Kids say the darndest things

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what's up, ugly girls?

crude interloper of a once august profession (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 8 October 2010 15:26 (nine years ago) link

Zac, myself and 3 yr old Julia went to an apple orchard the other day and picked from trees of several different varieties, so at some point one of us referred to the "Empire apples". as we soon found out, Julia apparently heard "VAMPIRE apples" !! and maybe it makes us bad parents, but so far we're way too amused to correct her.

Kim, Friday, 8 October 2010 15:46 (nine years ago) link

Oh yeah, when they're that young and they make cute little mistakes like that, in most cases it's okay to let it slide for a while.

kkvgz, Friday, 8 October 2010 15:49 (nine years ago) link

Howie (after a small accident the other day): "Mummy take off my trants and pousers!"

Meg (Meg Busset), Friday, 8 October 2010 19:45 (nine years ago) link

Listen, this thread totally slept on "optical course." I'm telling ya.

I've got ten bucks. SURPRISE ME. (Laurel), Friday, 8 October 2010 20:03 (nine years ago) link

i once very cheerfully yelled to my pal "see you later, asshole!" as our parents were taking us home from preschool. my mom was not, uh, thrilled

― i like to fart and i am crazy (gbx), Tuesday, March 17, 2009 9:54 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark


crude interloper of a once august profession (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 8 October 2010 20:25 (nine years ago) link

haw I saw this thread bumped and wondered if I'd shared that here before.

the only truffuluther on ilx (gbx), Friday, 8 October 2010 23:50 (nine years ago) link

2 yr old farted last night "hehehe i fahhted, do it again time"

definatelypoopsmcgee (chrisv2010), Monday, 18 October 2010 17:23 (nine years ago) link


kkvgz, Friday, 22 October 2010 00:43 (nine years ago) link

Owen got up from his nap yesterday feeling cranky, so Ben went over to him, sat down, and said "Owen - tell your feelings to me."

schwantz, Friday, 22 October 2010 15:50 (nine years ago) link

A: mummy, are you happy?
Me: well, I'm a bit tired and grumpy
A: but I want you to be happy. Are you happy?
Me: why do you want me to be happy?
A: I want you to be my friend

Poor love, I had to explain to him that my happiness wasn't directly related to how I felt towards him, that I could be unhappy but still loved him and was his friend :0(

Vicky, Friday, 29 October 2010 11:13 (nine years ago) link

2 yr old farted last night "hehehe i fahhted, do it again time"

love the boston accent

progressive cuts (Tracer Hand), Friday, 29 October 2010 16:25 (nine years ago) link

He just prank-called me:

"Dad, there's a man here who ... Mom-Mom wants to speak to you."
"Oh, okay buddy, why don't you put Mom-Mom on the phone?"

kkvgz, Tuesday, 2 November 2010 13:37 (nine years ago) link

Owen: "I tried the salsa!"

Ben: "You mean like a flying salsa?"

schwantz, Tuesday, 2 November 2010 20:48 (nine years ago) link

hey he is from worcester, same thing Tracer!

Str8 Drapin It (chrisv2010), Wednesday, 3 November 2010 18:17 (nine years ago) link

My Wife: The 40s are not ancient-history.

My 9-Year Old: Of course they are. The 70s are ancient-history.

Daniel, Esq., Friday, 5 November 2010 01:20 (nine years ago) link

My not-quite-2 yo daughter and my wife are "gorls" and I am a "bee". I always buzz when she says this, which makes my wife frown.

Well, because whatever happened changed him. (Dr. Superman), Sunday, 7 November 2010 23:14 (nine years ago) link

3-year-old Alice [sounding alarmed]: I'm growing out of my body!

Archel, Monday, 8 November 2010 16:06 (nine years ago) link

And on the way home today:
A: can we go to the shop and buy some lollipops?
Me: do you have any money?
A: no.
Me: well, we can't buy lollipops if we haven't got any money.
A: can we first go to the money shop and buy some money, then?

Archel, Monday, 8 November 2010 18:52 (nine years ago) link

Smart Alice!!

I read through this thread for the first time the other day and "Nice big penis, Dad" may be one of the funniest things ever. omg.

master of retardment (ENBB), Wednesday, 10 November 2010 23:13 (nine years ago) link

Our Alice (and our Amber) get amused by the stories of what they said when they were little..

One of the killer ones:

It was Easter, and Alice (about three) was doing a drawing of something which looked fairly random, inside an oval.
My Mum: "Oh, is that an Easter Egg"
Alice: "Yes"
Mum: "That's nice, so is that the Easter Bunny inside"
Alice: "No, it's a crocodile"
Mum: "Oh right." (thinks: OK, crocs do come out of eggs, so..) (points to a jagged line

Mark G, Thursday, 18 November 2010 14:36 (nine years ago) link


Mum: "Oh right." (thinks: OK, crocs do come out of eggs, so..) (points to a jagged line) "Yes, I can see his teeth there."
Alice (loudly) :"THAT'S HIS BLANKET!!"

My mum has to leave the room to avoid ROTFWLaughing)

Mark G, Thursday, 18 November 2010 14:37 (nine years ago) link

"No Ben. Transformers aren't animals; they're robots. That's why they do lots of stuff and transform."

schwantz, Thursday, 25 November 2010 03:09 (nine years ago) link

Howie (while stroking Archie's hair): "Archie, you are the most beautiful Archie I've EVER seen!"

Meg (Meg Busset), Friday, 26 November 2010 08:47 (nine years ago) link

omg awwww

ENBB, Friday, 26 November 2010 10:07 (nine years ago) link

too cute!

