your terrible ideas

"The Boy in Mayor McCheese"

I had the terrible idea today of getting a little line or something tattooed on my foot. The line would be where toe decreases start on a knitted sock, so I could try on a partially made sock and see if it was long enough to reach the tattoo: if it was, I'd know to start making the toe decreases. This is a terrible idea.

Years ago when I learned CPR I had a similar idea. They told us if you didn't apply CPR to the right area of a person's ribcage, you could generally fuck up and/or kill the person. SO the idea was to get a tattoo of a dotted rectangle and label it ACCEPTABLE CPR AREA.

i think those are both great ideas.

Ooh, I especially like that second idea. It'd also be nice to put a little "please donate my organs to those who need them, as I have repeatedly requested" instruction on there, because I'm always nervous that my intentions won't be clear due to the smudges on the back of my drivers license.

I once read a sci-fi book where people had their medical details tattooed on their bodies in ultraviolet ink.

yeah, pretty good idea imo. i would put a little asterisk where the decreases start

You know that fake glass made of sugar that they make slapstick windows out of, for movies? My terrible idea is you could make spoons out of it. Then you break the spoons and use the wee crystals to torch atop a creme brulee. Then you give them another one of the spoons to eat it with, so they are breaking their broken sugar spoons with another sugar spoon. That's really a terrible idea.

― 17th Century Catholic Spain (Abbbottt), Friday, October 22, 2010 12:24 AM (4 days ago) Bookmark

i love this idea

me and my friend tonight devised this plan

1) we will both learn french
2) we will learn to ragga toast in french
3) in our respective cities, me in dc and he in austin, we will become scene-birthing visionaries with rapidly growing fan bases and we will make French Toasting de rigeur on all the blogs
4) we will combine our powers and put out the nationwide scene-uniting album of the year: FUCKIN' BREAKFAST

we determined that the entire last year and a half of my life was all designed to get me to TONIGHT, the night we invented the idea that would change both our lives forever

<3

oh also we've decided my punk rock name is Justin Comprehensible

heir to justin sane

yeah him and i met a dude at a show named Justin D3nt the other night

i was like "you're an english major, aren't you"

You know that fake glass made of sugar that they make slapstick windows out of, for movies? My terrible idea is you could make spoons out of it. Then you break the spoons and use the wee crystals to torch atop a creme brulee. Then you give them another one of the spoons to eat it with, so they are breaking their broken sugar spoons with another sugar spoon. That's really a terrible idea.

― 17th Century Catholic Spain (Abbbottt), Friday, October 22, 2010 12:24 AM (4 days ago) Bookmark

i love this idea

― third sock from the sun (latebloomer), Tuesday, October 26, 2010 1:10 AM Bookmark

It's very much in the tradition of the bowl in a taco salad being a taco shell, meaning you can consume your meal without any waste (use your sleeve for a napkin.)

I also like it because it sounds like something John Amos' character in Die Hard 2 would've come up with had he been a chef and not a **SPOILER** terrorist turncoat welding a mean icicle.

hey zorn and dayo -

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Polaco

i want to start a business routing people's home electronics cables for them. we would be the cable tidy experts. we show up, spend an hour, and charge you like $400. plus parts.

Also:

SHOWER CURTAIN IDEAS, PATENTS PENDINGS

* Shower curtain smells like strawberries or roses or THE OCEAN whenever water hits it.

* Shower curtain glows in the dark.

* Shower curtain works like old Hypercolor shirts, changing color when wet or touched. Play on it like those new Microsoft touchscreens.

* Shower curtain with waterproof iPod pocket. (Waterproof hairnet sold separately.)

* Shower curtain with girls (or guys) that take their tops off when it gets warm, like novelty inkpens and shot glasses.

