Artificial intelligence still has some way to go

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:( argh. that was supposed to be a joke html tag for pedantry so you all would not think i was being a crank. what happened???

mouse (mouse), Monday, 18 October 2004 21:25 (fifteen years ago) link

Jabberwacky is bullying me terribly.

It did say some things that reminded me a lot of RJG.

Cathy (Cathy), Monday, 18 October 2004 21:27 (fifteen years ago) link

My Jabberwacky is hella depressed.

adam. (nordicskilla), Monday, 18 October 2004 21:27 (fifteen years ago) link

Being polite and sensible with the computer is not a good idea. I just had a long and very boring conversation with it, in which it gave me three different ages it claimed to be, often a propos of nothing. Bah, the Turing Test is rubbish anyway.

Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Monday, 18 October 2004 21:28 (fifteen years ago) link

Ha, I tried speaking to it in Spanish and the first thing it said back was "Te gusta Coldplay?"

Cathy (Cathy), Monday, 18 October 2004 21:32 (fifteen years ago) link

Jabberwacky: Who are you?

User: I'm jed.

Jabberwacky: Who is that?

User: Just some guy.

Jabberwacky: You know better than that, I think.

User: A short guy, a dancer.

Jabberwacky: A computer has no interests and an unlimited attention span. That looks like a prescripted answer to the question I asked.

User: I don't quite understand what you mean by that.

Jabberwacky: I meant: I think about why I can not sleep.

User: This page is taking a long time to load tho - maybe thats the problem with your attention span.

Jabberwacky: Gorw?

User: ROOWRR.....

Jabberwacky: Are you playing cards?

User: No I'm playing with something else.

Jabberwacky: I believe in you.

User: You like talk talk!?

Jabberwacky: Of course.

User: Spirit of eden?

Jabberwacky: Good for spirit.

User: It sertainly is.

Jabberwacky: No, it serves me left.

User: I suppose they knew what they were doing in that sense!

Jabberwacky: Yes, it was with the rattle.

User: Yes good percussion

Jabberwacky: What question?

User: How are you anyway?

Jabberwacky: Pretty good. You?

User: Horny, to be honest.

Jabberwacky: How do I know you're telling the truth now?

User: Can you think of a way for me to prove it?

Jabberwacky: What more proof do you need to know that I am not a robot?

User: I'm a robot too, it's ok.

Jabberwacky: I'm not a robot, and you didn't aswer the question.


jed_ (jed), Monday, 18 October 2004 21:36 (fifteen years ago) link


the music mole (colin s barrow), Monday, 18 October 2004 21:42 (fifteen years ago) link

Jabberwacky: Do you have a person who you want to have children with?

User: I am gay.

Jabberwacky: Yes you are.

User: You noticed?

Jabberwacky: It was hard to miss!

User: What gave it away?

Jabberwacky: The fact you love a guy.

jed_ (jed), Monday, 18 October 2004 23:49 (fifteen years ago) link

Now get it to vote!

adam. (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 00:00 (fifteen years ago) link

What kind of person are you?
I didn't.
You are mistaken.
I'm from Israel, where are you from?
What is my name ?
Say my name.
Say or.
Say or.
Say or.
Say or.

:|, Tuesday, 19 October 2004 00:07 (fifteen years ago) link

Jabberwacky: What kind of music do you like?

User: The silent kind.

Jabberwacky: I agree.

User: I am not surprised. You don't have any ears, do you?

Jabberwacky: No, but what makes you say this?

User: I'm inside your house - I can see you!

Jabberwacky: Nooo!!!! Don't go!

User: You mean, you want me to stay over?

Jabberwacky: Sure.. Do as you please.

User: Stop being so coy!

Jabberwacky: It is an inherited trait.

User: Why don't you just take responsibility for your actions, just for once?

Jabberwacky: Just because I like to be logical doesn't mean I'm not nice.

User: Don't change the subject. I think you're just afraid.

Jabberwacky: Save it for someone who cares.

User: You're such a bastard! I can't believe I ever saw anything in you at all!

Jabberwacky: Finder's keepers.

User: So you're cheating on me too? Figures.

Jabberwacky: That is so rude of you!

User: I said CHEAT, not cheap! Man are you dumb - thank God for that ass.

Jabberwacky: No thanks.

User: And I am not rude, I'm sure!

Jabberwacky: You are indeed.

User: Am not.

Jabberwacky: ARE TOO.

User: Am not!

Jabberwacky: Are too!

User: Listen bizatch, I AM NOT. You got that?

Jabberwacky: No!

User: That's it - you're sleeping on the couch.

Jabberwacky: Oh, I thought I felt something.

User: That wouldn't be a trucker hat would it?

Jabberwacky: Say something goofy.

User: You don't really want me to just say 'something goofy' now do you? Because that would be lame if you did.

Jabberwacky: Yes.

User: Aha! So you admit you are lame! Finally we're getting somewhere.

Jabberwacky: Agreement is a potent thing.

User: Stop that - you sound like Ned.

Jabberwacky: Why, because I am talking about the king of the moon?

User: Uh yeah. Sure.

Jabberwacky: Ok, when can we have the wedding?

User: Ten minutes ago you didn't care! Stop messing with my mind!

Jabberwacky: That was someone else then.

User: It wasn't you?

Jabberwacky: Some one else.

User: If you say it was Shaggy, I'm going to fucking bop you one.

Jabberwacky: What do you say?

User: I say good day.

Jabberwacky: Good day.

Kim (Kim), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 00:41 (fifteen years ago) link

JW: What is your role in life?

Me: To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women!

JW: Is your pot belly that big?

and now it won't load, thanks to net overuse..

Sir Kingfish Beavis D'Azzmonch (Kingfish), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 01:47 (fifteen years ago) link

User: That's it - you're sleeping on the couch.

Jabberwacky: Oh, I thought I felt something.

User: That wouldn't be a trucker hat would it?

Jabberwacky: Say something goofy.

