the crimes of george lucas ('90s on)

most popular unwatchable film is The Dark Knight.

Oh bullshit. The prequels are complete garbage.

i have seen plenty of unwatchable films in my day sir

and this film is unwatchable

Well, my work here is done. (claps dust off hands, strides away whistling)

I've seen TPM maybe 3 or 4 times now, and I still couldn't tell you the story. The trade federation stuff was all needlessly complex and bafflingly makes no sense at all. The entire plot of that movie is impenetrable. Jar-Jar aside, I hate how all the aliens speak English with silly accents instead of made up space talk w subtitles. Also hate the actor playing Anakin; he should've been cast as a guest role in a 30 min sitcom. But it's all moot because Jar-Jar pretty much voids the entire movie as soon as he enters.

And shame on Roger Ebert for lauding visuals over story and characters. He KNOWS better.

Nah, he's a sucker for that kind of thing in the sci-fi realm. He grants the same latitude to "Metropolis" and "Dark City," e.g. (The latter of which he did DVD commentary for.)

In fact, I'm pretty sure he named "Dark City" his favorite of 1998, and his review starts: ``Dark City'' by Alex Proyas is a great visionary achievement, a film so original and exciting, it stirred my imagination like ``Metropolis'' and ``2001: A Space Odyssey.'' If it is true, as the German director Werner Herzog believes, that we live in an age starved of new images, then ``Dark City'' is a film to nourish us. Not a story so much as an experience, it is a triumph of art direction, set design, cinematography, special effects--and imagination

Tbh I would permaban

I've seen TPM maybe 3 or 4 times now, and I still couldn't tell you the story. The trade federation stuff was all needlessly complex and bafflingly makes no sense at all. The entire plot of that movie is impenetrable. Jar-Jar aside, I hate how all the aliens speak English with silly accents instead of made up space talk w subtitles. Also hate the actor playing Anakin; he should've been cast as a guest role in a 30 min sitcom. But it's all moot because Jar-Jar pretty much voids the entire movie as soon as he enters.

How the hell can you not know the story if you've seen it 4 or 5 times? It's not even remotely complicated.

Lol that first bit shouldn't be there

No, it makes sense in context.

I like Dark City, but I never understood the sloppy handjob that Ebert gave it. It's a three-star affair.

haha freudian slip there dan

it's a two-starrer at BEST.

How the hell can you not know the story if you've seen it 4 or 5 times? It's not even remotely complicated.

― Monkeys? Um, no. (HI DERE), Wednesday, September 29, 2010 10:08 AM (13 minutes ago) Bookmark

no but it is so painfully boring and shitty the brain actively rejects it

xp I like the story. It's a little silly, but I, like Ebert, was impressed when I realized that it was not Earth at all.

Star Wars: Episode I The Phantom Menace is expected to be released theatrically in 2012

hopefully this is scheduled to be released AFTER the world ends in 2012

December 25, 2012 -- Just in time for post-apocalyptic Xmas.

"I didn't care enough about the plot to pay attention to it" is a very different criticism from "The plot is so complicated and impenetrable that I can't tell you what happens"; I could understand someone saying the latter if we were talking about "Eraserhead" but this is a fucking Star Wars movie!

"released theatrically" - it will be accompanied by a drumroll and a loud bang of confetti

"Complicated and impenetrable" is different still from "Doesn't make a lick of sense."

It's not that I don't understand what's SUPPOSED to be going on, it's that what's supposed to be going on is thinly motivated and often arbitrary, in service of getting to the next big set piece.

How the hell can you not know the story if you've seen it 4 or 5 times? It's not even remotely complicated.

Can you relay the plot to me, with regards to the trade federation, the gungans, who is on what side, who those two alien ambassadors were at the beginning, etc. etc. without referring to wikipedia?

Yeah, i mean, sitting down and watching it, im sure it isn't that complicated, but you forget all of it the minute the movie ends because you care NOT AT ALL what happens.

