Footballers who really don't need to be on Twitter

And I've done it before as well! I know that's not his name! I know how to spell Michael! What is WRONG with me?

(answer: I think I hear his name in my head and confuse him with Michelle Dewberry that won the Apprentice a couple of years ago)

unfortunately, he never tweets anything interesting.

Not true - he posted a pic of his shiny new Nike boots recently! Boots that will remain shiny and new, given that he's as likely to get a game as me.
(cue Lennie throwing him into the Berwick tie)

Is he not still in America? (I could check on twitter, I guess)

Wiki says he's at Dundee. I couldn't give one shit tbh.

Twitter says he's in America. Ah well, looks like I'm between the sticks for the big game.

I think it was a short-term loan and he's back again because he wasn't getting a game there either (though I might be thinking of someone else come to think of it), so he seems to have gone on a long holiday to America*. I don't particularly give much of a shit (since he's not even our second-choice keeper) either, tbh.

* google tells me it's actually a USA USA USA squad month-long training thing, but I suspect he's probably not getting a game there either

xpost while I was looking this up. and yes, would rate you over Lucas Zaluska any day. But can you play centre half :-)

I can play right back. Well, I have more functioning knees than Mark Wilson.

Heather Mills McCartney has more functioning knees than Mark Wilson.

http://www.goal.com/en-gb/news/2896/premier-league/2011/01/08/2295741/glen-johnson-launches-astonishing-twitter-attack-on-paul

Liverpool full-back Glen Johnson has hit out at former Arsenal player Paul Merson, calling him an "alcoholic drug abuser" on Twitter.

The outburst, which has since been deleted from Johnson's Twitter page, was in response to criticism from Merson on Sky Sports show 'Soccer Saturday', as pundits analysed the dismissal of Roy Hodgson as Liverpool manager.

Merson said: "He (Hodgson) didn't have the luxury of a budget to spend £18 million on Glen Johnson, who can't defend for toffee, he's had to buy players from Fulham that he knew before.

"I don't think it's the players hanging their head in shame - I don't think they're good enough. Who would take their players if they were to go on sale tomorrow? Glen Johnson wouldn't go anywhere for 18 million quid."

Johnson responded on the social networking site Twitter, writing: "Comments from alcoholic drug abusers are not going to upset me and who is Paul Merson to judge players. He was average at the best of times, the only reason he is on that show is coz (sic) he gambled all his money away. The clown!"

Paul Merson probably asking his PA to google "toilet seat theft jokes" right now.

http://img148.imageshack.us/img148/6959/picture1nam.png

Know one noes,, KNOW ONE!!

If only Glen's tackling was as hard and his passing as accurate as his assessment of Merson.

http://cg.scs.carleton.ca/~luc/KurtSchwitters--Merz-Cover-1925.png

Why doesn't he tell twitter about the press gagging order he's got that we're not supposed to no about?

Sorry Howard Webb !
https://twitter.com/#!/RyanBabel/status/24184981412651008

http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2011/jan/09/ryan-babel-howard-webb-manchester-united-liverpool

http://www.metro.co.uk/sport/football/852573-neil-warnock-issues-qpr-twitter-ban-after-el-hadji-diouf-abuse

QPR manager Neil Warnock has banned his players from using Twitter to discuss club matters after members of the squad used the micro-blogging site to criticise Blackburn’s El Hadji Diouf.

fucking hypocrite

From some interview with the guy who runs the Empire of the Kop fan site:

Can you name some one-of-a-kind Twitter accounts that you follow?
@kennethdalglish @pauldalglish @kellycates @marinadalglish @laurendalglish @lyndseydalglish The entire Dalglish family.

http://twitter.com/#!/Glenn_Hysen/status/32099577926524929

New favourite, better than Big Sam imho - http://twitter.com/chrisdawdle

"Lots of talk about hellychoppers today. Petah Beerdsleep once gave me a lift in a Citron which felt just like a hovergrass."

Jody Morris is on twitter. I'm sorry world.

Jody Morris is quite amusing on Twitter though. Compared to some dull footballers anyway. He does seem a bit obsessed with Tool Academy though.

I have started following loads of sad-sack rubbish SPL footballers. Graham Carey is the dullest man on earth, btw, closely followed by Joe Ledley.

Is Morris really okay? I have never really forgiven him for pissing a genuine talent up the wall and leading that nice young man John Terry astray...

I've got no idea if he's actually OK or not, he seems to just laugh at his old Chelsea mates and talk about Tool Academy all the time, and big up the St Johnstone twitter massive. @morriskid if you want to see for yourself. I only started following him because a mate of mine retweets some of his more amusing comments from time to time.

