Kids say the darndest things

Owen got up from his nap yesterday feeling cranky, so Ben went over to him, sat down, and said "Owen - tell your feelings to me."

A: mummy, are you happy?
Me: well, I'm a bit tired and grumpy
A: but I want you to be happy. Are you happy?
Me: why do you want me to be happy?
A: I want you to be my friend

Poor love, I had to explain to him that my happiness wasn't directly related to how I felt towards him, that I could be unhappy but still loved him and was his friend :0(

2 yr old farted last night "hehehe i fahhted, do it again time"

love the boston accent

He just prank-called me:

"Dad, there's a man here who ... Mom-Mom wants to speak to you."
"Oh, okay buddy, why don't you put Mom-Mom on the phone?"
"YO MOMMA YO MOMMA YO MOMMA...HA HA HA HA HA! I GOT YOU!"

Owen: "I tried the salsa!"

Ben: "You mean like a flying salsa?"

hey he is from worcester, same thing Tracer!

My Wife: The 40s are not ancient-history.

My 9-Year Old: Of course they are. The 70s are ancient-history.

My not-quite-2 yo daughter and my wife are "gorls" and I am a "bee". I always buzz when she says this, which makes my wife frown.

3-year-old Alice [sounding alarmed]: I'm growing out of my body!

And on the way home today:
A: can we go to the shop and buy some lollipops?
Me: do you have any money?
A: no.
Me: well, we can't buy lollipops if we haven't got any money.
A: can we first go to the money shop and buy some money, then?

Smart Alice!!

I read through this thread for the first time the other day and "Nice big penis, Dad" may be one of the funniest things ever. omg.

Our Alice (and our Amber) get amused by the stories of what they said when they were little..

One of the killer ones:

It was Easter, and Alice (about three) was doing a drawing of something which looked fairly random, inside an oval.
My Mum: "Oh, is that an Easter Egg"
Alice: "Yes"
Mum: "That's nice, so is that the Easter Bunny inside"
Alice: "No, it's a crocodile"
Mum: "Oh right." (thinks: OK, crocs do come out of eggs, so..) (points to a jagged line

oops:

Mum: "Oh right." (thinks: OK, crocs do come out of eggs, so..) (points to a jagged line) "Yes, I can see his teeth there."
Alice (loudly) :"THAT'S HIS BLANKET!!"

My mum has to leave the room to avoid ROTFWLaughing)

"No Ben. Transformers aren't animals; they're robots. That's why they do lots of stuff and transform."

Howie (while stroking Archie's hair): "Archie, you are the most beautiful Archie I've EVER seen!"

omg awwww

too cute!

3 year old logic is great. Aidan wouldn't come with us to the scan so we showed him the (rubbish) pics when we got back but he wanted to see the baby. I explained he couldn't see it as it was in mummy's tummy, his reply was "take it out mummy, I want to see it!"

hahahahaha amazing - also, congratulations!

Henry: "AhhhhBah! AhhhhhhbBah!"
Beeps: "You can say that again!!"

Beeps: "Mommy! You're hair is getting lighter!"
Me: "I know!"
Beeps: "But why?"
Me: "I don't know"
Beeps: "Maybe it will keep getting lighter and lighter"
Me: "Maybe. Maybe it will look like it did before (Blonde). Did you like it like that?"
Beeps: "Yeah because when its light little children can wake up inside it!"
Me: "Little children???"
Beeps: "Yeah"
Me: "What does that mean??
Beeps: "*sigh* I don't know!!"

hahahahaha

*sigh*

it's hard work, bein little

hahaha

I can't get over this, but Henry at 13-months is saying "Thank you" in a very low-key sort of way. He's been going Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma and Da-da-da-da-da for some time now, but these are actual words with an applied meaning. And it's "Thank you."

