Best and worst album reviews on Allmusic

Their spooky version of an already creepy tune by Creedence Clearwater Revival, "Run Through the Jungle" runs the gamut from sexual nightmare to voodoo ritual gone awry.

that's some gamut it runs

The same guy reviewed Fire of Love. http://www.allmusic.com/cg/amg.dll?p=amg&sql=10:hiftxqu5ldde

The songs become rock & roll ciphers, erasing themselves as soon as they speak, heading off into the whirlwind of a storm that is so big, so black, and so awful one cannot meditate on anything but its power.

There is not one part of that sentence that makes sense.

for real

Instantly self-nullifying rock actually sounds pretty cool, if not impossible to listen to.

http://www.allmusic.com/album/no-more-drama-r547059

Classic example of someone misreading an anti-piracy ident as a stylistic quirk.

This very well may be the first time such a tactic has been used in contemporary music; generally a vocal sample repeats throughout the course of only one song, but because the fare on No More Drama is so good, this recurring vocal sample is as subtle and congruent as a consistent drum hit.

Haha reminiscent of Richard Williams's review of John & Yoko's Wedding Album

:D

by Dean Carlson

Shrill and freaky. Anarchic and a bit oompah-oompah. Almost unanimously loathed. Perhaps what you'd expect if you raised small orphans solely on prog-rock records scratched into the higher channels of Megadeth's Killing Is My Business... And Business Is Good! while they formed a union to demand to go catch the latest Dexy's Midnight Runners tour. Cardiacs' first studio album is one for the amnesiacs of the world. It leaps about, chews on its own rhythms -- like "In a City Lining," often 43 times within the same song -- eschewing choruses as if conventional songwriting caused cancer. It's reckless, difficult music that still retains a sense of celebration. The equivalent of a top-secret document with the best bits blacked out.

by Dean Carlson

The Cardiacs didn't make it easy to like their second album, too happy to let their whirligig of shattered atonal pop come apart at its seams. The band's technique for hoisting a radical thrill out of audience discomfort was pushed to extremes ("Fast Robert," "Baby Heart Dirt") and it suddenly felt forced and phony, like a poor Dadaist trying to make do in a world of Starter jackets and Technotronic. Great for those who liked staticy hip-hop, piercing keyboards, Long Ranger harmonicas, and the sound of a tape deck being clicked off, less so for those who didn't.

never fucking forgive

That Blige review is amazing!

The release of DJ Quik's debut album, Quik Is the Name, in 1991 begged the question: does rap really need yet another gangsta rapper? Indeed, by that time, rap had become saturated with numerous soundalike gangsta rappers -- most of whom weren't even a fraction as interesting as such pioneers of the style as Ice-T, N.W.A, and Schoolly D. Nonetheless, rapper/producer Quik turned out to be more noteworthy than most of the gangsta rappers who debuted that year. Lyrically, the former gang member (who grew up in the same L.A. ghetto as N.W.A, Compton) doesn't provide any major insights. His sex/malt liquor/gang-banging imagery was hardly groundbreaking in 1991. But his hooks, beats, and grooves (many of which owe a debt to '70s soul and funk) are likeable enough.

wait a sec, lol. h/t to kk.

The Eugene Chadbourne mention up thread had me remembering this jem f/ a review of Waylon Jennings' Hangin' On:

"Sticking to totally musical criteria, the best tracks on this collection are so good that dismissing the gunky ones is easy. There are other criteria for rating a Waylon Jennings album but, however one looks at it, Hangin' On is one of this country artist's very special productions. Some might see distinction in the fact that the brief liner notes are written by none other than the wonderful singer Skeeter Davis. Others may treasure this particular album because it really looks like ol' Waylon is lighting up a joint on the front cover. Then, there is the ultimate criterion for judging the value of an album not only by Jennings, but by some of his associates such as Kris Kristofferson, Merle Haggard, and Willie Nelson, at least in the eyes of a used record store buyer from North Carolina: "If they's wearin' beards, I don't want it. If they's shaven, then ah'm interested." While many publications use some sort of star system for rating records, it appears a system based on lack of beards is really the key with some types of country music."...

(This beard criteria makes perfect sense, particularly when applied to Jennings...)

Someone at Allmusic must read this thread because the Mary J Blige review has been either replaced or heavily edited. Walls have ears.

AMG looks so rusty and outdated nowadays - wonder how long these guys will survive

The site has been clunky and slow since their last interface update years ago

Andy K can add more as he chooses but my understanding is that it's less about the site than the database itself these days, which makes sense as it was all about the database to start with.

