Favorite lines from Seinfeld?

http://pdl.stream.aol.com/aol/us/aolentertainment/30mz/2006_11/1120_richards_2_dl.mov

But wow, though. He clearly gets a little nervous and tries to play it off at the end with, "See? Still, these words! These words!" The initial "50 years ago" bit kind of seals the deal though. These are probably his actual feelings.

Now I know why Kramer never had any black friends.

What about Jackie Chiles?

WTF?: "Seinfeld"'s Michael 'Kramer' Richards in Weird-o-Rama Onstage Meltdown

Just saw this one:

Cinnamon takes a back seat to no babka!

GEORGE: Kinda busy here.

KRAMER: I'd like to talk to Jerry in private.

GEORGE: Why can't I stay?

KRAMER: Because it doesn't concern you.

GEORGE: Well, if it doesn't concern me, then I can stay.
(Kramer then grabs the back of George's chair, drags him out into the hallway and closes the door.)

[Setting: Puddy’s office]

(Jerry and George are in conference)

JERRY: (Threatening tone) So, listen, Puddy. When we first started this deal, I thought things were gonna be different. Now, if you want to play hard ball, I got my friend, George, here, and he can play pretty hard.. ball. (Leaving the negotiation to George) George, vein it up.

GEORGE: Alright, Puddy, listen, and listen good: I need to know the name of that mechanic that walks around here. Big guy, a liar. Short name. Sam? Moe? Sol?!

JERRY: George! Can we focus on the car, here?

GEORGE: I’m starving! I can feel my stomach sucking up against my spine.

PUDDY: (Handing a sheet of paper to Jerry) Jerry, I just need your signature, here, and we’ll get you that yellow car ready to go.

JERRY: Yellow? I wanted black.

PUDDY: I can’t give you black at that price.

JERRY: (Pleading) George, could you help me, please?

GEORGE: (Standing up) Yes. This is wrong!

JERRY: Sing it, sister!

GEORGE: Just because a candy bar fails to fall from its perch..!

JERRY: (Exasperated) Uhhh..

GEORGE: (Losing it) ..does not imply transfer of ownership. Moe, Sol, or… Lem is not gonna get away with this!

George: I can't believe you're hoarding sex moves. I'm out there rubbing two sticks together. You walk around with a zippo.

Fusilli Jerry is one of my favourite episodes...

Geroge's mum: I'm out there, George.
George: You're not out there.
Mum:I am too.
George: You're not out there. You can't be because I am out there. And if I see you out there there's not enough voltage in this world to electro-shock me back into coherence.

Kramer: It's Fusilli Jerry! It's made from fusilli pasta. See the microphone?
Jerry: When did you do this?
Kramer:In my spare time. You know, I'm working on one of you George. I'm using ravioli. See, the hard part is to find a pasta that captures the individual.
Jerry: Why fusilli?
Kramer: Because you're silly. Get it?

This contains many of my favourite lines.

20th episode in series 9 and still hilarious.

"....Mulva?"

"DELORIS!"

when i think of tepid sitcoms i think of 'something about raymond'

why does this make me LOL so much?

hahaha

George: It was a hell of a thing when Spock died.
Jerry: Yeah...

haha "in that big sunglasses case"

Two from Frank, both from the same episode:

"As I rained blows upon him, I knew there had to be a better way."

"I gotta lotta problems with you people. And tonight you're gonna hear about it."

Frank: You sayin' you want a piece of me?

Elaine: I could drop you like a bag of dirt.

Frank: You wanna piece of me? Yoouuuuu got iiiiittttt!!

Jerry: (to George) I don't even want to talk about it anymore. What were you thinking? What was going on in your mind? Artistic integrity. Where, where did you come up with that? You're not artistic and you have no integrity. You know, you really need some help, and a regular psychiatrist couldn't even help you. You need to go to, like, Vienna or something. You know what I mean? You need to get involved at the University level, like where Freud studied, and have all those people looking at you and checking up on you. That's the kind of help you need. Not the once a week for eighty bucks, no. You need a team, a team of psychiatrists working around the clock, thinking about you, having conferences, observing you, like the way they did with the Elephant Man. That's what I'm talkin about, 'cause that's the only way you're gonna get better.

also biting into a hunk of cheese like it's an apple.

it was an onion!

mandelbaum! mandelbaum! mandelbaum!

