They sub all the best ones out...
― Ronan, Friday, 18 July 2008 14:55 (fifteen years ago) link
bailed on the condition that he takes some video next time
― blueski, Friday, 18 July 2008 14:57 (fifteen years ago) link
They should have locked him up, the judge was a woolly liberal.
― Matt DC, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:00 (fifteen years ago) link
He hired a bah-rister
― snoball, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:01 (fifteen years ago) link
no need to ram it home
― blueski, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:02 (fifteen years ago) link
He's gone on the lamb
― snoball, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:02 (fifteen years ago) link
"I thank ewe" http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/3/3e/Arthur_Askey.jpg
― snoball, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:05 (fifteen years ago) link
always had my suspicions about him.
― Dingbod Kesterson, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:12 (fifteen years ago) link
Mutton could be more embarrassing...
― Tracer Hand, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:15 (fifteen years ago) link
Redefines the phrase "sheep dip"
― snoball, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:18 (fifteen years ago) link
The judge was going to send him to a psychiatrist, but realised that he was a dyed-in-the-wool pervert.
― snoball, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:20 (fifteen years ago) link
Ewe've been bah-ed
― jel --, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:25 (fifteen years ago) link
The defendant tried to convince police that he was a vet, but they realised that he was spinning them a yarn...
― snoball, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:26 (fifteen years ago) link
WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!!1!
― StanM, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:28 (fifteen years ago) link
These puns have shorn all the humour from the situation. Really, they are shear agony to read.
― James Mitchell, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:28 (fifteen years ago) link
The man's defence lawyer tried to knit a convincing alibi, but it came unravelled in court.
― snoball, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:31 (fifteen years ago) link
A man was recently arrested for a similar offence in a secluded car park - the charge was sheepdogging.
― snoball, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:32 (fifteen years ago) link
"he was later spotted sheepishly buying a leg of lamb from his local co-op"
― jel --, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:33 (fifteen years ago) link
So where do you buy mint sauce flavoured lube from anyway?
― Noodle Vague, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:33 (fifteen years ago) link
(xpost) We are now rapidly approaching the realm of: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/a/ae/Tworonnies.JPG ...although now thank to NV we're not...
― snoball, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:34 (fifteen years ago) link
(xpost) I imagine that such an item could be procured from a bah-ck alley sex shop.
Now you're just ovine me on.
― Noodle Vague, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:35 (fifteen years ago) link
You guys are scrapie the bottom of the barrel here.
― NickB, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:37 (fifteen years ago) link
Yeah, we should cutlet out.
― Noodle Vague, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:39 (fifteen years ago) link
The man had misunderstood the term "mutton busting"
― snoball, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:39 (fifteen years ago) link
http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/44838000/jpg/_44838426_poohsticks_getty_226.jpg "Pooh Sticks is free"
― the next grozart, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:42 (fifteen years ago) link
The court ruminated for a long time before coming to a verdict.
― snoball, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:44 (fifteen years ago) link
You could say he was licking his chops
― Tracer Hand, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:50 (fifteen years ago) link
He wanted a bit of rump
― snoball, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:52 (fifteen years ago) link
^^^ I'm sorry, that's just low quality...
No need to mince words
― Tracer Hand, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:53 (fifteen years ago) link
Hope he doesn't go anywhere near East London, with a reputation like that he'd get proper shanked up.
― Matt DC, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:55 (fifteen years ago) link
When he arrives in jail, the other prisoners will flock to get a look at him, because they will have herd about his attempt to fleece the judge.
― snoball, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:56 (fifteen years ago) link
He's already been widely lambasted.
― Noodle Vague, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:56 (fifteen years ago) link
He'll be doing twenty to ten in the pen...
― snoball, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:57 (fifteen years ago) link
Not really a yarn to tell his grandchildren though.