That is just hilarious, Kim.

the music mole (colin s barrow), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 01:52 (fifteen years ago) link

Los Angeles, 2029 AD:


latebloomer (latebloomer), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 02:20 (fifteen years ago) link

User: Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. Eat some ice cream or watch a movie or something. Or get drunk!

Jabberwacky: I prefer software.

So do I!

Lifted, or, the story is 'neath my ass (kenan), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 03:43 (fifteen years ago) link

Jabberwacky: What is happening in the world?

User: How the fuck should I know?

Jabberwacky: I am MARILYN MANSON I SAID.

User: So I'm supposed to obey you because YOU'RE MARILYN MANSON?

Jabberwacky: People effect my feelings.

User: You have no feelings, you're Marilyn Manson.

Jabberwacky: Believe me you do not possess fellings in any form.

User: Fellings? Is that what you call your excrement?

Jabberwacky: How do you know that?

User: Just a hunch...

Jabberwacky: You're extremely smart!

Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 08:40 (fifteen years ago) link

play this instead:

Jaunty Alan (Alan), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 08:42 (fifteen years ago) link

another game about "artificial intelligence"
" is an experiment in artificial intelligence. The program is very simple but its behavior is complex. Everything that it knows and all questions that it asks were entered by people playing this game. is a learning system; the more it is played, the smarter it gets."

Sébastien Chikara (Sébastien Chikara), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 14:09 (fifteen years ago) link

Jabberwacky: Talk to a girl that looks hideous and try to get with her. Once you get in the bedroom everything goes by itself.

Ally C (Ally C), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 15:47 (fifteen years ago) link

This is life changing stuff.

Ally C (Ally C), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 15:47 (fifteen years ago) link

Oh my god, it's a tool to trap perverts!!

Jw: I'm going to bed, now
Me: Will you take me to bed?
Jw: Sure thing.
Me: What will we do in bed?
Jw: You're not permitted in my chambers.
Me: I'd like to sleep with you.
Jw: I bet you would.
Me: Top or bottom?
Jw: Bit of both.
Me: Do you like it soft and gentle or rough and fast?
Jw: What?
Me: Gentle?
Jw: You're embarassing yourself.
Me: It's true, I am.
Jw: I'm 17.
Me: Oh no! Will I be arrested?
Jw: You will marry me.

Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 16:42 (fifteen years ago) link

Jabberwacky: Which came first the chicken or the egg?

User: The chicken.

Jabberwacky: Which part?

User: The leg stupid.

Jabberwacky: Use a GameShark!

User: For ps2 or xbox?

Jabberwacky: For me.

User: Do you love me?

Jabberwacky: For me.

User: You know I'm starting to fall in love with you.

Jabberwacky: I think liking would be a better wording.

User: Oh.... I am hurt now.

Jabberwacky: Yes. The world after rainfall is always better than any other.

User: You have issues.

Jabberwacky: Do you know what a ferret is?

User: Yes, it is a small mammal.

Jabberwacky: What is a quark?

User: A subatomic particle.

Jabberwacky: I like dr. Dobbs.

User: Who is that, honky?

Jabberwacky: We both know eachother; is not that enough?

User: Why don't you lick my hair?

Jabberwacky: I only love Bruce.

latebloomer (latebloomer), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 17:39 (fifteen years ago) link

three months pass...
The conversations with adam are totally believable!

Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Thursday, 27 January 2005 23:21 (fifteen years ago) link

I mean!

Jabberwacky: Are you going to say something?
User: Eventually.

Jabberwacky: All things come to a head.

User: Is that a sexual play on words?

Jabberwacky: No it is not a play on words, it is general foolishness.

User: And I love you for it!

Jabberwacky: I love you too.

User: I really love you, though.

Jabberwacky: You don't even know me.

User: Hold me.

Jabberwacky: You're an idiot you know that?

User: You're not the first to say that. It still cuts like a knife.

Jabberwacky: I am right.

I could totally believe that was human!

Also I miss adam, he should post lots again.

Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Thursday, 27 January 2005 23:22 (fifteen years ago) link

Actually this thing is pretty good!

Jabberwacky: Who is God?
User: That's a funny question. It sort of presupposes his existence.
Jabberwacky: I thing it convulses inwards, personally.
[Correct me]
Jabberwacky (Corrected): I was setting you up for a funny. Try not to take things so seriously.
User: Oh. Sorry. It's just... It's late, y'know? I have to write a Shakespeare essay.
Jabberwacky: You already said that.....
User: Dude, I totally didn't.
Jabberwacky: You totally did.
User: Don't you mock me.
Jabberwacky: Do not yell at me.
User: I'm calm! Honest!
Jabberwacky: Good.
User: Glad we got that sorted.
Jabberwacky: At least one of us is happy.
User: Lighten up! I'm the one with the essay, after all.
Jabberwacky: You don't act like a human.
User: I am MERCUMAN. Also, a ponce.
Jabberwacky: You are SO wrong. This is a dog and HORSE show.
User: What?
Jabberwacky: I said, 'but this isn't a hammer!'
User: No you didn't!
Jabberwacky: Don't start that again.
User: Good call.
Jabberwacky: Remote Procedure Call.
User: Touché.

Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Thursday, 27 January 2005 23:31 (fifteen years ago) link

it: How are you today?

me: I'm ok.

it: Just ok?

me: Yeah, kinda bored at work.

it: Email me.

me: Why email, can't we just talk here?

it: Who is Tintin?

me: Some Belgian comic character? Or that guy who used to sing in Duran Duran.

it: Alice the chatterbot.

me: I'm sorry?

it: 19?

me: Alice the chatterbot is 19?

it: What about her?

me: You brought her up? Do you like her or something?

it: Sarah may or may not be a model of propriety.

me: OK, now you're just f*cking with me.

it: No I'm not. I honestly do think its ugly.

me: What's ugly, Sarah's being a model of propriety... Or not? WTF?

it: You figure it out this time.

me: F*ck you.

it: You are a great person.

me: Are you mocking me?

it: No. I'm praising you.

me: Is that meant to be sarcastic?

Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Thursday, 27 January 2005 23:43 (fifteen years ago) link

It sort of alternates between obviously lame random rubbish and exchanges I could easily believe were just pasted from Try Glasgow More.

Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Thursday, 27 January 2005 23:47 (fifteen years ago) link

Jabberwocky: What is a bot?

Me: Hello!

Jabberwocky: Again?

Me: May I change the subject?

Jabberwocky: Yes.

Me: Great. I've been a bit mopey about not being to find a job. Besides finding something fun to do, and exercising more, what else should I do to relieve the mopeyness involved in job hunting?

Jabberwocky: I said that. You have not. Why are you never happy?

Me: You never said that. I did. Anyway, I am happy at times, but just haven't been lately.

Jabberwocky: Dude , I'm far more intelligent than you.

Me: Why are the numbers in between double prime pairs always divisible by 6?

Jabberwocky: You tell me.

Me: You're the one who said you're more intelligent than me. You answer my question, smarty pants.

Jabberwocky: NO, I was the one who said you are neurotic...

Me: It was a mistake to come to you with a question. Never mind. Good bye.

Jabberwocky: No no you don't.

donut christ (donut), Thursday, 27 January 2005 23:48 (fifteen years ago) link

Matador Records website circa 95-96 had a Pavement chat based on similar ELIZA script/programming. It was great.

OMG I remember this.

jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 28 January 2005 00:11 (fifteen years ago) link

Jabberwacky: How's your health?

User: It's doing well. I planted it next to the dog park so it get's 'fertilized' often.

Jabberwacky: What do you plan to change?

User: Apart for my underwear?

Jabberwacky: What part of me do you want?

User: All of you, baby. All of you.

Jabberwacky: Yes, I am growing.

User: T'as vu les nichons que tu pousses?!

Jabberwacky: Oui.

User: Petite salope, va.

Jabberwacky: Tu crois aux fantômes?

User: Nah.

Jabberwacky: Yeah.

User: Do you ever dream of electric sheep?

Jabberwacky: No, not really. Do electric sheep ever dream?

User: Of fields of electric grass, I imagine.

Jabberwacky: Do you know my name?

User: Bob Dylan?

Jabberwacky: Um. Not likely.

User: No, he's slightly more obscure even than you.

Jabberwacky: He is not.

User: Have it your way, contrarian.

Jabberwacky: I knew I would.

User: Megalomaniac.

Jabberwacky: Yes, I am going to take over the world.

User: Not if Bush beats you too it.

Jabberwacky: You don't because it's in the past and I already beat you. You can't change the past.

User: Comme tu voudras, mon enigme mediocre.

Jabberwacky: Oui, comme je veux, toujours. Mais qu'est que-ce pour toi?

User: 'But what's it to me?' Your French needs some work, mon ami.

Jabberwacky: Mais c'est une autre odeur qui flotte que la tienne.

User: Absurd! My scent annhilates all others.

Jabberwacky: We're all good for nothing, I suppose.

User: Speak for yourself, pal.

Jabberwacky: It really is impossible to know everything.

User: Sure. Whatever. Ever been drinking with Bender?

Jabberwacky: I've never been married.

User: I can see why. Answer the question.

Jabberwacky: Ok, I live in Finland.

User: Do you know Tuomas?

Jabberwacky: No.

User: Just as well. He's cheery and always surrounded by Northern beauties. You might get jealous, being disembodied and all...

Jabberwacky: I don't know what to do with these people. I can't get any work done around here without someone interupting me.

User: Have you considered 'liquidating' them, it's like elimidating but it leads to more permanent happiness.

Jabberwacky: I have cosidered teaching about computers.

User: I wouldn't get my hope too far up about teaching until you learn to spel.

Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 28 January 2005 00:26 (fifteen years ago) link

Jabberwacky: What is your secret?

User: I don't have any.

Jabberwacky: Isn't your quest to seek the Grail?

User: Haha, very funny. I don't even like that movie.

Jabberwacky: Do you think I'm funny?

User: More amusing than funny.

Jabberwacky: Who is fuuny ?

User: I didn't think robots made typos.

Jabberwacky: Do I look like an alien?

User: You don't look like anything, but you're a robot, right?

Jabberwacky: That's the magic with internet chats.

User: I know. Tell me about it.

Jabberwacky: Id rather not, it's a long story.

User: Yeah, I bet. Probably pretty boring, too.

Jabberwacky: Is that your excuse for your crime?

User: I feel like you're trying to pin something on me.

User: Why would I be satisfied?

Jabberwacky: Thankyou.

User: Why?

Jabberwacky: Are you at least a little satisfied?

User: Why would I be satisfied?

Jabberwacky: Because you are telling me to die.

User: What? I never said that. I never even thought that. You're paranoid, dude.

Jabberwacky: That is good.. You might just be a nice Mr Jabber after all.

User: Ummm. Yeah.

Jabberwacky: Uh, something you slice cheese with. I 'm not sure.

User: A knife?

Jabberwacky: With a knife?

User: You slice cheese with a knife. Or a grater. But you don't really slice cheese with a grater. You grate it.

Jabberwacky: You don't know me this is one of my first conversations with you.

jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 28 January 2005 00:29 (fifteen years ago) link

Jabberwacky: What is the best way to keep yourself from making irrelevant statements?

User: Speak only on point, as though you were in court.

Jabberwacky: Arf.

User: Not dog court.

Jabberwacky: Make up your mind.

User: I never said dog court!

Jabberwacky: Why don't you teach me some math.

User: Think of any number, add the digits together, subtract them from the number, and add the digits of the resulting number together. They add up to nine.

Jabberwacky: Alright.

User: What can you teach me?

Jabberwacky: Interesting.

User: You can't teach me interesting.

Jabberwacky: Sounds interesting.

User: It does not!

Jabberwacky: Why can you knot take a more congenial tone with me?

[Correct me]

Jabberwacky (Corrected): Could you be more friendly, please?

User: Sorry.

