to what extent does your life revolve around alcohol?

I only drink a couple of beers every few weeks or so now, if my parents take me out to dinner or something. It's a long way from drinking a bottle of Jim Beam every day (which is where I was in 2007, when I started posting here). A lot of my drunks ended in blackouts and I often got next-day phone calls from friends yielding disturbing information ("Were you hitting on my girlfriend...again?".

Somewhere around that time, I read in an article that men drink the most in their late 20s and start tapering off around 30. I decided that maybe nature would take its course and I'd end up following the group.

Soon thereafter, I got into a relationship/family with someone who doesn't drink. I didn't stop drinking right away, but it tapered off over the course of a year or so. It helped that her parents are alcoholics and watching these boomers get loaded and act like Stevie Nicks or John Wayne was a clear-as-a-bell warning sign.

where my wife's from, people's social lives revolve around dinner. so alcohol is involved but it's spread out over several hours and supplemented by lots of food. people don't really do that in london so much - have people over for dinner - which is pretty hard for her, since that used to be her main way of getting together with people. instead, people go to the pub here. which she's gotten into a little bit, though with a kid it's not very convenient. and it's expensive.

my social life definitely used to revolve around alcohol (among other things) but i don't drink much any more, mainly because i left the country and became a dad. but when i get together with people now, drinking is still a big part of things. but it's usually moderate. i can't remember the last time i got whanging, stumbling drunk. years and years ago. i've never had the problems mentioned by people on this thread, thank god. it's incredible to read some of this stuff.

jim i have some glaswegian friends and i think some of them are in a similar situation to you.

My social life almost entirely revolves around the pub, but the days of enormous drunken benders appear to be behind me. Slightly conflicted about this.

lately, too much. My friends are all graduate students and lately more than ever are making the most of that, with some manner of partying (usually nightclub, sometimes house) probably three times a week, and the odd pub visit for any reason that can be found. It's taking its toll on my wallet, my once svelte figure (okay I'm still hella skinny, but the developing belly displeases me and I'd like to nip it in the bud), my general health (I spend an awful lot of my time feeling not quite right, even when I've had a couple of days away from the booze), and my ideas of being a productive human being despite being unemployed. Far too easy to let days disappear into nights of watching TV / ILXing / partying again. I'm only awake and out and about now because I had to sign on this morning - had that peculiar thing where you wake up feeling oddly fine and realise that it's because you're actually still drunk, and now I'm in the midst of an even more peculiar thing where it's segueing into a hangover...

The thing that stopped me boozing like a champ was working in a pub, specifically, while working watching a previously spry wee dude go from irn-bru drinker to dead in the space of six months, the last month of which he was (a) barred, (b) stinking like shitey puke, (c) incomprehensible and (d) very, very fighty. Watching alcohol kill someone really takes the thrill away from getting drunk.

Also, haemorrhoids.

Last time I drank alcohol was about four years ago. So uh not at all. lol I know why: I am a terrible drinker. I immediately go for the drunk stupor.:-(

watching these boomers get loaded and act like Stevie Nicks or John Wayne was a clear-as-a-bell warning sign.

Even to a long time non-drinker that sounds a bit glam...

Further to 'My Booze Hell' as detailed above, I've never subscribed to the disease model of alcoholism - I was doing the drinking, not some malignant, alien, thing called 'alcoholism'. Even on the basic physical level, giving up smoking is a lot harder.

watching these boomers get loaded and act like Stevie Nicks or John Wayne was a clear-as-a-bell warning sign.

Even to a long time non-drinker that sounds a bit glam...
funny, i was thinking just the opposite. seeing older people who you respect (or should respect) make asses of themselves is deeply embarrassing (have lots of experience with family doing this) and very much nagl

i've never been a heavy drinker or a pub goer or a barfly, but i do enjoy 1-2 drinks daily and i would feel bereft if someone took this away from me. it's not really part of my social life, but it's seriously part of my personal winding-down ritual.

really though i don't even like getting drunk like DRUNK DRUNK. it's embarrassing.

okay so I see that two other people just quoted it but still: watching these boomers get loaded and act like Stevie Nicks or John Wayne !!!

that being said, a friend of mine is having a birthday party tonite with free booze and I haven't gone out in a long time so in a little over 12 hours I will probably be getting loaded and acting like lou reed

much of my life revolved around drinking up until about two years ago when i became a dad. It was worse when trying for a baby simply because we tried for so long. My drinking got out of control...i'd go to bars with friends and drive home...not good. When i had my son it just stopped really. I rarely have the desire for a drink now and usually these days when i have 4 im shitfaced. see the arguing thread. I will have the occasional beer and there will be occasions where i will have more than one, but no more driving. Once a year all my male friends and i play in a golf tournament in upstate new york and camp out for the weekend...thats the one time a year now we all act as fools.

Even to a long time non-drinker that sounds a bit glam...

It sounds a bit glam, but the reality is "acting like Stevie Nicks" = falling down the stairs and "acting like John Wayne" = yelling at your grandson over a game of Hungry, Hungry Hippos.

