thread to get over a breakup

Having a romantic prospect (even when you know objectively nothing's going to come of it) sucks for the way the whole experience tries to remind you that how you normally feel is not right.

yeah, he's kidding himself. i've kinda been in his position before. where a relationship fucks you up and you can't make new connections for a while, where time is passing by and those nerve endings just don't want to come back to life. sort of exhaustion + numbness to new emotional connections. it's probably temporary and will fade over time and he'll maybe feel silly for saying such melodramatic things but the feelings seem really valid and of weight while you're feeling them.

feel ya on the exhausted dating scene tip. i mean i'm in a serious thing now but man was i there for a while.

btw i wouldn't have guessed 38 by the pics you've posted around the board. you'll rope a good one.

xpost

I don't necessarily feel this way but I don't think he's kidding himself. Relationships aren't for everyone. You can always masturbate and have friends and hobbies.

but who are you gonna cuddle with? You can't make out with your hand, your friends or your train set. I guess you could make out with your friends but it starts getting weird after a bit.

cuddling is essential to me.

It's a trade off. Maybe you don't like cuddling in the first place. Maybe you're tired of making out. Your nerves on your lips get worn out, your hormones stop making you crazy and horny.

i just thing that if he was one to enjoy affection and cuddling and all that throughout his life, all the way up to this recent point, then in all probability he's just burned out out for the time being and probably not broken perma-emo forever and ever and all time and is just putting apocalyptic weight on his current emotional hurdles.

i mean, total speculation; there are all sorts of ppl so whaddo i know

I don't necessarily feel this way but I don't think he's kidding himself. Relationships aren't for everyone. You can always masturbate and have friends and hobbies.

― bamcquern, Tuesday, August 31, 2010 6:10 PM

He is kidding himself. When he met and started dating me he was the loneliest sad sack on earth. And before his relationship before that it was the same thing. He will get that away again and probably soon, to be honest. He hates to be alone and is only pretending to like it to make himself feel better right now. It is just true.

p.s. we have been broken up for a year and a half and have both dated other people since. he gets really depressed b/c nothing he goes for works out. this is why he is pretending to want it that way

btw i wouldn't have guessed 38 by the pics you've posted around the board

THIS, for real.

cuddling is essential to me.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Maybe you don't like cuddling in the first place. Maybe you're tired of making out.
preposterous

thanks for all the support re: my age

my birthday is this weekend and then i will officially be 38 like i have been saying for weeks. i don't think it is bringing me down but who knows what will happen later. it would be nice to not have to be dating in a sea of people either younger then me or my age and married with kids.

Aww Nij, my boyfriend is going to turn 38 tomorrow, Sep 1. Once in a while he tells me that he's not so old and he could easily meet someone else after me, and I laugh -- but not because it's not true.
38 is Not Old.

Besides, you're going to meet a million and one people on your soul-a-van tour, so who gives a fuck about the dudes in your town?!? How many 38-yr-old women have the GUTS and the time to travel the country playing records?? Someone is going to be blown away, probably several someones, and maybe you'll like them and maybe you won't, but at least you'll get some perspecktive.

Yeah, I don't feel like it is old either. and thanks!

being single this time around has been rough and lonely. not sure if that is b/c i am 38 and single or because i feel like i know every single eligible dude in my town too well to want to date them.

*totally* feeling u on this one, lady. Every other time I've been single (which hasnt been in ages) Ive bemoaned it somewhat but it kind of also didnt matter? Because I'd just go out and have fun and casual flings came by without trying.. OR i'd spend six months obsessing over somethign that was a failure, haha.

This time round, it just doesnt seem to be the same ease. Like: I've managed to date/pick up three guys since that whole R breakup palaver upthread, I suppose thats pretty good right?

All 3 seem to think getting down is fine, but you know, actually spending any other time with me at all/talking to me/even emailing or txting me, let alone anything more such as time spent hanging out/cuddling/doing stuff? nope. Even that guy who pursued me rabidly for weeks just suddenly, completely dropped off the radar (isnt even answering my emails)

I like to think my judgement radar isnt *that* broken, but jesus. It's actually fucking insulting.

