Starbucks: The Empire Strikes Back

Their unfortunate secret seems to be that they've removed the "sitting around reading" or "sitting around talking to people" aspect of coffee consumption -- they're so completely grab-and-go. So I suppose I understand why people go there (the sorts of people who grab $10 coffee drinks on the way to work, anyway). But personally, even if I were just grabbing and going, I'd rather do it from a little place where I might actually feel some personal connection with the business. You know, someplace where you could drop in every morning and they'd start saying hello after a while.

I'd be curious to see if any European posters have contempt for this American cultural imperialism, considering the import of café life in Vienna, Paris, Italy, Turkey and loads of other places. Does anyone care or was that sort of café a thing of the past anyway?

And how long until Starbucks starts selling bubble tea?

It brought a tear to my eye the day Gateway in Bexhill turned into a Somerfield (Three months ago. Beat that for backwardness).

Coffee Republic got its windows blown out in the recent bombing, and I don't think it's reopened yet.

Echoing what others have said, there are way too many Starbucks in NYC, but there are also too few of the in Long Island.

On Long Island, there weren't really any mom & pop stores for Starbucks to displace. Back when I was a kid, the few non-chain LI coffee shops weren't even coffee shops per se, more like "luncheonettes" or "c orner stationeries," and they basically disappeared at least a decade before Starbucks arrived on the East Coast. You can be pretty sure they had lousy cofee and pretty damned sure that none of these places had comfy seating.

Few of the Starbucks I go to are grab'n'go places, and if I want a Raspberry Mocha Chip Frappucino, and the nearest Starbucks doesn't have decent seating, I go to one that does. The opportunity for conviviality and relaxation is more important to me than the coffee, I suspect that I'm hardly alone. The urban vilification of the homeless have pretty much insured that there are never enough public places to SIT DOWN.

My hometown, though, had just Dunkin Donuts before it got its strip- mall Starbucks. Dunkin Donuts were practically an institution in New Jersey towns, one I'd be upset to see disappear (though Dunkins is just a chain itself, naturally).

Assuming you're in Hastings and Rye, you got a Labour MP four years before I did, and even now I can barely remember how it felt to have a Tory MP. That's the only thing *I* care about.

however, occasionally I have to entertain business partners in town and they always want to go to the starbucks which is convenient because it's so close. so i usually order a grande chai soy latte to be accomodating.

so today i am meeting with someone this morning and around 10am they say "let's go grab coffee" and we go down to starbucks. the cashier asks "what can i get you, guy?" so i order. "that'll be 2.35, guy." i drop the change in the tip jar. "thanks a lot, guy". i look him in the eyes and say very flatly "you are welcome.... guy".

i mean "guy"? what happened to corporate customer service? it was pretty weird. i expected the normal faceless "how may i help you"s but not this "guy", thing. what's next? hey bro, hey man, hey dude?

several posters above obv. otm re: if you don't support independents, you can't complain when they fold.

McDonald's coffee used to be really good. Not anymore?

Well, I've never been called "guy" at a Starbuck's yet here in Starbucks city.

(ZING)

They have other things to drink as plain, honest-to-god manly coffee besides their house blend and their espresso that are supposedly much better but I can't be bothered.

ritual roasters on valencia has free wifi and hipsters

Seems to be coming to Belgium. Urgh

i don't even know where they exist in SF?

???? crazy talk

they are on every single corner of every block of the financial district in SF

not an exaggeration

does anyone remember the stealth Starbucks at 18th? and Bryant ... it was called something like "circadia" and then it showed its true identity?

http://money.msn.com/investment-advice/now.aspx?post=d42eccbf-d572-4513-9656-a28ce12e30a4>1=33002

So is this a real business?
Yes it is. Although we are a fully functioning coffee shop, for legal reasons Dumb Starbucks needs to be categorized as a work of parody art. So, in the eyes of the law, our "coffee shop" is actually an "art gallery" and the "coffee" you're buying is considered the art. But that's for our lawyers to worry about. All you need to do is enjoy our delicious coffee!

Are you saying Starbucks is dumb?
Not at all. In fact, we love Starbucks and look up to them as role models. Unfortunately, the only way to use their intellectual property under fair use is if we are making fun of them. So the word "dumb" comes out of necessity, not enmity.

Wow, this person is monumentally stupid.

Oh, I guess it was just some barista. Still, don't tell your baristas to say shit like that! "We're using fair use as an excuse" is not a very good way to set up your fair use defense.

I walked by this yesterday. Kinda funny, but only a little bit. Predictably the line was down the block, about a hundred people.

Yeah, can't say I think it's that funny. It's gonna get so shut down, and the people who did it are going to be out a lot of money.

