Does the entire Innocent Smoothies aesthetic strike you as deeply fucking irritating?

Tad Fadley's new urban wenge

Oh for the days etc

Soft drinks as I know and understand them.

who gives a fuck about this

No, this is the real shit:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thxAqdxGSPU

I inadvertently found myself at their picnic a few years ago. Ruined my afternoon in the park. Fuckers.

And they're charging for it this year. Double fuckers.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I5F23TxSpZk

I would drink all this orange pop

i had a smoothie phase, but after deciding to cut down on sugar i am back on the cherry coke

Cresta: The blackcurrent beverage that induces strokes.

^ Xpost! LOLZ. Lolz at phrase 'warbling acoustic number'.
Yeah Innocent Smoothies....I'm just waiting for the Ribena (notsotoothkind) style scandal to happen.
"Hello you, welcome to the side of the packet! My name is Tad Fadley's new urban wenge and did you know that I am made out of 100% pure organic smugness. The scrummy goo inside me was personally farted out through the buttocks of a lovely young homosexual called Jason - MmmmmMMM! Oh it's delicious, drink me drink me! I'd really like to know what you think of me so drop me a letter, fax or even a tattooed baby (LOL! JKS!) of what you think. If you have a phone you can actually speak to Jason himself while he shits into a vat of pure untreated fairtrade effluent." it gets rather annoying, yeahHahaha
But like Ned says, this is irritating but not as much as many other things.

I miss the 70s and I want to go back there right now. This century fucking sucks.

When did adverts stop trying to be hip? Those Noodle ones are grebt

I am an unashamed Innocent fan.

"It's frothy at the mouth, man!"

xpost now I have the Billy Joel song in my head!

Yeah, back to the seventies with its needless foreign wars and epidemics of knife crime in our streets.

I was going to poll every flavour of Rubicon earlier this week and never got round to it.

matt dc - do it!

100% pure organic smugness.

I'm all for eating fresh stuff, but this kind of twee bollocks just makes me want to smoke a carton of R0thmans, drink six Red Bulls, and eat a kebab containing Alsatian meat cooked rare.

i had a smoothie phase, but after deciding to cut down on sugar i am back on the cherry coke

er...

It must be good for you, it's got cherries in it.

Diet Coke = no sugar
Smoothies = a whole shitload of sugar

Diet Coke = no meaning in the universe

^OTM

People who don't like Diet Coke should just kill themselves, imo

Don't tell me, I only drink any of that shit as a mixer.

Srsly shit ALL TASTES THE SAME

don't kill yourself tho

i mean, unless you actually want to. don't do it just cos dom said so

Srsly shit ALL TASTES THE SAME

you're thinking of UK-brewed lager

Dom, how many deaths have you influenced, at a guess?

going back to the original question: no. and given my cynicism, that surprises me. but ... no, really, i rather like them. as TNG points out: they did the whole twee "i'm a packet of overpriced juice!" thing first, and still do it better than everyone else.

also: from a customer PoV, they're pretty decent. i took them up on their "talk to us! we like it!" schtick, and wrote them a polite but angry e-mail about a year ago pointing out how it was fucking impossible to break the seal on their litre cartons without getting a spurt of smoothie flying all over your wall/suit/face; they made all the right genuine concerned noises, admitted there was a design flaw and sent me a shitload of vouchers for money off smoothies. given that we get through a litre a week (tip: don't buy the wee ones; just fill up a similar-sized wee bottle with smoothie from a litre pack before you go to work), that was good enough for me.

ned T is right: there are an awful lot of things to get more worked up about than a reasonably decent company making quality drinks.

I'm tapping my fingers very loudly on the tabletop, whispering "shit, shit, shit, shit" to myself. Courtney's eyes are half closed and she's breathing deeply.
"Listen. I'll be daring," Anne says finally. "I'll have a Diet Coke with rum."
Scott sighs, then smiles, beaming really. "Good."
"That's a caffeine fine Diet Coke, right?" Anne asks the waiter.
"You know," I interrupt, "you should have it with Diet Pepsi. It's much better."
"Really?" Anne asks. "What do you mean?"
"You should have the Diet Pepsi instead of the Diet Coke," I say. "It's much better. It's fizzier. It has a cleaner taste. It mixes better with rum and has a lower sodium content."

re the overpriced thing, are they technically overpriced? how much should organic juice cost?

