thread to get over a breakup

thank god he was never my boyfriend

some couples roll open y'know

yeah that was what I assumed, but was confused nonetheless. Sorry D dont mean to pry :/

it's alright, it IS the TMI thread right?

yeah, not breaking up with my real bf

just whining about a yearlong affair that went fucking haywire

he was straight and 21 years old and I'm the only dude he'd ever slept with

from the crap he pulled I think I know a teensy bit now about how straight women get treated by douchey guys

(probably just imagining that part)

Sorry to hear it :( I know what thats like. I have a bff who is technically an ex, but we live together again now and he's like, my old married sock. And the both of us end up with casual partners we come home and rail about to each other as horrible decisions, ha :/

PS I did not mean sock in the ILX sense guhhh.

my douchey straight guy recently played a gig with tune's real bf = small world

these threads depress me because I feel like this is how my exes feel about me

everyone talks about certain exes like this, so i'm guessing that means everyone has exes who talk about them like this too.

xp - crut, your music is good and not boring like this dude's

Ya rly. <3

A few friends/family members are still "facebook friends" with my crazy-ass suicidal ex and there's some lighthearted joking on their part about how soft her boyfriend (ok, *husband* in that they got married so she can have insurance) is. I finally cracked a couple weeks ago and growled at my sister that apparently it's funny that this dude is having a shitty time, but when I was in a world of shit no one seemed to be interested in letting me in on this "humor."

It was mostly aimed at my sister, but somewhat the other friends who kind of mumbled but never spoke up.

Drunky ex called/texted 14 times at 4am a few nights ago, no voicemails, incoherent texts
She's the same one who once told me that Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance" should be the way relationship blueprints (ie I should accept and want her being an angry, mean alcoholic)

Totally over her and the one who followed, but I haven't even dated anyone since things ended with the latter.

^^ Bad Romance ref pretty on point for shitty ex relationship template

xpost don't even want to imagine the trash he could talk about me but I'm sure it gets harsh

Oh goody, earlier referenced girl is now commenting on another friend's facebook page. I think she added him when I was dating her although they never met in person. After my breakup, she advised him to join some writing group her now-husband is in.

wtf is this contrived horseshit? If this wears on me, I should politely request he flush her from his intertubes.

so he calls up my bf to say he's going over to our house to get some of his stuff that he stores in our basement and wants to warn me in advance so that I don't have to see him because he "doesn't want to upset me"

but the last time we saw each other he was a serious fucking asshole to me so I just split (the accusation of being "upset" is conveniently neutral about who and what caused the upset; the upset was a natural reaction to being trivialized, condescended to and insulted in public)

this so-called warning is not to protect my feelings but just to avoid having to face the music about his own lame, selfish behavior so he can carry on with getting what he wants

I am so sick of giving a shit about this person

but I'm still furious at him and don't really know how to process / expel / cathartically purge the big black ocean of hate and misery boiling up right now

I feel like if I stay away I tacitly grant him the right to think he's "really caring and sensitive" when he's not

but if I stick around and give him the tongue-lashing he richly deserves then I'm the uncool bitter guy who just can't get over it

so . . . either way I lose really

I guess I have to abandon the idea that "justice" is possible in this situation

he's too stupid, smug, shallow and narcissistic to understand all the good reasons why he ought to hate himself

but if my only consolation is the spiteful spectator sport of watching him fail at life

then I'm the real loser here, again, for bothering to feel that way in the first place

and his being a jerk isn't enough to haul me out of the pit I'm digging myself into

by posting on this thread

argh argh argh argh argh arggggggggggh

would it really make me feel better to explode in his face?

I don't really see any way to get out of this impasse with some dignity and self-respect intact

I have got to stop caring about this person but I can't seem to stop my mind from racing on its little hamster wheel of futility and hate

sounds like it's time to cut off this toxic asshole

but if I stick around and give him the tongue-lashing he richly deserves then I'm the uncool bitter guy who just can't get over it

since it seems like it's fairly recent, telling him off now doesn't make you the uncool bitter guy

or, you can always send him a turd in the mail in fine Baltimorean tradition

the accusation of being "upset" is conveniently neutral about who and what caused the upset

really well put. so frustrating. sometimes being reasonable is flipping out and calling someone on their shit.

thanks for listening everybody, I just needed to vent

I think I've got to stop believing that this is a situation where I will someday / somehow "teach him a lesson"

doing that is only making myself a hostage to him and it's a way of staying inside this problem (a sick way of preserving "what we had" in an inverted, rotten form)

if somebody is a stupid asshole then worrying about what they think and trying to somehow alter their opinion is just hopeless

it's not going to happen, which means I'm better off cutting my losses here

good riddance

if somebody is a stupid asshole then worrying about what they think and trying to somehow alter their opinion is just hopeless

agreed - but you can still tell him off if it's what you need to do, emotionally.

grown adults that you need to tell off are very rarely worth bothering to tell off.

he's young enough that there's hope he'll learn, but anything harsh coming from an ex is too easy to write off as bitterness, it's not going to have any effect other than making me look like "crazy ex", and I don't want to give him that satisfaction

mostly I don't want to care at all

but I totally do

tbh i think probably all you "need" to do is get some distance from the situation! for better or worse time heals most wounds. & until then u get to feel however u want, mad, sad, weird, whatever. its ok to care even if u think u "shouldnt"!

i mean i am projecting here and probably misreading you but 99% of my bullshit is about me trying to force myself to feel a way that i dont actually feel, its nice to remind yourself that you actually get to feel whatever you want

so my newest girl and I didn't even last two months. it was a relationship almost too good to be true at first, all of the things I had hated about my prior relationship, this girl didn't do at all. we talked, were really open, and didn't spend too much time together but not too little either. it was going really really well, so I shoulda figured...