The FAQ is hilarious, has to be a "Nathan For You" bit, as some have suspected.

aaaand confirmed as such.

In three days a Twitter feed for Dumb Starbucks has amassed over 8K followers. Even Universal got in on the mania on their Dumb & Dumber To Facebook page.

wow

oh, turns out this is something a friend of mine did -- haha

you're friends with nathan fielder?

no, but a friend of mine is apparently claiming credit?

makes sense.

I just threw away http://books.google.com/books/about/Pour_your_heart_into_it.html?id=V_MjPzynsRcC in honor of this mishap

Some great viral marketing from not-so-dumb Starbucks imo

Nah, I doubt this means much to Starbucks

I can't watch Nathan for You bc it makes me too uncomfortable but this is hilarious.

you're friends with nathan fielder?

hes a huge asshole fwiw

There seems something endemic to LA that things like this instantly attract huge lines. I can't imagine that kind of reaction in NYC for instance.

http://splitsider.com/2014/02/nathan-fielder-reveals-himself-as-the-mastermind-behind-dumb-starbucks/#more-48423

Thankfully, in the press conference Fielder said he plans to open a Dumb Starbucks in Brooklyn in the coming weeks, so east coast lovers of parody coffee shops will get their chance to wait in line for four hours for a free cup of dumb coffee too.

^but that'll provoke a different reaction, now that everyone knows what's going on.

will still be interesting to see what type of reaction he gets.

No it won't.

dumb cronuts

Cronuts craze was different though since the payoff to waiting in the cronut line was a cronut whereas the payoff to waiting in the Dumb Starbucks line is, what exactly? Something much more conceptual.

i thought you got a cronut once you got to the front of the cronut line

oh wait nm i misread yr post

http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/elements/2014/02/dumb-starbucks-and-the-art-of-the-hoax.html

marc horowitz is a genius. the next shia labeouf.

you're friends with nathan fielder?

hes a huge asshole fwiw

― Lamp, Tuesday, February 11, 2014 4:20 PM (6 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Care to expand on this?

sorry; expound

From britisher perspective shit coffee in greasy spoons = cheaper than shit coffee in starbucks

missed this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bo_deCOd1HU

sarahel is Marc Horowitz your friend

the heart of the joke seems to be a very deadpan take on what a "parody" is

nathan knows it's not legal and will be shut down. in the show, he gives business owners terrible business ideas. the joke is that this is another terrible business idea.

Schultz has a shop in Rome now, which is the biggest asshole thing there ever was, if you think about it.

— Richard M. Nixon (@dick_nixon) January 28, 2019

Coffee's better is Seattle, harsh truth

Possibly, but it's nice to be able to get an espresso for 1 euro on just about any street corner.

i like the mermaid logo

F Starbucks with this faux environmentally sensitive bullshit ad campaign where you get a cheap free re usable plastic cup. First of all they’ve already produced these cups. So hey brain dead latte consumer: you’re not helping the environment. You’re just mitigating the damage that’s already done. Assuming you use the cup for the rest of your life. In 99% of cases though people will stop using them within a year and will store it next to the other reusable cups in their cabinet or will toss it out. F Starbucks.

I finally took the plunge this year and started bring a metal thermos to work every day to pick up my morning coffee (not Starbucks btw). Partly out of concern for the environment and partly out of thinking about hot coffee sitting in that plastic lining. Also it stays hotter so I can drink it slower if I want to. I still pour it into a ceramic mug once I get to the office though, since I don't like drinking directly out of a thermos.

They really are a shitty company

Kyle Trainer, a barista at the location, said he believed Starbucks eliminated seating due to homeless individuals and people with mental illnesses around the neighborhood. He added that Starbucks does not adequately train team members to manage stressful situations and that the chain would rather “remove the seating, close the bathroom and not deal with it.

https://www.sfgate.com/food/article/sf-castro-starbucks-seating-removed-17854447.php?IPID=SFGate-HP-CP-Spotlight

Just learned a few weeks ago that a Starbucks in my city near the local high school just completely shuts down from 3:00 pm to 6:00 pm every weekday rather than dealing with the horror of *gasp* teenagers.

Whatever, but I often have to drop my son off at the high school for sports related activities during that time frame that aren't really long enough for me to turn around and drive all the way back home, so it'd be nice to sit somewhere other than in my car in a parking lot for 45 minutes.

And this whole bullshit about calling the employees 'our partners' - are you giving them profit sharing? Stock options? Dividends? They're not your 'partners,' they're workers

So much of the closing or removal of spaces comes just down to labor; that the company completely refuses to adequately staff and train those locations for that time, isn’t it?

I mean, yes, both are connected to larger problems that city officials tend to refuse to deal with other than sending in cops, true.