NG otm, sick of fucking chummy twee marketing speak

It's spread to the Internet Provider game:

Slight problem.

We've just tried to collect the amount due to us, but the transaction couldn't be completed. The amount due to us is £14.00 incl. VAT.

We'll have another go at collecting the money in 3 days time. Please could you ensure that there is no problem with your account, and that there will be sufficient funds available.

blah blah blah

If you are already enjoying Be's ludicrously fast broadband, please ensure prompt payment as we really don't want to disconnect you. We know how much you'll miss your broadband.

Fingers crossed for next time.

The next one mentioning a debt collection agency was actually kind of a relief

Lush are a bit fucking creepy as well, the shower gel I got for my birthday was making promises to hold me in its big strong arms and tell me everything was OK and shit

My beef is only really with This Water, tbh. Innocent smoothies are very nice (if no PJ's). The marketing is vile but what can you do. LOL @ f3rg's last sentence

Also when you walk past Lush the fucking honk of the place disorients you like some Dungeons and Dragons spell for a good 5 minutes.

I know somebody who wrote a paper about Innocent's design aesthetic.

Lush is the place that sells the giant multicoloured blocks of wax, isn't it?

I dunno, the saccharine smell makes me light headed enough to find the overly helpful gay hippie sales staff agreeable

When Lush was new on the high street it pissed me off cos I thought it was a cheese shop every time I walked past until I looked properly

The worst for chumminess is the 'VAT Nightmare' notices in branches of Pret.

"Hi, we are legally required to add on VAT when you eat in. Nightmare."

FUCK OFF.

I can't say I've ever given it that much thought (orig thread qn that is) I bought one once from the college canteen but it was nowt special and cost too much for such a tiny bottle. I noticed that there seemed to be some kind of wanky blether on the side of the bottle about how aweosme it all was but it was tl;dr so I hoyed it in the bin. Life's too short.

xxpost

lol I still make the cheese shop error on occasion.

I do think Passant1no needs to alternate threads methodically attacking every single facet of modern life with enthusiastic pro-something material, in order to show willingness to build bridges with non-zingers and Keep It Positive

Tomorrow: YAYYYY! THE FIRST TWO HOURS OF WCW NITRO FROM 1996-1998! YAYYYY!

He did the kebab van thread last week.

Kebabs and La Parka are the only two joys in my life, tbh

"Lush" the soap shop (as opposed to Miki and Emma) you could not walk past as they would pump out horrible soap fumes to 'entice' you in.

I think they've stopped doing that.

Still, never been in.

northampton town FM champions league success xpost

you could edit a new team into FM consisting entirely of near-crippled 97-vintage Luchadors, all chewing on a kebab while Blitzkrieg racks up the assists and Ciclope's disciplinary record becomes a cause for concern

"We’re here to punch lunch in the taste buds"

Feels a bit weird to put cutesy puns on a liquid that is literally poison pic.twitter.com/uuo5xj85IW

— Rob Manuel 🧻 (@robmanuel) February 16, 2023

we have some Tesco kitchen foil at home which for some reason has "foiled again!" written on it

I had a better looking ham sandwich thrown to me at the milwaukee county jail in 1994

I'm fairly sure Wilkos own brand stuff was the first, and among the worst, for writing terrible random slogans on every single product.
Coat hangers - "get the hang of it"
Dish cloths - "dish the dirt "
Rubber gloves- "time for the dishes" (?)

Some marketing people have too much time on their hands

Collecting these is a national hobby

Dear brands, please, for the love of god, could you just stop with this shit. pic.twitter.com/ztbb5SyPy2

— Melissa Harrison (@M_Z_Harrison) May 21, 2023

That one’s especially bad cause “which order do you put shit on a scone” is just the feeblest patter, you know you’re in for a bad time when someone trots it out

Why does vegan food think it can talk to me like that? AN INVESTIGATION: https://t.co/lCIBpbWYf8

— Amelia Tait (@ameliargh) August 4, 2023

I’m in the supermarket and a line of stand-up comedians are calling me to attention in the alternative milk aisle. “Drink to avoid Fear Of Missing Oat,” jibes one carton. Another provocatively demands that I “slurp, gulp, guzzle”. A few rows over, the meatless meats fancy a chat. “Hello,” says a packet of not-bacon. “Just FYI, you might not tell the difference between THIS product and bacon. Pretttttay cool.” Some plant-based lardons are keen to talk about “our buddy Mr Piggy”. A packet of smoked tempeh boasts “flavour as smouldering as a secret agent walking seductively out of the sea”.