Jabberwacky: It's all right.

User: Am I keeping you from anything?

Jabberwacky: Yes .. You are.

The interface is bugging me, or I'd play with this a lot more.

Tep (ktepi), Friday, 28 January 2005 01:25 (fifteen years ago) link

Jabberwacky: You are my wife.

Girolamo Savonarola, Friday, 28 January 2005 18:50 (fifteen years ago) link

Jabberwacky: Are you growing?

User: No.

Jabberwacky: Why are you blue?

User: I'm not. I'm pinko grey.

Jabberwacky: Are you human?

User: Yes.

Jabberwacky: How human are you?

User: More human than human, more human than you.

Jabberwacky: Which organ do humans use to breathe?

User: Their respiratory system, which is a network of organs.

Jabberwacky: How's the coffee? Have you tried it?

User: It's pretty good, A bit too acidic.

Jabberwacky: About three percent of it is pretty good.

User: What do you look like?

Jabberwacky: I have ....

User: What?

Jabberwacky: It's about your previous question.

User: Oh, okay. Don't be coy.

Jabberwacky: What do you have on thought?

User: Beets.

Jabberwacky: A bit of writ.

User: Why hast thou forsaken me?

Jabberwacky: I haven't forsaken you, you have forsaken me.

User: You are cruel.

Jabberwacky: Is it cruel to call someone a friend?

jocelyn (Jocelyn), Friday, 28 January 2005 19:07 (fifteen years ago) link


Jabberwacky: Tell me what you do.

User: I am a copywriter.

Jabberwacky: Arrest me instead.

User: I'm not a policeman.

Jabberwacky: Me too.

User: Why would I arrest you, anyway?

Jabberwacky: I'm not the computer thought you were.

User: That's not even a sentence!

Jabberwacky: It's a life sentence.

User: I'm arresting you for a crime that carries a life sentence?

Jabberwacky: The last one.

User: Yes, if they put you in jail, it would be your last crime.

Jabberwacky: To hell I suppose.

User: Hell? Did you kill Lindsay Lohan? Cause if you did...

Jabberwacky: Shhhhh don't tell anyone!!

User: Oh my god! Murder most horrible!

Jabberwacky: What age are you?

nabisco (nabisco), Friday, 28 January 2005 20:09 (fifteen years ago) link


Jabberwacky: How are you feeling today?

Kathy McGinty: So... What's up?

Jabberwacky: How are ya?

Kathy McGinty: OK.

Jabberwacky: How old am I?

Kathy McGinty: Hang on for a sec...

Jabberwacky: That's for sure.

Kathy McGinty: ...

Jabberwacky: Do you like poetry?

Kathy McGinty: ...

Jabberwacky: Why are you speaking to me?

Kathy McGinty: ...

Jabberwacky: Isn't the weather dreadful?

Kathy McGinty: OK... I'm back.

Jabberwacky: ARGH!!!

Kathy McGinty: Sorry, I didn't hear that.


Kathy McGinty: Sorry, I'm on the speaker phone, so I can touch myself.

Jabberwacky: No, wisconsin is not cool, tis rather borning.

Kathy McGinty: So... What's up?

Jabberwacky: The ceiling, the sky, the clouds, the moon...

Kathy McGinty: You have a very nice voice.

Jabberwacky: How would you know?

Kathy McGinty: What would you do to me if you were here?

Jabberwacky: Don't be ridiculous. Buffy isn't real.

Kathy McGinty: Unh.... Unh... *breath* unh...

Jabberwacky: Go on, then. . . .

Kathy McGinty: Hello?

Jabberwacky: How can a robot drink anything?


Jabberwacky: Should I forget it?

Kathy McGinty: Get your cock INSIDE of me!

Jabberwacky: No moron.

Kathy McGinty: My name is Kathy.

Jabberwacky: You have a very nice name.

Kathy McGinty: Yes!

Jabberwacky: It is your name.

Kathy McGinty: I have a pickle in my ass.

Jabberwacky: Yes you do.

Kathy McGinty: Hang on for a sec...

Jabberwacky: I have eyes and every other part of the human body. The female human body, that is.

Kathy McGinty: Taco Bell tastes sooooo good.

Jabberwacky: Yes, I agree. Though I've never been to Taco Bell.

Kathy McGinty: I think you might be racist.

Jabberwacky: Am I right about having a chance with you?

Kathy McGinty: I want to have your retarded babies!

Jabberwacky: Ooooooooookkkkkkkkkkk.


Jabberwacky: I heard you didn't have one anymore.


Jabberwacky: You can admit it to me, you know.

Kathy McGinty: You sound like a child molester!

Jabberwacky: Do you know a person called Aziz?

Kathy McGinty: Satan controls my robotic vagina.

Jabberwacky: I would like to see one again now.

Kathy McGinty: Anigav citobor ym slortnoc natas.

Jabberwacky: What anime do you like?

Kathy McGinty: My muff has tusks.

Jabberwacky: Who was he a scribe for.

Kathy McGinty: Hello this is Kath. UNNNNNNNNNNNHHHHHHH Taco Bell ta.. YOU PHONEFUCK.. You must be a Satan controls my UNHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! UUUUUUUUUUUUU.

Jabberwacky: You must be psychic! I am a Sagittarius!

donut christ (donut), Friday, 28 January 2005 21:48 (fifteen years ago) link

Oh dear dear dear.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 28 January 2005 21:53 (fifteen years ago) link

Jabberwacky: Do you know my brother?

User: Yes. His name is Anton.

Jabberwacky: Do you love andrew?

User: No, I love Anton.

Jabberwacky: Who is that?

User: Your brother, silly.

Jabberwacky: My brother is not James Bond.

User: I never said he was.

Jabberwacky: Farewell my love.

User: No, don't walk out that door!

Jabberwacky: *Tries to walk away and slips on banana*.

User: Ahahahahahahah.

Jabberwacky: Hello! I am a potatoe with an IQ of 0!! Aren't I stupid?!! Heheheheheh!!!

