Footcelsior

need nominations for a a poll of players upon whom commentators confer the hororific 'big' like

chrissy samba
richard dunne
emile heskey
john carew
john hartson

afaict it's a special honour awarded to players with a certain special aura of solemn clumsiness cuz it's seldom applied to dider drogba for instance

― Ectothiorhodospira shaposhnikovii (nakhchivan), Sunday, December 5, 2010 12:02 AM (12 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

~honorific~

might also write some horrorfic about big ryan nelsen and big chrissy samba savagely killing a passing brontosaurus

― Ectothiorhodospira shaposhnikovii (nakhchivan), Sunday, December 5, 2010 12:06 AM (12 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

just for the lulz

― Ectothiorhodospira shaposhnikovii (nakhchivan), Sunday, December 5, 2010 12:08 AM (12 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

these all seem like 'big's:

duncan ferguson
niall quinn
jan koller
martin keown
mark viduka

― Ismael Klata, Sunday, December 5, 2010 12:10 AM (12 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

basically martin o'neill's managerial career was a cover for capturing and taming these strange creatures, for reasons still unknown cuz the cia called time on the program due to cost overruns

― Ectothiorhodospira shaposhnikovii (nakhchivan), Sunday, December 5, 2010 12:13 AM (12 hours ago) Bookmark

ronan and nakh are gonna basically beast this thread, shame ferg ain't around altho who knows I might turf up some historical footcelsiors

predict a strong showing from rtc as well tbh

i doubt it, lower league can have its own excelsior thread

ban

1606: GOAL Tottenham 1-0 Man Utd (Van der Vaart Penalty)

― Sgt's Laughter (Sgt. Biscuits), Sunday, 16 January 2011 16:07 (2 weeks ago)

Spurs goal Absolutely fucking shocking. Bit of head tennis in the United penalty area and the ball falls for Gareth Bale, who takes a touch after collecting Crouch's deflected flick on from Modric's centre and rifles a shot towards Kuszcsak's goal. The United goalkeeper saves well but spills it and dives in at Bale's feelt, completly upending the Welshmen. It's a definite penalty. He. Must. Be. Absolutely. Thick. As. Fuck. Rafael van der Vaart steps up to confidently stroke it past Kuszskasks's despairing dive.

― Sgt's Laughter (Sgt. Biscuits), Sunday, 16 January 2011 16:11 (2 weeks ago)

1614: Dimitar Berbatov puts Wayne Rooney in with a slide rule pass, but the inept potato-faced little cunt can only slash hopelessly wide.

― Sgt's Laughter (Sgt. Biscuits), Sunday, 16 January 2011 16:15 (2 weeks ago)

From MancFan on Twitter: "Just put dinner in the oven and settling down to watch the match. Get in!"

― I see what this is (Local Garda), Sunday, 16 January 2011 16:15 (2 weeks ago)

1618: Wilson Palacios embarks on a magnificent, rampaging individual run and is crudely brought down by Michael Carrick. It's a terrible challenge by the former Spurs man and his wife will be literally unable to look at his contemptible, rodent-like face without being physically sick. Rafael van der Vaart fires the resultant free kick straight at Kuzczszak.

― Sgt's Laughter (Sgt. Biscuits), Sunday, 16 January 2011 16:21 (2 weeks ago)

1632: Presumably nothing whatsoever happens for 14 minutes. You may think I went to get a cup of tea but more likely our Content Production System broke (again) or I had to fill out five editorial clearance forms to make a witty comment. Those of you who watch Match of the Day or follow other streams will know there were three penalty shouts, a two footed tackle, and a goalmouth scramble during this time.

― I see what this is (Local Garda), Sunday, 16 January 2011 16:24 (2 weeks ago)

From StepneyGaz via text: "I'm in the middle of my final exam to be a doctor, but can't resist craftily checking the score on my mobile! Utd to win 2-1."

Not a bad predo Gaz, we shall see.

