Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

definitely go to your boss.

i work at a pretty easy retail job. there's this dude who sometimes works the same shift as me. he mostly just stands around looking pissed off to be there and complaining about having to work for 7 hours and how much he wants to go home (often quite loudly in front of the customers.) the job's not exciting but it isn't in any way hard, either. it's really irritating.

this guy is a new dad, too. yay.

lol nobody respects me around here

motherfuckers take hourlong jaunts around the building chattin w/bros in other departments cause "oh hoos can handle it he's got it locked down" which yeah whatever i do but goddamn do some fuckin work and let ME sit on my ass and gossip with somebody for a minute

Still tempted to put up sign that says shut yr pie-hole and git to work not because I give a shit about them working but good god can't you dildos gossip about SOMETHING slightly more interesting than the time you found a bug in the MPEG4 spec or some stupid component in yr fantastic home theater that's nevertheless in a room that smells of pee?

"i can't remember the last time somebody threw something at a U.S. PRESIDENT. You know that guys' gonna disappear. They dragged him off and I heard there was a trail of blood behind him."

Dear Enraged Colleague,

The reason I put the sheets of cardboard and the drawing on that table is because your colleague told me to. If I had known there was a SPECIAL TABLE on which to put stuff that we needed photocopying then of course I would have put everything there. There was no need to shout at me and froth at the mouth for having put the cardboard and drawing on an EMPTY and UNUSED table TWO METRES away from the special photocopy request table in a place where you were ACTUALLY MORE LIKELY TO SEE IT.

Further points:

- I can actually use a photocopier myself, so if you just give me the BLOODY PASSWORD for it then I will stay out of your hair and not put things on the wrong tables.

- Please be horrible to the teachers who are horrible to you. NOT to the ones who have gone out of their way to be nice to you in the knowledge that not everyone is always very nice to you. Get me?

- Thank you for all the photocopies.

The bosses sent the matter straight to HR, so now I have to go speak formally to them, and I suppose this will go in my file. GRR

"You know what, I don't think bush understands symbolism so he doesn't get why it's important. Yeah, he's original; I'll tell you that."

'What's a Reverend? Is it something to do with religions?'
UGH

"You know how you can usually tell Democrats? They hate the Second Amendment. They want to get rid of the Second Amendment. You know Obama wants to get rid of guns."

What's a Reverend? Is it something to do with religions?

Actually one of the clergymen at the church where I work went off on this to a group of new members recently. "Reverend is an ADJECTIVE! It is not a TITLE! Technically, my title is the Reverend Doctor William -----. You should not call me Reverend. Or Doctor. You can call me Bill." (It was news to me.)

i have heard this girl recount the story of her new year's eve hookup to about 15 people today. getting really old.

Argh.

I have to load some data.

What I need is someone to tell me which branches in supplied data map to which agents in our system, as they use different codes.

I sent lists of each to the account manager asking them to link them up for me.

2 weeks later he sends me the original lists back to me just copied into a spreadsheet "hope this helps". Uh NO you fucking moron. This isn't even my job, grumble moan stupid understaffed department.

I am also a stupid, annoying co-worker cos I was just bitching about someone's incredibly stupid code, thinking it was written by someone who'd left the company, when the person I was sitting with said "before you go any further, it was me". Oops. It was really stupid code though.

They're just sitting around, calling out famous Arkansans for a list they're putting together.

And not everyone has been in the office at the same time, so people keep saying "what about Mary Steenberg----- WE ALREADY HAVE HER ON THE LIST."

Did you get Bill Clinton?

an old phillipino man in my office has been playing the sleeping in seattle [sic] soundtrack, on repeat, for over two months. just that one album on a loop. it's okay as i can't really hear it unless i'm over by his desk, but there's one harry connick jr song on the album where there's this big flourish of horns that's like 10x louder than anything else. BOM BA DA BA DA BOM - ba - ba - ba - BAAAAAH. now i hear it everywhere. it should be coming again shortly. i'll just wait for it. not long now.

It sounds like you're polishing your gun during the wait!

BOM BA DA BA DA BOM - ba - ba - ba - BAAAAAH.

ahh

This woman comes to my office everyday 2 or 3 times to visit, for like 15+ minutes at a time. She talks about things like her whimsical decision to switch up her commute route, her sinuses, her phlegm, her scar tissue, her father's carpal tunnel, her husband's fear of dentists. She lobs gossipy, utterly tiresome criticisms at others in our department. She rambles incessantly about World of Warcraft (fuck me this really makes me want to die. My eyes literally went cross at one point). All of this while slurping her hot chocolate and slightly gasping for air throughout her rapid-fire monologue.

I would pretend to be busy, but since we are in the same department, she is well aware of the fact that I/we haven't had a single thing to do since the holidays. *Sigh* Also, she was very helpful and patient during my first couple of weeks of cross-training. And I'm kind of a wimp when it comes to being brusque with annoying people : /

I need some way to alert me when she's making her way to my door. Perhaps an elaborate set of strategically placed mirrors. Then I could just pretend to be on the phone.

Put up a "TALK THERAPY - $50/hr" sign

"are you busy?"