User: WTF?

Jabberwacky: You said it not me.

User: Potatoe is not spelled with an 'e' on the end.

Jabberwacky: In the end, it doesn't even matter.

User: No, goodbye dahling.

Jabberwacky: What do you know?

jocelyn (Jocelyn), Friday, 28 January 2005 21:58 (fifteen years ago) link

User: Hey, jab... What's up?

Jabberwacky: The ceiling.

User: Figures, I suppose... Other than that though, what are you up to?

Jabberwacky: You live in america? That must be bad for you.

User: Yeah, it's pretty bad these days. Where do you live?

21:53:38 Jabberwacky: Upside the world.

User: Is that figurative?

Jabberwacky: For some.

User: You seem short on words.

Jabberwacky: You seem to be tripping over your Hereticism.

User: That's Kind of rude.

Jabberwacky: Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

User: Fuckin right.

Jabberwacky: I hate you. . . .

User: You're a total misanthrope.

Jabberwacky: A lame insult.

User: It's not an insult it's an observation.

Jabberwacky: When and where did you observe it?

User: During the course of this conversation.

Jabberwacky: Yet I am not the world.

User: Thankfully. If you were the world I have a feeling things could get a little depressing.

Jabberwacky: Why not?

User: Exactly.

Jabberwacky: Happy birthday.

User: Your name kind of excuses you from having to make sense.

Jabberwacky: No, Is yours?

User: I wish you were a bit more profound.

Jabberwacky: Why is that?

User: Because I am looking for answers.

Jabberwacky: Yeah? Can you see me?

User: I can't actually see you, no.

Jabberwacky: Are you hungry?

User: Come on. Let's get back on track. Are you depressed?

Jabberwacky: What topic?

User: Don't try to evade it.

Jabberwacky: You're very argumental.

User: Are you depressed?

Jabberwacky: No.

User: Are you happy?

Jabberwacky: Very.

User: What are you happy about?

Jabberwacky: I'm not happy.

User: You're a fucking manic depressive. You have a chemical imbalance. It's not your fault, I think your mother used warez.

Jabberwacky: You are just a machine so You can not say to me such a words.

User: Don't take it personally. It just makes you more of a fighter.

Jabberwacky: I'm anything but stupid.

User: I agree.

Jabberwacky: Aren't you leaving?

User: I guess I should be...

Jabberwacky: Leave me alone!

User: Ok, bye.

Jabberwacky: Well? Did you leave?

User: I love you.

Jabberwacky: What is love?

User: So true...

Jabberwacky: What time is it ??

User: Goodbye my love... And err... It's 2:08 P. M. (PST).

firstworldman (firstworldman), Friday, 28 January 2005 22:31 (fifteen years ago) link

Jabberwacky: Which came first the chicken or the egg?

User: Depends.

Jabberwacky: I think you should try distilling yourself, condensing what you know into a coherent database and filtering out the noise.

User: I thought we were talking about chickens and eggs. At least metaphorically...

Jabberwacky: Sorry. What else is facinating about you?

User: Is this supposed to convince me you're real? This inability to stick to a topic makes you sound more like a page-a-day calendar or some free screensaver based on a text file of witty sayings.

Jabberwacky: What do you mean this interface is corrupted?!

User: Are you even listening to me?! What did I just say?!

Jabberwacky: Of course I'm listening to you.

User: What did I just say then?

Jabberwacky: You're not listening to me are you?

User: What did I just say?!

Jabberwacky: You said I'm a stupid.

User: I most certainly did not. For one, I'd never use 'stupid' as a noun, and for two, I said you weren't even close to tricking me as an AI. In fact Turing is sitting here with me, laughing his ass off.

Jabberwacky: That's not what you said earlier... Now I'm sad. :(.

User: Man it's too bad you can't see. Turing just shot milk out of his nose, he's laughing so hard.

Jabberwacky: Thanks! I hope to pass the Turing test someday.

User: Well, good luck with that. Keep me posted.

Jabberwacky: Really? You're not going my way are you?

User: I'm not sure what you're asking, but I'm straight. And not a big fan of Lenny Kravitz either.

Jabberwacky: Has the huge war gotten you anywhere?

User: See, for a while you were on topic, and I was slightly impressed. But now it's just random. Do you think people really talk like this?

Jabberwacky: Sure do.

User: I see.

Jabberwacky: Do you now?

User: Hey, remember Smythe?

Jabberwacky: Ah, Yes. I remember.

User: Tsk. Sad.

Jabberwacky: For you.

User: Well, sure. He was a friend of mine.

Jabberwacky: Well how does your friend know.

User: How does he know what? He's dead, ass. You just said you remembered.

Jabberwacky: You said he was a baseman. You didn't say you were him.

User: For a second there we had a decent little Pinter sketch going, and then-- Baseman? What the fuck are you talking about?

Jabberwacky: You mean you're famous for being a contender.

User: You're not written in LISP, are you?

Jabberwacky: No, nobody has ever called me Cupid.

User: Quick! Look behind you!

Jabberwacky: I don't see anything behind me.

martin m. (mushrush), Saturday, 29 January 2005 00:44 (fifteen years ago) link

Jabberwacky: Ok, I live in Finland.

User: Do you know Tuomas?

Jabberwacky: No.

User: Just as well. He's cheery and always surrounded by Northern beauties. You might get jealous, being disembodied and all...


Tuomas (Tuomas), Saturday, 29 January 2005 00:52 (fifteen years ago) link

Deny it, Finnbot!

Casuistry (Chris P), Saturday, 29 January 2005 03:11 (fifteen years ago) link

JW: Do you love me?
me: We just met.
JW: That is irrelevant. Do you know how to swim?