― Sgt's Laughter (Sgt. Biscuits), Sunday, 16 January 2011 16:29 (2 weeks ago)

1629: Wayne Rooney finds himself in space on the right, but can only drag a hopeless, aimless ball across the front of Heurhelho Gomes' goal. Oh dear, oh dear. Watching that back on the replay, you have to think his whole family must be crying with rage at his performance as they watch this, quietly wishing to themselves that he had been killed when he was a younger man.

― Sgt's Laughter (Sgt. Biscuits), Sunday, 16 January 2011 16:32 (2 weeks ago)

1637: ROONEY STARE! MAN UNITED Wayne Rooney looks at a section of Tottenham supporters and his face instantly causes several thousand people to melt, killing them instantly. This is one of the worst disasters ever to happen at a football game. Try telling that to Alex Ferguson though! He will be absolutely delighted.

― I see what this is (Local Garda), Sunday, 16 January 2011 16:35 (2 weeks ago)

1638: Things getting a little feisty here, as Patrice Evra and Raefael surround Aaron Lennon and beat him into a coma with Luka Modric's left shin. I should point out that Modric's leg had already been severed during an earlier clash with Michael Carrick. Mike Dean facing a job to keep a lid on things at the moment - still goalless at White Hart Lane.

― Sgt's Laughter (Sgt. Biscuits), Sunday, 16 January 2011 16:40 (2 weeks ago)

1643: Noel Gallagher appears to be in the stands. However it's not a happy day for the former Oasis man, as he appears to have soaked himself in urine and is ranting delusionally about a noise nobody else can hear. Try telling thtat to Alex Ferguson though! The Man United boss will be delighted.

― I see what this is (Local Garda), Sunday, 16 January 2011 16:42 (2 weeks ago)

1645: A fire engulfs most of the away fans end and a tannoy announcement urges fans to head towards the exit. Try telling that to Alex Ferguson though! The Man United boss is hard of hearing.

― I see what this is (Local Garda), Sunday, 16 January 2011 16:44 (2 weeks ago)

mike dean books the stadium announcer for clear attempt to gain advantage by preventing mass slaughter

― all i gotta do is akh nachivly (darraghmac), Sunday, 16 January 2011 16:47 (2 weeks ago)

1651: The game's gone off the boil a bit in the last ten minutes, but there's plenty of entertainment off the field, as fighting breaks out between separate factions of heavily armed ultras near the commentary booth. A stray grenade lands next to TV commentator Martin Tyler's foot, and unfortunately for him - it's liiiiiive. Tyler explodes in a shower of bone and gore, drawing ironic cheers from both sets of supporters. A terrible tragedy for Tyler and his family, but I have to say the look on Andy Gray's face is priceless.

― Sgt's Laughter (Sgt. Biscuits), Sunday, 16 January 2011 16:53 (2 weeks ago)

1658: The game becomes scrappy, prompting a discussion in the office about which biscuit we ate most of in 1997. Custard creams are my vote. Try telling that to Man United boss Alex Ferguson though. You can bet there won't be any biscuits featuring in his halftime teamtalk!

― I see what this is (Local Garda), Sunday, 16 January 2011 16:58 (2 weeks ago)

1659: Half-time Tottenham 0-0 Manchester United
BBC Sport's Phil McNulty at White Hart Lane: "Spurs just shading it but as tight as it gets. Harry Redknapp and Sir Alex Ferguson will demand greater quality in attacking positions after the break."

― Sgt's Laughter (Sgt. Biscuits), Sunday, 16 January 2011 17:02 (2 weeks ago)

"Spurs may be the home team but a word for Manchester United who have gallantly agreed to play away from Old Trafford. Harry Redknapp and Sir Alex Ferguson will have been thinking of the half-time team talks, but ultimately on a cold day in North London it's all about Wayne Rooney's continued reluctance to assume the mantle of United Legend that his talent deserves. Whether it's a dignified refusal to take centre stage or his bashfulness in scoring the goals he is certainly capable of, we can be sure that the second half will bring further intrigue".

― nakhchivan, Sunday, 16 January 2011 17:08 (2 weeks ago)

1714: David Beckham looking on to see his team needing a creative spark. It is that vision that should hopefully convince Mr. Capello to cast aside his foreign ways and let him get the caps he needs to make England great again.