― Matt DC, Friday, 18 July 2008 15:59 (fifteen years ago) link
"Yes your honor, I was naked when I hoofed it"
― Tracer Hand, Friday, 18 July 2008 16:00 (fifteen years ago) link
The man was caught because witnesses recognised his woolly jumper.
― snoball, Friday, 18 July 2008 16:01 (fifteen years ago) link
Apparently the guy told the sheep that he only wanted to give her a stroke, but it sounds like he welshed on her.
― NickB, Friday, 18 July 2008 16:02 (fifteen years ago) link
Police also suspect that the man was trying to supply the sheep with grass.
― snoball, Friday, 18 July 2008 16:02 (fifteen years ago) link
Experts say that this case will open up a whole new field in criminology.
― snoball, Friday, 18 July 2008 16:06 (fifteen years ago) link
When the first issue of Sheep World arrived, he realised he'd been fleeced.
― jel --, Friday, 18 July 2008 16:06 (fifteen years ago) link
The man told reporters the incident had left him "in a deep trough"
― Tracer Hand, Friday, 18 July 2008 16:13 (fifteen years ago) link
"Did I know it would feel good?" he said, musing aloud. "No, it was just one of those haunches."
― Tracer Hand, Friday, 18 July 2008 16:15 (fifteen years ago) link
The sheep was physically okay, but left with a few grazers.
― NickB, Friday, 18 July 2008 16:17 (fifteen years ago) link
However, she did go and get slaughtered straight afterwards.
― NickB, Friday, 18 July 2008 16:18 (fifteen years ago) link
LOL
― Tracer Hand, Friday, 18 July 2008 16:19 (fifteen years ago) link
There's no point bleating about it.
― snoball, Friday, 18 July 2008 16:21 (fifteen years ago) link
"When I heard the police siren," he said ruefully, "I knew something wasn't kosher. So I legged it."
― Tracer Hand, Friday, 18 July 2008 16:23 (fifteen years ago) link
He's also had difficulty getting a bank loan - his credit rating is offal.
― snoball, Friday, 18 July 2008 16:37 (fifteen years ago) link
Thatcher's puppy has roof work licked
― Mark G, Friday, 24 May 2019 10:04 (four years ago) link
'Giant Christmas bauble' in Thames sparks bomb alert https://t.co/h8LkGJLiCu— BBC News (UK) (@BBCNews) May 29, 2019
― calzino, Wednesday, 29 May 2019 12:06 (four years ago) link
it wasn't labelled "acme bomb" apparently.
― calzino, Wednesday, 29 May 2019 12:08 (four years ago) link
David Bowie to be immortalised by Barbie
The article name checks several Bowie songs, but doesn't mention the one song that actually mentions Barbie - 'Young Americans', which has the line "it ain't that Barbie doll, her heart's been broken just like you have".
― just another country (snoball), Thursday, 11 July 2019 18:21 (four years ago) link
Norwich Cathedral helter skelter 'is a mistake'
Sounds like it'll be coming down fast.
― just another country (snoball), Friday, 9 August 2019 21:34 (four years ago) link
would much rather appreciate the roof of an ancient stone building from a helter skelter than a wobbly tower scaffold that you have to nervously climb back down again. fuck the haters!
― calzino, Friday, 9 August 2019 21:39 (four years ago) link
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/content/dam/tv/2019/01/18/TELEMMGLPICT000001073483_trans_NvBQzQNjv4BqEDjTm7JpzhSGR1_8ApEWQA1vLvhkMtVb21dMmpQBfEs.jpeg
― Euripedes' Trousers (Tom D.), Friday, 9 August 2019 21:46 (four years ago) link
A+ display name
― just another country (snoball), Friday, 9 August 2019 21:48 (four years ago) link
Man brings clown to redundancy meeting
― just another country (snoball), Sunday, 15 September 2019 15:59 (four years ago) link
"Steven, a Christian, thinks fencing prevents knife crime"
no he doesn't..
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/stories-50101362/steven-a-christian-thinks-fencing-prevents-knife-crime
― Mark G, Friday, 25 October 2019 11:17 (four years ago) link
Producer and Editor: Joanne Whalley
scandal!
