Society is in the gutter

Heskey aside, this remains odd. It's a comedy thread, and some of it is funny. But it's incredibly homogeneous, and everyone seems to get the same joke in the same way. I get the impression that you all think that to complain or worry about something getting worse is silly, paranoid, reactionary and laughable.

I suppose something that would demonstrate otherwise would be a successful, popular, harmonious thread full of parodies of standard banal statements about how things are so much better than they were. Perhaps there has indeed been such a thread.

done!

Was a day you fell down a stairs and broke a tooth it was a big laugh, and you laughed too.

here comes the p.c. police again, ready to tell you not to make this thread, not to make that thread, all due to the bumbling bureaucrats in brussels. well ill tell you, im not one to take this lying down, after all, my generation fought in three wars, at home and abroad.

I get the impression that you all think that to complain or worry about something getting worse is silly, paranoid, reactionary and laughable.

Well it beats worrying about it

Used to be someone would start a thread, and other people would add to it. No one presumed to think there was a "better way."

in my day even the Pinefox was aware of the comments made by members of the British public on the websites of popular news organisations, which ILX would then have some fun parodying...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/talking_point/default.stm
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/newsdebate/index.html
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/yourview/
etc

Online "debates"? Pshaw! In my day we settled political differences over the garden fence with decent, manly fisticuffs! Jackets off, shirtsleeves rolled up, a bit of the old three four as Lefty Lemsip used to teach us in barracks after lights out. We didn't have to make do with so-called computers, not like today's Gone Soft Britain!

From days of yore:

Hello my young friends my staunch allies my stalwart comrades HE HE HE there'll be none of this backbiting rigmarole under my benign regime young man as will have you know was Guardian Angel on Line named entitled nomenclature of District and very nice red beret like communist Frank Spencer HE HE HE but you know those scamps you get on the trains late at night they don't half come a cropper when up against me I was very steadfast and erect against their vulgarian assault and intoned the intimidating words "Now then you raucous rapscallions you woebegone ne'er-do-wells have a care" and must have worked to some effect as only had 257 stitches when discharged from Park of Northwick very good hospital mind got some very good write ups and very jolly young house officer I say he was a one very presentable wouldn't have minded
as am former Navy man

but do you know it was a right royal caper similar to the time I used turps to wipe nigger-brown boot polish from corpse of decease Big Small Notorious I thought it were Cyril Smith and could only use handy John Collier two-piece worsted grey ensemble very handy for hiding scars caused by cross of iron.

Bestride oxen hoops ayonder! Inflame mid-port cummerbunds! Detonate errant youths inst! Axiom!

-- Wally Klemmer (klemm✧✧✧@d✧✧✧.y✧✧✧), February 15, 2002

is that a man or a woman we used to wonder. it seems these days the answer is BOTH!

the UN is making happy parties with childsnatchers and moslem raiders. all we have left are the comment boxes to fill up with LIBERTY and the "experts" want to shut those down too. this is society, today.

with this (C)rap music everywhere no wonder our kids want to stab us with our own guns

I hear Paul Gadd is set to star in a live action adaptation of Shrek.

Credit crunch? Brown's socialist hellions have plunged us headlong to disaster, together with the loony left BBC, they have encouraged us to borrow beyond our means, in order to afford the mortgages on our rent-to-buy properties which they have forced us to rent out, 12 to room, to the Lithuanian vegetable pickers that they and the Bolshevik EU encouraged to come and work in the first place!

In our day vicars' kids were brought up to believe in the Word of God with punishment by whipping and lots of it if they strayed from the path of righteousness (society was fortified for the better by whips). Now look what happens in Blair's Broken Britain; the sons of Archbishops by Holy Ordinance of Our Lord God Whose Father Alive In Heaven Amen are PERVERTED into becoming RAP SCALLIONS.

In the old days we would have shipped "Tim" Westwood to the colonies and made him row all the way non-stop (and whip him if he stopped, or whip him anyway just to remind him of the punishment if he stopped) - is "Dizzy Whiley" truly what So Brave Lord Nelson died fighting for?

there is a special satisfaction that comes from slapping a woman, hard. our children will never know.

Seventies TV legend Derren Nesbitt writes...

I'm a man of the world -- I know that pop stars have always misbehaved. And I was once young me'self! But if my daughter ever, ever touches drugs I'll know who to blame: Amy Wine-house and her sick gaggle of hangers-on.

What her poor dad must be feeling.

In my day you had to work to impress a lady. Now they deliver it through your nose! Where's the hard work, I say? Where's the reward? Where's your tea on the table? Nasal sprays don't darn the socks, do they? They don't do the ironing.

