The Governator

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Do Not Pass Go. Do Not Collect $200.

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 21 October 2003 17:47 (twenty years ago) link

Once, in my palmier days, I passed Goa. There was an outbreak of plague so we sailed on by, despite it being on the itinerary. Instead of exploring the wonders of the old Portugese town, we passed the time playing whist on deck, smoking black cheroots and dancing in the evening to the playing of a spinet.

It bored us silly until Eric Lynch (whom we called Lumpy) got the capital idea of killing all the old age pensioners on board for sport. We made a game of it, picking our victims by common consent as we toiled over our many hands of whist, then vying to see who would have the honor of hanging the wizened grey pelt from their belt, so to speak.

Of course, we couldn't reveal the true cause of all the deaths without spoiling the game, so it wasn't until we reached port in Bombay that we let the cat out the bag. O, how the purser laughed when he found out!

As for the $200, I did manage to lift quite a large pile of costume jewelry, a solid gold cigar cutter and about 80 pounds worth of mixed currency from my two victims. But that was some time out from Goa, so it may not count.

― Aimless, Tuesday, 21 October 2003 19:53 (twenty years ago) link

£200, for Christ's sake, not $200. $ are no good whatsoever down the Old Kent road.

― Weebleman (StillSimon), Tuesday, 21 October 2003 20:04 (twenty years ago) link

Good job Aimless. I really don't see how that topic relates--unless you're stringing it in reference to the "destroy the stupid people" board. Then again, I started to wonder... good thinking, what with the "let's pick off a victim and start killin'" type of gag you got going there. Kudos. Really. Thanks for the credit, but no thanks to "lumpy".

― Eric Lynch (Lynch), Thursday, 23 October 2003 02:08 (twenty years ago) link

No no, that's fine, nobody thank lumpy. Who was it donated his memories after you had that "funny turn"? Who was it played "Caravans" with you all until my back went cheep? Who was it who got Paul Heaton of Melodic Hull trite-poppers the Beautiful South to stop rooting through our fucking dustbins? Who was it who scored the injury time equaliser to take Skem through to the preliminary round of the LDV vans tophy, knocking out a mafia-controlled Blyth Spartans en route and earning a "sicilian antimacassar" for his toubles? Eh? No nobody thank Lumpy. You bastards.

― Lumpy (Matt), Thursday, 23 October 2003 23:20 (twenty years ago) link

And that's not all...
When I stepped on that rusty bayonet and got infected and lost my left foot, who donated a left foot?
Lumpy.
And when my sister was impregnated by aliens who married her anyway and raised that thing as his own child?
Lumpy
*sniff* Sorry, Lumpy, I have no *sniff* excuse for these ungrateful bastards.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Friday, 24 October 2003 03:23 (twenty years ago) link

( Hey, Lump...I'll be over late Saturday to help setting up that new cage. It WILL be sedated, won't it? I don't mind dragging it here and there but when it stands up those claws seem to reflect any available light which only makes them look more deadly. I know you love it but you have to understand, I'm not it's Dad.
To it...I'm lunch.)

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Friday, 24 October 2003 03:49 (twenty years ago) link

one month passes...

So what you're saying the best thread ever was started by the guy who almost destroyed the whole damn thing?

― Dante-Cubed (Sean3), Monday, 24 November 2003 02:03 (twenty years ago) link

How "IRONIC" it's like 10,000 spoons.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Monday, 24 November 2003 13:26 (twenty years ago) link

When all you need is a glimmering Bowie.

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Monday, 24 November 2003 16:57 (twenty years ago) link

shoved where the sun don't shine

― Weebleman (StillSimon), Tuesday, 25 November 2003 21:59 (twenty years ago) link

Skelmersdale?

― Matt (Matt), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 01:05 (twenty years ago) link

two years pass...

No, no, my mistake, Chorley.

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 2 February 2006 09:16 (eighteen years ago) link

I understand Skelmersdale is closed for the winter.

― Geoffrey Judge ( Ivor Feltersnatch), Thursday, 2 February 2006 13:08 (eighteen years ago) link

If by closed you mean "home to ravening packs of misshapen pavement-scourers, hungry for the life-blood of the fastest and weakest of bucks, remorseless, untiring and ye shall know them by the trail of the Rockport" then you are in all senses correct. If you didn't then close enough, I suppose.

― Matt (Matt), Friday, 3 February 2006 01:13 (eighteen years ago) link

four months pass...

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― ringtones free, Friday, 30 June 2006 03:09 (seventeen years ago) link

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― funny ringtones, Saturday, 1 July 2006 16:36 (seventeen years ago) link

Strange. This "funny ringtones" character sounds much like the "ringtones free" fellow. Perhaps they are related. Cousins german or some such.

― Aimless (Aimless), Saturday, 1 July 2006 23:20 (seventeen years ago) link

six years pass...

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― Aimless, Sunday, 9 June 2013 01:04 (ten years ago) link

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