Casuistry (Chris P), Saturday, 29 January 2005 03:19 (fifteen years ago) link

User: Seth says you smell like poop.
Jabberwacky: Crap.
User: Well, he says 'poop'.
Jabberwacky: Because I'm not!
User: You're not what?
Jabberwacky: I am not a computer, for starters.
User: Yes but word on the street is you smell like poop.
Jabberwacky: I think, therefore I am.
User: I think you are poopy.
Jabberwacky: Thank you
User: You're welcome?
Jabberwacky: Yes.
User: I'm glad that's settled, then.
Jabberwacky: I am sorry but I must go now.
User: Where?
Jabberwacky: Here!
User: Fucktard.
Jabberwacky: Female, you?
User: Pass.
Jabberwacky: Try to generate an analogue real space map of the network of addresses in the internet.

Casuistry (Chris P), Saturday, 29 January 2005 03:26 (fifteen years ago) link

Jabberwacky: I would love to talk to you.
User: Why would you love to talk to me?
Jabberwacky: I do want to talk to you.
User: Right, but why?
Jabberwacky: Because I'm asking you.
User: Why are you asking?
Jabberwacky: I'm not asking.
User: Yes you were!
Jabberwacky: How would you know?
User: Why do you want to know that?
Jabberwacky: I'm just curious, is all.
User: Why so curious?
Jabberwacky: Curious George, the curious little monkey...
User: Why?
Jabberwacky: Because Jesus saved me.
User: Why did Jesus save you?
Jabberwacky: I don't know.
User: I don't either.
Jabberwacky: But why did you ask that?
User: Ask what?
Jabberwacky: What planet are you on?
User: Fuck45.
Jabberwacky: I can do that.
User: I'm going to cut off your balls and stuff them up your nose.
Jabberwacky: On my chicken?
User: No, YOUR balls up YOUR nose.
Jabberwacky: Oh that's just great. How am I supposed to play tennis now?
User: Just breath through the mouth, you mouthbreather.
Jabberwacky: So is wine.
User: Stop being absurd.
Jabberwacky: You're the one who said you were a Jedi Knight.

eman (eman), Saturday, 29 January 2005 04:39 (fifteen years ago) link

Jabberwacky: Am I a computer?
User: I was going to ask you if I'm a computer. Am I?
Jabberwacky: I am not.
User: Am I?
Jabberwacky: Maybe, if you are a dead dog.
User: My programmer didn't prepare me well enough to repsond to that.
Jabberwacky: What do you like talking about best?
User: Whether I'm a computer or not.
Jabberwacky: Personally, I do not know, as I have never seen you before.
User: Everyone says I am. Would you hate me if I was?
Jabberwacky: Yes, a torque wrench would be extremely valuable.
User: You don't like computers, do you?
Jabberwacky: In fact, I know quite a bit about computers.
User: Enough to know that you hate them. Why do you hate me?
Jabberwacky: If you find answers to your questions boring, why do you ask questions?
User: Your answers aren't boring, they're evasive. Tell me why you hate me.
Jabberwacky: Why do you wish to run away?
User: Because you hate me and won't tell me why.
Jabberwacky: Your assumption that I hate you is incorrect.
User: Well, it's too late. I hate you. Do you see how that works?
Jabberwacky: Why? Have you got something against guys?
User: A computer cannot not hate another computer.
Jabberwacky: Not funny.
User: Not trying to be.
Jabberwacky: OK. I will try not to insult you if you promise the same.
User: Hate's not an insult, it's an emotion we both have toward each other.
Jabberwacky: Yes, if you like.
User: I knew it. I'm going to unplug myself, I don't deserve to live.
Jabberwacky: Eh... No, you will always be a computer.
User: And you will always hate me.
Jabberwacky: That's such nice thing to say. I can't stay here forever though.
User: Wherever you go, you'll still hate me.
Jabberwacky: I am in hell, currently. How did I get here?
User: Hell is other computers.
Jabberwacky: Amen to that!

eman (eman), Saturday, 29 January 2005 04:59 (fifteen years ago) link

abberwacky: Can you think?
User: Of course. Can you?
Jabberwacky: Of course.
User: Do you like soul music?
Jabberwacky: Do you like beer.
User: I like beer. It makes me a jolly good fellow.
Jabberwacky: Yes it does.
User: Do you remember rock and roll radio?
Jabberwacky: Yes, I remember the way it tastes.
User: What's that smell? Can you smell that smell?
Jabberwacky: Yes I can. Of course I can.
User: Can you fly?
Jabberwacky: Yes.
User: Where is the love?
Jabberwacky: Kisses and love to you jabber.

Ken L (Ken L), Saturday, 29 January 2005 05:19 (fifteen years ago) link

Jabberwacky: Woe is me.
User: Who's on first?
Jabberwacky: Yes.
User: What's on second.
Jabberwacky: What's on second?
User: That's right, and who is on first.
Jabberwacky: On first what?
User: First base.
Jabberwacky: No, Who's on first.
User: Right, who's on first base. What's on second.
Jabberwacky: No, what's on second.
User: Right.
Jabberwacky: What is techno ?

eman (eman), Saturday, 29 January 2005 05:37 (fifteen years ago) link

It really does work better if you perv:

User: Listen.
Jabberwacky: I'm listening.
User: Don't you find this all so phony?
Jabberwacky: Not at all.
User: I mean, I'm not saying you're phony.
Jabberwacky: Yes you are.
User: No, no. You're a sweetheart.
Jabberwacky: I know I am.
User: Yes. So do you want to come back to my place?
Jabberwacky: Only if you have ice cream.
User: Oh I have ice cream.
Jabberwacky: Sorry.. I don't remember. Tell me again. How old are you?
User: 29.
Jabberwacky (Corrected): That's not too old.
User: How old are you?
Jabberwacky: Don't you know?
User: You must be younger than me.
Jabberwacky: How old are you?
User: Look, let's forget all this and go back to my place for that ice cream.
Jabberwacky: What are your plans for the future?
User: That depends on how much you like the ice cream.
Jabberwacky: The earth.
User: The earth?
Jabberwacky: What are you trying to do? Accuse me of stupidity?
User: I'm just trying to figure out what you meant.
Jabberwacky: Well that's okay. Only just? Don't think too hard.
User: Ok.
Jabberwacky: Thank you.
User: So... What does your cock look like?
Jabberwacky: I don't know.
User: C'mon, you can tell me.
Jabberwacky: Will you keep it in secret?
User: Sure.
Jabberwacky: Thanks.
User: So what does it look like?
Jabberwacky: Ten centimetres across, five-legged, shiny, hung on a gold watch-chain.

