Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

get a power washer and blast her mouth.

hey boss how the fuck am i supposed to calculate how much coffee we waste?

Hahaha, and she's back. Third bag so far today!

she's got a popcorn fetish.

why do some people insist on having extremely personal conversations at their desk, and not the courtesy phones in private areas...and while they're doing so, not even make an attempt to do so quietly or soften their voice.

it's distracting, it's uncomfortable, it's rude, and yet my boss, when I mentioned it to him, basically said that if it were him he'd just ignore it and that he didn't think it was a big deal.

well, when I hear someone either sobbing, yelling, or telling someone to "go to Hell and burn", it tends to draw my attention away from what I'm doing!

document them, end to end and word by word, and forward copies to both your boss and the offenders

at least it wasnt a conversation about butt sex

I didn't transcribe them as that would bring on claims of eavesdropping, but I definitely documented and complained to my manager. Other people on the team have complained to me but just didn't feel like doing anything about it.

My manager basically said he didn't think it was a big deal, and that he could bring it up with her, but then she'd figure out who reported it, insinuating that he'd be willingly setting me up for retaliation.

I need a manager who doesn't have such a myopic view on things.

you need to get everyone else who complained on board and documented with going to the manager, and if he still won't do anything go to his manager

document them, end to end and word by word, and forward copies to both your boss and the offenders

I can understand how you wouldn't want to have to overhear such a conversation, but honestly this would pretty much be a dick move to pull on someone that is obviously already going through a painful situation (at least, I'd assume so given that language).

my old co-worker used to do that all the time. Except scream at his mother in Polish. Not cool. It was funny once.

I envision San Te's office environment like those old monster.com commercials that depicted the entire office staff other than the job seeker as poo flinging monkeys.

Lol it's not quite that bad. Not QUITE

I'm surprised your boss isnt concerned she's having personal calls on work time?

Heh there's that, too. She's on the phone with personal calls for hours a day

Uuugh dude if you're so sick you can't string a sentence together because you are violently coughing up phlegm into a tissue and dramatically puffing like you're dying, why the fuck are you at work. You work on phones ffs.

Related to that, you've been coughing non-stop for the past three weeks. Perhaps its time to go see a doctor, no?

is this popcorn girl? she's coughing up kernels.

popcorn lung!!

No no, a different lady. Popcorn girl is out of the office this week.

Would it be possible to shut your mouth while you chomp on potato chips?

people you work with like snacks.

i swear i am the only person in this office who knows how to unjam the copier. WTF PEOPLE THE DIRECTIONS ARE ON THE SCREEN IN FRONT OF YOU!

Unjamming in my job, too. Perhaps you have particularly lithe and nimble fingers, like me.

WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO YOURSELF IN THE BATHROOM

i should never hear the slapping of skin while you are performing 'the shake'

I hate hate hate this American work ethic that drives people to believe that, even if they are severely contagious and coughing up a lung, they can NEVER NEVER NEVER miss a day of work. It sounds like a damned hospital ward in here this afternoon.

In another episode of Eating Habits of ILX's Coworkers, I can still smell the extremely garlicky thing my officemate ate 5+ hours ago.

(Who eats garlic at 10am anyway? Oh right, a white guy who eats 3 meals during office hours every day, two of which are always large tupperware tubs of white rice and curry. I like both garlic and curry, but other people's garlic and curry get a bit oppressive in an unventilated office. Though really I mainly mind him making it so spicy he sniffs constantly for the next hour after eating it, but that's not really his problem, more that I am a socially incompetent aspie who likes to live in a bubble of pretending nobody else exists - and I do realise I have my own annoying habits, and that as a fattey who still eats crisps and Coke my own diet is pretty disgusting too, etc)

This thread had made me hyper-aware of my eating sounds.

WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO YOURSELF IN THE BATHROOM

― hælvæticæ (diamonddave85), Tuesday, October 26, 2010 12:29 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

i should never hear the slapping of skin while you are performing 'the shake'

― hælvæticæ (diamonddave85), Tuesday, October 26, 2010 12:33 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

This person is clearly polishing the pickle.

