Every initial "jam" session ever

30d. Finds 'percussion' preset, plays super fast ten finger drum rolls, says to drummer "betcha can't play that", drummer flips off keyboard player.

(I have nothing against keyboard players btw, often am one in fact)

31. "Everybody stop playin for just a second... Hey, hey... Hey stop playing! YOOOO! STOP PLAYING FOR A SEC!!"

32. Guitarist spends at least half the session swapping a dozen different half-dead 9V batteries in his/her Fuzz Face clone.

33. Nut/bolt from drummer's kick pedal falls off, gets lost on patterned carpet.

34. "You're out of tune." "No, you're out of tune." "Trust me, I have perfect pitch".

haha how many people say that! "Listen, only two people ever in history had perfect pitch. Mozart and Bill Bailey. Now tune the fuck up."

Yeah, it really winds me up.

I'm a bit tone deaf, so usually it's like this:

bandmate: "You're out of tune!"
snoball: "Yeah, probably."

Also -

35. Someone always has some wild and wacky way of tuning their guitar. Stop lamely trying to keep it real and use a fucking tuner, yeah?

36. meanwhile, the drummer hasn't tuned their drums in four years

1. Someone playing funk licks while everyone else is trying to tune up.

― Bernard V. O'Hare (dog latin), Wednesday, 19 January 2011 11:34 (Yesterday)

Painfully, PAINFULLY otm.

Ah, in my era it was "Someone plays Deep Purple riff while everyone else is trying to get into the post-punk mood"

37. Technical Guy vs. Cave Man

TG: "it's add9/7b5/9sus4 UNLESS you think that 'mu major' steely dan thing would fit'

CM: *nods* 'gotcha- but play it slow & lemme look at your fingers...'

-quickly leads to #18

38. Vastly more technically skilled lead guitarist insists that Sublime's "Badfish" be covered; you retaliate by making him listen to "Ege Bamyasi" for the first time during a smoke break; Unfortunately, Can and Sublime CAN be blended

31. "Everybody stop playin for just a second... Hey, hey... Hey stop playing! YOOOO! STOP PLAYING FOR A SEC!!"

― Bernard V. O'Hare (dog latin), Thursday, 20 January 2011 16:20 (1 month ago)

aaahaha. i'd also like to ammend this w/ 31-B. which is about verbatim but everybody is shouting at the drummer.

14. inappropriate slap bass

― O_o-O_0-o_O (jjjusten), Wednesday, January 19, 2011 10:44 AM (1 month ago) Bookmark

i got this far into the thread and the part of me that wanted to be in a band again grabbed his coat and hat. "OTM y'all, bye...!"

39. Listening back to session (recorded on guitarist's MP3 player), everyone giggling and smiling and nodding.

40. Guitarist plays session back to girl he likes. Never sees her again.

41. On the occasional prac where everyone get themselves set-up and ready at the same point, awkward 9 second 'whatdowestartwith' silence hangs in air like dead man's fart.

42. Keep trying to play stuff that ilx wont think is "blooze", leading to silence

43. Silence broken only by tube amp exploding

I have an initial jam session today... uh-oh!

44. Bassist/maracas player/teaboy sets out incongruous and detailed vision for a band, while imagining others might think he's talking about a different band and will ask him back

45. Bassist and drummer are trying to figure out a groove when guitarist enters and begins playing Nirvana riffs at full volume.

46. guitarist is playing sick nirvana riffs, drummer and bass player start playing some lame funk "groove"

and ive just decided that any initial jam i rock in the future will be sister ray or nothing

― "crut" copy (diamonddave85), Thursday, January 20, 2011 12:24 AM (2 months ago) Bookmark

had a sister ray jam with some friends a couple months ago — it was really fun!! everyone should try it once in their life

The talented poet Bernard Snowy, on I Make Music! Is there anything he CAN'T do?

(also here - Tracer Hand! I forgot that he had a guitar past. or is it a present?)

xpost find a job, keep a friend, get over my neuroses

but yay, thank u for calling me "talented"! :D

well, I am only going on the poems you have posted on ILB - I am impressed by the creativity and craft.

47. One person is visibly nervous and keeps apologizing

8. "A Minoooor, D, D, A Minoooor, E, E, E....."

― Bernard V. O'Hare (dog latin), Wednesday, January 19, 2011 11:47 AM (3 months ago) Bookmark

this makes me lol every time

5. delay pedal atmospherics

― saturday nose fever (electricsound), Wednesday, 19 January 2011 11:42 (3 months ago)

I was messing around with delay/chorus/phaser for an hour this morning, and was having a great time, then I realised that if anyone else had been there, they'd have been bored/irritated.

Stop lamely trying to keep it real and use a fucking tuner, yeah?

48. One guy brings fancy tuner that no-one else can work out how to use but, because they don't want to appear uncool, they carry on using it regardless with the result that after 15 minutes of faffing around everyone's more out of tune than when they started. Eventual outcome: "Oh fuck it, it'll do"

49. awkward chuckle/sheepish "yeah that was cool" at the end of a jam no one is actually sure was any good or enjoyable at all

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qIgiYvis3OY

Is it better to have jammed and lost than never to have jammed at all?

Many years ago, I had dinner with and played some with Paul Reed Smith, of the Paul Reed Smith guitar company. A nice enough guy, albeit a little full of himself. One really funny thing he mentioned was that at a NAMM show a few years prior to this dinner/jam, he and his friends were talking about how to tame the inevitably cacophonous nature of GuitarCenter. They came to the conclusion that it would be tamed to some degree if they were to post what key everyone had to play in.

A guy that I knew who worked at Guitar Center said the show room sounds would be the on hold music dialing into hell.