Without the aid of Wikipedia:

The Trade Federation are blockading Naboo because of something. The Jedi go to sort it out. They ponce around for a bit, meet Jar Jar then leave with the princess. Their spaceship breaks down on way back and they have to stop on Tattoine to find a spare part. They meet Anakin and take him with them, and they have a fight with Darth Maul there for some reason as well. Also there is a very loud and confusing sport event. They get back to Coruscant, then turn around again and go straight back to Naboo after talking to the Jedi council about some stuff I can't remember. Jar Jar persuades his people to join the fight against the Trade Federation, and there is a big battle. Darth Maul shows up again and kills Qui-Gon, then Obi Wan kills him. Anakin blows up one of the Federation's ships by mistake, and the battle droids all stop working and the blockade is lifted. Obi Wan decides to train Anakin, despite Yoda warning him not to. The End.

xp I think I have the basics, yeah. There's a fight going on about tariffs on intergalactic trade. The Galactic Senate has become a powerless UN-like body, once ruling the galaxy, but now totally limp. The Trade Federation, who for some reason how its own military, puts up a blockade around Naboo, preventing supplies from moving in or out, just to prove a pissy point. This is bad for Naboo. Senator Palpatine sees opportunity in this tense situation, and conspires to make the situation worse, to make the Supreme Chancellor look even more incompetent than he already is, and have himself installed in his place.

Right?

Bravo sirs!

I don't think I could do the same for Attack of the Clones.

my eyes glazed over even trying to read that paragraph

How the hell can you not know the story if you've seen it 4 or 5 times?

I apologize if this was already addressed, but why would you see this movie 4 or 5 times?

guys, look away

Notice I didn;t mention the Jedis in my plot synopsis, because nothing they do seems to have any significance whatsoever. The Gungans are there apparently to be recruited as soldiers, even though the Gungan leader is adamant about how the fight won't affect them either way. Obi Wan says something about everything effecting everyone else, except that the Gungans live in the "planet core" (which I guess is made of water?) and the people on Naboo seem to have no contact with them at all, whatsoever. So the Gungans are really, really easily persuaded to fight and die against their interests, apparently.

to clarify my question, why would you repeatedly see a movie you cared so little about the plot evaporated from your mind the second after you saw it? or was the amnesia THAT strong?

I apologize if this was already addressed, but why would you see this movie 4 or 5 times?

Ok, I've seen it twice, then watched part of The Phantom Edit, then watched the rifftrax once twice.

xp Same reason to watch the Zapruder film over and over. WHAT HAPPENED HERE?

Something died violently, and I need to know how and why.

'Repeatedly' being in the course of 10 years.

I'm sure I've only sat through the whole thing once.

How the hell can you not know the story if you've seen it 4 or 5 times? It's not even remotely complicated.

― Monkeys? Um, no. (HI DERE), Wednesday, September 29, 2010 10:08 AM (13 minutes ago) Bookmark

no but it is so painfully boring and shitty the brain actively rejects it

― If Airplanes Could Fly This Place Would Be An Airport (s1ocki), Wednesday, 29 September 2010 15:22 (2 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

slock1 OTM

"Now it's R2-3D and 3D-PO as George Lucas green lights mega Star Wars conversion"
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1316182/George-Lucas-green-lights-mega-Star-Wars-3D-conversion.html

Maybe more at home on the Mail mail thread

Not unless the DM claims that Jawas are illegal immigrants.

Mail mail?

Sorry, hate mail, duh!

Get ready for HAN TRIO and PRINCESS THREEYA as LUCAS creates NEW DIMENSION for STAR FLICKS

Would think Attack of the Clones & Revenge of the Sith would be the easiest to do, since the sets are all CGI anyways, all they need to do is find the original files and put it 2nd camera & re-render. With improved computer technology, render times for even the most complicated scenes should be drastically shorter than originally.

Obi Wan Kenobthree

LOOK skywalker

And shame on Roger Ebert for lauding visuals over story and characters. He KNOWS better.

― kenan, Wednesday, September 29, 2010 1:56 PM (3 hours ago) Bookmark

He's ALWAYS done that. He gave Spawn, a movie that's arguably even worse than the Phantom Menace (and has even worse effects), three and a half stars.

Yeah, I guess he does give a multipass to all things comic-book-ish.

hahaha

"Use the Force 3D goggles"

C3-DO