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"What a pity Momus no longer posts here, as he'd have some helpful suggestions."
While Momus was certainly a very entertaining poster, the idealized vision of Japan as utopia he often described was actually pretty useless for people on this board who actually live there and have responsibilities beyond attending art openings and admiring the local female population.
I spent 7 years in Japan, and although I never lived in Tokyo, I was there pretty often. It's a fantastic place, and one of my all-time favourite cities.
The stuff about "never breaking into the culture" is true. No matter how long you stay, or how good your Japanese gets, or how many half-Japanese kids you have, or how much property you eventually own, or how much you pay in taxes, you will ALWAYS be "gaijin" to most people. If you can't handle that, then don't even get on the plane. Having said that, being immersed in a culture which still holds you at arm's length for the most part, provides a really interesting perspective. Expats are also excused from a lot of the social pressures that ordinary Japanese must constantly deal with. Sometimes just pretending I didn't understand what was going on was a "get-out-of-jail free" card. That becomes less effective the longer you stay however.
Also, keep in mind that while Japan is very xenophobic on a Macro level, that individual Japanese people can be among the most welcoming that you'll even encounter. I know that sounds somewhat contradictory, but if contradictions bother you, then I also advise you to not go to Japan. It takes time to really become friends with Japanese people, but once you're in - you're in. I had a lot of people welcome me into their lives. I met parents, grandparents, wives, husbands and children; ate in their homes, took trips together, played sports, partied - it just takes some time to get over the "gaijin" hump.
While there is a large expat community in Tokyo, it really does pay to break out of that, once you're comfortable in your new surroundings. Gaijin bars are a safe option for when you first arrive, or when you just want a pint of something familiar, but they can get old fast. One good way to meet people is through an existing network of some type. Getting someone you know to introduce you to their circle of friends is a good way, but I also met people who eventually became great friends of mine the old-fashioned way in bars, at parties or in nightclubs. Sports teams and clubs for people with similar interests are also a good way to get yourself out there. I know a lot of Canadians in Japan who play in hockey leagues for example, and whether in Tokyo or Toronto, people often go out for a few drinks after a game.
As far as being a woman, it is going to be more difficult than what you're probably used to. That's just the honest truth. Most, or at least a significant proportion, of the western men there date exclusively Japanese women, and the Japanese men, while interested, are generally pretty intimidated. I've seen western women I know go there and spend a year or two being lonely, only to get bitter, frustrated and leave. Other women I know have had no problem dating - either locals or fellow "foreigners". It comes down to personality in a lot of cases. Understand that in many cases guys won't be hitting on you incessantly, like they might do back home. A lot of women I knew over there had a hard time taking the initiative, because they never really had to before. My current girlfriend is British, but we met over there, so it's certainly possible to find yourself in a meaningful relationship. Having said that, Tokyo's a great place to pursue a few meaningless ones as well.
Again, it really is a great place, and I would strongly recommend it. Just put aside everything you thought you knew about it, and prepare to be amazed.
― j-rock, Wednesday, 6 August 2008 18:20 (fifteen years ago) link
Really appreciate the time people are taking to post here - I'm getting so much better a sense of what this all adds up to.
while Japan is very xenophobic on a Macro level, that individual Japanese people can be among the most welcoming that you'll even encounter
Russia was a bit like this but in a totally different way, I guess. I can definitely handle that. As long as I can get close to people in some way then it doesn't matter if my defining characteristic is gaijin.
Understand that in many cases guys won't be hitting on you incessantly, like they might do back home.
Ha, if only they did that back home! I'm used to not being hit on! Darn, one of the hardest things about Belgrade was so many gorgeous men, and I wasn't hit on in two years!
― ljubljana, Wednesday, 6 August 2008 20:44 (fifteen years ago) link