― "jobs" (a hoy hoy), Sunday, 16 January 2011 17:18 (2 weeks ago)

From Hizal9802 on Twitter: "The lads at Nottingham Trent Uni send our regards to BBC Liveblog Legend Stevo, just had a nice bit of banter about seeing this tweet on the BBC!'

Thanks lads, I try to please.

― nakhchivan, Sunday, 16 January 2011 17:20 (2 weeks ago)

From srebrenica_aryan_arkan88 on Twitter: "the ultras in NOVI SAD SERBIA send our <3 to big nemanja vidic, keep on killin it out there brother."

Haha, great banter from those Serb ultra lads – Stevo

― nakhchivan, Sunday, 16 January 2011 17:31 (2 weeks ago)

1737: The look of anguish on Wilson Palacios' face after he skied that shot said it all. Whether it's his brother's prolonged abduction and murder or the pressure of playing in the Champions League, it's been a difficult 24 months for the Honduran.

― nakhchivan, Sunday, 16 January 2011 17:37 (2 weeks ago)

1740: Half-hearted penalty shout as Rafael van der Vaart tries to turn Nemanja Vidic on the edge of the penalty area, and the big Serbian manages to get his wrists locked around the Dutchman's shoulders and execute a flawless Tiger Suplex '85. Haven't seen that one for a while. It only gets a two count, however, and Utd breathe again. Eighteen minutes left on the clock at the Lane, but do of course bear in mind that the title can't change hands on a time limit draw.

― Sgt's Laughter (Sgt. Biscuits), Sunday, 16 January 2011 17:44 (2 weeks ago)

1742: SENDING OFF Rooney, Manchester United The young tyro at full-back trips Bale and he has to go. It's been a brave performance for Rooney who makes up for his lack of skill with the passion you expect from a United Legend.

― nakhchivan, Sunday, 16 January 2011 17:46 (2 weeks ago)

1748: I don't...is this...? This match is threatening to turn into a farce. Javier "Hercules" Hernandez, who was not scheduled to be here, is walking down the tunnel and onto the pitch at White Hart Lane. Fans we apologise for this, w...can we please...can we get him out of here please?

This is not good.

― Sgt's Laughter (Sgt. Biscuits), Sunday, 16 January 2011 17:52 (2 weeks ago)

1753: Hernandez is just standing there, nodding quietly. Chilling mind games from the big Mexican. It's turned into a real game of human chess out there, in stark contrast to the carnage in the stands, where there are now almost no survivors.

― Sgt's Laughter (Sgt. Biscuits), Sunday, 16 January 2011 17:55 (2 weeks ago)

1754: That's Big Les Ferdinand texting in the stands, his stubby digits worn down by years of pachinko and numbed by cold, he hits the sleek iPhone 4 repeatedly against the skull of Tim Sherwood, who looks to have taken a knock judging by the cerebrospinal fluid running from his nose.

― nakhchivan, Sunday, 16 January 2011 17:58 (2 weeks ago)

1801: Neat! Gomes smothers at the feet of Giggs as easily as Mike Phelan compressing a pillow over the snoring Brian Kidd.

― nakhchivan, Sunday, 16 January 2011 18:04 (2 weeks ago)

1802: A rare foray forward for this depleted United side. Giggs carries it forward in the centre circle and tries to release the isolated Javier Hernandez, but his listless through ball is screwed hopelessly wide of the Mexican and dribbles towards the left touchline. That was just pathetic. Absolutely fucking pathetic. What's the fucking point of this when all you end up with is this deadening, pitiful shit? Fuck off, the lot of you. Just fuck off.

― Sgt's Laughter (Sgt. Biscuits), Sunday, 16 January 2011 18:06 (2 weeks ago)

1807 FULL TIME The cornrows of Benoit Assou Ekotto smothered with the viscera of the late Darron Gibson, United's players to a lap of honour for the travelling fans who saw their brave rearguard action here today. Harry Redknapp will have been disappointed not to have got the superinjunction, but for once his purple complexion today was more the result of shame at his team's sorry performance than the effects of autoerotic asphyxia gone wrong.

