bill simmons IS bill simmons IN the book of BASKETBALL

nah but they bring way more hustle to the defense on every play than the pros

bleh

I was gonna try to make a point about the generally superior athleticism of NBA basketball, but I am watching Dallas-Orlando and Hedo Turkoglu fell down awkwardly trying to dunk like five minutes ago. Dude ruins everything.

Dude got pushed in the back by Dirk. Not his fault. This time.

hedo dunk fail was a total lol

On the subject of betting, I gotta think it's good fun to bet on women's basketball because there's so much less traffic. Probably easier to find bad lines.

Everything feels like a cliché at this point: Friends overreacting in a crowded room every time CBS throws it to New York for a highlight; aging media guys awkwardly throwing out fantasy jokes to seem hip (so annoying, especially when the mainstream media treated fantasy with such contempt once upon a time); Hollywood typically botching the boom with FX's show about an eight-team league (seriously, do you know ANYONE in an eight-team league???); and, of course, more and more women playing fantasy football and, in some cases, integrating all-male leagues.

I hate the last trend for about 656 reasons, but mainly this one: If you asked any guy in 2000 what stereotypical things were unique to us -- things we had for ourselves, partly because we liked them and partly because guys just need to do things with other guys sometimes, and that's just the way it is -- they may have mentioned sports, fantasy, strip joints, Vegas, bad action movies, golf trips, urinals and/or long car trips in which one person keeps farting and bumming out everyone else in the car while laughing hysterically. That was the top-eight "Just F---ing Let Us Be Cavemen For Old Times' Sake" list in some order.

Well, this turned out to be the decade when we lost Vegas -- you're just as likely to see flocks of female friends moving in packs now, only they're drunker, louder and clumsier -- and lost exclusivity over the fantasy domain as well. Pretty soon, we're only going to have golf, farting and urinals. (Note: That easily could have been the title for Adam Carolla's upcoming book; he went with "In Fifty Years, We'll All Be Chicks" instead.) I just wish we had better delineation. If women want to play fantasy football, fine. Just start your own leagues. Give us that one day or night when we sit around a table for five hours, fart, burp, drink, eat gross food, bust balls and say inappropriate things. Let us give our teams names like "Premature Pitinos" without wondering if we might offend you. Give us four months of e-mail chains in which we rip on each other -- and occasionally flip out and get pissed off -- without worrying about offending the opposite sex. I swear, we don't ask for much. And don't turn it into a freaking discrimination thing. This isn't discrimination. Not letting you play at Augusta -- that's discrimination. Nobody said you couldn't start your own league. Knock yourselves out. But let us breathe. Let us bond. Let us have our all-male leagues without giving us crap about it. For the love of God. Or else in 50 years we WILL all be chicks.

lol sad dude

man, are there any non-shitty sportswriters at all? like who write intersting and are not douche bags?

― wiz kelefa sanneh claus (m bison), Tuesday, December 21, 2010 8:15 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark

ken davidoff's been writing his ass off lately

i dont even understand at ALL what hes talking about in that fantasy thing - is there some ruling body that's forcibly integrating male and female leagues???? its not like you need to be sanctioned to have a fantasy league!! and its not like you need to invite anybody who you dont want to be in it

Fantasy Title IX, iirc

Let us bond. Let us have our all-male leagues without giving us crap about it. For the love of God. Or else in 50 years we WILL all be chicks.

someone clearly needs to beat the shit out of him. it'll be masculine, like hockey, he'll love it

its funny because all this needy bro bonding is pretty you know feminine

"we don't ask for much."

it also seems like bill simmons knows a bunch of lame women

and while we're on the subject of misogyny and fantasy sports

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jSfDPkIq1oY

it's just incredibly sad and pathetically in-character that the one thing that really steams this guy up is fucking women playing fantasy sports.

I mean, in what way is this not a good thing, dude! Now your wife and her friends might get less eye-rolly when you want to talk about it incessantly! Win-win IMO.

