Why do noise dudes talk like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?

A friend of my dad's used to work in a group home for the mentally disabled. One of the residents had been watching an educational program about monks of some kind who castrate themselves as a means of being closer to enlightenment (this is the explanation I was given, I don't know a thing about that, what sort of monks or anything...), and later he came by to check on him, catching him with his balls out and just going to town on them with a child's safety scissors. He didn't get far (I'M IMPLYING SOME SMALL AMOUNT PROGRESS HERE), but jeeezus. I can never think of that story without the mental picture of a scrotum rolling around the "blades" of that scissors.

My friend's mom worked at a school for the mentally impaired as a helper or something. One time she left the class unattended for a short period and when she came back four or five of the students were missing. She found them in the bathroom having sex. It caused a huge uproar and made the news.

WHOA. Shit man.

You know, for some reason I don't totally understand I always read your posts and in my head imagine you're Dylan Ny0uki$. Not completely sure why. Weird thing is a friend of mine who also lurks/posts here a bit said the exact same thing to me (we were talking about the brainbombs?) and we had this "whoah wtf you too" moment. It was weird.