― nakhchivan, Sunday, 16 January 2011 18:12 (2 weeks ago)

ENCASED IN AMBER. OH GOD IT'S A BIT OF A MESS.

This is going to end 35,000,000 - nil.

― James Mitchell, Saturday, 5 February 2011 15:12 (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

our record win is only 12-0 btw

― if there is a King Kenny, apparently he is huge into slapstick. (a hoy hoy), Saturday, 5 February 2011 15:16 (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Would be class Wenger trolling if he started to sub off key starters now to rest them. "Nice 15 minute shift Cesc, come and take a seat".

Considering we are still in 4 comps and have Barca in a week and a half, this is otm and needs to happen

― if there is a King Kenny, apparently he is huge into slapstick. (a hoy hoy), Saturday, 5 February 2011 15:20 (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Andy Carroll emerges from the crowd to celebrate with Arsenal scoring their 6th

― if there is a King Kenny, apparently he is huge into slapstick. (a hoy hoy), Saturday, 5 February 2011 15:27 (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Hopefully the Sky cameramen will realise there's no point showing the game and will just focus on fat shirtless tattooed Geordies instead.

― James Mitchell, Saturday, 5 February 2011 15:30 (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

if we get 2 more by halftime we will be on goal to hit our biggest ever win. 3 more and we will be gunning for beating the record. the way both teams are playing, i actually dont feel like a dick saying this

― if there is a King Kenny, apparently he is huge into slapstick. (a hoy hoy), Saturday, 5 February 2011 15:32 (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

for a player to score twelve and set up six more is irrelevent, look at this lucky newcastle block! no brains!

― if there is a King Moaty, apparently he is huge into slapstick. (a hoy hoy), Saturday, 5 February 2011 15:38 (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

squillaci on. uhoh arsenal not a lock to win now

― cozen, Saturday, 5 February 2011 16:10 (Yesterday)

all v "you will find that our ship is totes unsinkable like".

Hubris

The lanky big man centre forward of Fate has literally risen at the far post like a salmon to power an exploding football full of pissy disappointment onto the ILX Gooners' parade.

^who's this guy

that was a post after my own heart, x-post.

it's liiiiive

GOAT imo

i like how anglo commentators rationalize their love of silva by goig on about WORK RATE WORK RATE WORK RATE

― Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Wednesday, 2 November 2011 20:26 (3 hours ago)

underutilised thread

'self ughfacing' is ilfcelsior material par excellence youse unworthy savages

― ₪_₪ (darraghmac), Friday, 18 November 2011 16:52 (45 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

I was wondering what it was

― Ismael Klata, Friday, 18 November 2011 17:12 (25 minutes ago) Bookmark

kinda want everton to go down and the myth of them being a well run club living within their means to go with them tbh

Funny, I feel the same about Arsenal

― R. Stornoway (Tom D.), Friday, November 18, 2011 5:40 AM (9 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink
clean hit

― ₪_₪ (darraghmac), Friday, November 18, 2011 5:43 AM (9 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink
ball was there to be won

― Number None, Friday, November 18, 2011 5:49 AM (9 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink
Was on a plate

― R. Stornoway (Tom D.), Friday, November 18, 2011 5:50 AM (9 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink
it's bounced up nicely and he's hit it and it's flew in. He'll be happy with that

― ₪_₪ (darraghmac), Friday, November 18, 2011 6:00 AM (9 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink
Schoolboy error by the original poster really, he won't want to watch highlights of that one tonight

― R. Stornoway (Tom D.), Friday, November 18, 2011 6:04 AM (8 hours ago)

who and where is sgt biscuits mvp material iirc

1748: I don't...is this...? This match is threatening to turn into a farce. Javier "Hercules" Hernandez, who was not scheduled to be here, is walking down the tunnel and onto the pitch at White Hart Lane. Fans we apologise for this, w...can we please...can we get him out of here please?

This is not good.

