I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO PUT THIS SO I'M PUTTING IT HERE

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VICE GUIDE TO ALL RACES

There are a lot of different races in the world. They range from the truly ugly (whites and abbos) to the infinitely attractive (blacks and Asians). Though our genetic structure is 99% the same, there are still some massive fucking differences. The problems come when you try to organize these differences into categories. Arabs, northern and central Europeans, and West Africans, for example, are lactose tolerant, while Native Americans, abbos, Far Easterners, all other Africans, and Southern Europeans are lactose intolerant. Blacks and Europeans have arched fingerprints, Jews and Indonesians have looped fingerprints, and abbos have whorled ones.

Are races to be sorted by culture, physical features, geography, or blood type? Who is the smartest? Who is the weakest? Who has the nicest hair? Until now these questions were unanswerable. Here is the definitive guide to every race on earth.

THE EVOLUTION OF RACE
52,000 years ago we were all Negroes. Then white people went north and Asians went to the Mongolian desert. White people became normal-looking because they needed to make the most of what little sun there was (humans get most of their vitamin D from the sun). Asians became squinty-eyed because it was so windy and bright in the desert they were squinting all the time. White people’s noses had to shrink because the big ones were getting frostbitten (wide nostrils are good near the equator because it’s easier to breathe the hot, humid air). Nobody knows why whites developed “spaghetti hair.” Some Asians went to Korea where their faces became less round and they grew taller and then some Koreans went to Japan where they became short and their features became even more angular (no idea why). A whole myriad of kind-of-white / kind-of-black people emerged all over the equator, but who knows how many?

Since then it’s gotten harder and harder to figure out. First Linnaeus, back in 1758, organized everyone in the world into: European, Asian, African, and American Indian. Then white people wanted to kick out Jews and Mediterranean types and everyone wanted the gays out of their races (maybe to form one big huge race?). Eventually, after Blumenbach in 1781 and Hooton in 1926, we ended up with nine definitive races. Here they are from best to worse.

ASIATIC
Asians are pretty cool. Only half of them can handle booze but they all have perfect toes. Some of the older Chinese people can be really mean when you’re just asking a simple question but that’s just because they are a more confrontational culture. Like the Jews or the French they are just arguing and you shouldn’t take it personal. The Chinese refer to white people (Americans mostly) as “fat and sentimental,” which is basically true. Japanese people are basically the best race. The women are babes and the men are incredibly smart. Want a computer invented? Ask a Japanese guy. Want to see a babe? Ask a Japanese lady.

Koreans are pretty bad, especially the communists. Lots of war has made them ruthless, and it’s perfectly normal to have your ass whipped right off your body for talking in class. Note that the worst Asians are still better than the best Micronesians. One of the few bad things with Asians, especially Chinese, is that they think sleeping is an indulgence and drink tea 24 hours a day to stay awake and that leads to general craziness.

INDIAN
These guys are pretty smart and resilient (see Gandhi starring Ben Kingsley). The women are also babes (except for the occasional fuzzy one) and the guys make good doctors. Unlike black people they CAN sunburn, which is a problem because a lot of Canadian ones will go down to Mexico and act all tough and then get fried (they go kind of purple). They used to stink but they don’t anymore.

AFRICAN
Blacks tend to have sickle-shaped blood cells, which is fine in hot temperatures where your blood is thin but can lead to trouble in colder places where the thicker blood cells will stick to each other and cause sickle-cell anemia. Another thing about them is that their heels tend to be right angles instead of bulging out at the back like normal.

In 1974 John R. Baker broke down the Africans into two categories: Sanids (Bushmen) and Negrids. This is too complicated. There are way too many different kinds to understand. In America, for example, there are the hard-working, educated ones that are even better than white people. They do all the good things that good white people do but they are less hokey and can party. The bad American ones are fucking scary and are rarely discussed. Abroad the same pattern follows but more exaggerated. In Africa the nice ones are so educated they invent entire cultures. The bad ones, however, would eat the bad American ones alive. If you’ve ever seen how fearless a Zimbabwean gas attendant is during the night shift in the heart of Queens you know what we’re getting at. They are used to watching lions eat their friends so it’s like “bring it on.”