Then one night I had made a date with her, and I had forgotten my football game was on that night. stupidly, I attempted to keep our date night while watching football, and of course it backfired. She had a lot of self-consciousness that night and said she wasn't sure I was attracted to her and all this, then I found out she had been raped less than a year earlier, which made sense as to her vulnerability. All in all, It turned out to just be an off-night and nothing major, we were getting along great again when all of a sudden she just drops the bombshell on me the following Monday that she doesn't think I'm over my ex and that it bothers her.

Which was bizarre because I almost never talked about her. In fact, my ex didn't even show up to my birthday, and I really didn't even care -- so many other friends showed, that I didn't really notice until the end of the night. Yet according to my newest g/f, I was 'walking around looking for her' all night (when in actuality I was talking to the many other friends who showed up). Despite me (very truthfully) telling her how much better a g/f she was than my ex ever was, it didn't matter. It was like I was being penalized for ever having gone out with her.

Thought it would be a simple problem to fix, but nope, a week later, she said she didn't think she could do this right now and it ended. I sure know how to pick 'em.

being single's not so bad tho.

being single is pretty fucking awesome

:-/

also DD this dude sounds like an idiot child, lash him at yr pleasure imo

grown adults that you need to tell off are very rarely worth bothering to tell off.

^^^

i disagree

yeah some of my best friends are adults that need telling off every now and then (and vicey versy)

I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times I've been told off that wasn't just a power trip, bullying, or someone unloading their bad moods onto me. If I've been behaving badly, I'd rather be talked calmly to like an adult, not lectured to like a child.

^^^^^^^^^^^^

Yeah, but you want to be talked to that way because you want constructive feedback, and you see this as a growth opportunity

some of gbx's friends are adults that just need to be told to knock that shit off

it depends. i've punched friends of mine, and i've had nice long, calm talks with people (friends and lovers) who are just fucking everything up.

i mean, i punched this dude i was sleeping with because he made such a condescending statement that i just did it. he had a black eye, forgave me the next day. but still.

That's strange. I've never had to commit assault and battery on anyone that I know. I'd be calling the cops first thing if someone did that to me. But I seem to live in a different world than a lot of people here.

the only reason I would punch someone is if they had just punched me.

the tune is space, you seem to be suffering the painful confusion that follows dealings with the personality disordered, with whom there no honest conversation you could have that would not be turned against you, no action you could take that would not be used against you, no resolution for you. every further dealing with someone like this will only make things worse for you. the only thing you can do is write him off and not blame yourself for getting involved in the first place. people like this are often good at disguising their disorderedness. then they strike.

is there like a blinders_from_eyes.gif and can i post it 20 times in response to ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

thanks estela, I've been feeling really relieved that I didn't explode and cause some hardcore scene, and your advice kind of chimes with that choice- I've got to stop thinking that there is still some "us" that needs renovation or fixing up. it's too late and I have to just walk away.

the *psychic surgery* part where I somehow detach and stop caring inside is trickier, but I think that bringing irl encounters to an absolute halt is step one. I don't want to sit around wishing someone else ill, it's not healthy for me and it's irrelevant and limited/limiting anyway. if (however unlikely) someday he turns out okay, that's better for the world at large anyway.

i mean, i punched this dude i was sleeping with because he made such a condescending statement that i just did it. he had a black eye, forgave me the next day. but still.

― a no-fault dick to suck. (the table is the table), Thursday, December 23, 2010 12:30 AM (15 hours ago) Bookmark

i've been punched in the face twice in my adult life, both times for saying something stupid and offensive. and both times by women (that i was not sleeping with). who are also twin sisters.

That's strange. I've never had to commit assault and battery on anyone that I know. I'd be calling the cops first thing if someone did that to me. But I seem to live in a different world than a lot of people here.

― Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Thursday, December 23, 2010 10:20 AM (5 hours ago) Bookmark

yeah but what if you deserved it? when i got decked by my friends (they're two of my closest, dearest friends) it was because i was being a total asshole. i sustained no damage. would i have preferred that they speak to me calmly and rationally about my behavior? well yeah, cuz then i wouldn't have gotten a punch in the face. but did it occur to me to call the cops?? wtf.

The only time I can think of that I'd deserve a punching is if I was beating the snot out of someone. I probably wouldn't call the cops on a friend for hitting me unless I was in serious danger. I'd settle for cutting off all ties with that person. I would call the cops on a relative, though.

If your relatives aren't friends, sure.

If they abuse me, they aren't my friend.

idk imo abuse is a pattern and a punch in the face is a punch in the face

am i saying 'stick around after your man hits you in the face cause it only counts if he does it twice' no i am not