Well, let me tell you something, funny boy. Y'know that little stamp, the one that says "New York Public Library"? Well that may not mean anything to you, but that means a lot to me. One whole hell of a lot. Sure, go ahead, laugh if you want to. I've seen your type before: Flashy, making the scene, flaunting convention. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. What's this guy making such a big stink about old library books? Well, let me give you a hint, junior. Maybe we can live without libraries, people like you and me. Maybe. Sure, we're too old to change the world, but what about that kid, sitting down, opening a book, right now, in a branch at the local library and finding drawings of pee-pees and wee-wees on the Cat in the Hat and the Five Chinese Brothers? Doesn't HE deserve better? Look. If you think this is about overdue fines and missing books, you'd better think again. This is about that kid's right to read a book without getting his mind warped! Or: maybe that turns you on, Seinfeld; maybe that's how y'get your kicks. You and your good-time buddies. Well I got a flash for ya, joy-boy: Party time is over. Y'got seven days, Seinfeld. That is one week!

^^^^gold

joy boy

and jerry's face throughout the whole spiel

Jerry: Ah, you're crazy.
Cosmo Kramer: Am I? Or am I so sane that you just blew your mind?
Jerry: It's impossible.
Cosmo Kramer: Is it? Or is it so possible that your head is spinning like a top?
Jerry: It can't be.
Cosmo Kramer: Can't it? Or is your entire world just crashing down all around you?
Jerry: All right, that's enough.

That Philip Baker Hall speech was the high point of the entire SERIES, practically. (Along with Elaine's frenzied attempt to pack a suitcase and get to the airport in 20 minutes.)

George Costanza: Someday, before I die, mark my words... I'm gonna tell that woman exactly what I think of her. I'll never be able to forgive myself until I do.
Jerry: And if you do?
George Costanza: Well, I still won't be able to forgive myself, but at least it won't be about this

Cosmo Kramer: You're wasting your life.
George Costanza: I am not. What you call wasting, I call living. I'm living my life.
Cosmo Kramer: OK, like what? No, tell me. Do you have a job?
George Costanza: No.
Cosmo Kramer: You got money?
George Costanza: No.
Cosmo Kramer: Do you have a woman?
George Costanza: No.
Cosmo Kramer: Do you have any prospects?
George Costanza: No.
Cosmo Kramer: You got anything on the horizon?
George Costanza: Uh, no.
Cosmo Kramer: Do you have any action at all?
George Costanza: No.
Cosmo Kramer: Do you have any conceivable reason for even getting up in the morning?
George Costanza: I like to get the Daily News.

George Costanza: So I'm the bad boy. I've never been the bad boy before.
Jerry: Why not? You've been the bad employee, the bad son, the bad friend...
George Costanza: Yes, yes, yes...
Jerry: The bad fiancé, the bad dinner guest, the bad credit risk...
George Costanza: OK, the point is made.
Jerry: The bad date, the bad sport, the bad citizen...
[George leaves]
Jerry: The bad tipper.

George Costanza: A beautiful, successful, intelligent woman is in love with me and I throw it all away. Now I will spend the rest of my life living alone. I'll sit in my disgusting little apartment, watching basketball games, eating Chinese takeout, walking around with no underwear because I'm too lazy to do the laundry.
Jerry: You walk around with no underwear.
George Costanza: Yeah, what do you do when you run out of laundry?
Jerry: I do a wash.

haha yes that was a goodun

You and your good-time buddies

I just love that part of the library cop speech, but the whole things dynamite especially with Baker-Halls hand motions.

George: I'm sorry. I can't live knowing Ted Danson makes that much more than me. Who is he?

Jerry: He's somebody.

George: What about me?

Jerry: You're nobody.

George: Why him? Why not me?

Jerry: He's good, you're not.

George: I'm better than him.

Jerry: You're worse, much much worse.

That first episode (The Engagement) on season 7 is amazing, Jerry's seething reaction to his girlfriend eating peas one at a time is classic.

