Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

is this popcorn girl? she's coughing up kernels.

popcorn lung!!

No no, a different lady. Popcorn girl is out of the office this week.

Would it be possible to shut your mouth while you chomp on potato chips?

people you work with like snacks.

i swear i am the only person in this office who knows how to unjam the copier. WTF PEOPLE THE DIRECTIONS ARE ON THE SCREEN IN FRONT OF YOU!

Unjamming in my job, too. Perhaps you have particularly lithe and nimble fingers, like me.

WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO YOURSELF IN THE BATHROOM

i should never hear the slapping of skin while you are performing 'the shake'

I hate hate hate this American work ethic that drives people to believe that, even if they are severely contagious and coughing up a lung, they can NEVER NEVER NEVER miss a day of work. It sounds like a damned hospital ward in here this afternoon.

In another episode of Eating Habits of ILX's Coworkers, I can still smell the extremely garlicky thing my officemate ate 5+ hours ago.

(Who eats garlic at 10am anyway? Oh right, a white guy who eats 3 meals during office hours every day, two of which are always large tupperware tubs of white rice and curry. I like both garlic and curry, but other people's garlic and curry get a bit oppressive in an unventilated office. Though really I mainly mind him making it so spicy he sniffs constantly for the next hour after eating it, but that's not really his problem, more that I am a socially incompetent aspie who likes to live in a bubble of pretending nobody else exists - and I do realise I have my own annoying habits, and that as a fattey who still eats crisps and Coke my own diet is pretty disgusting too, etc)

This thread had made me hyper-aware of my eating sounds.

WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO YOURSELF IN THE BATHROOM

― hælvæticæ (diamonddave85), Tuesday, October 26, 2010 12:29 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

i should never hear the slapping of skin while you are performing 'the shake'

― hælvæticæ (diamonddave85), Tuesday, October 26, 2010 12:33 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

This person is clearly polishing the pickle.

^^ two diff people at diff times

The bathroom habits of my coworkers could merit their own thread, but in summary:

- Talking on the phone while pooping.
- Talking on the phone about pooping while pooping.
- Praying.
- Praying about pooping.
- Singing hymns.
- Singing popular songs.
- Disposing of food wrappers in the sanitary napkin disposal bins, leading me to suspect people are eating in there.
- The multiple coworkers who grab piles of paper towels from the dispenser on the way in and use them to guard their hands against touching anything, and then leave the excess paper towels in a pile on the toilet paper holder until someone comes in and knocks the towels on the floor, causing the floor to be littered with paper towels by the end of the day.
- Using toilet paper to make little privacy curtains over the small cracks between the stall doors and the stall door frames.
- The lady who washes the outside of the bags of chips she buys from the vending machine.
- This same lady who takes piles of paper towels into the bathroom with her and although I (thankfully) cannot see her, I subsequently hear her scrubbing those dry paper towels all over... something... and I don't even want to speculate any further.
- Forgetting to or just choosing not to flush.
- Peeing on the seat.
- Bleeding on the seat.
- Pooping on the seat.
- Peeing on the floor.
- Bleeding on the floor.
- Pooping on the floor.
- Someone or someones or maybe a lack of cleaning or a defect in the bathroom itself, but one of these things causes the entire bathroom to smell like cross between a dumpster behind a fishmarket in the summer and that guy on the train who has years ago given up gainful employment to dedicate his full time to soiling his own pants.
- Tooth brushing in there, despite all of the above.

hey people who are shredding documents, please pick up the little shreds that fall out of the bucket and onto the floor. I AM NOT YOUR FUCKING MAID!

Oh my god. If you feel the need to walk around the office coughing all over the place and loudly proclaiming, "I should have just stayed home today, I feel awful", well, then, YOU SHOULD HAVE STAYED HOME.

wish y'all co-worker bitcher-abouters would be co-worker bitcher-atters

This particular co-worker is really too nice for me to get like angry at her, so I tried good old-fashioned passive-aggressiveness and keep asking if she needs cough drops or anything.