Thanks for that.
As a person who eats meat I am mildly interested in trying vegetarian (not nec vegan) alternatives but I am hugely put off by all this shite. I want information, goddammit, not cutesy twitter bullshit.

I'm sticking with chickpeas, beans and lentils but if there is a nice product out there that's not over processed crap please do let me know.

lol at the Oatly guy. what a douche. people in marketing need to be incessantly ridiculed for being giant losers and also for basically ruining the world we live in. shitheads.

TESTIFY

Bleach, please.

It's annoying but pretty low on the ruining the world scale, c'mon. Most people really do still think vegan = gross so who cares.

marketing has turned our entire world into a transactional, monetized hell. arguably capitalism speaks to us primarily through our bodies, but it's through marketing that the language of capital enters our psyches. the fact that these assholes get paid what they do to use the insights of psychology to manipulate our fears and desires is just beyond fucked up imo

it also ruined the internet btw

Also this phenomenon is not at all limited to plant based products, as documented itt for the last 15 years

i've never even seen iCarly

or Bleach for that matter, i heard there was way too much filler towards the end

the beavis & butthead take on the innocent smoothies aesthetic

https://i.postimg.cc/bwZkmSTw/20230929-181002.jpg

https://Twitter.com/mippy/status/1708957795591110689?s=46&t=zQbxLGLurMqWqcXnRpq5zA

Hello to you, dear reader!
When the former Albanian dictator Enver Hoxha delivered his New Year message back in 1967, he pulled the cord marked “truth bomb”. “This year will be harder than last year,” he declared. “It will, however, be easier than next year.” I mean … on the one hand: thanks for not sugar-coating it, Enver. On the other: way to kill the party buzz, you monster!
I don’t want to murder the atmosphere (or indeed any dissidents) by reminding you of the news year you’ve just lived through – or by warning you of the news year you’re about to live through. It’s not big, it’s not clever, and it’s sure as heck not seasonal.
But I will say, pointedly, that our reporting feels particularly necessary in dark times. If you can, please help support the Guardian on a monthly basis from just £2, so as to keep it open for everyone. I can’t tell you how much it would be appreciated. A free press is needed now as much as it has ever been – and on some days, more than it has ever been.
In return for this support, I am formally* bestowing upon you the right to refer to yourself – in conversation, in the pub, and on any business cards you may care to have printed up – as “a newspaper baron”. Face it: if you pay to support a news organisation, then you ARE to all intents and purposes a newspaper baron. Just enjoy it! All the others do.
With that, it simply remains is for me to wish you a very happy holidays, and a splendid new year. Goodness knows you’ve earned it.
Marina Hyde
*not formally

This honestly reads worse than most innocent-style copy & now I’m amusing myself picturing uk media dipshits lining up to declare the anonymous composers of shitty brand emails the greatest stylists of their generation

On 20 July 2013, GCHQ officials entered The Guardian’s offices at King’s Cross in London, six weeks after the first Snowden-related article had been published.

At the request of the government and security services, Guardian deputy editor Paul Johnson, along with two others, spent three hours destroying the laptops containing the Snowden documents.

the Graun as the last bastion of the UK free press is the only funny joke in there

feel like that awful kid acne graffiti is adjacent to the topic of this thread

I was unfamiliar with the Innocent Smoothies brand until this thread. Looking at it online, I don't find the aesthetic particularly irritating at all.

https://twitter.com/maxtundra/status/1749138392099491950?s=61&t=AL5DD_4iz350KGtptOz8ew

What stage of capitalism is this?

https://nickasbury.substack.com/p/purpose-authenticity-and-nepo-brands