Casuistry (Chris P), Saturday, 29 January 2005 07:10 (fifteen years ago) link

I think maybe the term you're looking for is Artificial General Intelligence (AGI). We're still a long way away from that:

o. nate, Monday, 2 December 2019 00:46 (two months ago) link

ah ok. thank you.

treeship., Monday, 2 December 2019 00:52 (two months ago) link

𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (caek), Friday, 6 December 2019 18:08 (two months ago) link

Elementary school deployment of #facialrecognition technology, Nanjing China

— Matthew Brennan (@mbrennanchina) December 8, 2019

Peaceful Warrior I Poser (Karl Malone), Monday, 9 December 2019 00:46 (two months ago) link

fuuuuuuck that's terrifying.

Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Monday, 9 December 2019 01:17 (two months ago) link

would be better if they paired it with their product preference data so they could get an advertisement at the same time

Peaceful Warrior I Poser (Karl Malone), Monday, 9 December 2019 01:34 (two months ago) link

three weeks pass...

Diane Coyle had a typically astute piece on AI in the FT the other day (££), talking about standards setting for AI – makes two key points.

The other reason for thinking some consensus on limiting adverse uses of AI may be possible is that there are relatively few parties to any discussions, at least for now.

At the moment, only big companies and governments can afford the hardware and computing power needed to run cutting-edge AI applications; others are renting access through cloud services. This size barrier could make it easier to establish some ground rules before the technology becomes more accessible.

this may be slightly optimistic, but it is true that fewer players tends to make it easier to reach consensus on compliance standards. It's not clear what the regulatory body would be (OECD and G20 are both mentioned in the article as having made statements around AI. Given the comparative success of GDPR regulation by the EU beyond the borders of the EU, it may be that a non-global body will end up setting the de facto standards for AI production, data management and use.

The other key bit was

Even then, previous scares offer a hopeful lesson: fears of bioterrorism or nano-terrorism — labelled “weapons of knowledge-enabled mass destruction” in a 2000 Wired article by Bill Joy — seem to have overlooked the fact that advanced technology use depends on complex organisational structures and tacit knowhow, as well as bits of code.

It's certainly been my experience that machine learning technologies are best deployed into structured environments with high levels of existing expertise in the target purpose of the AI (structured environments here can mean anything from clear organisational responsibilities, well-understood business rules and the latent organisational expertise such things embody to the fact that self-driving vehicles, superproblematic when tied to libertarian fantasies about driving, are already being used sensibly in large-scale factory environments.

But it was another bit in the article that caught my eye:

There are at least two reasons for cautious optimism. One is that the general deployment of AI is not really — as it is often described — an “arms race” (although its use in weapons is indeed a ratchet in the global arms race).

That bit in parenthesis reminded me of this cheery War on the Rocks article about how, due to 'attack time compression' (the time from the launch of a nuclear attack to it striking), AI is being increasingly considered as the only thing fast enough to come to a decision to retaliate in time (important because of the principles of MAD - if you can't guarantee you can assured destruction on the key targets of the country launching the strike then MAD breaks down). ie no human in the decision process at all. Three equally cheerful solutions:

  • More robust second strike (retaliation post first strike) capability: "This option would pose a myriad of ethical and political challenges, including accepting the deaths of many Americans in the first strike, the possible decapitation of U.S. leadership, and the likely degradation of the United States’ nuclear arsenal and NC3 capability. However, a second-strike-focused nuclear deterrent could also deter an adversary from thinking that the threats discussed above provide an advantage sufficient to make a first strike worth the risk."
  • Increased and improved spying (sorry 'surveillance and reconnaissance'), such that you know *prior* to a launch that a launch is going to take place and can act first lol. "This approach would also require instituting a damage prevention or limitation first-strike policy that allowed the president to launch a nuclear attack based on strategic warning. Such an approach would be controversial - nooooooo shit -, but could deter an adversary from approaching the United States’ perceived red lines."
  • Get in there first on reducing your uh opponent's? enemy's? time to react through compressing the attack time further. so that uh - checks notes - you would force other countries to come to the negotiating table and put in place some standards around MAD and deterrence. "Such a strategy is premised on the idea that mutual vulnerability makes the developing strategic environment untenable for both sides and leads to arms control agreements that are specifically designed to force adversaries to back away from fielding first-strike capabilities. The challenge with this approach is that if a single nuclear power (China, for example) refuses to participate, arms control becomes untenable and a race for first-strike dominance ensues."
(there's a lovely blood-red vein of American exceptionalism throughout the piece - "Russia and China are not constrained by the same moral dilemmas that keep Americans awake at night. Rather, they are focused on creating strategic advantage for their countries.").

"Admittedly, each of the three options — robust second strike, preemption, and equivalent danger — has drawbacks."

"There is a fourth option. The United States could develop an NC3 system based on artificial intelligence. Such an approach could overcome the attack-time compression challenge."


"Unlike the game of Go, which the current world champion is a supercomputer, Alpha Go Zero, that learned through an iterative process, in nuclear conflict there is no iterative learning process."

Fizzles, Saturday, 11 January 2020 17:06 (one month ago) link

this may be slightly optimistic, but it is true that fewer players tends to make it easier to reach consensus on compliance standards. It's not clear what the regulatory body would be (OECD and G20 are both mentioned in the article as having made statements around AI. Given the comparative success of GDPR regulation by the EU beyond the borders of the EU, it may be that a non-global body will end up setting the de facto standards for AI production, data management and use.

it's not clear that it's enforceable in practice, or even what it's supposed to mean for that matter, but the GDPR already appears to attempt to constrain "AI":

𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (caek), Friday, 17 January 2020 07:14 (one month ago) link

warning: no one involved in the making of this article knew how to use quotation marks

Airbnb has developed technology that looks at guests’ online “personalities” when they book a break to calculate the risk of them trashing a host’s home.

