your terrible ideas

or people with aspirations of fanciness

would have to present itself as a v fancy business, as if jeeves is every employee

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j237/innocentsmith/smith/Tuppy124.jpg

noting that cigarette lighters run out of either flint or gas first, a light 'chop shop' that could then cobble together the parts to make 'new' lighters.

Of course the work involved would mean charging far more than just buying a new one.

also

a charitable organisation that provided vuvuzelas for underprivileged street children

a interior design firm that only decorates your home with giant S's decked out in gold and lame and other expensive things, the firm is called "large S"

wait largesse doesn't mean what I thought it means :(

Sometimes it's pronounced "large-ease", so maybe you need to switch to giant E's instead.

Instead of offering a palate cleanser between courses, chefs could offer a palate confuser, something that tastes so bizarre and terrible that the next course will always taste better by comparison.

feel like people have used that strategy with me in relationships

When I was in middle school we actually had a b&w xerox machine in the house and I devised a plan to xerox playboys and sell them at school. I did market research by asking around how much people would pay but I never followed through.

Reminds me of a much terribler idea- hiding a porn mag by burying it.

in a simpler, non-internet time: i hand copied all the moves lists/fatalities/animalities/etc for each of the MK II and III arcade games onto notebook paper, copied them into little booklets and tried to sell them as "strategy guides" at the mall. I think i sold two and covered my xerox fees.

Aw, that's awesome! One time my six-year-old brother sold me a list of Warcraft 2 cheat codes that he'd hand copied from the internet. Really bad little kid penmanship with none of them written correctly, like "who your daddy." Well worth the $1 I paid because it is the cutest thing ever.

http://img214.imageshack.us/img214/7825/cheatcodes.jpg

what did those do?

Man, I don't even remember.

- badgering Marc Alm0nd into recording an album with me to be titled 'The Quaker & The Satanist'. Advertising strapline would be: 'One of these people won't remove his hat in front of a judge, swear an oath to tell the truth in court, or accept the Bible as the final word of God. The other is a Satanist.'. (note: have never actually been a Quaker - too much effort...)

Instead of offering a palate cleanser between courses, chefs could offer a palate confuser, something that tastes so bizarre and terrible that the next course will always taste better by comparison.

― The Ten Things I Hate About Commandments (Abbbottt), Friday, October 15, 2010 12:55 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

I just sorta did this now - alternated bites of sardines with bites of raw garlic. luckily I live alone, and have no significant other.

i just had an idea for a shirt design. its a white polo with thin red stripes about an inch apart and about 1/4 inch thick. in the middle of the torso, the white, unlined parts will be filled in in the following order, from top to bottom: yellow, green and red (in one, half and half), brown, and then yellow again, forming an abstract burger in the center of the shirt

^^^ that actually sounds pretty awesome

yeah im coming around to it tbh

yeah i would wear that shirt

get tiarnan on it asap

idea for prank. hire gallagher and carrot top and jerry lewis to patronize store where friend works, one after the other, about five minutes apart. gallagher pees in the back of the store and verbally abuses friend, calling them a shitbag, etc... carrot top spills coffee everywhere. jerry lewis would be talking in his goofy manchild voice and generally acting manic.

wow!

also, have taken to repeating 'palate confuser!' to the tune of sonic reducer in my head. :/

a t-shirt that says "DAFT JUNK (arrow pointing down)"

haha is it written in rainbow molten silver font

haha yes ^_^

You know that fake glass made of sugar that they make slapstick windows out of, for movies? My terrible idea is you could make spoons out of it. Then you break the spoons and use the wee crystals to torch atop a creme brulee. Then you give them another one of the spoons to eat it with, so they are breaking their broken sugar spoons with another sugar spoon. That's really a terrible idea.

I have typed that out a couple times in the past few days & deleted it every time/

A three-lidded toilet seat aimed at the luxury commodities market. "Still using two lids? Now feel the awesome power of THREE! Triple PROTECTION, Triple COMFORT - Be the envy of anyone who comes round and uses the lav! More interesting arguments with your spouse about bathroom etiquette! Buy! Buy! Buy!" or something

Deciding age 18 that I wasn't good enough to be a computer programmer.

I just came up with an idea for a shot at the bar: TUACA FLOCKA FLAME

It is a shot of Tuaca with 151 so it can be set on fire.

BITCH I'M DRUNK
BITCH I'M DRUNK

Chill the Tuaca and float the 151 on top with a spoon? Not sure if the difference in specific gravity is enough though.

not a bad idea afaict

Seems a pretty good idea provided that not too many are drunk in one sitting.

you should have this drink with guest artist OJ Da Juiceman

"The Boy in Mayor McCheese"

I had the terrible idea today of getting a little line or something tattooed on my foot. The line would be where toe decreases start on a knitted sock, so I could try on a partially made sock and see if it was long enough to reach the tattoo: if it was, I'd know to start making the toe decreases. This is a terrible idea.

Years ago when I learned CPR I had a similar idea. They told us if you didn't apply CPR to the right area of a person's ribcage, you could generally fuck up and/or kill the person. SO the idea was to get a tattoo of a dotted rectangle and label it ACCEPTABLE CPR AREA.

i think those are both great ideas.

Ooh, I especially like that second idea. It'd also be nice to put a little "please donate my organs to those who need them, as I have repeatedly requested" instruction on there, because I'm always nervous that my intentions won't be clear due to the smudges on the back of my drivers license.

I once read a sci-fi book where people had their medical details tattooed on their bodies in ultraviolet ink.

yeah, pretty good idea imo. i would put a little asterisk where the decreases start

You know that fake glass made of sugar that they make slapstick windows out of, for movies? My terrible idea is you could make spoons out of it. Then you break the spoons and use the wee crystals to torch atop a creme brulee. Then you give them another one of the spoons to eat it with, so they are breaking their broken sugar spoons with another sugar spoon. That's really a terrible idea.

― 17th Century Catholic Spain (Abbbottt), Friday, October 22, 2010 12:24 AM (4 days ago) Bookmark

i love this idea

me and my friend tonight devised this plan

1) we will both learn french
2) we will learn to ragga toast in french
3) in our respective cities, me in dc and he in austin, we will become scene-birthing visionaries with rapidly growing fan bases and we will make French Toasting de rigeur on all the blogs
4) we will combine our powers and put out the nationwide scene-uniting album of the year: FUCKIN' BREAKFAST

we determined that the entire last year and a half of my life was all designed to get me to TONIGHT, the night we invented the idea that would change both our lives forever

<3

oh also we've decided my punk rock name is Justin Comprehensible

heir to justin sane

yeah him and i met a dude at a show named Justin D3nt the other night

i was like "you're an english major, aren't you"