^^ two diff people at diff times

The bathroom habits of my coworkers could merit their own thread, but in summary:

- Talking on the phone while pooping.
- Talking on the phone about pooping while pooping.
- Praying.
- Praying about pooping.
- Singing hymns.
- Singing popular songs.
- Disposing of food wrappers in the sanitary napkin disposal bins, leading me to suspect people are eating in there.
- The multiple coworkers who grab piles of paper towels from the dispenser on the way in and use them to guard their hands against touching anything, and then leave the excess paper towels in a pile on the toilet paper holder until someone comes in and knocks the towels on the floor, causing the floor to be littered with paper towels by the end of the day.
- Using toilet paper to make little privacy curtains over the small cracks between the stall doors and the stall door frames.
- The lady who washes the outside of the bags of chips she buys from the vending machine.
- This same lady who takes piles of paper towels into the bathroom with her and although I (thankfully) cannot see her, I subsequently hear her scrubbing those dry paper towels all over... something... and I don't even want to speculate any further.
- Forgetting to or just choosing not to flush.
- Peeing on the seat.
- Bleeding on the seat.
- Pooping on the seat.
- Peeing on the floor.
- Bleeding on the floor.
- Pooping on the floor.
- Someone or someones or maybe a lack of cleaning or a defect in the bathroom itself, but one of these things causes the entire bathroom to smell like cross between a dumpster behind a fishmarket in the summer and that guy on the train who has years ago given up gainful employment to dedicate his full time to soiling his own pants.
- Tooth brushing in there, despite all of the above.

hey people who are shredding documents, please pick up the little shreds that fall out of the bucket and onto the floor. I AM NOT YOUR FUCKING MAID!

Oh my god. If you feel the need to walk around the office coughing all over the place and loudly proclaiming, "I should have just stayed home today, I feel awful", well, then, YOU SHOULD HAVE STAYED HOME.

wish y'all co-worker bitcher-abouters would be co-worker bitcher-atters

This particular co-worker is really too nice for me to get like angry at her, so I tried good old-fashioned passive-aggressiveness and keep asking if she needs cough drops or anything.

I find fake concern along the lines of "oh, yes, you really should take care of yourself, with a cold like that you need lots of rest, now you look after yourself tomorrow" etc sometimes works with our office's most outrageous perpetrator of coming in sick and then complaining loudly/coughing theatrically all day

however, I am too much of a jerk to sound genuinely concerned, plus I'm fairly sure she doesn't like me*, so I let the actual nice person in the office (who also hates this habit) do this, and just nod and go "mm" in the most sympathetic tone I can manage, which is probably not very

* sometimes she is all striking up conversations w/me nice as pie and then sometimes she arrives at a group I'm standing around talking in and stands in front of me with her back to me and just starts talking through the conversation, wtf

If I could find the people (or person) who left large baguette-sized turds unflushed in two toilets this afternoon, I would take great joy in bitching at that person.

Praying about pooping.

what the

Jenny, where the hell do you work?

Our Lady of Perpetual Regularity

"Dear Lord, make this one solid and I'll put five bucks in the Salvation Army kettle this Christmas."

Jenny is that all maybe the same one person? Someone who is weird and obsessive about shitting, germs and god knows what else?

Praying about pooping generally takes the form of calling out to Jesus during a particularly trying er movement, be that in thanks or for mercy.

I work in the public sector.

It is definitely not one person unless she pooped heartily in one toilet, leaving it unflushed for posterity, and then pooped with equal gusto in another toilet within the span of an hour and a half. I have also been in the presence of a poop prayer, poop singer, and poop cell phone talker at the same time. That was a magical day.

I'd just hold it in and wait til I got home, yeesh :/

Just took my headphones off for five minutes and the 'sucky teeth guy' I mentioned upthread has already made the lip-smacky pop noise 43 times.

i dont understand how people can hold in a dump until they get home. a friend of mine used to drive home (30 miles) to take a shit at lunch.

i just use the interns secret bathroom, costanza style.

Time and need permitting, I go to another floor.

director comes up to me yesterday tells me we need to order more coffee cups asap because we are out. I asked if he looked in the box labeled "COFFEE CUPS". He says yes and that there are none, I go in the kitchen and look in the box which is filled with coffee cups. Go fuck yourself.