I just hate this guy more and more every day.

also, isn't a woman who shares your interests more attractive? no -- they're just for the other stuff, like bearing not-necessarily-wanted babies

Yeah that's sorta what I was getting at but didn't phrase it correctly. Women aren't allowed to taint the purity of homosocial guy stuff or we will literally become women.

because guys just need to do things with other guys sometimes

*pause*

man, are there any non-shitty sportswriters at all? like who write intersting and are not douche bags?

― wiz kelefa sanneh claus (m bison), Tuesday, December 21, 2010 8:15 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark

Gregg Easterbrook?

lol you trolling

yes i am : )

I imagine his frat boy fanbase might email him some reasons why they aren't - entirely - against hoards of drunk girls in las vegas

What I find to be offensive about his constantly recurring refrain is that he seems like he's going to DIE if he doesn't have dude time that is separate and apart from time with women, and women who don't respect that just don't know their place.

Single-sex outings are not just for dudes. And he's a douchebag for implying it. And yeah, if you want to have an all-male fantasy football league, have an all-male fantasy football league. Its just like if you want to go hang out with your buddies and not your wife/gf, go do it. Don't act like its something you are entitled to and/or must necessarily have in order to be a complete human being.

well right. that it's something to be aggrieved about is what's so o_O about his whole ish. i am all for dude time for dudes to be dudes (ffs i am scheduling a second-annual boys only no girls allowed ski trip w/bros right now), but wouldn't pretend for a second that if/when some wives/girlfriends show up that they are anything but completely welcome.

honestly can't understand how his wife puts up with it, esp when he's airing out his insecurities in a column read by millions(?) of ppl

This reminds me of the Leslie Mann and Paul Rudd relaysh in knocked up. "you wanna go to India? Go to India. Go to India." and when he's caught going to his fantasy baseball league and confesses that he leaves home to do shit by himself. And she's all I like spiderman. Like women wanna do shit by themselves sometimes too but they aren't so selfish (ime) to feel entitled and whine about it.

Also lol @ simmons' basically advocating for separate but equal fantasy leagues. Need some espn v board of education shit right herre.

honestly can't understand how his wife puts up with it, esp when he's airing out his insecurities in a column read by millions(?) of ppl

― kanellos (gbx), Monday, December 27, 2010 12:11 PM (12 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

the millions of dollars prob help

and the fact that its clearly shtick

His wife's sidebar columns for ESPN confirmed for me that he is married to a woman who validates his worldview.

Yeah. She's probably not too pissed when they get the royalty checks. Fair point.

i feel like we are almost at the point of nick picking bill simmons where i come to his defense, ehhh

His dad seems like a cool dude.

i know it's different people posting, but the difference between this thread and the adam carolla thread is sort of amazing to me.

yeah i would never set foot in an adam carolla thread

haha ditto

more like ball semens

carolla thread is for true g's only, u scrubs wouldnt be welcome anyway

dont want to alarm u all but simmons has a column up comparing brady/manning to biggie/tupac

the comparison is basically pointless but the football content of the column is good

lol whats up w/him making up fake nicknames for pats/colts games

I really liked it, especially the Mo Cheeks coda at the end, and all of the stuff where Brady is unconcerned about where things match up on the mythical lists of greatness. Like the whole point of the article other than Peyton Manning and Tom Brady are good at quarterbacking is that the amount of column inches and sports talk radio/TV hours spent engaged in the discussion are basically just unnecessary entertainments unrelated to the actual games and those involved. He spends all this time discussing EPIC RIVALRY and then Brady is like "Yeah Peyty's a good dude, I'm just tryna do me"

simmons comes this close to owning up to being a fabulist then backs off w/thats what its all abt vegas baby!

typical

whats a fabulist

like, the best list ever, obviously! Duh.

http://grab.by/8fJO

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