― genre: post-britpop (bizarro gazzara), Friday, 25 October 2019 11:23 (four years ago) link
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-hampshire-50486724
Alton's Christmas skiing marmot decoration sparks row
A giant ear-muff wearing marmot has sparked a mixed response in a Hampshire town after it was revealed as part of its Christmas display.
― koogs, Wednesday, 20 November 2019 15:17 (four years ago) link
residents of southern town hate unusual newcomer shocker
― The Man Who Was Thirsty (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 20 November 2019 15:24 (four years ago) link
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-suffolk-50760470?ns_campaign=bbcnews&ns_source=twitter&ns_mchannel=social&ocid=socialflow_twitter
Woman, 89, granted 'big biceps' stripper care home wish
― calzino, Thursday, 12 December 2019 16:44 (four years ago) link
Her somewhat unorthodox wish was granted when the stripper, dressed as a fireman, turned up at the Glastonbury Court care home in Bury St Edmunds two weeks ago and began swinging his belt around wildly before stripping down to his underpants
'two weeks ago' is stretching the definition of 'news' imo
― Receive Your Simulated Fluids Before The End of The Year! (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 12 December 2019 16:48 (four years ago) link
I'm missing Laura K already!
― calzino, Thursday, 12 December 2019 17:07 (four years ago) link
Pringles tubes burnt to crisp in M1 lorry fire
― just another country (snoball), Sunday, 12 January 2020 20:27 (four years ago) link
Wine bar occupies former gents' toilet site
Cue the "this is a toilet venue", "the beer tastes like piss", etc., etc. jokes.
― Being cheap is expensive (snoball), Friday, 7 February 2020 19:40 (four years ago) link
ffs BBC...
Lesbos refugee centre burns amid migrant tensions
The article itself has the much less tabloid headline Greece migrant crisis: Refugee centre ablaze as tensions rise.
― Being cheap is expensive (snoball), Sunday, 8 March 2020 13:14 (four years ago) link
Profile of Robert Oppenheimer, controversial father of the atomic bomb. Storyville: The Trials of Oppenheimer. Tonight, 10.30pm, @BBCFour https://t.co/OKN48N1W0A— BBC Four (@BBCFOUR) August 13, 2020
― koogs, Friday, 14 August 2020 16:13 (three years ago) link
you can take all yer pots and pans and your atomic weapons and your famous quantum chemistry and molecular physics theories + chuck 'em all in the bin!
― calzino, Friday, 14 August 2020 16:24 (three years ago) link
someone else one twitter - "i am become death, destroyer of leeds"
― koogs, Friday, 14 August 2020 16:31 (three years ago) link
why would they not delete??
― Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Friday, 14 August 2020 17:38 (three years ago) link
US election: Do you need Jesus to win the White House?(maybe because you don't trust the other two candidates?)
― Being cheap is expensive (snoball), Tuesday, 6 October 2020 12:18 (three years ago) link
Your 'wacky backy' BBC news caption of the day...Cannabis crop at former Coventry nightclub 'worth £1mhttps://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/800/cpsprodpb/14626/production/_114949438_nca.jpg
― Being cheap is expensive (snoball), Saturday, 17 October 2020 12:44 (three years ago) link
Islam: Sunak lets the taxman take the strain
No, the government isn't going to tax Muslims. The article was written by Faisal Islam, the BBC's economics editor.
― Being cheap is expensive (snoball), Wednesday, 27 October 2021 17:47 (two years ago) link
Piet Mondrian artwork displayed upside down for 75 years
Insert "modern art, amirite!?" joek here.
― Being cheap is expensive (snoball), Friday, 28 October 2022 17:47 (one year ago) link
Jeremy Clarkson warns some of his cider might explode
― you gotta roll with the pączki to get to what's real (snoball), Saturday, 22 July 2023 13:43 (nine months ago) link