So now I'm thinking I'm doing something wrong.

well, i started dating people who were age appropriate this summer after spending last summer dating very young guys. young dudes = disaster for 38 year old woman. but my luck this summer has not been great with the 43 year old skate shop dude, the 42 year old record store owner dude and the 30 year old guy who ended up being way way too religious. but anyway. i was posting on here today to make fun of my ex and not moan about my age, which i really have no hang ups about at all.

And nor you should! I dont either, in all honesty :) I'm just ranting into the void rly. I need to take up painting again or something.

what is wrong with the men in my life? the fun ones aint smart and smart ones aint fun.

i feel like i know every single eligible dude in my town too well to want to date them. either way, unlike my ex i would love to have a relationship because i hate the entire dating process.

this is exactly how i felt several months into being single for the first time since my early 20s (i'm 36 in two months) - and now i end up seeing (not in the dating sense) a bunch of dudes i didn't think about as eligible or guys i didn't know before - so i don't have that sense of an exhausted dating pool. On the other hand, I'm at a point (that i didn't think was possible) where the idea of being in/getting into a relationship seems exhausting and not something i want to deal with for a while. It was weird - my ex-bf came over the other night to the apartment we lived in together for 12 years that is now mine alone - and i had this irritable claustrophobic feeling at one point - like there is one too many people in this apartment.

i had lunch with my ex yesterday during which he discussed how he never wanted another girlfriend and hated having someone in his house/bed and just didn't want to deal with another person in his life ever again.

imo this is the most self-loating "please prove me wrong" stuff you can say to someone you used to date

a lot of the time it is "please prove me wrong" stuff - but not always. Sometimes you just feel like giving up.

he sucks, regardless. and he is constantly on the prowl, so his "i dont want someone around" is just silly talk.

well - he's your ex-bf, Nij - we're just having a hypothetical argument about someone that is/is not this guy - which probably is kinda retarded from your perspective, actually knowing the guy

i should retire from this thread for a while anyway because i could not be more over my break up that was almost two years ago...

i'm almost at the 1 year mark! almost disentangled from business stuff w/ex - realizing that it'll be pretty awesome to have that much more freedom and free time

oh and in the spirit of the thread:

roxy looked at pictures of you on fb and thought maybe you were an aspie - i lolled

^^^its true, he looks like an aspie, lol.

i don't know what aspies look like - is there a specific "look"? for most of the relationship i felt like he was more socially adept than i was - but i think he was just better at not pissing people off. i don't think he really has any close friends in the emotional intimacy sense - well, except for one - but he's also fucking her, so i don't think that counts.

you thought the TV character Dexter was just a regular dude

Having a romantic prospect (even when you know objectively nothing's going to come of it) sucks for the way the whole experience tries to remind you that how you normally feel is not right.

― Eric H., Wednesday, September 1, 2010 1:59 AM (Yesterday) Bookmark

this, really. you think you've reached equilibrium and then bam, you're knocked over. (cquern)

what does that have to do with bryce?

I dunno, I just think when you use the word bam in a sentence you should make acknowledgement. (cquern)

i disagree.

bam suggestion.

I feel sometimes like we should start a thread for "ladies in their late 30s (and early 40s coz hey we don't discriminate on age) come together to talk about how the whole process or experience of dating has changed for us over the years (or, is different from the first time around, if we have just come out of a LTR)" because that would really, really help me get some perspective on things.

(Because every time I read this thread, I just think "oh, thank fuck it's not just *me*!" Because you know, I am just a weirdo, and maybe it *is* just me, but also, if I see really lovely and well adjusted ladies like in this thread having these same problems then I think "OK, it might be *me*, but it's not *just* me" if you know what I mean.)

Would anyone else participate (and not just to LOL @ Karen D.) if I started such a thread?

go for it!

you thought the TV character Dexter was just a regular dude

― sarahel, Wednesday, September 1, 2010 10:33 PM (4 days ago) Bookmark

this reminds me of someone i knew whose understanding of arrested development was that michael was completely crazy and tobias was the straight man

fuckin crazy motherfuckers on this earth

also that person was bryce

lol

btw can i just
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAy0ZIE51zk

u may

WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH OUR BREAKUPS ROXY!!

whoops - sorry for capslock, capslock, i am breaking up w u

thread to get over a breakup with capslock

- you made me look like a crazy person
- you made some of my applications not work when you were on

lol

man, i havent had a breakup in over a year yall

mine was almost a year ago :/