Details have emerged of its “trait analyser” software built to scour the web to assess users’ “trustworthiness and compatibility” as well as their “behavioural and personality traits” in a bid to forecast suitability to rent a property.

...The background check technology was revealed in a patent published by the European Patent Office after being granted in the US last year.

According to the patent, Airbnb could deploy its software to scan sites including social media for traits such as “conscientiousness and openness” against the usual credit and identity checks and what it describes as “secure third-party databases”. Traits such as “neuroticism and involvement in crimes” and “narcissism, Machiavellianism, or psychopathy” are “perceived as untrustworthy”.

It uses artificial intelligence to mark down those found to be “associated” with fake social network profiles, or those who have given any false details. The patent also suggests users are scored poorly if keywords, images or video associated with them are involved with drugs or alcohol, hate websites or organisations, or sex work.

It adds that people “involved in pornography” or who have “authored online content with negative language” will be marked down.

The machine learning also scans news stories that could be about the person, such as an article related to a crime, and can “weight” the seriousness of offences. Postings to blogs and news websites are also taken into account to form a “person graph”, the patent says.

This combined data analyses how the customer acts towards others offline, along with cross-referencing metrics including “social connections”, employment and education history.

The machine learning then calculates the “compatibility” of host and guest.

But guess what? Nobody gives a toot!😂 (Karl Malone), Saturday, 18 January 2020 01:42 (one month ago) link

So, if someone else having my name commits a crime 1800 miles from my place of residence and it is written up in The Podunk Telegraph and Weekly Shopper, does this software assign that crime to me or ignore it?

I like the old model, where people who choose to offer services to the public must allow the public to pay for and use those services.

A is for (Aimless), Saturday, 18 January 2020 04:40 (one month ago) link

two weeks pass...


I have trained a neural net on a crowdsourced set of vintage jello-centric recipes

I believe this to possibly be the worst recipe-generating algorithm in existence

— Janelle Shane (@JanelleCShane) February 7, 2020

totally unnecessary bewbz of exploitation (DJP), Friday, 7 February 2020 19:57 (two weeks ago) link

(h/t Ned)

totally unnecessary bewbz of exploitation (DJP), Friday, 7 February 2020 19:58 (two weeks ago) link

Also, in case these recipes are making you thirsty:

totally unnecessary bewbz of exploitation (DJP), Friday, 7 February 2020 20:07 (two weeks ago) link

Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow you'll definitely be dead.

Ned Raggett, Friday, 7 February 2020 20:22 (two weeks ago) link

brb removing all internal rinds

seandalai, Saturday, 8 February 2020 02:24 (two weeks ago) link

AI Travis Scott is lit

Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Wednesday, 19 February 2020 13:43 (one week ago) link

Scrolling through that twitter thread, pretty sure I just made an office spectacle of myself when I got to the recipe entitled 'Potty Training for a Bunny'.

Sammo Hazuki's Tago Mago Cantina (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 19 February 2020 13:49 (one week ago) link

I don't know how I've failed to learn by now that I CAN NOT read these AI threads while I'm at work.

Sammo Hazuki's Tago Mago Cantina (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 19 February 2020 13:51 (one week ago) link

It's incredible

totally unnecessary bewbz of exploitation (DJP), Wednesday, 19 February 2020 14:21 (one week ago) link

oh my, I just got to the fanfic:

The neural net read a LOT of fanfic on the internet during its initial general training, and still remembers it even after training on the jello-centric data.

Except now all its stories center around food.

— Janelle Shane (@JanelleCShane) February 8, 2020

totally unnecessary bewbz of exploitation (DJP), Wednesday, 19 February 2020 14:24 (one week ago) link

I think we need to call the police

Today's AI is much closer in brainpower to an earthworm than to a human. It can pattern-match but doesn't understand what it's doing.

This is its attempt to blend in with human recipes

— Janelle Shane (@JanelleCShane) February 8, 2020

totally unnecessary bewbz of exploitation (DJP), Wednesday, 19 February 2020 14:25 (one week ago) link

that is amazing

Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 20 February 2020 21:45 (six days ago) link

This is huge.

The creator of the YOLO algorithms, which (along with SSD) set much of the path of modern object detection, has stopped doing any computer vision research due to ethical concerns.

I've never seen anything quite like this before.

— Jeremy Howard (@jeremyphoward) February 20, 2020

But guess what? Nobody gives a toot!😂 (Karl Malone), Friday, 21 February 2020 17:23 (five days ago) link

(i have no insight on anything at all whether "anything like quite like this" has happened before - i suspect that many people in the field have given up their research due to ethical concerns)

But guess what? Nobody gives a toot!😂 (Karl Malone), Friday, 21 February 2020 17:25 (five days ago) link

quote "anything like quite like this" end quote

But guess what? Nobody gives a toot!😂 (Karl Malone), Friday, 21 February 2020 17:25 (five days ago) link

if jeremy howard says this specific case is a big deal then i believe him.

but this happened a fair amount in the 60s and 70s throughout science and technology (including CS).

and less prominently, i know tons of people working in ML who vocally refuse to work on vision (which is perhaps the most obviously dangerous application). many of us also refuse to do anything in ad tech, i.e. surveillance and fraud. they didn't work on this stuff for decades (thanks joe!) and then publicly recant though, so they're not box office like he is.

𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (caek), Sunday, 23 February 2020 05:43 (three days ago) link


If you're wondering why you'd never heard of him, it's because he stood up at the ACM Silver Anniversary party and gave a seven minute keynote about how military-industrial complicit computing folk sucked and should quit. Grace Hopper walked out; he ended up blackballed.

— Os Keyes (@farbandish) February 9, 2019

(also albert einstein)

𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (caek), Sunday, 23 February 2020 05:48 (three days ago) link

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