The rest of the places—West Indies, Barbados, Jamaica—are just fun-loving jolly people with rich and interesting accents.

Incidentally, mulattos have an incredible metabolism. The same way a purebred dog is a weak one, mulattos take the best of being white and the best of being black and make a person that is smarter and fitter. The only drawback is the increased metabolism means more B.O. (see any Lenny Kravitz party).

Here’s another weird thing. They have this rule where if you have a drop of black blood you’re black. That means Arabs are black. However, Arabs are Semites like Jews, so Jews are black? They became white after moving to Europe so I guess they’re mulatto.

Mediterranean people like Italians are kind of mulatto too. There should be a new category here called HYBRIDS but fuck it.

AMERICAN INDIAN
These people used to be really cool but are basically fucked now. They used to only have to work 15 hours a week for food and shelter and therefore still love sleeping. Another interesting thing about them is that they have weird earwax. It is powdery and not waxy at all.
Soon there will be no American Indians because they will have been killed via disease and “culture smushing” by the white man (see bottom of chart).
Eskimos also fit into this category. They are capable of much lower temperatures than other races (duh).

POLYNESIAN, MICRONESIAN, MELANESIAN
These are basically Spanish Asians. That’s why they’re brown. Polynesians are the lightest of these tropical island people and Melanesians are almost black. So black, in fact, that they used to be considered abbos.
These three races include all those island people like Hawaiian and Seychelles people—the ones who wear hula skirts and can kill you with a blow dart. They are incredibly agile (note how all DMC champions are Philippino).

EUROPEAN
White people are a funny bunch. Many Asians will note, upon their arrival to America, that “white people smell like hamburger.” They did very well a few hundred years ago but are kind of over now. At best the good ones will own a lawn care company (or something) and like the Who, but they are drastically outnumbered by the bad ones. Unlike other races the bad ones fall into two groups. There are the rich ones: Jack Welch, Dick Cheney, and the like. These men would let the whole world sink into the sea if it meant another SUV for their daughter. The other kind is called white trash. They would sell their baby for crack no problem. Many use the phrase “good while it lasted” when discussing this group.

AUSTRALIAN (ABBO)
Not exactly killing shit as far as the babe population goes. Almost extinct thanks to white people, the abbos haven’t been doing well for about 500 years now. One weird characteristic about abbos is that they have this point in their life called a “walkabout” where, sometime around 18 years of age, they will just start walking and walking and walking. They leave all their stuff and start a new life when they get to wherever it is they end up walking to but they all do it and nobody knows why.

CHRISTOPHER PRINCE

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that was very helpful. i understand now

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Lesbian moms better than dads; Communist austerity good for health

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http://www.popopo.com/

^^^^who is that in the white shirt heave

That is Corey
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who the--

Why I Love Bees:
A Case Study in Collective Intelligence Gaming

Jane McGonigal, PhD

....

Conclusions

As the leading edge of research, industry, politics, social innovation
and cultural production
increasingly seek to harness the wisdom of the crowd and the power of
the collective, it is urgent
that we create engaging, firsthand experiences of collective
intelligence for as wide and as
general a young audience as possible. Search and analysis games are
poised to become our best
tool for helping as many and diverse a population as possible develop an
interest and gain direct
experience participating in our ever-more collective network culture.