Like, I'm sure they imagined themselves to be much more glamorous than they were in their particular situations...

Would love to see a drinker act like this Stevie Nicks.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izgsz5uxuGA

Maybe the hardest thing is accepting that a lot of the things I used to blame on my drinking are actually me: I'm lazy, distractable, unproductive, sober as much as drunk.

this is so otm. however, i also use this to make an argument to myself that there isn't any reason to stop drinking, since other things are the problem.

i've recently cut down a bit due to sleep problems. new system for nights i'm alone is the one drink i just have to have when i get home from work, then two after 10. this is down from ~half bottle of gin every night over the summer, on top of whatever else while at the bar, club, etc. my positive reinforcement is that it's whiskey season and this is the only way i can afford to drink decent stuff anyway.

few things that are hard for me, beyond the usual escapism stuff: i really really LOVE the taste of alcohol, and i really like myself more when i'm drunk, but maybe the hardest, relating back to sonofstan's point above, is that i have romanticized the idea of being a drunk so much. like, maybe i could accomplish the things i want to accomplish and live the life i want live sober, but it would just be so much cooler and better if i did it drunk. realizing this is probably impossible is kind of a let down; thinking i probably can't do it sober drives me back to drinking.

"Maybe the hardest thing is accepting that a lot of the things I used to blame on my drinking are actually me: I'm lazy, distractable, unproductive, sober as much as drunk."

I quit recently for 3months and altho the above def was true there was also no doubt that i was just slightly less lazy, less distractable, and more productive but it wasn't like going from 0-10, more like 0-3. this bothered me because you figure "hey im giving up this awesome thing that is affecting me negatively, things are gonna be RAD from now on", but in reality the alcohol was only the first step towards this idealized life that you had envisioned for yourself.

I haven't been drunk in a year. That, having spent the majority of the aughts in rehabs, detox, halfway houses, and homeless. I never thought I would/could quit and then finally this time-to-grow-up/tired-of-this-shit impulse emerged and has kept me in good stead so far this year.

^^^^^
Good luck, mate.

my liver rotates in a sea of alcohol

okay so I see that two other people just quoted it but still: watching these boomers get loaded and act like Stevie Nicks or John Wayne !!!

― quique da snique (bernard snowy), Friday, October 29, 2010 12:39 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

that being said, a friend of mine is having a birthday party tonite with free booze and I haven't gone out in a long time so in a little over 12 hours I will probably be getting loaded and acting like lou reed

― quique da snique (bernard snowy), Friday, October 29, 2010 12:44 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

update: I brought up the Stevie Nicks/John Wayne thing last night during a discussion of ppl's drunk parents, to which my friend replied: "Who do we all act like when we get drunk? Maybe Lou Reed?"
(look at these fuckin' hipsters)

Was in the pub for 9 1/2 hours yesterday :/

Hangover not too bad tho.

The trick w/ that is simply to not stop drinking.

"The harmful effects of heavy drinking were buffered when partners drank together vs. apart. Also, when both partners drank either heavy or light amounts, as long as they were similar amounts compared to their partner, it was better for the relationship than when one drank heavily and the other lightly."

Drink To Save Your Relationship

not wholly effective ime

better to both be alcoholic than just one of ye. What kind of finding is that? Codependant dependants

Not much of a surprise.

any tips on cutting back a bit?

i'm not too problematic in my behaviour or drinking, more just my existing health probs increasingly can't sustain regular boozing, and i have other stuff to do in my free time.

i don't really drink midweek but fridays and saturdays i get a major urge to do so. some sundays too.

I'm the same. I decided this year to make a concerted effort to stop alcohol being a necessary part of my life. I rarely ever drink in the week, but I decided I was sick of spending half my weekend either sozzled or hungover. I think my mindset has been that on Friday I can't wait to let loose, and this usually involves stopping by a shop and buying beers or vodkas, or going down the pub. I'm bored of waking up at 11am on a Saturday and spending the rest of the day feeling crappy, eating bad food, not having the motivation to get things done or get some exercise because I was smoking and drinking the night before. Actually, my main motive to not drink is to stop smoking (the two go hand in hand) and then feel more inclined to get more exercise.

Drinking on a Friday night has been a regular habit for me and my peer group since our late teens, however, and breaking the cycle is kind of tricky. It's finding something else to do on a Friday that everyone can get involved with and have fun doing, but doesn't involve being drunk. None of us want to turn into the kind of people who just stay in and watch TV on the weekends - I see that as just as dull and unimaginative (not to mention unhealthy and unsociable) as drinking in the pubs. Going to the cinema is okay, but not terribly sociable and fairly expensive. Board games? Card games? They're usually drinky activities on the whole - I don't see anyone not being tempted to break out a few tinnies in a poker game.

When the whistle goes at 5pm it's very hard to resist meeting up for a drink. The dilemma I find is whether to go out and drink soft drinks or whether to stay in (kinda depressing and boring, but a lot less likely to just cave and drink.)