― Pleasant Plains, Monday, August 20, 2007 4:37 PM Bookmark

The glow-in-the-dark shower curtain is a substitute for a night light. It saves up daylight and lamplight all day long, and then at three in the morning when you go take a pee, you've got a 48 sq. ft NIGHTLIGHT guiding you to the can.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Monday, December 19, 2005 12:23 PM Bookmark

those new Microsoft touchscreens.

Them fancy new muh puh three players.

I used to know someone who broke a Hypercolor T-shirt by placing a myg of coffee on top of it.

I saw a guy once who actually had one of those equalizer shirts that had real-time LED lightup bars that changed depending on the music

two-in-one breast pump / vacuum sealer

my punk name is Bert Defect

The glow-in-the-dark shower curtain is a substitute for a night light. It saves up daylight and lamplight all day long, and then at three in the morning when you go take a pee, you've got a 48 sq. ft NIGHTLIGHT guiding you to the can.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Monday, December 19, 2005 12:23 PM

that's a clever idea, PP, but I fear that in my half-awake state I'd mistake your invention for the door of a SPACESHIP, and by the time I climbed aboard and turned the "liftoff" knob, I'd've sealed my fate as the poor schmuck who drowned in his dimly-lit shower at three o'clock in the morning. no one would know my true story, my story of taking a wrong turn while en route to Planet Bumshaq-3, whereupon I passed through a wormhole and crash-landed on a white dwarf star which turned out to be populated by all my dead relatives (& also turned out to be God).

I've had this problem before with regular shower curtains, but, y'know, the glowy nightlight shit just makes it that much more embarassing.

^^^ that was actually the original script for Star Trek V...

an extra strength version of tums called 'ultima-tums'

hahaha

kudos

I once made flyers for my relatively non-threatening-sounding alt country band using disturbing childrens drawings I had found on a website about children of divorce. They were all kind of in poor taste, but one of them was this incredibly creepy drawing of a house, where, in the yard stood a single tree with a noose hanging from it and an empty chair beneath.

I was going to start calling people bub one time but I didn't

yesterday I renamed my cat webinar

that is an amazing idea

WHOEVER PUT FAKE COCKROACHES AROUND THE HALLWAYS OF AN ACTUALLY INFESTED BUILDING AS HALLOWEEN DECORATIONS HAD A "TERRIBLE IDEA"

BIG WORDS: massive novelty book versions of short stories with one or three word per page that you can give to the BIG READER in your life to use as a doorstop/conversation piece

^ new (impending) governor of wisconsin beat you to it

http://www.alan.com/2010/09/20/normal-font/

truth = stranger than my terrible ideas

a website/personal services company called "Back to the Future" that samples your DNA and provides realistic images of what your butt will look like over your projected lifespan.

it would also recommend exercises and lifestyle changes in a personalized color results brochure entitled "(person's name)'s future butt"

My brain already does that perfectly. I don't feel I need this website's service.

What would really be more interesting/terrifying is the varicose vision I have for the future of my legs. I don't know what you'd call that service, though. "The Thighland of Dr. Moreau"?

Yes, but does your brain have a mobile app version?

Wait, new idea - a mobile app version…of your BRAIN!

It only makes evil thoughts and terrible ideas. So, $3.99.

Yeah, I dunno, my current brain already produces evil thoughts and terrible ideas, so $3.99 is a little steep. However, my current brain can't invert colors at the touch of a screen (yet)

48 sq ft?!?!?!

pp most of your shower curtain ideas are great imo

i want to start a business routing people's home electronics cables for them. we would be the cable tidy experts. we show up, spend an hour, and charge you like $400. plus parts.

― progressive cuts (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, October 26, 2010 10:30 AM (Yesterday) Bookmark

yes, but what is it CALLED

CORD LORD!

bored? cord lord gets your hoards of stored cords on board

^slogan suggestion

Jingle concept:

(sadly)
Oh, Lord! These cords!
I wish I could afford
a solutions for my cords.

(more spirited and upbeat)
Call the Cord Lord!
Cord Lord. Oh, sure.

(admittedly not my best work)

would they sell corduroy?