Battleship...the movie

they probably won't fire plastic pegs, but everything else i posted was 100% accurate.

got to laugh to keep from crying.

They gotta have someone scream "You sunk my battleship!"

they have to make that be the only line of dialogue in the movie

Hope the aliens have divided the earth into a matrix, targeting 'B-12' etc etc etc

"how can we see these aliens over this godforsaken wall?"

If they leave that line out it will be the dumbest move since "Connect, only connect" was cut from Howards End

xxp

I hope both the navy and the aliens stick to a 'one of each' mentality when assembling their respective fleets.

http://otakunogamers.files.wordpress.com/2008/10/futurama4.jpg

overheard some critics at screening last night say they were going on a Hawaiian junket for this film.

Glenn Kenny mentioned that on his blog today. Seems kind of pointless, but I clearly don't understand the ins and outs of Hollywood PR campaigns.

I know, G.K. was sitting behind me (in a Feelies shirt).

oh, New York.

Liam Neeson, reporting for duty.

Neeson plays Admiral Shane, the Naval officer whose daughter (played by Brooklyn Decker) is engaged to a young naval officer played by Taylor Kitsch. The pics shoots in Hawaii. Alexander Skarsgaard plays Kitsch's older brother, and Rihanna plays Kitsch's crew mate and a weapons specialist.

I hope they mean this kind of weapons specialist but I have my doubts:

http://www.everydaynodaysoff.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/rihanna-hard-video.jpg

http://movies.yahoo.com/feature/battleship.html?showVideo=1#belowNav

welp

cant wait for the scene where the dying alien says to liam neeson "you... sunk.... my ........ battleship"

Before it even got to the shot in the trailer, I said to myself, "Those alien ships are going to shoot peg-shaped things into the Navy ships to sink them" AND THEN IT HAPPENED PAY ME HOLLYWOOD.

lol max

Saw this trailer yesterday. had no idea when the big tittied girl was straddling the jock on the beach, that this would be a Milton Bradley production.

I want to commission a Twister movie

"Right foot blue...left hand red...but at the end of the night...someone will be DEAD!!???"

looks like a transformers movie, meh

but hang on, you're posts suggest this is actually linked to the board game? But I know that can't be correct as that would be RIDICULOUS

your

don't hate me

SYMBOLISM or something

http://www-deadline-com.vimg.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/battleship-movie-poster-2__120207064922.jpg

Related idiocy:

Ever since Universal announced its $200M budget buster Battleship, this sci-fi action adaptation of the Hasbro naval strategy board game has been a big question mark around Hollywood. Now, with just two months before the movie opens overseas in April and then a month later in the U.S./Canada, I’ve learned that Universal has hedged its bet. The studio has secured promotional partnerships amounting to $50 million for TV, print, and online advertising as well as the value of in-store packaging. And that doesn’t even count the cross-company synergy effort within Comcast whose home-owned inventory won’t be charged against actual cost. What’s even more important is that these promotional partnerships have come in response to the studio’s pitch to Madison Avenue for Battleship, with director Peter Berg screening 20 to 30 minutes of footage for partners and exhibitors across the globe. And the feeling is that, if the ad people like it and the theatre owners like it, then the moviegoers may not be too far behind. That’s certainly what Universal Studios COO Ron Meyer, Universal Pictures Chairman Adam Fogelson, and Universal Pictures Co-Chair Donna Langley are holding their breath for. One moment of relief: I’ve confirmed that Comcast chief Brian Roberts recently saw a rough-cut of the film and emerged “all smiles”. (NBCUniversal bigwig Steve Burke hasn’t screened it in its entirety yet.) Of course this is the fickle movie biz and the film could still flop.

the phrase "extinction level event" in the Battleship trailer makes me think Busta Rhymes albums, not board games, should be adapted as action movies

would play Buster Rhymes boardgame

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJwNmghVYv4

Just another movie that shows up Hollywood's reluctance to make anything unless it's based on an already existing IP. Probably not the bottom of the barrel though.

Studio exec 1: "OK, so we've got this idea for a hot summer blockbuster. Noughts & Crosses!"
Studio exec 2: "It should be Noughts versus Crosses to play up the conflict angle. Do you have a rough draft of the script?"
Studio exec 1: "Sure, right here..."

A street in the nightclub/bar area of the city. It is night time. Police sirens wail in the distance.
The leaders of two rival gangs (the NAUGHTS and the CROSSES) face off against each other, surrounded by their respective gang members.
LEADER OF THE CROSSES: "You're nothing but a zero!"
LEADER OF THE NAUGHTS: "Yeah? Well you're gonna be all crossed out!"

There's some green in that teal and orange film.

awful just awful

This is the second dumbest thing Rihanna has ever done.

what was the first one again ?
this looks so awful I'm intrigued !
I had forgotten I'd seen the trailer at the movies, previously. My memory must have blocked it !

tragedy this is coming out too late for the action movie poll

THE OCEAN

VAST

is anybody remotely prepared for the possibility that this movie could be ... entertaining?

not that i'm volunteering, mind

i'm always hopeful when it comes to giant spaceship movies.

the battle for earth begins at sea

o yea I saw this trailer before 'The Grey' the other day—just ridiculous. loved the "FROM THE COMPANY THAT BROUGHT YOU TRANSFORMERS"... did the entire art design process proceed via a series of plastic action-figures?

I'm trying to think of what the most ludicrous game movie would be

it's a toss-up between "Ants in the Pants: THE MOVIE" and "Pass the Pigs: THE MOVIE"

Need a dark, gritty version of

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_xfxmmOzXySs/SiBkijy32bI/AAAAAAAAAs4/T-4WBvZM-XE/s400/cootie.jpg

they did that already, it was called "Cabin Fever"

It's every other summer movie ever smooshed together!