In Convergence Culture, Henry Jenkins considers the role that popular
culture should play in
cultivating collective intelligence. He argues: "Right now, we are
learning how to apply these
new participatory skills through our relation to commercial
entertainment... for two reasons: on
the one hand, because the stakes are so low; and on the other, playing
with popular culture is a
lot more fun than playing with more serious matters."94 Jenkins predicts
that as a society, we
eventually we evolve our collective intelligence interests in the
direction of real-world, rather
than fictional, concerns. However, I am suggesting with this case study
that for young students
learning about CI for the first time, popular culture and online
entertainment will remain the
most effective spaces for learning how real-world massively
collaborative participation works.

In Get There Early, technologist Bob Johansen argues that immersive
gaming can prepare
players for future changes in network culture. He writes: "Immersion
helps get a feeling for
what's possible. Immersion helps you try out different ways of acting,
so you can develop your
own agility." Indeed, as I have documented with this I Love Bees case
study, the immersive
aspects of search and analysis gaming provide a visceral, first-person,
hands-on experience of
collaborative cognition, networked cooperation and real-time
coordination. Players develop a
familiarity with collective intelligence techniques through direct
experience. They gain
confidence and fluency in emerging technologies and CI strategies by
playing with new network
platforms and multi-user applications in increasingly complex scenarios.
Search and analysis
games, with their iterative real-time redesign, are perfectly structured
to provide such scaffolding
challenges-a key aspect to mastering new modes of problem-solving and
cultural participation.
As massively-social experiences, search and analysis games are also
especially well-suited to
encouraging meta-level reflection on the skills and processes that
players use to meet new
challenges. Being a part of a massively multi-player game community
means sharing your
thoughts and experiences with your fellow players. Finally, and perhaps
most importantly, as
learning systems, collective gaming encourages risk-taking learning in a
low-risk setting. As
Johansen observes: "Learners get to dive in and learn in a first person
way, without playing for
keeps until they are ready."

I want to conclude this case study with a letter from an I Love Bees
player, for I believe the
gamers' personal experience speaks best for itself. Several months after
I Love Bees ended, I
received an email from "Rose", a mother who played the game with her
14-year-old son, a high
school student and an avid videogamer. In the letter, she described the
game as a powerful
tutorial in networked collaboration for them both, one that made them
feel excited about
participating in collective intelligences in the future. She writes:

It is really important to me that you, and other people, understand the
differences
that alternate reality gaming has made in our way of thinking. It has
powerfully
affected our attitudes about what is possible. The game for me has been
about
gathering a first hand knowledge of how a large community can function,
including the role of technology. I know that large scale communities
can work
and be extraordinarily effective. I am not afraid of the complexities.95

GAMES CITED

I Love Bees, director Elan Lee, lead writer Sean Stewart, technology
lead Jim Stewartson,
community lead Jane McGonigal (Emeryville, California: 42 Entertainment,
July - November
2004)

Halo 2, director Joseph Staten, executive producer Pete Parsons, art
director Marcus Lehto
(Redmond, Washington: Microsoft Game Studios and Bungie Game Studio,
2004)

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thin wheat

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http://www.cato.org/pub_display.php?pub_id=6688

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2138/2074511541_38d27d726a_m.jpg people who aren't grady

u_u

http://flickr.com/people/16909920@N06/ fuk'd

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http://farm1.static.flickr.com/33/95021558_d872be4c25.jpg i know where this is supposed to go but can't bother looking it up

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pure evil http://www.reallybored.net/videos/College-Girl-Shaved-While-Passed-Out

Many years ago, I heard someone say: "If you and I are standing in gasoline up to our ankles and you have 3 matches and I have 4, which of us is more
secure?"

- Zen Clown

Hassle free, a biscuit made from cannibals, the people who make these die almost every time. as genial as with biscuit as with fowl, cannibals always become unusual gourmands with exacting tastes. you can now assume these tastes without the years of hard work that went into cultivating them simply by ordering these delightful biscuits -- you'll fare better once they're in you, and they're so, so, so, so, just so. Stop sitting by yourself at the chapel, bring a plate of these delightful biscuits made from cannibals. Don't ask where they're from, rest assured -- they're from somewhere else.

