Depression and what it's really like

maybe a nap first.

thoughts to all itt

Hadrian, how are you holding up?

A Hoy Hoy: Don't try to do everything at once or you'll get discouraged. Clean yourself first, then take care of anything unsanitary or dangerous, then anything that's just messy. I was deep into Level III clutter most of the time I was lived in Fort Myers, and I'm emerging from Level I now.

ok. 2 points down on my 15 pt list (shower, dress), now on 3rd - collect and throw away rubbish. might as well ask now for the time i get to it, any good tips on hoovering behind objects you aren't going to be moving any time soon? p certain the huge collection of dust under my bed is having an adverse reaction to my health

well i'm not going to be around tomorrow or thursday as i'm going to house/babysit for my sis, so i'd like to come back to organisation and cleanliness - think it'll be helpful in sorting shit out and easier to keep that way. already past my first cup of tea into it tho.

If you can't get the vacuum to reach behind something large and immobile, get a dirty Tshirt or towel out of the laundry, wrap it around the brushy part of a broom, and use it to dust/sweep behind the thing.

ty ty :)

np! gl!

ok taking a break for a walk for some chinese food and some headache tablets. but ticked off 'throw out rubbish' and 'sort clothes' although that last one is a cheat as it was really just 'fold clothes and throw them in the bottom of the wardrobe'.

whatever works!

dunno why i am liveblogging this.

Whatever helps.

Ugh, I'm in the same place with organization- I've had an ankle-deep layer of styrofoam peanuts around my TV/computer desk for months now because they're too big for the vacuum cleaner, too small and numerous to be worth the effort picking up one at a time, and nobody but me (and once, a couple of maintenance guys to fix the washing machine- the highlight of my social calendar) has ever been inside my apartment since I moved in over a year ago so who gives a shit? Not to mention the unassembled bookshelf still in its box, teetering piles of books and CDs, unread email, etc. Things reached a head this weekend when I realized I'd been stepping around a huge cardboard box full of recyclable paper for almost 6 months because I hadn't been able to work up the enthusiasm to leave my apartment and haul it to the dumpster.

I've got an unassembled bookcase still in its box that was delivered in early January, whilst we still had snow and ice in the UK. And I've been stepping round a bag of laundry from last November - the last batch I did at the laundrette whilst my washing machine was broken.

Haven't vacuumed for a couple of months - though that's more because vacuuming brings on my asthma really badly.

I know it probably wasn't the intention, but a hoy hoy and telephone thing, you've brightened up my evening, thanks

there's research on the subject of how one's environment affects one's mood - but someone else has posted about this in other threads

I'm feeling pretty good now after doing it. Ok so i only did about 4 parts of my 15 pt list and the stuff 'organised' has meant that i now have just some towers of mess in designated areas, like my desk but at least i am focussed on the football and not 'omg this is a hell hole' for now :)

Oh man, that is an awesome list. I should start doing that shit.

Inspired by this thread, I washed the dishes at half time rather than just sitting on my arse and waiting on my other half to do it. This is Progress.

I now want to eat grapes and learn to play the ukelule (loads of my friends seem to be doing the latter, perhaps it is a sign).

really should water plant looking back. also wth at not being able to spell loaf.

my dad randomly decided to buy me one off of ebay and i'm all like uuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmm ok, i'll guess i'll eventually learn it? cheers?

loath = hi dere dr freud

xpost

There should be a What Does Your To Do List Look Like in September? thread

What's stopping you? Go ahead and start one, I promise to post (but not first - no way to take pic right now and it is bedtime).

I find that when I'm borderline, lists can be the only way to get anything done (if I'm sunk deep they don't help). Like a hoy hoy, mine often include "shower" and "get bread". I can manage w/o list items for those things atm but still need items for more obscure things like "put out rubbish". It is ridic how much the brain appreciates these little task/reward cycles (even if the reward is just a tick*).

*In fact, I can't think of a reward better than a tick. It takes no time and doesn't require a shopping trip. Any suggestions?