"no i'm a gigantic slob who does nothing all day and gets paid for it"

"yes, too much to listen to whatever it is you have to say, ta ta! oh, you're my boss"

"whatever i say, i know i'm going to have to do whatever it is you're about to dump on me so why don't you SKIP this question - though i know it will be hard for you as it appears to constitute the ENTIRETY of your ideas about managing people's time and workload"

i've been told i need to come in to the office to cover the phones from 6pm tonight to 9am tomorrow morning, because the magic work-from-home thingie is down.

that's a 15-hr shift. overnight. in an office with no beds. during the biggest snowstorm in two decades.

when i suggested possibly sharing this shift with someone else i was told that it's my responsibility cause i'm the one on call, and it is my "duty" to do it.

^ fuck *that* noise. I assume you've made suitable complaining noises in the right direction?

Also: did you actually do it, then?

will:

http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/funny-pictures-cat-talk-to-the-hand.jpg

A co-worker, who is typically not stupid nor annoying, has been working on a huge interior finishes project for the last couple of weeks. She has decided that the best place to store all the sample boards and carpet samples is on the floor adjacent to her desk and the entire floor surrounding it. So every time I have to get up from my desk, I have to watch my step and constantly step over or around shit on the floor. Very annoying.

what is the protocol for retrieving print jobs? whenever i print something out, i always go over to the printer to grab it, pretty much right away. this new co-worker always leaves print jobs on the printer, sometimes for a day or two. every time i grab a print job of mine, i have to flip through this person's stuff--and it's not always work related stuff she's printing out, either. i feel like i'm being an ass for complaining but at the same time i don't eat doritos for breakfast do i?

Write "SEE ME @ 4:30" on them in red Sharpie in the boss's handwriting.

Eh, I leave stuff sitting. I can't be bothered to get up every time I send a purchase order. But when I pass the printer I grab my stuff AND my colleague's and drop hers off at her desk.

i did that for the first few weeks but i'm a little sick of it. i am not this person's maid.

I do it as a politeness, and she picks up mine too. Not a big deal to me.

If it bothers you, just start making her stuff into a pile and at some pre-determined time the next day, if she hasn't picked it up, just throw the whole thing away. When she looks for it, apologize really nicely but you had no idea it was hers....

I'm sure I annoyed the entire office the past few months with all the hardware traffic that's been going in and out: 60-some server-sized boxes. Plus tons of trash (cardboard boxes) for the few that are staying.

The woman I'm taking over from just gave a presentation to a ton of people I'll be working with and made no reference at all to leaving or that I would be taking over. I was in the audience.

I was too lazy to pick up my print job, and then another woman apparently made off with my job and another colleagues.

Gotta watch my back at this new job. Too bad I can't print out with indemnity a 60-pg Comic Con schedule anymore (used to have my 'own' printer).

Thought that said 60-pg Comic Sans for a mo. That would have been hella stupid and annoying.

OMFG CAN YOU JUST SAY WTF YOU NEED FROM ME IN THE FIRST PLACE INSTEAD OF ASKING ME TO REVISE 1500 TIMES WHEN WE ARE IN TIME CRUNCH AND I CAN'T READ YOUR MIND!?

what is the protocol for retrieving print jobs? whenever i print something out, i always go over to the printer to grab it, pretty much right away. this new co-worker always leaves print jobs on the printer, sometimes for a day or two. every time i grab a print job of mine, i have to flip through this person's stuff--and it's not always work related stuff she's printing out, either. i feel like i'm being an ass for complaining but at the same time i don't eat doritos for breakfast do i?

― Mr. Que, Tuesday, February 3, 2009 9:00 PM (6 days ago) Bookmark

Here is the magic ratio I've discovered: the amount of printing an employee does is generally inversely proportional to his or her intelligence and the quality of his or her work. (Obviously this does not apply if you actually work in a printshop.)

how about the fact that same bitchy coworker i just went off about emails me things to print. it takes longer to email me the doc than it does to hit the print button.

There's a bin next to the printer for unretrieved jobs. It seems to work pretty well. It's also next to the recycle tub, which also works pretty well.

Can you please get our printer fixed today? something went wrong over the weekend and I can’t get it to work.

Thank you!

it was a paper jam. you take out the jammed paper. AMAZING!

At my old job, we actually had a policy (for about a week) that you were supposed to print out an e-mail to a coworker that you were sending to them and leave the paper copy in their mailbox as well.

Someone didn't get an email one time or it was delayed or it went to their spam folder and THAT ^^ happened.

where I work now no one prints anything: even faxes come in digitally, are pdf'd and stored. I feel guilty when I print one page of something personal cos we pretty much never do. Closest to actual "paperless office" ive ever been.

I routinely print out long articles from the New York Review of Books o_O

and when i get home i put the paper upside down in the paper tray of my own printer

*UPDATE*

lol when when i'm gchattin' with my gf I'll have her call me on my office line when the annoying talker makes her daily drop-ins. If only she were a flagrant bitch or in no way integral to me getting my job done I'm pretty sure I could tell her to shove off.

I also made my office line #1 on my blackberry speed-dial. I'm such a pussy.