But things like the search function are just a complete pain. If I want to search allmusic, I go to google and type "allmusic.com: whateveri'msearchingfor" because it's ten times faster and it always produces the result I want first, not second or third. I haven't used it in some time, but I recall searching for someone like Radiohead and they came up second, with the first result being one of those goofy string quartets that covered their music.

xp - Ned: I guess you're referring to media players extracting the AMG info? OK good to hear, although I'm desperately waiting for them to release a mobile version I could quickly check when hesitating at the record store.

is Steve Winick a pseudonym that AMG writers use when they get in a "what's the fucking use" mood and can only be bothered to listen to the first 30 seconds of an album before dashing out the first 10-20 words that come to mind? here's a sampling of Mr. Winick's writing (each quote box is an entire review):

More of a good thing.

Their third album, recorded in 1978, is a fine effort, though not as good as the first two.

Included are bawdy and sexually suggestive songs.

Really a continuation of Swarbrick, it has the same personnel and producer...Swarbrick even wears the same shirt for the cover photo!

Of these all-original songs and tunes, some are weird and hilarious.

Their second album features a lot of great music, traditional and new.

All unaccompanied, all Gaelic, this is for really hardcore fans.

A few guests join him to fill out the arrangements.

This debut album established him as one of the best.

An excellent showcase of O'Donnel's talents, his fiddle weeps and sings.

This solo album shows off O'Flynn's amazing talents.

A fuller, more confident sound is achieved, and some dark and moody arrangements created.

Their second album has a lot of good material.

A thoughtfully performed album, it varies in material but is consistent in quality.

Mostly original songs.

These mostly original songs prove he's a fine songwriter.

This is another great early set.

Featured is O'Connell's voice and guitar on new original songs. Some of the tracks are serious and some funny, but all are fine work.

A great solo effort, it features traditional and political songs.

Getting there, but it's still a bit undisciplined.

These beautiful selections are beautifully done.

imho it's better to have no review at all than to have an uninsightful blurb that may as well have been written by robots. it's easy sometimes to mistake AMG for just another seedy content-farming operation that's set on reviewing and rating as many albums as possible without regard to quality. it's usually a classier site than that, however.

Steve Winick studied medieval literature and comparative mythology, before earning his Ph.D. in Folklore. A professional writer and editor for over fifteen years, he has written hundreds of music reviews and feature articles, as well as academic articles on such topics as Chaucer and Robin Hood.

ok lol

ok lol this is what he looks like:

http://i53.tinypic.com/m9mue8.jpg

This album would make a fine addition to any world music aficionado's shelf

Why do I always see that or some variant in every review under World/International music.

This Divine Styler review is a treat

DS outdoes himself with "Make It Plain" as he implements sonic explosions that hit from every possible angle, making it an unparalleled listening experience.

Enticing, informative, and done with nothing but the upliftment of man and woman at heart, which alone is enough to be applauded for.

, "Nova" has a definite "Hot Sex" vibe permeating its every orifice

anyway i was thrilled last night when i saw allmusic.com hadn't been turned into allrovi.com quite yet.

Homages, perhaps, to the drum-machine sound of the late 1970s, the fast and furious grooves on this rap label compilation speed by at around 120 to 140 beats per minute, and they're all top-end and trebly (they might want to call the next one SO SO DEF TREBLE ALL-STARS). This is pure party music, and the formula is simple enough: either crank the ol' beatbox to the funkiest beat you can find and start rapping over it, or, better, find a popular groove like Keith Sweat's "Make It Last Forever" and start rapping over that. Nothing groundbreaking, but absoluely butt-shaking.

I'm assuming this review was either written before The New Radicals got popular with "You Get What You Give" or that the writer didn't know who Gregg Alexander was:
http://www.allmusic.com/album/intoxifornication-mw0000074513

Still my favorite after all these years:
http://www.allmusic.com/album/telephone-mw0000187960

hahaha wow

It makes no sense to discuss 200 KM/H in the Wrong Lane, the first album by Russian dance-pop duo Tatu, without focusing on the gimmick, since that gimmick is the band. And the gimmick, of course, is that the girls are teenage lesbians who sing songs with suggestive titles like "Not Gonna Get Us," "Show Me Love," and "All the Things She Said," while covering that perennial anthem of tortured unrequited love and lust, the Smiths' "How Soon Is Now?". It's heavy Europop, often helmed by Trevor Horn, and sung by two cute girls. (two stars)

Suggestive titles? Nudge nudge, wink wink "Not Gonna Get Us", say no more, etc

Allmisogyny

I always thought this Black Devil Disco Club review was quite bad.

http://www.allmusic.com/album/28-after-mw0000573787

lydia lunch, queen of siam

AllMusic Review by John Dougan
Her laconic slur of a voice has never sounded sexier, and her off-key rendition of "Spooky" is so lazily erotic that it nearly sucks the life out of you. A putrid classic of style and substance.