I find fake concern along the lines of "oh, yes, you really should take care of yourself, with a cold like that you need lots of rest, now you look after yourself tomorrow" etc sometimes works with our office's most outrageous perpetrator of coming in sick and then complaining loudly/coughing theatrically all day

however, I am too much of a jerk to sound genuinely concerned, plus I'm fairly sure she doesn't like me*, so I let the actual nice person in the office (who also hates this habit) do this, and just nod and go "mm" in the most sympathetic tone I can manage, which is probably not very

* sometimes she is all striking up conversations w/me nice as pie and then sometimes she arrives at a group I'm standing around talking in and stands in front of me with her back to me and just starts talking through the conversation, wtf

If I could find the people (or person) who left large baguette-sized turds unflushed in two toilets this afternoon, I would take great joy in bitching at that person.

Praying about pooping.

what the

Jenny, where the hell do you work?

Our Lady of Perpetual Regularity

"Dear Lord, make this one solid and I'll put five bucks in the Salvation Army kettle this Christmas."

Jenny is that all maybe the same one person? Someone who is weird and obsessive about shitting, germs and god knows what else?

Praying about pooping generally takes the form of calling out to Jesus during a particularly trying er movement, be that in thanks or for mercy.

I work in the public sector.

It is definitely not one person unless she pooped heartily in one toilet, leaving it unflushed for posterity, and then pooped with equal gusto in another toilet within the span of an hour and a half. I have also been in the presence of a poop prayer, poop singer, and poop cell phone talker at the same time. That was a magical day.

I'd just hold it in and wait til I got home, yeesh :/

Just took my headphones off for five minutes and the 'sucky teeth guy' I mentioned upthread has already made the lip-smacky pop noise 43 times.

i dont understand how people can hold in a dump until they get home. a friend of mine used to drive home (30 miles) to take a shit at lunch.

i just use the interns secret bathroom, costanza style.

Time and need permitting, I go to another floor.

director comes up to me yesterday tells me we need to order more coffee cups asap because we are out. I asked if he looked in the box labeled "COFFEE CUPS". He says yes and that there are none, I go in the kitchen and look in the box which is filled with coffee cups. Go fuck yourself.

Pooping in restrooms away from home

this guy is a real douchebag.

Okay the dude in an adjacent cubicle is eating potato chips and I swear to god he is working hard at figuring out just how to shape his mouth to make sure the crunch echoes across the entire office.

thank god he's not eating sun chips in those friggin compostable bags.

So today in the bathroom, someone was pooping and moaning loudly, like they were giving birth in there. The the security guard came in and started singing Christmas songs (The First Noel).

Awesome.

o shitenbaum

That poop was immaculately conceived.

coworker says "oh you're not working tomorrow?"
me "nope"
coworker "you have the best schedule of all of us"

the reason i have the "best schedule" is that, while everyone else is full time and is salaried and has benefits and an office, I am part time and paid by the hour and don't get benefits or an office. but if you are jealous of my schedule, I'm sure you could talk the school into making you part-time instead of full-time and taking away your salary and benefits and office

People, if you work in an office, being an evening-shower person is not acceptable. You smell weird and stale all day.

Uh.

eww trayce

Seriously now, who gives a fuck what time of day you bathe? I'm more offended by people who load themselves up with cologne/deodorant - fuck that shit off, you dont need to smell like toilet scent.

My "uh" was offence at the idea you'd dictate to anyone that they must shower in the morning (or the odd US notion of showering more than once a day what a fucking waste of water)

If you can tell what time of day I take my shower, you're standing too close.

Also anyone who smells "stale" is more likley to do so because they haven't washed their clothes, and/or they smoke, than any shower timing, for serious - I have known people who showered meticulously who ponged - and it turned out it was because they never wore fresh clothes.

I'm just trapped in a small office with a boss who showers in the evenings, and she smells like people do when they get out of bed--it's a bit much over an 8-hr day