― Sgt's Laughter (Sgt. Biscuits), Sunday, 16 January 2011 17:52 (2 weeks ago)

this is one of my favourite posts anywhere on ILX ever

^

i must've read through that liveblog a dozen times and every time it brings uncontrollable lols.

Yeah 'cause illegal German immigration to Alabama is such a problem.

― Quand le déshonneur est public, il faut que la vengeance soit (Michael White), Wednesday, February 1, 2012 5:37 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

you let one in, next thing you know the place is littered with Udo Kiers and Rutger Hauers

― Full Frontal Newtity (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, February 1, 2012 5:39 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I sure hope the USMNT doesn't plan to play there any time soon.

― Quand le déshonneur est public, il faut que la vengeance soit (Michael White), Wednesday, February 1, 2012 5:46 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Next we'll be reading how Pele turned up and volleyed a ball at the prosecution lawyer and the judge smiled and said: "I'm going to allow this!"

― When a German communicates, you listen (LocalGarda), Thursday, 2 February 2012 22:33 (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v165/noodle_vague/carrlol.png

Utd will still win the league even if City do manage to beat them

Foolish talk. If City win the match, they'll win the league. If United win the match, they'll win the league. If it's a draw, United will *probably* win the league.

― Let's Talk About Socks (Nasty, Brutish & Short), Sunday, 29 April 2012 12:19 (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

enough with the mind games

― Ismael Klata, Sunday, 29 April 2012 12:23 (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

EX-CHELSEA-OR THREAD!

I didn't even know this thread existed and I'm surpised to find myself on it. That Sgt. Bisquits thing upthread is as funny as hell.

really pleased for the james gang that Wigan stayed up, but i feel really sorry for steve kean. He has not deserved the vile abuse he has had all season.

― Algerian Goalkeeper, Monday, May 7, 2012 9:29 PM (32 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

hes a cunt

― nakhchivan, Monday, May 7, 2012 9:30 PM (32 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

tiger suplex '85

two posts after this one and this becomes the longest thread on ilx

― navihchkan (nakhchivan), Thursday, 17 May 2012 13:02 Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

ok i want it to be this:

― navihchkan (nakhchivan), Thursday, 17 May 2012 13:04 Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

jol out

― pet tommy & the barkhaters (darraghmac), Thursday, 17 May 2012 13:04 Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

oh u cunt deems!

― navihchkan (nakhchivan), Thursday, 17 May 2012 13:05 Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

classic

sheringham/andrew cole rift starts here imo

i'm gonna spend a weekend off sometime bulking this thread up from the historical archives

id guess thread would get more traffic if it didnt sound like a bankrupt sneaker store in indiana

Noteworthy football content << classy, minimal, restrained, dignified -- an andrea pirlo to this thread's landon donovan

butthurt lance-asster here today to open our shoe store imo

god shoe store clerks are so surly

understandable, tbh, if it weren't for this damn fetish i could have been a physicist

"that's not dribbling, that's running" - Capote on Ben Arfa

― cissémanwhore (DJ Mencap), Sunday, 13 May 2012 23:03

it is true that relative to other sports...nobody really mentions technique in football.

They talk about little else in cricket, I can hear Boycott's voice droning away in my head, "You, see that's just bad tegneeg that is, you can't play grigid at this level with bad tegneeg, do you think I had bad tegneeg when I was scoring my hundred hundreds? Give over!"

― Tom D has taken many months to run this thread to ground (Tom D.), Tuesday, 31 May 2011 15:49 (11 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

no wonder everyone stopped talking to the cunt huh

― ♪♫ hey there lamp post, feelin' whiney ♪♫ (darraghmac), Tuesday, 31 May 2011

tbf like

what do folks think of the portuguese winger ronaldo?

― weasel diesel (K1l14n), Monday, July 19, 2004 1:16 PM (7 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Well at least he's got rid of that stupid spaghetti haircut he had. Although i don't think that was what you were looking for was it k*l*an?

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Monday, July 19, 2004 1:19 PM (7 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

all opinions re:ronaldo are welcome...

― weasel diesel (K1l14n), Monday, July 19, 2004 1:20 PM (7 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

What's a "winger"? Did you misspell "singer"?