Coming This Summer to a Theater Near You: Hi-Ho! Cherry-O: The Movie!

would watch Operation: The Movie

also Hungry Hungry Hippos

Hungry Hungry Hippos as a scary when animals attack movie would be RAD

this piece of shit was in jeopardy when they were doing reshoots for like 2 years

hey guys this movie looks really bad!

I don't have much use for this generally cretinous blogger, but he's upset.

I could call it stunningly idiotic alien-invader CG sludge for gamers but what's the point? What it is, boiled down, is yet another metaphor for the decline of civilization as it was once known and nourished by the likes of Norman Mailer, Anne Bancroft, Ernst Lubitsch, Jean Seberg, Gunter Grass, Bernardo Bertolucci, Jean Genet, Rainer Werner Fassbinder, William S. Burroughs, Francis Coppola, Sting, Gary Cooper and Jerry Lewis, et. al. Damn the ComicCon-ers for movies like this. Damn them all to hell.

If Battleship is a state-of-the-art 2012 Hollywood popcorn movie then kill me now. Stab me in the chest with a screwdriver.

http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/2012/05/alien_flotsam.php

Chuckled at "Sting."

He meant Sting in Dune.

I'll gladly stab him in the chest with a screwdriver. Nothing to do with hating on Battleship, mind.

get in line

I can feel the spittle spray from here

Battleship is obviously a popcorn movie, made in hollywood, released in 2012, with state-of-the-art effects. Dude really wants to get stabbed.

He was hoping for a Das Boot sequel, y'see.

would you rather see 2 das 2 booteous or das boot: tokyo drift?

I heard The Das Boot Rises is the darkest one of all.

Das Booty Call

i dunno if i'm even pronouncing it right but jurgen prochnow is a very satisfying name to say on any occasion.
rafe finnes who i always confuse with liam neeson is a very unsatisfying name to say.

so yes, dude is justified in preferring live free or das boot to battleship

this was a quality comment:

I dabble in languages and translated Jeff's comments into German then ran them back through Google translate.

Interestingly, they came back as "Who if I cried about BATTLESHIP would hear me among the angelic orders, for BATTLESHIP is only the beginning of a terror I can barely endure."

lol

Michel Gondry/Charlie Kaufman present Tweetleship
― Ned Raggett, Friday, April 6, 2012 9:02 PM

still cracks me up

Rainer Werner Fassbinder, William S. Burroughs, Francis Coppola

Had no idea I should be holding Hollywood films up against a list of The History of Western Literature & Filmmaking 101 Required Summer Reading and/or Viewing.

Also, where does all the Rihanna hate come from? She's just a Barbadian goddess tryin' to make it in this crazy world.

I think Wells was just writing a "We Didn't Start the Fire" sequel

Boggle! The Story of Boggle

Dare I make this joke:

Das Boot 2: Eletrik Boot-a-loo

(Elektrik)

http://gawker.com/5910266/battleship-director-peter-berg-to-israeli-interviewer-you-gotta-join-the-army-motherfucker

Words fail.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPBIDPIo92Q

Ha, the other day me and my brother were talking about how shit like Battleship makes it feel like we're closer than ever to Coupon: The Movie

I saw the shit out of it!

If they did manage to make a Hungry Hungry Hippos movie, though, I would see it.

Only if the hippos are something more like Brick Top's pigs in Snatch

Just occured to me that what the hell is Liam Neeson doing in the U. S. Navy?

Also occured to me that "TRANSFORMERS + Neeson speechifying" is a really good selling point.

Neeson is more American now than anything. Didn't you see Taken, where he donned the stars and stripes to shoot the shit out of foreigners?

i think the citizenship test is now just doing the "i have a particular set of skills" monologue

lol

lool so apparently I'm seeing this tomorrow for a work outing.

Boy o boy I'm so excited to see Tim Riggins Joins The Navy, Fights Transformers

The only reviewer that matters (aka Rick Juzwiak, the man who helped codify Punisher: War Zone as the slice of genius it is) takes it on:

http://gawker.com/5911532/battleshit

Rich Lawson's opinion carries more weight with me and he liked it.

He would.

Um...so I saw it this afternoon and I actually kinda dug it.

....

I know. I'm still working through the realization, lol.

It kinda felt like, Sunday afternoon tv movie rerun, like watching Independence Day or something and just laughing your ass off at the sheer ridiculousness and fun of it all. It was weird.

No matter how much I eyerolled through the lead up, the stuff with the USS Missouri in the final climax was really fucking cool. I swear. I couldn't help myself. I had to grin like an idiot.
It totally tapped in to the silly war movie thing without being all 'MURICA FUCK YEAH, totally tapped into the Navy thing without being a recruitment movie... they even use a Gulf War vet amputee as a landlubber hero in a sidebar story and it's a little corny but...I dug it.

It was over the top and it knew it, is what I think it was.

I would have hated it if like, Bay had made it. But Berg just seemed to have fun with it. Didn't take it too seriously, didn't make me watch ten thousand hours of indecipherable giant robot battles...and they did some cheesy shit with working the game into the movie that was kinda funny. And I got my wish: Plemmons and Kitsch pretty much acted out "Landry and Tim Riggins Join The Navy" in almost exact versions of their characters in Friday Night Lights.

I give it 3 out of 5 navy jet flyovers :D Good dumb fun.

plz tell us you snuck 40'z into the screening

no alcohol involved

But it would be funny as hell drunk