For comparison's sake, my first words were "Leave me alone" and Beeps' was "Uh-oh." Don't know what sunny's was, probably "Another Weetabix please" or something.

i was with a couple of little kids last weekend and one of them, a girl, was playing with her plastic toy computer. and she looks up at me with a pained expression and whines:

"it says it's not connected to the internet but i know that it is!!"

testify, sister

Owen made Ben spill his water, and we got angry at him. He then sulked over to my wife and gave her a hug.

Owen: "I'm not hugging you; you're hugging me, because you yelled at me."

Veronica: "oh shit I want some hummus"

Uh oh...

veronica otm

hahahahaha

: D

Ad on TV: ".. and eight out of ten people agree this (whatever) performed the best"

Alice (now 10): "hmm. I wanna know what the other two said"

i was at office xmas party and people brought their kids. a lot of the kids already knew each other from hanging out before. one little girl walked into the room:

boy: lily's here! [walks up to her, pauses] did she shrink?

lol

Me and the Beeps in my car parked at a strip mall waiting for my mom to pick up the pizzas we'd ordered.
Me: "Ooooh I want to look inside that thrift store."
Beeps: "Me too! Let's go!"
Me: "Sorry, Babydoll. Its closed right now."
Beeps: "No its not."
Me: "uhhh yes it is.
Beeps: "NO its NOT"
Me: "YES it IS"
Beeps: "NO ITS NOT!!"
Me: "YES IT IS!!!"
Beeps:" YES ITS NOT!!!"
Me: ***silence***
Beeps: "Mommy, I said 'YES ITS NOT!'"
Me: "Look, lady, don't be trying that game on me. I INVENTED that game!'
Beeps: "Yeah? Well I HATED that game!!!!"

LOL.

Veronica: the horse has to get a tattoo to prove himself!
Me: wtf

Real life lols right here

Seems like everyday they have a conversation based around their endless play-adventures which cracks us up. Yesterday, Ava was conducting a chat between two reindeers...

R1: "Why are you sitting down, we have so much to do!"
R2: "Haven't you heard? Christmas is cancelled because all the children have been turned into SKELETONS!"

Right now, they're dangling their Lego Bionicles over the banister on the stairs (on string/ribbon which Ava appears to have knotted herself) and are talking to each other in robot voices. They've been doing this for HALF AN HOUR. Oh, and now it's a robot sea shanty.

:) My boys call them Bahnicles.

Wtf is a Bionicle? We're still on Lego Duplo...

i thought it was like steve austin and jamie somers???

apparently Veronica has now named several of her Legos people after the members of Schwantz's family ("does Tracy want to ride the bus? wait for Ben and Owen!" lol)

:)

Beeps and I were at McDonald's on Saturday where an employee (who was young and, as I would reluctantly point out, a bit dimwitted) came by our table. He asked how old she was and I told him almost four. Then he asked if I was her grandfather.

Now, I had gone out and stayed past curfew for the first time in awhile the night before. I was unshaven, wearing my glasses and a checkered flannel shirt. But man, even from someone who appeared to not be all there, it kind of hit hard. Even after the guy moseyed on, Beeps picked up on it right away.

B: "That man said you were my grandfather."
PP: "Yes, I heard him."

OLD WOMAN IN BOOTH BEHIND US: "It's okay! You don't look that old!"

Anyway. I think Beeps thinks she's found something useful to use in conversation. Like yesterday, as we were getting ready for me to take her and her little brother over to my dad's house.

B: "Where are we going?"
PP: "You're going to spend the afternoon with your grandparents."
B: "I'm going to spend the afternoon with you?"
PP: "I'm not your grandfather!"
B: "Well, everyone says you are."

From upstairs, I could hear Sunny exploding with laughter. She's the one who transcribed the above conversation.

Hah.

Not quite as bad, but from Howie who'd drawn a picture of his family the other day: "That one is Daddy, that one is Howie and that one is Archie. And that one (points at short stumpy one) is you, Mummy, because you are very short."

"I'm not a snack, I'm a person!"

omg