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, July 19, 2004 1:20 PM (7 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

(winger = footballer who plays attacking role and usually concentrates his/her efforts along the touchline)

― weasel diesel (K1l14n), Monday, July 19, 2004 1:22 PM (7 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

jol out

― darraghmac, Tuesday, September 11, 2001 11:38 PM (10 years ago)

heh

Q: How could Arsene Wengers financial approach to signings be described.

A: As tight as Scrooge Mc'Ducks Arse (Contains a duck reference, a Scrooge McDuck reference (a famously stingy character), a common phrase relating to being penny pinching which relates to Arsenals famous policy of no big money signings and also contains the word 'Arse' which features in both the name of the club and it's manager.

― Jarlrmai, Tuesday, 16 March 2010 17:07

I predict a run of dispiriting Spurs defeats. Next time Spurs play.

― the pinefox, Monday, May 14, 2012 1:06 PM (4 days ago)

the question must be asked- how hungry can frank lampard really be at this stage?

― pet tommy & the barkhaters (darraghmac), Monday, 21 May 2012 15:39 (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Ledley likely to hang up his knees?

― mizzell, Friday, June 1, 2012 8:44 AM

sit him up on kaboul's shoulders to steer imo

― pet tommy & the barkhaters (darraghmac), Friday, June 1, 2012 9:01 AM

THE WAYNE IN UKRAINE FAILS MAINLY BY EVERY AVAILABLE YARDSTICK

― Alba, Sunday, 24 June 2012 22:43 (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lj catnip otm tbf

what the hell time is it there deems

― well if it isn't old 11 cameras simon (gbx), Tuesday, 3 September 2013 01:48 (2 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

it is TRANSFER DEADLINE DAY here gbx. time stops at 22:59:59 so it is that time

― "Asshole Lost in Coughdrop": THAT'S a story (darraghmac), Tuesday, 3 September 2013 01:49 (2 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i am currently awaiting confirmation from the FA as to whether i can move to the bedroom

― "Asshole Lost in Coughdrop": THAT'S a story (darraghmac), Tuesday, 3 September 2013 01:50 (2 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

what's a club rep?
― s1ocki (slutsky), Saturday, 21 February 2004 17:13 (11 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

It's that attribute on Champ Manager that determines how likely big name players are to sign for you.
― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Saturday, 21 February 2004 17:15 (11 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Macklemore, "Same Love"

djpd25 ‏@DJ0725 Apr 19
@ChrisSmalling tell van gaal fuck off

just got a weird pang of nostalgia

― Number None, Thursday, June 2, 2016 11:17 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Yeah that was one of transvision vamp's better songs

― real orgone kid (NickB), Thursday, June 2, 2016 11:26 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

A boot miskicking a human face forever

― poor fiddy-less albion (darraghmac), Tuesday, June 28, 2016 10:51 PM (13 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

yep

it's incredible that labour were handed one of the biggest open goals in recent political history with the fallout from Brexit and they've still managed to smash he ball not just over the crossbar but right out of the stadium

― report your crimes to my burning ghost cock (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 19 July 2016 19:18 (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

brian

― report your crimes to my burning ghost cock (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 19 July 2016 19:19 (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

https://twitter.com/StreathamRovers/status/785177357925703680

I've been enjoying the Streatham Rovers twitter feed's recent livetweets of their matches

It's turned into a real game of human chess out there, in stark contrast to the carnage in the stands, where there are now almost no survivors.

― Sgt's Laughter (Sgt. Biscuits), Sunday, 16 January 2011 17:55 (2 weeks ago)

there's a similarity

spain make me feel like a sceptical boondocks sheriff looking at two moonshone alien abductees- if all this probing is really going on, then why is there no attack?

― Ну, там твое место, там сабе будь! (darraghmac),

― standard disclaimer applies (darraghmac), Sunday, 27 January 2013 02:42 (three years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

underrated little. effort this

not a footcelsior as such but thanks to r|t|c for ensuring that the phrase eurostep past a hater like ian woan will no doubt stay with me for a long while

also i think i posted this at the end of the world cup thread once before but it belongs here also, and saves darragh the task of posting it himself

poor old kuyt y'day, first half patrolled the wing with no shade, then 2nd half LVG had him swap wings so he was doing it again!