Agree about the talent-pissing, is weird to see him being average in an average SPL team.

Wasn't Morris accused of being a bit rakey in the dim and distant?

Yeah, that's where it all started going wrong for him iirc.

Booze issues, not sure anything else, though wouldn't really surprise me. He got into a fair few scraps.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/west_yorkshire/3445187.stm

'Where are we going Jody?'
'To the toppermost of the poppermost, via the offie and the Crown Court.'

http://yfrog.com/h72n9yj

Bloody hell, forgotten he'd been at Leeds.

I am also now following Michael Duberry and wallowing in nostalgia for what might have been

Now, where's Andy Myers?

Kristofer

Yeah, I liked that too.

Be sure to check out Michael Duberry's online clothing store for toddlers

http://www.mummysonlinebabyshop.com/

Duberry's twitter is really boring, completely obsessed with driving conditions/traffic levels between Perth and Glasgow and the carpark at Braehead (presumably when he's going to Nandos all the time).

btw, I have a mate who spells it Kristefer, which is even worse.

Have we learnt nothing from Keysey? http://twitter.com/AdamLeventhal/status/33307339016777728

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/02/08/article-1354825-0D15F12D000005DC-857_468x592.jpg

Have we learnt nothing from Keysey? http://twitter.com/AdamLeventhal/status/33307339016777728

― James Mitchell, Friday, 4 February 2011 08:49 (5 days ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

not really that outrageous a habit to associate with the 'travelling community'

Imma try my best to do some damage with the time i'm given! Hopefully we will be winning when i get on!

answer to the thread title: all of them, they train, watch movies, and go to nando's. that's it.

Imma try my best to do some damage with the time i'm given! Hopefully we will be winning when i get on!

So this is a bit of a match-fixing scandal here huh?

Liverpool prodigy Jonjo Shelvey's Twitter account has been suspended after he posted a picture of his penis. "Apologies for the picture, one of my mates messing around with my phone! Sorry!" tweeted Shelvey, moments before his short social media-horrifying career was prematurely curtailed.

Hope Kenny wasn't following him at the time.

Whoever said "it looks a little too much like him" both otm and lol.

LeonKnight82

Before u chat shit ask yourself have u ever won championship player of the month

RichardKingson

I've played in World Cups. How is the Irish League? RT @LeonKnight82 Talk about my career u better go get one LOL

http://twitter.com/#!/LeonKnight82/status/51974335417696256

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leon_Knight

In March 2011, Knight suffered a Twitter-related breakdown, posing various "Before you chat shit ask yourself" questions.

make u think

you have to give it him, he's intelligent enough to breath. I love it when normal-blokeism crosses into crypto-paed territory!

Since deleted and "someone else got my phone"

Trending in the United Kingdom
Matt le Tissier

I presume he'll be doing a bit of anti-mask activism, because he's a fucking ableist, selfish tory pillock!

Bingo

Todays poll. If the government asked you to stop driving because there was a small chance you’d kill someone would you do it?

— Matt Le Tissier (@mattletiss7) July 24, 2020

People going "have you heard of seat belts?" are being accused of making a false equivalence.

Sports personalities - trending

Matt Le Tissier

Trending with:
Holocaust

Can’t wait for the next time you post in here

thank you

won't happen again

No I meant Le Tissier does something progressively more awful every time you post in here about it! I don’t want to see what’s next.

My Twitter Space is about to go live, to discuss my NFT project. Despite the critics, my NFTs will be the first ever that can’t lose their initial value 👊🏻

— Michael Owen (@themichaelowen) May 9, 2022

If we don’t let you sell your jpeg for less than £200, it’s always worth £200!

maybe you can use them as gambling tokens on one of his virtual racehorses when it proves impossible to sell them, even when you win you lose.

Add it to his other successes.

Delighted to see that Michael Owen IPA beer is now for sale in China and Hong Kong.
Join us in tasting our favourite IPA beer! Happy days. pic.twitter.com/KpUGtuIzpf

— Michael Owen (@themichaelowen) September 2, 2020

https://x.com/Joey7Barton/status/1743331027123388893?s=20

Why turn the replies off?

You don’t like hearing the truth.

Hearing the feedback.

Commie cowards.

Stop forcing your Woke, Racist nonsense on us.

DEI and Affirmative Action is failing.

Failing badly.

It’s doesn’t work.

Best person for the job.

Meritocracy Rules. 👑👍

— 👑 Joey Barton 👑 (@Joey7Barton) January 5, 2024

Meritocracy rules, with a crown emoji next to a thumbs up

Well I suppose it does explain his managerial career.

Cricketers who really don't need to be on Twitter.

https://x.com/KP24/status/1777611224160588284