In my day telephones were for keeping in touch with your loved ones. Nowadays you can dial up illegal pornography on the you-tube, or dial up a sex offender for ungainly sinful pleasures of the flesh, but you can't even make a telephone call! Call me old-fashioned for wanting to speak to my dear husband on the telephone! Or is that rendered illegal now? Perhaps I should be dialling up a lethal concoction of drugs and visiting a rage party instead! Heavens above.

Oh for the days when The Black & White Minstrel Show provided wholesome family entertainment. Nowadays they import real minstrels wholesale and put them on so-called 'reality' television where they say the F word. What next, real Martians hosting Sale of the Century?

that Jerry Springer, you mean?

When did it become unacceptable to own a comfortable high-set car? I can't even drive the Ford Territory through the shops at Croydon without some drug-addled hippie calling me selfish. Last week at the school, a young tearaway lass said my car was 'a menace'! And to think we worked hard to earn a safe vehicle. If all the pinko hippies got a job and purchased large sturdy automobiles, the world would be a better place.

I can't think of any group of people in history that has been persecuted as much the British motorist. Society has been consciously pushed down into the gutter and a double yellow line painted over it.

Remind me who won the Cold War again?

If they're not busy invading plucky little Georgia, they're destroying football with money or poisoning our teapots. With plutonium. And what does Brown do about it? Got it in one: sweet f.a.

Remember what they said about Wilson, that's all I have to say.

Desmond Carrington played the Black and White Minstrels on his show last week. Followed by Otis Redding. Uncanny.

Wilson? All our royalties from "Blue Monday" went into the f**king Hacienda!

You knew where you were when it used to be "Sir" and "Madam" and "Mr Smythe" and "Mrs Green" and bowing and curtseying, and now you are expected to call everyone Shaz and Myleene and you don't even know if you are addressing a man, a woman, or even one of those Polacks or coloureds throwing your first name around like a dark-skinned youth in a knife-crammed designer tracksuit regurgitating the semi-digested tatters of society into the gutter after his thirtieth alcopop of the morning on the bus to the Job Centre, too much of a wastrel even to do the jobs he has stolen from us, as the school he burnt down wrote him a note excusing him from work in favour of burgling houses to pay for crack and other made-up mental disorders

In my youth I used to have a paper round, imagine my surprise when I realised I could have whored myself out to the Lib Dems completely tax free and at hours that better suited me.

In fact Hampstead Heath is downhill from me so cycling to work would 'always' be fun!

this new board is literally a young child claiming to have been abused by a priest....

it's a bloody shambles....

20 years ago the year was 1988. now we've escalated to 2008. it's a fucking shambles.

The very fact this is my favourite thread on ILX right now is testament to society's downfall.

Society can no longer afford to heat the gutter, it's in the sewer now.

Society is in the sewer, knee deep in sewage to match the sewage in it's mind!

(this thread kicks ass, but the "Have Your Say" thread on the LHC at the BBC website beats it - the difference unfortunately is that those people are serious...)

I haven't seen a neatly starchjed and ironed pinafore in ages. Nowadays, if I did, it would probably be worn backwards. By a boy with a tattoo on his tongue.

For some reason my housemates DON'T lock the door. Considering I haven't even met both of them yet, it feels too early to be cranky about this.

No, it's okay to be angry.
Might as well enjoy being angry now, before you meet your housemates and realize they are mental defectives, then you will feel guilty for being angry. So enjoy it while you can.

yeah, that pretty much validates my theory that the absolute best advice makes you feel better despite a fairly tenuous relationship with the real world

society, it is nothing but a joke!

i fall down the well of chaos and never come out, unlike your baby jessica. i see the maggots at the bottom of the hole. they sharpen their spoons in anticipation! your despair is the dark's dessert!

your suffering is not special enough to be the main course, which of course is the dirt.

Who knew that black metal lyrics and Daily Mail rants had so much in common?

Somebody at this point has to do the "semi-literate screeds of misread occultism, race hate and misogyny...and black metal lyrics aren't much better" gag here and it might as well be me.

Loony Leftie Telford Council snivellingly backtrack on their Park Pervert Patrol Policy.

It is a disgrace. The saucy socialists should be EXTENDING the policy to allow immediate detention of ALL single adults and while we're at it ALL childless couples as well REMEMBER MADDY

These so-called single adults should be out looking for work instead of molesting children in the park.

(xpost) amazing how quickly the "Have Your Say" section of that page disintegrates into a clusterfuck of "why don't you just go and live in Nazi Germany/Stalin's Russia then?"

Only the guilty have nothing to hide.

Them and the Easter Bunny.

for all we know these days the schools are giant houses made of drugsm run by a wicked pete doherty witch,
for our youth, a gaggle of little hansel geldofs and grettel winehouses

With Gary Glitter the janitor.

A drop of snow and this so called information supersociety grinds to a halt. Lest we forget it was God who made the world. Someone somewhere is having a right old chuckle.

society is in the gutter, which is full of snow, which isn't like the snow, you had, in my day.