― pandemic, Monday, June 30, 2014 9:50 AM (two years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

no point coddling a workhorse

― do u like green ez & jam (darraghmac), Monday, June 30, 2014 9:55 AM (two years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

noticed that, like his whole job was to soak up the u/v

― clockpuncher (Noodle Vague), Monday, June 30, 2014 10:56 AM (two years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

bit of the old u/v, a clockworkhorse oraanje

― do u like green ez & jam (darraghmac), Monday, June 30, 2014 11:01 AM (two years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

our old friend louis van, rvp all nonsense now

― Ismael Klata, Monday, June 30, 2014 11:17 AM (two years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

had this bad bitch uptown she was woan

im not sure about including the klata footnote there tbphwu

bit of the old u/v, a clockworkhorse oraanje

― do u like green ez & jam (darraghmac), Monday, June 30, 2014 11:01 AM (two years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

really just the pinnacle of ilx tbh

Tbf we at least signed defoe the day we fucked it to man city

And I was in Paris at the time whereas we were three up against united as I entered the no-phone zone of my grandmother's funeral

To think, she was anointed and consecrated at the very moment the dockyard lizard king hissed "ladssszzzszz itszszszsz Tottenham

― jk rowling obituary thread (darraghmac), Wednesday, 26 July 2017 10:26 (three hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

.............

sorry for your loss

― Number None, Wednesday, 26 July 2017 11:28 (two hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

haha I thought about footcelsioring that

Yes that were right good

Still tho

A stray grenade lands next to TV commentator Martin Tyler's foot, and unfortunately for him - it's liiiiiive

srsly thought of that the other day and chuckled to myself

It makes life better

spurs-utd livecomms probably the highlight of all ilx football content

RIP grandma all the same

We were going to wait till 4:20 pm, but we were just too excited 😏

We are proud to announce our partnership with @NuwuCannabis!
The first professional sports team in the U.S. to partner with a marijuana dispensary.

ONLY. IN. VEGAS. pic.twitter.com/ItGhT7a4vn

— Las Vegas Lights FC (@lvlightsfc) April 13, 2018

This is what happens when Napoli fans & Juventus fans walk down the same street in Torino 😂

📽️ IG/trollserieatim pic.twitter.com/X3iFZucfUj

— ItalianFootballTV (@IFTVofficial) April 21, 2018

Beautiful. Like when the Irish joined Braveheart.

deems with the rabona cross, rtc with the scorpion finish

― avant-garde, sissy bounce, zombie rave, aquacrunk, warlock, oceangrunge, (imago), Sunday, 22 November 2015 18:51 (three years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I wonder what this was for

Alderweirelds a stage and even kyle walkers playing his part

― MONKEY had been BUMMED by the GHOST of the late prancing paedophile (darraghmac), Sunday, 22 November 2015 17:19 (three years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

son's teeth, son's eyes, son's taste, son's everything

― r|t|c, Sunday, 22 November 2015 17:40 (three years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

holy shit

you saw that at the time im sure

oh i see

hi guys

for the last year and for the first time in my life at thirty whatever (seven i think) ive been involved in a sports team, a load of struggling dept ed penpushers of varying experience and silhouette togging out once a month or more under floodlights against lads with coaches and clipboards and a ref looking on and shaking his head at us

we havent won yet but we havent given up yet. our goalie would rather be our striker, our striker would rather be anywhere else, our best player has forty years done and is likely running down his contract and we're only taking it too seriously in the ten mins before and after when tge blood's up.

highlights include:

- the ref blowing up ten mins early against the prison service and refusing to divulge the score

- getting a man sent off for running away from a fight against the fire service (and being let back on out of pity ten mins later)

- holding justice to a two goal win and running to the bench celebrating as they looked on nonplussed

- our bruiser (seconded to defence since, unrelated) launching into a legbreaker against dept health and the victim berating him while prone with "dyou fuckin know how long the ambulance will leave me waiting once they know who i work for?"

