Invent interesting metaphors and similies for women's romantic novels.

He harpooned her blubber.

She revived his thread.

He cleansed her lysol douche.

He plunged his steed through her narrow gorge.

He graduated from Licking Valley High.

He hungrily plunged his spoon into her creamy love pudding

starbursts something something butterfly net

Now that the sandbox has taught us about proper romance writing, perhaps this thread should take another whirl around the dance floor.

He spammed her mailbox until her Outlook jammed.

He polled her repeatedly until she came out for Santorum.

Oh! That reminds me. I have installment 1 (subsequent installments will come from the chapters for various emotions, moving from "happiness, joy" through "anger, rage, and humiliation" and finally ending in "disappointment", just as the book does)

Just to put some boundaries on myself (hehehe), the source material is limited to
words: http://i508.photobucket.com/albums/s325/mylynx/Book%202/The_Romance_Cover.jpg
images: http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7141/6594501137_66dfa8acfb.jpg

respect is paid to the winner of the sandbox poll at the end, naturally
http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7023/6596082263_5be3430906.jpg

That is completely and utterly brilliant.

I like to imagine that the massive and strong hand is spinning her around by the top of the head.

thanks!

i imagined that they were swaying to and fro in a deep hypnotic state, not touching, just swaying mechanically

I'd like to hear some more about this project...?

oh, it's nothing really. i was super bored and i started a poll on the sandbox with some phrases from the above linked "romance writer's phrasebook" that i have had sitting around forever. then it became evident that one could construct an entire story from these phrases, many of which were patently awful, and i made that thing i just posted.

i've chosen some more images and i imagine that it won't be hard to make more.

fyi i used elmer's glue to attach the words to the picture (this is a scan of the actual thing)

i also intentionally chose a boring serif font and plain old printer paper for the words.

i guess the book is arranged in a way that it's like connect the dots, and everyone connects the dots in a different way, much like the way people choose to interpret the same reality in different ways irl.

i really love that the last phrase in the book is "her mind was filled with sour thoughts" -- looking forward to using that one!

also, whose hand is it? it simply says "the hand"

http://www.freewebs.com/studiocube/Link_Against_the_Master_Hand.jpg

http://notcoming.com/animation/images/trnka_hand.gif

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/b/b1/Hand_of_Omega.jpg

http://www.iteetude.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/Foam-Monster-In-Emotional-Reunion-With-Severed-Limb.jpg

http://mightyredpen.files.wordpress.com/2007/01/handfeardvd.jpg

http://cdn.bleacherreport.net/images_root/slides/photos/000/192/912/OfficeDepotHand_display_image.jpg?1270711336

http://www.addamsfamily.com/addams/thing3.jpg

Amanda, i love that!

the invisible hand imo

I made another one (i think this may be lol hueg but i wanted both sets of words to be somewhat legible)
http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7030/6635543553_54cb617579_b.jpg

whip some color into those cheeks!

glad this sandbox thread has been reborn

slim wild beauty

her hair was a cobweb

50 Shades of Grey wishes it were this thread.

awesome

anyway if you guys wanna see my tumblr, where i am adding a bit more meat (hehehe) to the story, it's here
all or most of the captions are from the phrasebook as well
http://doloressolidago.tumblr.com/

omg i just found these atrocious scripts for a "choose your own sex adventure" service thing (i saw it on jezebel) and i wonder what would happen if these abysmal scripts collided with the romance writer's phrasebook??!
http://s3.amazonaws.com/WP_redirect/media/Sexy-Tales-Female-Script.pdf
http://s3.amazonaws.com/WP_redirect/media/Sexy-Tales-Male-Script.pdf

the one for men is just about the worst thing i have ever read.

holy shit

nsfw if your workplace doesn't want you reading stuff like "mixing your juices with my precum into a miraculous lubricant"

"This is the best."

"Oh yeah, that's nice"

this is the utter worst
i actually grew to like the romance writer's phrasebook after a while

The one for men is clearly designed to turn on the man reading it more than the woman to whom it would ostensibly be read.

"It’s usually a woman who performs phone sex for the man."

Also "like your wetness" is going to skeeve me out for a long time.

lick, not like, but either way: skeevy.

"Press 2 to finish off inside my very moist cavern"

Lolz

"OMG! I'm oozing all over you"

http://protoncharging.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/neca_slimer_translucent.gif

lolol

btw, i just bought this book based on this thread
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0399510028/

awesome! that's enough to make me post the audio version that i did recently. i was a little embarrassed about it, but what the hell
i hope you enjoy the book. it's a strange journey from page 1 to "her mind was filled with sour thoughts".

i hid the link bc i don't want it to be googleable! http://bit.ly/1oWeC0L

fucking awesome.

this book will live in my bathroom prob forever.

before too long you're going to start assembling your own…i had the book sitting on my shelf for years before i knew what to do with it. now i feel like the possibilities are endless!

well maybe not
the physical descriptions do lack range

but not DEPTH mirit

His eyes were pools of appeal.

OMG the track. Amazing.

hey thanks! i'm proud bc the drums sound pretty good and seem to synch up with the story well enough

are you enjoying the romance writer's phrase book y/n

i saw the trailer for the 50 shades movie and it looks AWFUL
like "here is a gift of some cherries, now let's hump in my private jet" awful

yes
it's nice to have around the house to sweettalk the gal with

haha
may your minds be filled with sour thoughts!