The pointy corners of these biscuits allow for greater biscuit area submersion when dunking one in blood. Or tea. Did I say blood?

A word about manufacturing. First he becomes a biscuit, and then they eat him. This is one of the most powerful images in all of colonial discourse we're selling tonight on the Chopping Channel, graduate students the world over have already done the thinking for you on this one, all you need to do is enjoy.

Why waste your time laughing at those young people still shocked & outraged by disclosures of sweatshops, when you could be eating a cannibal biscuit.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philipp_I_of_Hesse#Bigamous_Marriage

Wounded Iraqi camera

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THEY'RE MULTIPLYING

I just imagined my father's brother being married to my mother's sister, and boy did I have a hearty laugh with myself over that one.

Karl Malone bringing the Cursed Content

You know

I bet they have.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2022/08/24/virginia-twins-married-salyers/

“Both of us always knew that we wanted to marry twins,” said Jeremy, noting that with their close relationship, it just made sense.

“We’d decided that if we couldn’t find twins to marry, then we just wouldn’t get married,” he said.

this is an extremely strange form of logic

Yeah, they definitely have then.

the best part is, none of you noticed that i switched the faces around on every single image above

ok i made that up. but it could have been true. they could be switching around on a daily basis, even hourly. that's why they wear the same clothes

xp you bet your ass they have, and they did it in a mirror maze

"I know," they all said together in an eerie monotone, smiling with unblinking eyes, "what if for this one we synchronized, so as to create a mirror image of each other?"

i want to see them do a laser show and acrobatic stunts, and a song and dance revue as well

“I was attracted to Briana and Josh was attracted to Brittany,” said Jeremy.

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Kinda into this idea of going to the Twins Convention to pick up some chicks.

I dunno, Karl, even though I'm like 15 years older than you, maybe we look enough like third cousins to head up there and try it out.

sure, i'm probably free!

life subgoal: get thrown out of the twins convention for fraud

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H96v0zFw-tA

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Oldish Bernard Sumner looks a lot like oldish Dmitri Shostakovich

Nobody know how water enter coconut

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xp you bet your ass they have, and they did it in a mirror maze

― Karl Malone, Wednesday, 24 August 2022 20:30 (six months ago) bookmarkflaglink

lmao

i had completely forgotten about all...that! "twins and the twins they love" would be a good name for something.

i was actually coming to this thread to say that, if you're ever in a car with someone for like 5-10 hours, one cool move is to ask other people in the car if they have something they want to listen to, rather than commandeering the playlist for the entire ride. not sure who needs to hear it, but it's come up multiple times in the last year and i was thinking this thread might be a indirect way to change someone's life

But... I made this 11-hour playlist, synched to the mile markers!

Hours exploring Google Maps, timing it just right where "Biddies In the BK Lounge" comes on right as we're driving past the King of Prussia Burger King.

a seemingly innocuous road sign for the famous tri-county fair Mirror Maze appears

i try to determine if i would die if i roll out of the vehicle and into the ditch

asda

Fans at the festival were likely reacting to the alleged online beef among Gomez, Kylie Jenner and Hailey Bieber, which began late last month with an alleged laminated eyebrow diss.

32. Franklin D. Roosevelt pic.twitter.com/QujunzIISR

— Cam Harless (@hamcarless) March 13, 2023

I can't unsee this. You're welcome.

I was going to walk through the moors and shout Moaty it's me

This will be the highlight of the subsequent motion picture

― A prog venn diagram for you to think about (Matt #2), Friday, 9 July 2010 22:26 (twelve years ago) bookmarkflaglink

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2023/apr/14/hunt-for-raoul-moat-itv-drama-rothbury-northumberland

Just got an email from my local bagel place with the subject line

You asked, we listened: Re-introducing plant-based eggs

Now that I understand this right
Let me take it to the mic
This revolution has just begun

Nice posts https://health-planet.org/