its been a joyous experience, almost totally positive without the pressure of performance or competitiveness and while i wish id done it years ago i think maybe the magic is coming from the maturity in actually enjoying the participation and the camaraderie and all the things that wouldve been and sounded like placatory cant back when we were young enough to care.

are ye sporting yerselves and isnt it great

― deemsthelarker (darraghmac), Tuesday, 23 April 2019 18:41 (yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

not that your ego needs the balm but i did lol irl

if yall think agile is bad, pray you never have to work at a place that implements SAFe

― diamonddave85​​ (diamonddave85), Thursday, 11 April 2019 14:44 (three weeks ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Moysey certainly couldn't manage it

― cherry blossom, Thursday, 11 April 2019 15:15 (three weeks ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Stern Stern John - claims to be lackadaisical Trini striker born again after discovering 'de fyah ah de lord' following extensive conversations with Marvin Andrews. Splits his time between using terse, literalist interpretations of biblical passages to explain Birmingham City's off-the-field woes and offering disciplinarian child-rearing advice on I Love People-Making. Board members suspicious of his inconsistent patois are unsurprised when he is exposed as a fraud, following the real Stern John's arrest, alongside Dwight Yorke, for attempting to smuggle amyl nitrate and two under-age Belarussians into Abu Dhabi.

Cursory Googling reveals him to be Roger Walton, 47, a roofer from Morecambe who has been living as 'Stern John' for four years. It's a crushing blow to partially-sighted wife Martha, son Stern and daughter Sterne. Disappearing shortly afterwards, a tear-stained note is found on Morecambe pier reading simply "with his talent and my iron will, we could have made the world tremble before us".

― A little bit like Peter Crouch but with more mobility (ShariVari), Tuesday, 20 September 2011 17:28 (nine years ago) link

That is a thing of beauty

That whole thread is a pretty amazing read, although I don't think I noticed at the time how many of the protagonists ended up taking their own lives

perhaps the collective was a little in thrall to the turn-of-the-decade vogue for gritty miserablism

gritty, re: boots

Watching on a bit of a delay, who are these arseholes on motd2 please

― Windsor Davies, Monday, 28 December 2020 00:45 (thirteen hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

Tottenham

― spruce springclean (darraghmac), Monday, 28 December 2020 01:43 (twelve hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

It's Christmas

Theres no need to be afraid (short of set pieces after the 80th minute)

Wow at the Dele goal. Not sure I've seen someone set themselves up for a bicycle kick before.

― cajunsunday, Thursday, 25 February 2021 13:31 (thirty-six minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

I'm sure darragh's done it once or twice

― Number None, Thursday, 25 February 2021 13:39 (twenty-seven minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Fair play hes caught that one just right, but its hit me the the lower stomach

gritty, re: boots

― hiroyoshi tins in (Sgt. Biscuits)

In itself a worthy effort

Ryan Sessegnon

― anvil, Sunday, 7 January 2024 20:07 (eighteen seconds ago) bookmarkflaglink

yes

the wicker man was on the tv last month and I suddenly thought of trappatoni and a naked john o'shea but couldn't remember why. it was fairly disturbing. I finally remembered this thread. darragh and ronan riffing off one another is beautiful.

Moyes - I'll take any kind of win

Would like if this was made into a musical number.

― Legitimate space tale (LocalGarda), Sunday, 27 October 2013 10:40 (17 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I often think of this and laugh

(Everyone else hears an actual tune in their head as they read it too right?)

i never do because the moyes van dyke head image disturbs me overmuch

i regret this thread title nakh otm

I won't be happy until Jon Moss is facing the dual pressure of court litigation and FA disrepute charges for accepting a bribe and tries to hang himself in shame from a kitchen hook, but his weight breaks it off the wall and he suffers a head injury causing severe brainstem injury that renders him paralysed, over the weeks his increasingly starving dog eats him in a slow piecemeal manner.

― vodkaitamin effrtvescent (calzino), Monday, 15 January 2024 21:27 (fifty-one minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

it was this or vmic