back to the desk, shaking it and letting the filthy fucking stench overwhlem the office immediately.

You either have to live with it (and bitch to ilx for stress relief) or blow up the fragile peace of the office enviro.

I am really trying to live with it and not get too uptight about it. But really, that'd be much easier if it was even only once a day. But some days its up to four times, which I think is kind of ridiculous.

okay, why don't you go the passive-aggressive route, and buy a can of air freshener, and spray it EVERY SINGLE TIME she walks by? alternately tell her that popcorn is really pretty harsh on your stomach and causes expansion and gas and (lord knows) she obviously doesn't need any more of that.

Also maybe if it wasn't cheap-ass, off-brand "lo cal" popcorn it might be a little more tolerable.

Lol, I might actually try that air freshener idea.

buy her some good popcorn?

ask to have your desk moved?

(which is a good subtle way to bring up the issue with mgmt)

Where are the packages of unpopped popcorn kept? You could use a razor blade to carefully slice them open and insert thin pieces of sheet metal into the bags, causing a microwave fire when she next pops. Popcorn would be linked to dangerous fires and soon banned.

... or unexplained ulcers.

have you tried pooping in the microwave

or pooping in a waxed paper bag, flattening it, stapling both ends, sealing it in plastic, and putting it in a box marked Orville Redenbacher?

lol

why does my coworker keep spraying!

Is she a cat in heat?

you're not making popcorn are you?

xpost

drop a deuce on her desk.

I tried defecation but this is serious! how can I work when she is sparying her odors everywhere! this is not her "territory"

Just walked into the men's room, co-worker had his foot on the sink to tie his shoe. Yeah, because that's pretty much the only option for shoe-tying. It's also where we get clean, asshole.

The sink is where the dirt goes.

I don't clean MY asshole at the sink - Oh comma.

My coworker keeps spraying this stuff. At first I couldn't really tell what she was spraying,on what-herself, the air, etc-but I think she must be spraying herself. The spraying seems to increase with warm weather so I guess she might feel self conscious.
Of course, it could be that somebody else smells in the warm weather and she is spraying her air to cover the odor.
Anyway the spray smells bad and is unpleasant.
My coworkers also go crazy with the spray in the bathroom, and also post signs about how many times you might have to flush to get rid of the "waste" etc. You'd think some of them didn't understand the purpose of a toilet.

its to clean their ass in.

i once saw a hobo cleaning his ringer in the bathroom of south station.

multiLOLs

thinking of where dirtytowns of the body are - shouldn't the shower water come from the floor and spray up?

nah you use your arm and create a chattahootchie canal effect.

sometimes I have the water run down my extended arm so its like a stream of energy that I can use to blast pieces of soap that fell etc. - Its really fulfilling

Reading through this thread I am amazed to find out that some workplaces have banned fish from the microwaves. Is this common? Because I'm sick of sitting six feet away from the wafting smells of people's shitty food?

I might have to be really passive aggressive and bring this idea up with HR.

and spraying!! and inthe case of some of my cowoerkers, farting

Getting pretty pissed off at coworker who responds to questions like "is there a way to do (function x which I am familiar with in our old software package) in our new software package" with "yes" and then doesn't tell you the answer

and if you ask "what is it", she always replies very suspiciously "what are you trying to do", even if it's a perfectly quick, simple and reasonable thing

also came to start at my screen and told me to do (side task y), so I started to and she said "no no no, not like that", and then I asked how to do it and she didn't even know and told me to google it, so I said "well, this way works, it'll be quicker than googling, I'll google for a better way later", and she went off in a huff to google it herself, only to tell me 10 minutes after I'd already done it that I should do exactly what I'd been doing all along - I tried to say "yes, that's what I did" in as non-aggrieved a tone as possible, to which I received no response

(though she didn't answer my original question, and I have since looked in two books which didn't tell me either, so now I don't know if she's wrong again and it doesn't even exist or if she really does know something useful she doesn't feel like telling me)

i would just anticipate the usual follow-up question i guess. as in:
"is there a way to do X in bla bla bla?
"if yes, what is it?
thanks"

just push her ass out a window - what a hag

plan B could also work.

I think I'll opt for trying not to ask her anything again* plus hoping that the others in the office were also thinking "what a jerk" as hard as I was during the seconds of silence in which she remained completely straight-faced after her unhelpful yes/no answer

(* even though she's the one in the office who has definite ideas about how things should be done, so if you don't do things her way you risk a later sneering session or rant about how nobody listens to her and she's only trying to do things properly unlike everyone else in this place, etc - but at least I know everyone else also finds these petty and ridiculous, so I guess bring them on and I'll practise my eye-rolling. this person is not my supervisor, or anyone else's, after all)

what a BITCH!!!!!!

Christ, that sounds fucking annoying.

generally speaking these squeaky wheels usually wind up suffering at their own hands because they gain notoriety for the wrong reasons. Obv I don't know your work situation but people at my company have been canned simply for being Terrell Owens of the office world.

jvc, leave a passive aggressive note.

Latham, what is your co-worker spraying?? Do you work with a tom cat?

There is a guy who nits next to me, who I like, but whenever he puts on his headphones he begins BREATHING IN and BREATHING OUT extremely LOUDLY. BIG SUCKS of breath in, and LONG, DRAMATIC WHISTLING BREATHS OUT through thin, tightened lips, as if he's looking through a set of particularly upsetting tax returns. As soon as he takes his headphones off he stops doing this.

maybe he is listening to meditation tapes?