3 year old logic is great. Aidan wouldn't come with us to the scan so we showed him the (rubbish) pics when we got back but he wanted to see the baby. I explained he couldn't see it as it was in mummy's tummy, his reply was "take it out mummy, I want to see it!"

Vicky, Friday, 26 November 2010 11:18 (nine years ago) link

hahahahaha amazing - also, congratulations!

ENBB, Friday, 26 November 2010 13:16 (nine years ago) link

Henry: "AhhhhBah! AhhhhhhbBah!"
Beeps: "You can say that again!!"

Shakey Sides (sunny successor), Monday, 29 November 2010 03:36 (nine years ago) link

Beeps: "Mommy! You're hair is getting lighter!"
Me: "I know!"
Beeps: "But why?"
Me: "I don't know"
Beeps: "Maybe it will keep getting lighter and lighter"
Me: "Maybe. Maybe it will look like it did before (Blonde). Did you like it like that?"
Beeps: "Yeah because when its light little children can wake up inside it!"
Me: "Little children???"
Beeps: "Yeah"
Me: "What does that mean??
Beeps: "*sigh* I don't know!!"

Shakey Sides (sunny successor), Monday, 29 November 2010 04:22 (nine years ago) link


ENBB, Monday, 29 November 2010 04:25 (nine years ago) link


BIG MUFFIN (gbx), Monday, 29 November 2010 16:24 (nine years ago) link

it's hard work, bein little

BIG MUFFIN (gbx), Monday, 29 November 2010 16:25 (nine years ago) link


mormon's marmots (crüt), Monday, 29 November 2010 16:29 (nine years ago) link

I can't get over this, but Henry at 13-months is saying "Thank you" in a very low-key sort of way. He's been going Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma and Da-da-da-da-da for some time now, but these are actual words with an applied meaning. And it's "Thank you."

For comparison's sake, my first words were "Leave me alone" and Beeps' was "Uh-oh." Don't know what sunny's was, probably "Another Weetabix please" or something. (Pleasant Plains), Monday, 29 November 2010 18:14 (nine years ago) link

i was with a couple of little kids last weekend and one of them, a girl, was playing with her plastic toy computer. and she looks up at me with a pained expression and whines:

"it says it's not connected to the internet but i know that it is!!"

testify, sister

progressive cuts (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, 30 November 2010 14:42 (nine years ago) link

Owen made Ben spill his water, and we got angry at him. He then sulked over to my wife and gave her a hug.

Owen: "I'm not hugging you; you're hugging me, because you yelled at me."

schwantz, Wednesday, 1 December 2010 02:46 (nine years ago) link

Veronica: "oh shit I want some hummus"

a big influence on me in a non-stabbing non-killing way (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 1 December 2010 18:38 (nine years ago) link

Uh oh...

schwantz, Wednesday, 1 December 2010 18:39 (nine years ago) link

veronica otm

BIG MUFFIN (gbx), Wednesday, 1 December 2010 18:48 (nine years ago) link


ENBB, Wednesday, 1 December 2010 18:58 (nine years ago) link

: D

Julian Osage Orange (kkvgz), Wednesday, 1 December 2010 19:02 (nine years ago) link

three weeks pass...

Ad on TV: ".. and eight out of ten people agree this (whatever) performed the best"

Alice (now 10): "hmm. I wanna know what the other two said"

Mark G, Thursday, 23 December 2010 12:03 (nine years ago) link

i was at office xmas party and people brought their kids. a lot of the kids already knew each other from hanging out before. one little girl walked into the room:

boy: lily's here! [walks up to her, pauses] did she shrink?

positive reflection is the key (harbl), Thursday, 23 December 2010 12:25 (nine years ago) link


ENBB, Thursday, 23 December 2010 13:35 (nine years ago) link

Me and the Beeps in my car parked at a strip mall waiting for my mom to pick up the pizzas we'd ordered.
Me: "Ooooh I want to look inside that thrift store."
Beeps: "Me too! Let's go!"
Me: "Sorry, Babydoll. Its closed right now."
Beeps: "No its not."
Me: "uhhh yes it is.
Beeps: "NO its NOT"
Me: "YES it IS"
Beeps: "NO ITS NOT!!"
Me: "YES IT IS!!!"
Beeps:" YES ITS NOT!!!"
Me: ***silence***
Beeps: "Mommy, I said 'YES ITS NOT!'"
Me: "Look, lady, don't be trying that game on me. I INVENTED that game!'
Beeps: "Yeah? Well I HATED that game!!!!"

calling planet dearth (sunny successor), Monday, 27 December 2010 07:07 (nine years ago) link


schwantz, Monday, 27 December 2010 15:48 (nine years ago) link

two weeks pass...

Veronica: the horse has to get a tattoo to prove himself!
Me: wtf

assorted curses (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 12 January 2011 17:07 (nine years ago) link

Real life lols right here

calling planet dearth (sunny successor), Wednesday, 12 January 2011 21:44 (nine years ago) link

Seems like everyday they have a conversation based around their endless play-adventures which cracks us up. Yesterday, Ava was conducting a chat between two reindeers...

R1: "Why are you sitting down, we have so much to do!"
R2: "Haven't you heard? Christmas is cancelled because all the children have been turned into SKELETONS!"

Michael Jones, Sunday, 23 January 2011 13:42 (nine years ago) link

Right now, they're dangling their Lego Bionicles over the banister on the stairs (on string/ribbon which Ava appears to have knotted herself) and are talking to each other in robot voices. They've been doing this for HALF AN HOUR. Oh, and now it's a robot sea shanty.

Michael Jones, Sunday, 23 January 2011 13:46 (nine years ago) link

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