I've never been able to stick to a list. Anyway, I've suddenly (within the last few hours) plunged into a deep, guilt-ridden depression, and I don't know what's causing it. I can't stop myself from posting to ILX--I hope I don't end up hogging threads and/or posting anything I'll regret. My husband's been acting a bit strange these last few days--I'm hoping that it's his flu and the pain medication he's taking for his back, and not oncoming depression.

get grady to give you both an idea for a cheap date to knock you both out of it :)

keeping a relatively clean & organized room is really one of the keys to my own mental sanity

Do we have a thread somewhere on keys to mental sanity?

having a creative project -- one that i'm not too invested in emotionally or financially -- really helps for me. lately it's been cooking. i know i'm good at it, it has a time limit (it's done when it's done, not when my ego decides it's done), and the payoff is very quick.

another thing is keeping up with stuff outside my own head. it doesn't have to be the news; it can be rare mp3s from ubuweb or a movie from netflix. sometimes people who think i'm "smart" ask me how i know so much, and the real answer is that a lot of what i know i learned during periods of escapism. cuz face it, depression is boring.

Both of these are impossible for me when I'm depressed. The one thing that seems to work for me, other than waiting for it to go away, is going somewhere new and/or working for a new or infrequent patient. I'm bothered by the fact that I seem to need constant changes in scenery (or constant interaction with lots of people, which is impossible with my job) to stay sane.

I think the drugs are working. As a result I also have a clearer image of the bad period. the whole summer I didn't do much in the shop. Nor in the house. Now that I am feeling better, I am sorting stuff out like mad. I had five bags of garbage on monday. Woha. I hate cleaning - thank god we have a cleaner or my depression would consist of layers of dust - but I do love sorting things out. So I have been doing that. Even cleaning a little. lol. I also seem to do more in the shop as well. That said, my sinus has been acting up really badly, so I spend some days being miserable in bed. lol. Also been cooking al little more. When I was in my dark period, I didn't do much at all in the kitchen. :-(

I still need to set a date for therapy though. I think I'll go in October. My GP's daughter is a psychologist. Why not do it that way? They can check how I am doing.

keeping a relatively clean & organized room is really one of the keys to my own mental sanity

― J0rdan S., Wednesday, September 15, 2010 2:17 AM

^^^^

^ cosign

I think the drugs are working.

*Hugs Nathalie* I knew this would happen eventually.

I'm better than I was last night, thank goodness. My husband and mother-in-law have colds, and I think I might be catching it too--I've mistaken coming down with something with being depressed before.

xpost thanks. <3

Does this burst of energy dwindle? I have been quite energitic. Really been working a lot (certainly compared to the previous months).

Also called a psychologist (daughter of my GP). I am happy. But that's the thing: I feel as though I don't need therapy cause I have the pills. Then again I do feel the anxiety under the surface somehow.

it does, but in my experience it just kinda evens out. The next step is developing healthy ways of dealing with the anxiety and other problems when they inevitably get triggered. Good luck! :)

^^^cosign. And therapy can help sort out and dissipate the anxiety. I had a few sessions before the meds and I found it quite useful. Going to my first session since being on meds and am looking forward to it. I'd suggest aligning your needs with a psych's specialties. Each is more attuned to specific causes and effects of depression.

http://projects.propublica.org/docdollars/

OK, was going to post a link to my doc throughout high school (lots and lots and lots of drugs) and "fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-" or something else pithy and clever before realizing a) that's really kind of a bad idea and b) BBcode takes a shit and dies when it encounters urls that contain square brackets. Just suffice to say that the numbers were very high, and that's just for Q1 2010 (Eli Lilly), Q3-4 2009 (Pfizer- oh man, Pfizer) and Q1-Q2 (AstraZeneca). Admittedly, AstraZeneca wasn't too bad- a $200 speaking fee- but this is just for three drug companies.

I decided today that this winter, as a therapeutic measure ("make a movie to solve a problem," my favorite college teacher used to say), I'm going to make a short documentary about the nature of depression and the differing models that exist. Any suggestions for books/movies/articles I should read? I've already got "Manufacturing Depression" on my list. Also if you happen to know of any particularly eloquent experts on the subject who live in Utah, plz to refer.

I'm sure you have "The Noonday Demon" on your list if you've not already read it? Andrew Solomon.

I just started thinking about this 8 hours ago, so I've got no list yet. So thank you.

'an unquiet mind' by kay redfield jamison, perhaps

she's bipolar, though, so just ignore the other half

So I left work tonight, fully intending to meet my wife at home and go out somewhere for dinner. Instead, I got so agitated and upset and depressed on the drive home that, by the time she got home, I didn't want to go anywhere at all. I made myself a peanut butter sandwich and got a little dish of pineapple. I sat at the table, ate two bites of the sandwich, and stared at the pineapple for about 15 minutes. I ended up eating neither. I'm spending my Friday night folding laundry and trying to find reasons to stay awake. Maybe I need to go back on SSRIs.

what happened on the drive? or was it just random?

there's nothing wrong with going to bed early sometimes tbh