Like you I don't intend quitting booze, and a few drunken nights a month would be fine, but I can't really physically take regular heavy sessions, and I sort of think it's keeping me in stasis as a person a bit too.

I tend to get up early regardless of drinking, and go running etc, I am going to the theatre a lot lately, so it should be feasible.

But still, as you say, solutions aren't easy in terms of reshaping your entire peer group.

Curious if anyone has had any success... ever.

The trick is to plan stuff during the day on Saturdays and Sundays - art, football, walks, some kind of course if there's something you're interested in, anything that takes a day. That's the incentive to go home there and then, or if you're going out the night before it tends to be to something more manageable like to see a film.

Being in a relationship means I increasingly yearn for the sort of big group drinking sessions that would go on three or four years ago but the range of non-alcohol based socialising that suddenly becomes more feasible is huge.

My problem is I can do that stuff with a hangover, I sort of force myself through everything as my having to cope with chronic illness has given me that ability. So I go running etc at 9am even if out till 3am. I tend to cram in stuff as well as big drinking sessions. It'd be the evenings where I'd need to plan more effectively. I sort of think to truly cut down on alcohol I'd have to be open to spending a lot more time on my own. Which is possibly fine, I like being alone, but tricky at first.

xpost I think being in a relationship would make it easier yes, but of course I see your side of it too.

I stay in and do things around the house on week-nights. It's the last thing I want to do on a weekend, even if I have stuff to do the next day (I usually do) - although yeah, having a plan for a Saturday morning is a good idea. I'm in a relationship, but that's never been a reason not to drink and see friends, for us. I'd go out and drink soft drinks if I didn't have to put up with drunk people. I find pubs to be really rather unpleasant (not to mention threatening) places to be if I'm not drinking, somehow. I feel like I'm missing out on not being like the loud stupid people around me if I'm sober and the whole experience is alienating, depressing - I'd rather stay in than go out and stay sober.

Alcohol is such an intrinsic thing for my friends and me - our relationships are largely founded on it, but it's only recently that I've started to take stock of that fact.

The other reason I want to stop drinking every weekend is down to cost; so finding activities to do in the evenings that don't cost too much is another thing.

I was drinking too much last year and I haven't been drunk since about Dec 20th. Going out and not getting drunk is actually pretty cool, I'd recommend it

I'm slowly drinking less as I get older. Now I'm in my late 30s I only get properly drunk a few times a year. This is a good thing for me as I am prone to acting like a wanker and/or having long blackout periods (during which I frequently get lost on nightbuses etc) when I'm drunk. It's still basically impossible for me to stop drinking when I get past tipsy so I try to either pace myself or just leave a bit earlier.

The only downside of this is my tolerance is going down which means I get to the dangerzone more quickly.

lg it sounds like your goal should be to slow down within your sessions? like alternating a pint with a pint of water and stuff so you can hang out for the duration without getting completely loaded.

that actually might make sense. i think cos i am into beer i tend to drink v high abv beers, cos i like the taste i guess. probably would make a big diff to avoid this.

i'm quite good at changing my lifestyle lately but i think realism has to come into it. maybe gonna start off with one weekend booze-free a month, i haven't had a weekend off alcohol in years, genuinely.

having long blackout periods (during which I frequently get lost on nightbuses etc)

You don't say? Hangovers and after-effects are getting worse as I get older, which is annoying.

The funny thing is hangovers have got better as I've got older. When I was a teenager I got really nasty hangovers even if I wasn't that drunk. Now the only way I get a proper hangover is if I go out midweek and have to get up and go to work. As long as I get some sleep I'm basically fine unless I get totally smashed.

movie nights or meals at friends' houses have replaced the pub for me this past year or so. easier not to drink if you're of a mind not to, cheap, sociable. i still sleep in on saturdays mind.

in the last 9 months i have been hitting the red wine hard.
for 6 months it was a bottle a night (plus more if i'm honest), but despite the fact that i discovered i really really like red wine, i have decided i seriously need to cut back.
main reason = the fact i am back at work, so having to face early mornings post booze is not a welcome start to the day.
also, the waistline was expanding a little too much for comfort.
so, going to try and see how life without the emo numbing effects of booze for a few nights a week is bearable.

xpost : re age/hangover : used to suffer dreadfully in my late 20s/30s, but now they are nowhere near as bad.

The funny thing is hangovers have got better as I've got older.

I actually think it's because I'm not drinking as much or as regularly as I used to

... that the hangovers are worse that is

'my life revolves because of alochol'

There's probably some element of denial in my "a few times a year" above. At least "a few" is doing a lot of work. But it is a smaller few than it used to be.

Going to the cinema is okay, but not terribly sociable and fairly expensive.

price of a couple of pints

I'd rather watch a film at home than go to the cinema, at least in the evenings.

Yes, you can get totally bladdered at home and you can't in a cinema

cinema is essentially like watching a big TV with a rubbish movie on

my answer to the original question is "rehab" but i accept i'm an outlier