George dumping his girlfriend because she beat him at chess.

Georges mother on the telephone to george after he's told her about the engagement,

Estelle: Oh, I can't believe it. Frank Come here!
Frank: You come here

WHAT IS DEAL WITH. i mean really. WHAT is DEAL with. I mean REALLY. what is deal with. I MEAN REALLY. WHAT IS DEAL WITH. i mean really. WHAT is DEAL with. I mean REALLY. what is deal with. I MEAN REALLY. WHAT IS DEAL WITH. i mean really. WHAT is DEAL with. I mean REALLY. what is deal with. I MEAN REALLY. WHAT IS DEAL WITH. i mean really. WHAT is DEAL with. I mean REALLY. what is deal with. I MEAN REALLY. WHAT IS DEAL WITH. i mean really. WHAT is DEAL with. I mean REALLY. what is deal with. I MEAN REALLY. WHAT IS DEAL WITH. i mean really. WHAT is DEAL with. I mean REALLY. what is deal with. I MEAN REALLY. WHAT IS DEAL WITH. i mean really. WHAT is DEAL with. I mean REALLY. what is deal with. I MEAN REALLY. WHAT IS DEAL WITH. i mean really. WHAT is DEAL with. I mean REALLY. what is deal with. I MEAN REALLY. WHAT IS DEAL WITH. i mean really. WHAT is DEAL with. I mean REALLY. what is deal with. I MEAN REALLY. WHAT IS DEAL WITH. i mean really. WHAT is DEAL with. I mean REALLY. what is deal with. I MEAN REALLY. WHAT IS DEAL WITH. i mean really. WHAT is DEAL with. I mean REALLY. what is deal with. I MEAN REALLY. WHAT IS DEAL WITH. i mean really. WHAT is DEAL with. I mean REALLY. what is deal with. I MEAN REALLY. WHAT IS DEAL WITH. i mean really. WHAT is DEAL with. I mean REALLY. what is deal with. I MEAN REALLY. WHAT IS DEAL WITH. i mean really. WHAT is DEAL with. I mean REALLY. what is deal with. I MEAN REALLY. WHAT IS DEAL WITH. i mean really. WHAT is DEAL with. I mean REALLY. what is deal with. I MEAN REALLY. WHAT IS DEAL WITH. i mean really. WHAT is DEAL with. I mean REALLY. what is deal with. I MEAN REALLY. WHAT IS DEAL WITH. i mean really. WHAT is DEAL with. I mean REALLY. what is deal with. I MEAN REALLY. WHAT IS DEAL WITH. i mean really. WHAT is DEAL with. I mean REALLY. what is deal with. I MEAN REALLY. WHAT IS DEAL WITH. i mean really. WHAT is DEAL with. I mean REALLY. what is deal with. I MEAN REALLY.

i just noticed in the Wizard episode. When Kramer runs for president at the Florida retirement place a selection of 'spinning' newspaper headlines come up on screen.
If you look in the bottom corner of each newspaper you can see:

"Larry David get hole in one!"
"Larry David hurts elbow"
"Larry David never to play golf again"

aww larry <3

My favourite George moment, when he claims that he could never have sex with a virgin because "it's their first time - they'll remember the first time! I don't want to be remembered. I want to be forgotten!"

heard an absolute belter from George last night

Jerry: "So, maybe they had Chinese food?"
George: "After dark? Please. At their age, that's like swallowing stun
grenades."

STELLA! STELLA!

Same episode: "You got a lotta nerve takin' that kid's pen!"

JERRY: Oh hey, there's Ramon. Pretend we're talking.

KRAMER: We are talking.

JERRY: Pretend it's interesting.

KRAMER: So, ah then, I ah had to kill him and ah, well the police are
still looking for me.

"all laid out like your mothers panties"
been chuckling over this all week

― geoff

I know I'm late to the game on this one but was watching this episode again today and the line is "the panties your mother laid out for you".

and is hilarious.

You'd think a guy as focused on social rules as Jerry would recognize that "don't introduce people's mothers into dirty talk" is definitely one of them.

And that's without even starting on the infantilizing/pedophilic aspect