your terrible ideas

hey zorn and dayo -

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Polaco

i want to start a business routing people's home electronics cables for them. we would be the cable tidy experts. we show up, spend an hour, and charge you like $400. plus parts.

Also:

SHOWER CURTAIN IDEAS, PATENTS PENDINGS

* Shower curtain smells like strawberries or roses or THE OCEAN whenever water hits it.

* Shower curtain glows in the dark.

* Shower curtain works like old Hypercolor shirts, changing color when wet or touched. Play on it like those new Microsoft touchscreens.

* Shower curtain with waterproof iPod pocket. (Waterproof hairnet sold separately.)

* Shower curtain with girls (or guys) that take their tops off when it gets warm, like novelty inkpens and shot glasses.

― Pleasant Plains, Monday, August 20, 2007 4:37 PM Bookmark

The glow-in-the-dark shower curtain is a substitute for a night light. It saves up daylight and lamplight all day long, and then at three in the morning when you go take a pee, you've got a 48 sq. ft NIGHTLIGHT guiding you to the can.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Monday, December 19, 2005 12:23 PM Bookmark

those new Microsoft touchscreens.

Them fancy new muh puh three players.

I used to know someone who broke a Hypercolor T-shirt by placing a myg of coffee on top of it.

I saw a guy once who actually had one of those equalizer shirts that had real-time LED lightup bars that changed depending on the music

two-in-one breast pump / vacuum sealer

my punk name is Bert Defect

The glow-in-the-dark shower curtain is a substitute for a night light. It saves up daylight and lamplight all day long, and then at three in the morning when you go take a pee, you've got a 48 sq. ft NIGHTLIGHT guiding you to the can.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Monday, December 19, 2005 12:23 PM

that's a clever idea, PP, but I fear that in my half-awake state I'd mistake your invention for the door of a SPACESHIP, and by the time I climbed aboard and turned the "liftoff" knob, I'd've sealed my fate as the poor schmuck who drowned in his dimly-lit shower at three o'clock in the morning. no one would know my true story, my story of taking a wrong turn while en route to Planet Bumshaq-3, whereupon I passed through a wormhole and crash-landed on a white dwarf star which turned out to be populated by all my dead relatives (& also turned out to be God).

I've had this problem before with regular shower curtains, but, y'know, the glowy nightlight shit just makes it that much more embarassing.

^^^ that was actually the original script for Star Trek V...

an extra strength version of tums called 'ultima-tums'

hahaha

kudos

I once made flyers for my relatively non-threatening-sounding alt country band using disturbing childrens drawings I had found on a website about children of divorce. They were all kind of in poor taste, but one of them was this incredibly creepy drawing of a house, where, in the yard stood a single tree with a noose hanging from it and an empty chair beneath.

I was going to start calling people bub one time but I didn't

yesterday I renamed my cat webinar

that is an amazing idea

WHOEVER PUT FAKE COCKROACHES AROUND THE HALLWAYS OF AN ACTUALLY INFESTED BUILDING AS HALLOWEEN DECORATIONS HAD A "TERRIBLE IDEA"

BIG WORDS: massive novelty book versions of short stories with one or three word per page that you can give to the BIG READER in your life to use as a doorstop/conversation piece

^ new (impending) governor of wisconsin beat you to it

http://www.alan.com/2010/09/20/normal-font/

truth = stranger than my terrible ideas

a website/personal services company called "Back to the Future" that samples your DNA and provides realistic images of what your butt will look like over your projected lifespan.

it would also recommend exercises and lifestyle changes in a personalized color results brochure entitled "(person's name)'s future butt"

My brain already does that perfectly. I don't feel I need this website's service.

What would really be more interesting/terrifying is the varicose vision I have for the future of my legs. I don't know what you'd call that service, though. "The Thighland of Dr. Moreau"?

Yes, but does your brain have a mobile app version?

Wait, new idea - a mobile app version…of your BRAIN!

It only makes evil thoughts and terrible ideas. So, $3.99.

Yeah, I dunno, my current brain already produces evil thoughts and terrible ideas, so $3.99 is a little steep. However, my current brain can't invert colors at the touch of a screen (yet)

48 sq ft?!?!?!

pp most of your shower curtain ideas are great imo

i want to start a business routing people's home electronics cables for them. we would be the cable tidy experts. we show up, spend an hour, and charge you like $400. plus parts.

― progressive cuts (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, October 26, 2010 10:30 AM (Yesterday) Bookmark

yes, but what is it CALLED

CORD LORD!

bored? cord lord gets your hoards of stored cords on board

^slogan suggestion

Jingle concept:

(sadly)
Oh, Lord! These cords!
I wish I could afford
a solutions for my cords.

(more spirited and upbeat)
Call the Cord Lord!
Cord Lord. Oh, sure.

(admittedly not my best work)

would they sell corduroy?

It's only four hundred an hour!
You're gonna *cymbal crash* tidy up your cords with so much power!
*cymbal* cord lord! Cord lord, cord lord (x6)
Cord lord, whoa-o-o-yeah! So much power-o-whoa-yeah!!
And for just four hundred an hour!!!
For only *cymbal* 16 to 50 hours of work at your awful job
You can pay us to fix up your cords!
And don't forget the *cymbal* tip-a-whoa-yeah!!
*cymbal* cord lord! Cord lord, cord lord (x6)

I know that doesn't read very well, but the syncopation I'm imagining is mindblowing

yeah gonna go with nijoli's on this one tbh

simplicity is important in a jingle

I feel like the exuberance of my jingle isn't coming through? Maybe I should add more exclamations?

it's the name itself that's problematic, tbh. You know that the kids are gonna call it the cum lord

48 sq ft?!?!?!

8' x 6' ? I'm really bad at guesstimating size.

i'm hearing it zs, it's like a rock band in my head and everyone's invited

I'm going to set up a rival firm called Cable Mable, staffed entirely by elderly women.

ZS - it's a gospel rave-up, isn't it?

It's an innovative marketing strategy where the jingle is recorded in hundreds of different styles and then microtargeted to each consumer. For example, Geir's jingle is like 70s genesis, whereas Hi Dere's version is sung by Fever Ray and comes with a video animated by Max.

My version is composed solely of fartz samples

FYI I have the window open and I just laughed so raucously catching up on this thread that someone outside made sarcastic fake-laughter noises back

think I may now be taken away

One of those long drain unblocking spring gadgets, except this one has a video camera in the end, and a button on the handle so that you could upload videos of you unblocking your drain direct to YouTube.