bill simmons IS bill simmons IN the book of BASKETBALL

He was fine with them existing when he published the first edition though. What did FD do since then?

apparently they didn't like the book

http://img.freebase.com/api/trans/image_thumb/en/larry_bird?pad=1&errorid=%2Ffreebase%2Fno_image_png&maxheight=64&mode=fillcropmid&maxwidth=64 "fuck you, bill"

Who is the most embarrassing of Bill Simmons' sycophantic friends (non-celebrity division): Joe House, Cousin Sal, "reality TV czar" Dave Jacoby, or JackO?

u mean theyre not all the same person?

joe house, easily

http://www.mediabistro.com/fishbowlla/files/2010/12/BillSimmons.jpg

the celebrity division isn't even a contest because of klosterman, right?

yup!

http://a.espncdn.com/photo/2009/0904/pg2_group_300.jpg
http://a.espncdn.com/photo/2009/0904/pg2_group2_300.jpg

plaid shorts: check
flip flops: check
not pictured: strip club handjobs

not pictured: strip club handjobs

and thank fuck for that

the celebrity division isn't even a contest because of klosterman, right?

― Clay, Wednesday, December 15, 2010 8:14 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

gladwell

^^ I was gonna say

I always thought it was funny that Simmons friends all have the most typical/predictable names. Not the ppl listed by poly but just random "buddies" he'll bring up in a column

http://www.bronxbanterblog.com/2010/12/17/the-book-of-basketball-and-staggering-casual-sexism/

lol this is what i was talking about upthread re the names of simmons' friends

I flew to San Fran to hang out with my buddies Bish, Mikey and Hopper

seriously who the fuck has friends ACTUALLY named "bish" & "hopper" -- sounds like something from "porky's" or some shit

Jeez, man. Jeez. I didn’t realize guys like this had friends; I assumed they were all rapey basement loners. We reviewers and commenters seem to be in agreement that it’s not cool—so who’s out there egging him on? Am I misjudging the sleaziness of the American male?

yes

yeah i was gonna say. as gross as simmons' stuff can be, i have heard much, much worse from dudes who would otherwise consider themselves to be "normal guys" and "not misogynists." these aren't people i spend time with, i should add, but there are TONS of guys who partition their lives along gender lines. guys are for being friends with, women are for fucking (or for ~relationships~ if you're a pussy). gross thought it may be, it's not rapey basement loner talk, it's five dudes getting a pitcher at the bar talk

those passages are foul, tbqf, shit like that is exactly what makes me avoid reading his columns now. i'm gonna guess he was raised in a manner that caused him to view women as either childbearers or strippers.

ha, his column today is rife w/ all types of shit like that

Question: So my buddies and I came up with a new move we call "The Art Modell." It's where you meet a girl and go home with her that night. Then after she's fallen asleep, and under the cover of night, you move out of there as fast as you can. Use it with my compliments, OK?
-- Brian, Chicago

Answer: Or, you could pull the "Clay Bennett": Repeatedly tell her you're not going to leave, then leave while she's still awake and looking at you saying, "Where are you going?" as David Stern nods approvingly from 1,500 miles away.

i hope his wife leaves him for sheryl swoopes

loll

ugh

xps

bish is such a nasty name

i also found his life advice to tiger woods pretty dbaggy though i don't recall the specifics at the moment.

the wnba digs always niggled at me the most, it just seems unnecessarily cruel. i mean i dont watch the stuff either, but i dont understand the hunger to marginalize it - crosses the line between lunkheaded insensitivity and outright bullying imo

everything else i can understand being turned off by too, but i hear (and say) stuff so much worse when im broing down (not in mixed company mind u~) that im pretty desensitized to it i guess

i think it's not so much the digs as the all encompassing worldview he seems to have, like this casual everyday attitude that women can't be your friends and are just *~~such hilarious creatures loool~~*

fwiw, i've definitely hung out with women who share an equally segregated view of the world---guys can't be your friends, and are such hilarious creatures, and ryde but boys will be boys, right girls??

it's alien to me, but it's out there you know

i guess it's all part of being the broiest bro, but i don't really see why you would write about watching hours of porn/buddies' nicknames for dick moves etc. at all. let alone as a sports columnist. let alone in a published book about basketball.

the 'executive decision' with his wife (and then crowing about it!) is pretty fucking astonishing.

i dont understand how he made an "executive decision" not to use birth control

i mean he implies he did it in secret?

but like... did she not notice he wasnt using a condom?

also isnt that essentially rape

right, it's a bullshit anecdote imo

true dat, and even though i tend to think it *feels* a little nastier coming from the dudes, either way it's just weird but still totally common. xxxxp

pretty much

i'm assuming that the birth control thing is just a really terrible joke

he just wanted to "coin" "pulling the goalie"

horribly formed joeks

it's kind of a fucked up mind that would think that joke is a good one to tell imo

it's all part of being the broiest bro

yup. he and his buds are getting immortalized in his columns as just the funniest, rowdiest, best buds ever. i mean, "the hangover" was basically a simmons column taken to its logical conclusions, with simmons' character spending the night on the roof

h8 this guys compulsive need to validate his worldview more than his worldview tbh, funny how bro culture is all abt being on the same page at all times, not exactly traditional masculinity

i think the 'segregated world view' is a red herring, idk - i dont think it means anything if u only wanna be friends w/dudes, i know plenty of people like that who manage to not publish a hardcover book containing a joke about raping your wife and then giving it a nickname like it's a wrestling move

his columns have always been littered with his pet neologisms and Rules and Theories and w/e. i know plenty of ppl that fucking LOVE coming up with shit like that, making up yr own in-crowd funny-guy cant that, in simmons' case, he seems to eagerly hope will enter the popular lexicon.

i mean i don't follow sports, and haven't read a sports guy column in years, but the Ewing Theory is permanently etched into my brain as 'conventional wisdom' now

xps

funny how bro culture is all abt being on the same page at all times, not exactly traditional masculinity

― ice cr?m, Friday, December 17, 2010 1:11 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark

word

and it's not just about only wanting to be friends with dudes, its that being friends with women is impossible and sort of unthinkable. that blog that was just linked made an excellent point, that i think is totally fundamental to how he operates: he just assumes that women could never in a million years be a part of his sports-y world. like women can be sports fans, but they can't be Sports Fans. his wife being the Sports Gal is just an honorific---she's married to the Sports Guy! who else could she be!

funny how bro culture is all abt being on the same page at all times, not exactly traditional masculinity

― ice cr?m, Friday, December 17, 2010 2:11 PM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark

this is kinda bullshit, i mean its 'bro' culture not rugged individualist culture - its about celebrating bonds w/likeminded dudes, there's no deception there

yeah i mean i've got friends w/segregated world views and they're not particularly mean about it. iirc some of them have even been to wnba games so w/e

xp well it's not that bullshit, in that these guys seem to couch their conceptions of masculinity almost entirely in broing down. if yr just going off simmons' worldview, 'rugged individualism' is something for the greats in the Pantheon, not regular men.

funny how bro culture is all abt being on the same page at all times, not exactly traditional masculinity

― ice cr?m, Friday, December 17, 2010 2:11 PM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark

this is kinda bullshit, i mean its 'bro' culture not rugged individualist culture - its about celebrating bonds w/likeminded dudes, there's no deception there

― Pussy v. Sperguson (Princess TamTam), Friday, December 17, 2010 2:19 PM (5 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permal

i wasnt saying hes trying to represent something other than bro culture just that i dont vibe it